Adoption 101
by LeaderPinhead
Summary: The first rule of pet adoption: Never go for the weird ones...no matter how cool they may look, it may only make your life more complicated. Rated T for STRONG language
1. Discovery

**(THIS STORY WAS WRITTEN LONG BEFORE TOBI'S REAL IDENTITY WAS REVEALED AND IS IN NO WAY ACTUALLY CURRENT TO ANY _NARUTO_ MATERIAL PUBLISHED AFTER THE DAY THIS FANFIC WAS POSTED. It also contains very strong language courtesy of a well-known Jashinist and my own weird creations.)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto. That's sorta of why it's called fanfiction...**

* * *

><p>Adoption 101<p>

Chapter 1

Discovery

* * *

><p>"Ah! I'm gonna be late!"<p>

A crash was heard from within the house before the door was yanked open and a yellow blur was seen sprinting towards the little Bug parked in the driveway. The old man across the street shook his head with a smile as he went back to watering his wife's flowers.

The neighbors were used to this everyday occurrence. His smile widened as the Bug, which had already been speeding down the road, came to a screeching halt, reversed and parked by the curb.

A sheepish looking blonde stepped back out. She saw her neighbor across the street and scratched the back of her head in an embarrassing manner. "Forgot to close the door...again," she said as she made her way back up the house's walk.

The neighbor couldn't help but tease her as she went to re-enter the car. "Don't worry. Someone would've closed it for you; we always do!"

The blonde stuck her tongue out at the old man as the faint blush on her cheeks depended in color. She had only forgotten to close the door a couple of times…okay maybe a dozen times a month but it wasn't that bad…

Anyway, she pushed it to the back of her mind and continued down the street at a more decent pace. She was already late; why should she hurry and risk running into a pole at unreasonable speeds?

**~O~**

The city wasn't small but it didn't have two of everything either. In fact it was kind of rundown. Younger people preferred the big city a couple of minutes north, while older (closer to retirement) people and little families just starting out liked the eased back feel of the small city. The amount of older people whose kids had moved away and the little families were actually the only thing keeping the small Humane Society open.

This just so happened to be the place the blonde was stealthily trying to infiltrate at the time.

She opened the door slowly, making sure that the bell her idiot coworker put on it wouldn't ding. She silently tiptoed across the floor and almost made it to the front counter. Keyword: almost.

"Late again I see."

The blonde shrieked, causing the man behind her to quickly cover his ears and a chorus of barks to start up in the dog kennels behind the counter. The blonde put a hand on her chest trying to slow her heart before turning to the male behind her. "Jeez Alfred! What are doing sneaking up behind me like that, you creeper!"

The male, Alfred, adjusted the glasses that slipped down his nose. The adjustment caused the light to glare off his glasses. She couldn't see his eyes now, which was why one of her friends had dubbed him a creeper and wouldn't set foot in the same room as him. "You're one to talk, sneaking around like that."

She looked away sheepishly. He had a point. He sighed.

"Anyway at least you're here. Now I need you to go back and help Drew with a load of cats that were dropped by last night." He grinned wickedly, causing the girl to unconsciously step back. "I heard him squealing for help earlier."

The teen giggled nervously.

"Okay." And she made her great escape to the backroom. Alfred was just so creepy. Like what someone would imagine a pedophile would act like only he didn't go after little kids…she hoped.

But she couldn't help laughing a little as she got closer to the room they reserved for new inmates…animals, for new _animals. _She heard high pitched screams and cursing (which was unusual for Drew…the curses not the squeals) followed by a feline yowl.

"You goddamn cat! Get back in the damn crate demon!"

She opened the door to the sight of a brown haired male close to her own age chasing a silver streak around the room. He looked up and noticed the girl standing in the open doorway before panicking as the silver bullet made a mad dash for freedom.

"Close the door, _Close the door_! Quick! Quick!"

She managed to slam the door closed just before the cat ran between her legs. They hear a loud thud as the cat's hard head collided with the thick wood door. The cat stood dazed, stumbling this way and that, before comically collapsing on his side.

"Whoa," the two workers said, staring at the unconscious cat. They looked at each other and collapsed into fits of laughter.

"I've never...seen a cat...do that!" the male said between laughs. The female couldn't respond as she gasped for air to laugh.

They didn't notice half of the other cats snickering while the others just sighed and shook their head at their companion's stupidity.

"Alfred said you needed help Drew," the girl said after finally catching her breath.

Drew was still gasping as he nodded and pointed towards the four crates lined up by the tub used to wash new intakes. Each crate held two cats except the last, which held three, and the second, which held one. The first two had obviously already been washed as they were wet, which meant that the silver cat that had knocked himself out was the next to be washed.

"You've only washed two?" she asked teasingly. "You're usually done by now."

Drew playfully glared at her. "The first two were fine. Weird but fine. They didn't even scratch me."

"So what happened with this one?" she asked as she picked up the limp cat and made her way to the tub.

"That _demon_," he said in distaste as he glared at the now soaked kitty, "freaked out and started scratching and yowling like he was freaking possessed or something."

The blonde paused rinsing the cat off. The cat in her hands was pretty (or handsome since he was a male) cat and he was pretty small too. Drew saw the look on her face and snorted before dragging his feet over to the line of crates.

"I know that face Katie."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she interrupted while drying the now clean (and still unconscious) cat.

Drew snorted again as he hesitantly reached for the dark brown cat. The feline could easily respond like his crate mate, and he had had more than enough experience to know how spontaneous cats could be. Fortunately, the bigger cat didn't seem interested in becoming demon possessed and just stared at him with bored, deep green eyes.

"It's that look you get when you see something cute and adorable and you just want to hug the living daylights out of it."

Kaitlin glared at his slow moving form, impatient to put the dripping cat down. "Whatever. Like you don't act the same way."

Drew stepped away with the calm cat, allowing Kaitlin to finally put the other one down and looked thoughtful. He finally grinned as she locked the crate, and the cat in his hands twitched impatiently, glaring now that he was being held by the skin on his back of his neck.

"Huh, I guess I do," he said turning away.

Kaitlin let out a thankful sigh. She knew her face had to be beet red by now. She always blushed when he smiled at her like that. To prevent herself from hyperventilating (which sadly happened on occasion) she turned to the next two in line and paused. She stared at the bigger of the two. It looked uncomfortable and started kneading its front paws and looking in other directions other than at her.

"Drew?"

"What?" Drew grunted by the tub. He had to put more effort in keeping the cat, who had decided a bath just wasn't his cup of tea, still.

"Why is the cat blue…and fishy like?"

There was a splash behind her before a disgruntled Drew replied. "I don't know. But there's also an Oreo looking cat, one that looks strangely like a lollipop, and this one looks like Frankenstein's creation with all the stitch-like marks on him."

The cat let out a muffled growl from underneath the towel he had been subjected to upon removal from the tub.

Drew huffed as he shoved the cat back in the crate where he landed on the silver cat, which in turn woke up hissing and biting. They decided to ignore the fighting and didn't notice a hiss from the orange cat next door, which put a stop to the fighting.

Drew poked Kaitlin's side causing her to squeal and glare at him.

"Well, stop staring at the poor thing. You're making it nervous."

Kaitlin's eyes immediately began to water as she fell down on her knees to put herself at eye level with the confused cat.

"I'm so sorry kitty! I didn't mean to make you nervous on your first day!"

The cat just looked confused and Drew sighed. It sucked having to be the mature one on Mondays.

"It's okay. Kitty forgives you," he told her with a pat on the head.

Kaitlin quickly popped back up with a "Yay!" shocking the blue cat and causing the stoic black one to glare. Drew grinned at her (cue blushing) before becoming mockingly business like.

"Now let's clean these kitties and get them ready for adoption."

**~O~**

The rest of the cat's baths went by without incident except for the discolored cat that Kaitlin swore was in the middle of some sort of identity crises because it would scratch one minute and purr the next and Mr. Lollipop, (happily named by Drew) who wouldn't sit still as it attempted to play in the water. But other than those two, the weird cats behaved and were now in individual kennels.

Drew and Kaitlin happily collapsed on the couch in the break room. For once, Alfred didn't complain as he stood in front of them sipping his Starbucks espresso. Drew had the unnerving urge to strangle the man. Stupid creeper, with his stupid coffee, standing there stupidly, acting so cool and like he owned all the world's caffeine…Drew was regretting that stupid caffeine free bet.

"As is standard procedure, the cats have one month for adoption before…" Alfred paused and resisted the urge to roll his eyes as Kaitlin's eyes began to water. "'Going somewhere else'."

Kaitlin smiled in relief and Drew continued to glare at the coffee.

"Don't worry! These kitties will get adopted in no time flat!" Kaitlin said enthusiastically.

Oh, little did she know that _so_ wasn't going to happen.

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1013/13**


	2. Adoption Misadventures

**All the kekkei genkais and stuff are locked away. So Itachi doesn't have the Sharingan (though his eyes are still red because if he didn't have red eyes that would ruin the chapter), Pein doesn't have his Rinnegan, Kakuzu can't use his strings (is that what you'd call them?), etc. I figured since they weren't able to access their chakra they wouldn't have access to their other super cool stuff.**

* * *

><p>Adoption 101<p>

Chapter 2

Adoptions Gone Wrong

* * *

><p><strong>Misadventure 1- Here fishy, fishy!<strong>

Konan was a very disgruntled kitty…err woman. First the whole getting poofed into kitties (which they still didn't understand _how!_), then turning up in a strange world with big metal _things_ that tried to run them over, after that getting caught and taken to a place they call the pound (although the bath was very much appreciated), and now she had been separated from the other members.

But maybe getting separated was a blessing in disguise. She didn't know how much longer she could have taken the game of "Who can piss Hidan off the most and make the other members go bat shit crazy". Honestly, the religious zealot just needed to learn to shut up, and Kakuzu definitely wasn't the one to teach him.

Anyway back to the present. After being be put into one of the metal beings called a "car", Konan and the woman that had adopted her began the drive back to her home. Halfway there Konan realized not much was different here than back at the pound. The woman would not shut up. First she gushed over how she had always a "cute and adorable little kitty cat!" but had always been reduced to the fish her husband collected.

Konan would show her cute and adorable. She wasn't in an evil organization for nothing.

**~O~**

Konan's first night in the household was a nightmare. The woman had failed to mention the two little rat demons called Chihuahuas. As soon as the woman had placed her on the floor the evil little bastards had started snapping at her. At first she had planned on just cutting them into itty bitty pieces but soon realized that none of her jutsus worked.

Caught off guard, she had ducked under the couch to regroup. Unfortunately, the rats were the same size as her and quickly followed. The rest of the day was spent running around the house dodging furniture and mini mutts and telling herself she _would not_ tear the woman's throat out as she gushed over how her "precious babies" were getting along so well.

There was no way in hell Konan was staying here.

**~O~**

Two weeks was how long it took her to break into one huge fish tanks. It wasn't very hard task, especially for a ninja such as her. But she dared anyone else to break into a tank almost ten feet tall, while evading evil hellhounds and a woman who liked to cuddle way too much, _and _they could only be a foot tall.

Yeah, she could tell you that _none_ of the boys could do that.

And she had to eat a nasty raw fish. Stupid exotic fish that tastes funny.

The husband had blown a gasket, just as she had planned, and demanded that his wife take the "flea bitten mongrel" back. She'd been offended by that; she didn't have fleas.

Two days later she was been escorted by the perky blonde girl along with a new lavender haired girl who complained about the idiotic logic behind adopting a cat while having expensive fish.

"Hey Konan," Deidara said as she settled back into her kennel. Her wonderful, _isolated_ kennel. "What took you so long, un? Tobi was the first returned. Though that isn't _too_ surprising, un."

"How come, senpai? Why would Tobi be first?"

"Cause you're so goddamn annoying!" Hidan yelled from the kennel above Konan.

She heard a snort from the other end of the kennels. "You're one to talk, Hidan. No one would even step near you with your annoying screeching."

"Damn you Kakuzu! Say that to my fucking face!"

"I can't idiot. They moved me."

"Why you -!"

Konan sighed. She'd take this over the evil rats any day.

* * *

><p><strong>Misadventure 2- The amazing evil Mastermind…Mr. Lollipop!<strong>

Madara was a kitty on the brink of insanity. He could put up with a lot of stuff. He had to in order to survive as his alter ego. But being turned into a cat, imprisoned in a small cage, and being located _right next to Hidan_ was driving him crazy. He could feel the need to maim his big mouth partner too, egging Hidan on as he was.

The kids weren't too bad. He enjoyed watching the fights between the male and Hidan. It was hilarious.

"Listen here you flea bag—"

"Are you going to take that Hidan, un?"

"JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET OUT OF HERE—"

"—I'll tie you up and throw you in a backpack—"

"You're losing your touch."

"—DAMNED HEATHEANS. I'LL FUCKING SKEWER BOTH OF YOU—"

"—where you'll be hacked into little pieces by a passing boat (evil cackle)!"

"Drew?"

Damn, the girl always showed up at good part. Madara watched as the kid's demeanor did a neat 180 as he grinned at the blonde and a male customer.

"Yes?"

"This guy's thinking about adopting a cat for his girlfriend."

"Aww how sweet!"

"I know right? My ex wouldn't even buy me flowers."

"What a cheapskate! Girl, you're far better off without him!"

"Yeah, he wasn't even that great of a kisser."

"He did have a nice car though."

"Umm could we get back to me choosing a cat?"

"Huh? Yeah sure. Just avoid _him_."

"FUCKING HEATHEAN!"

"Hidan. Enough."

Madara felt his tail twitch in amusement as "Leader" scolded the zealot. Hidan backed down for the time being and simply hissed as the boy flicked the cat off with his middle finger. Deidara and Kisame snickered and Kakuzu's tail twitched back and forth in amusement across the aisle. Itachi looked bored as the blonde pointed him out to the young male. The adoptee shook his head and said something about not being motivated enough.

Madara decided that now was the perfect time to get and see what this world was already. He flawlessly donned his Tobi persona and began jumping around the small cage.

"Pick me! Pick me! Pick Tobi! Because Tobi's a good boy!"

"Tobi you idiot!" Deidara yelled from above Itachi, who looked annoyed. "We're supposed to get people to _not _want to adopt us, un! Not the other way around!"

"But _senpai_!"

He was cut off the girl and her customer stepped in front of him. He kept up his Tobi act, and the male agreed to adopt him.

As he was carried to the front by a tearful worker, he caught Pein's eye. Pein nodded in understanding before turning back to the now fighting immortal duo. Madara was going on going on a little espionage mission.

**~O~**

Madara was a little amazed by what they called a "car". He sat in the front where he had a perfect view of the world outside the window passing by in a blur. He could do without the AC blowing directly in his face though.

The driver was talking into a little rectangular device now as he maneuvered the car in and out of traffic. Madara could hear the faint voice of a woman coming through the end pressed against his ear. How convenient, and it didn't even look like it gave you a headache like their mind communication jutsu.

The man took the object from his ear as they pulled up to a little one story house.

"Francine's going to love her surprise."

**~O~**

The oldest Uchiha was convinced that this woman was a devil in disguise. She didn't torture him or harm him in any other way. No she was much worse.

Who in their right mind fed a cat tofu? Really he'd been living off the stuff for two weeks now and was sick of it! So the time for escape was now!

He had learned all he could in the small household. The object they used to communicate with was called a "cellphone" and they also used a "computer" to communicate and find information. A "TV" allowed them to watch multiple forms of entertainment as well as learn what was going on in this world. And the male seemed highly inclined to play "video games" even though the girlfriend scolded him.

So now with the information he had acquired, he was ditching this place in style…at least until he figured out he couldn't blow a huge ball of fire out of his mouth. So he was just going to trash the place.

By setting off a chain reaction of sorts he managed to knock the grandfather clock sideways and through the wall, leaving a gaping hole behind. He scratched up the furniture the old fashioned way and was very pleased by the results. But he couldn't figure out how the TV exploded. He had just been flipping through the channels (via "the remote"), looking for the channel that talked about the world, when the TV started to smoke and went out with an audible "puff". He had actually jumped under the coach in fear of some attack.

No matter, it had all worked out and now he watched the terrified woman flee with a kitty smirk.

"…Mr. Lollipop?"

He looked up at the blonde that was accompanied by a lavender haired girl her age. He was in a good mood and gave them a cut little meow.

Yes, even as a kitty he was still an evil mastermind.

* * *

><p><strong>Misadventure 3- Red Eyed Creeper<strong>

Itachi was not a happy kitty. He wasn't much of a happy person to begin with anyway. But being stuck in tiny cat body didn't help matters. And now he was being handed over in a kitty carrier to a mom and her two boys, who were excited at having their very first pet.

"I hope you don't mind that we already named him Grumpy," the (annoying) blonde girl said. Itachi didn't like the name and conveyed that by glaring through barred door on the carrier.

"Of course not," the woman said. "I wouldn't want to confuse him with another. Besides it seems to fit him perfectly."

Itachi didn't like this woman either.

"Hurry up mom!" one of the boys yelled. "We have to get home _now_."

"Fine, fine." She thanked the blonde once more before leaving. Itachi's carrier was turned backwards, so he saw the girl give him a wave and smile. He glared.

He had a good twenty minute drive to come up with a plan to get back to the others. Leader had been very clear when they were caught that they needed to stick together. They didn't know if they could get back home individually or had to remain a group, and the whole being a cat thing was something they needed to solve too.

He was kind of happy to be out of there though. He could block out the idiots (Hidan and Deidara) but the blonde was grating his nerves. What right did she have to call him Grumpy? And the boy was just as bad. Thankfully they seemed to switch around which days one could be stupid and the other had to at least appear sane.

When they reached the two story home, Itachi still hadn't come up with a good plan. As good of ninja as he was, he couldn't kill anyone in a kitty body, and his Sharingan didn't seem to work in this body either. _Maybe_, he thought as he flexed his claws, _I could maim someone…_

He was brought out of his musings when the carrier abruptly lifted into the air.

"Look kitty!" the older of the two boys exclaimed. "This is your new home!"

**~O~**

Itachi actually use to like kids. He had to if he didn't want to kill his little brother every time he annoyed him. So he learned to cope with and eventually learned to like them. But these little spawns of the devil were so going to die.

He was fine with them at first. Being little boys, they had lost interest in him ten minutes after entering the house. Itachi had quickly found a way to avoid all the occupants in the house by blending into dark corners and occasionally ducking into a closet.

He admitted to himself that it wasn't the smartest thing to do when the mother had told her kids later that he had vanished. So the two boys had made up a game of who could find the cat quickest. Just seeing him wasn't enough, he found out as they continued to chase him around the house. The kids probably would have made great ninjas in his world with the way they were able to keep up with him.

He spotted the couch and quickly ducked underneath. A little hand reached under and snagged his tail before dragging him out. Itachi couldn't think of any other time he had experienced that kind of pain. It was the equivalent of having his...yeah, it was just painful.

His cat instincts reacted and immediately he lashed out and bit the hand that had a hold of him. He heard the boy cry and felt bad enough to let go, trying not to feel triumphant about the kid's pain.

"He bit me!"

"Really? Let me see!"

"No!"

"Well where is he?"

"Under the couch."

The younger of the two ducked his head down to see under the couch where Itachi hid. The boy took one look at him before shrieking and quickly running away.

"Mommy! There's a monster under couch!"

Itachi felt his ears perk up as a mental light bulb flicked on. He had forgotten how easily manipulated kids could be.

**~O~**

"It's okay," the blonde told the mother as she returned the cat. "I'm sure we'll find another home for him."

"I just don't understand why my children would freak out like that. They seemed to like him when we first brought him home."

The teen sighed as the mother left. She turned and passed the cat carrier to the brunet beside her. "Here Drew, take him back to his buddies."

Itachi endured the carrier's swaying before he was placed back in the kennel beside Kisame.

"Like your vacation?" his partner said and Itachi knew if they normal he would have a toothy grin on his face.

"Hn."

"So you were adopted by two little snots."

"Hn."

"And you scared the hell out of them to be brought back."

"Hn."

"That's not fair!" Deidara fumed from above. "Why was _he_ adopted and not me, un?"

"Because senpai, everyone mistakes you for a girl and you bite!"

"Shut the hell up Tobi!"

* * *

><p><strong>Misadventure 4- A Princess is Born<strong>

Pein was a smart kitty. He purposely made himself seem adoptable to get away from the idiots when the sane members of the Akatsuki were adopted. True Kakuzu wasn't that bad, but he was bored and when Kakuzu was bored (which thankfully never happened as he always had money to count) he had a tendency maim and/or kill his partners to relieve himself of said boredom. Unfortunately, he didn't have that ability right now so he settled for the next best thing: pissing Hidan off.

Pein could only take so much yelling between the two before snapping. So to prevent that he became adoptable and left soon after Itachi did.

The apartment he was now in wasn't that bad. The area was spacious enough that he could disappear and not be noticed for a while. And the only two occupants appeared to be a father and his little girl. While he was checking out the living room, he didn't notice the little girl about to grab him until it was too late.

"Kitty!"

Pein gasped for breath as the girl crushed him against her. He could have sworn he heard a couple of ribs crack.

"Thank you so much daddy!" she squealed as she lifted Pein to eye level. "I'll name her Princess Pea!"

His eye twitched. Hell no, this pipsqueak did _not _just give him, an almighty and fearless god, a girl name.

"Sweetie that's a boy," the father tried to explain. Pein silently thanked him.

"So? I want his name to be Princess Pea!"

The father sighed. "Alright, Princess Pea it is."

Pein hoped the man's death was long and painful

**~O~**

No. No. _NO._ Pein was leader of an evil organization of insane criminals. _HE WAS NOT HAVING A TEA PARTY WITH A LITTLE BRAT WHO CONTINUED TO CALL HIM PRINCESS PEA!_

He viciously dug his claws into the man who thought he could drag him out from hiding place. He had been there for a day already, and he wasn't coming out. His sanity depended on his isolation!

He hissed as the man managed to grab hold of the fur on the back of his neck and dragged him out. He tried to claw him again but found himself unable to as his body remained limp. Damn him! The man had found a weak spot!

The father carried him to the bedroom with a bouncing six year old following close behind.

"Don't worry Princess Pea-" Pein's body automatically twitched at the dreaded name. "-daddy will put you down soon!"

Pein just snarled.

"But you've been a bad kitty so daddy says no tea party for you today." He sighed in relief. "So we're going to play dress-up Princess Pea!"

Whatever caused Pein to faint he was grateful for it.

**~O~**

Until he woke up that is. He had to get the hell out of this place. He wasn't going to survive here if he woke to see himself in a frilly dress again.

**~O~**

"He was much more violent than I anticipated," the father explained to girl behind the counter. Pein contentedly sat in his kitty carrier, chest puffed up with pride. "He actually seemed fine until my daughter named him."

"What did she name him?" a blue haired girl asked from behind the blonde.

The man looked a little sheepish. "Princess Pea."

The lavender haired female on the blonde's other side bust out laughing.

"Seriously?" she asked between giggles. "Princess Pea?"

The man's face reddened before he stuttered a goodbye and left. The blonde sighed before calling into the back for the male worker.

"The orange one was brought back."

"Wow, these cats sure have some bad luck," the boy said as he picked Pein's carrier up. The two new females followed behind him as the blonde stayed at the front to cry over her failure to keep the animals adopted.

"Look Deidara-senpai! Leader's back!"

"Tobi you idiot, I can see that, un."

"Did you enjoy your break?**The others had **_**fun.**_"

"Did you learn anything Pein?" Konan asked as he was place beside her kennel.

Before he could respond the lavender hair girl spoke up over them. "I don't blame him. I would be mad too if a little brat named me Princess Pea."

All the Akatsuki became dead quiet. Princess Pea?

"I think you offended him."

Pein gave the boy a deadly glare before turning to his underlings. "_Do. Not. Say. A. Word._"

* * *

><p><strong>Misadventure 5 - Life in the Pound<strong>

The rest of the Akatsuki were content kitties. They didn't mind staying at the Humane Society. In fact some (Zetsu, Kakuzu, and Kisame) would rather remain there than have to go through what their companions did. Others (Hidan and Deidara) on the other hand wanted out, and one of them wanted out _now_.

"GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE! I'M GOING FUCKING CRAZY IN THIS CRAMPED SPACE!"

"Shut up Hidan."

"FUCK YOU OLD GEEZER!"

Kakuzu glared from across the aisle. "You're one to talk. How old are you really, _immortal_?"

"Fuck you!" Hidan hissed. "And I aint old!"

"Really?" Kakuzu said in disbelief.

"I always have wondered about that, un," Deidara piped in from beside Kisame. "How can we know for sure that you _are _twenty two?"

"LISTEN TO ME YOU HEATHENS! I'M NOT OLD!"

"**But you're not twenty two?**" Zetsu chimed in. "He didn't say he was."

"YOU'RE NOT PART OF THIS FUCKING CONVERSATION PLANT!"

Kisame snickered as his fellow members pushed Hidan to a mental breakdown. His snickering turned into laughter as the teenager, Drew, joined in from behind the front counter he manned.

"Hey! Demon cat, shut up!"

"FUCK YOU! YOU'LL BE THE FIRST I SACRIFICE TO JASHIN!"

"Don't make me back there!"

Deidara's laughter soon joined Kisame's as Hidan's rage was transferred away from them and to the male worker. Kakuzu didn't join in but Kisame could see the kitty smirk on his face. Zetsu seemed more interested in the conversation he was having with himself now.

Deidara choked on his laughter as another male poked his face in front of his cage. He had never seen the male before they had come here, but something seemed eerily familiar about him. For some reason every time the male showed up, Deidara thought about Sasori...

Why, he didn't know. Sasori was dead, and the male didn't resemble him in any way.

He watched as the male adjusted his glasses (again that feeling of familiarity) before turning his attention to Kakuzu and Hidan who were arguing again.

"Drew, move those two away from each other," he said. "They're starting to give me a headache."

Drew glared at him as they passed each other. "Stupid, stuck up creeper," Drew muttered as the other male disappeared into the office.

Nevertheless, Kakuzu and Kisame traded places with each other so that now Kakuzu was beside Deidara on top and Kisame was across from Hidan and beside Zetsu on the bottom.

And amazingly it helped for a little while. Until...

"So Hidan, you never answered how old you were."

"FUCK OFF KAKUZU!"

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1013/13 (Switched Chapter 2 & 3 around)**


	3. Determination

Adoption 101

Chapter 3

Determination

* * *

><p>As was policy, all animals had one month to be adopted before being sent somewhere else. Normally, since the city was so small, the animals were sometimes shipped to a bigger city to hopefully be adopted there. If the animals were deemed unadoptable through bad behavior or illness they were to be humanely euthanized.<p>

Kaitlin never liked thinking about what could happen to the animals and always found a way for them to be adopted. But these cats were being annoyingly difficult.

At first she thought that it would be easy. The only female of the group, a dainty looking indigo colored cat with a white ear, was adopted first. Following her was Mr. Lollipop (Drew had to hold back his tears), Grumpy (Drew had agreed with her on that name but the black cat had glared at her moodily), and the orange tom.

All hell broke loose once the orange cat cleared the door. The silver and brown cat had yowled back and forth at each other since their kennels had been placed directly across from each other. Alfred, finally fed up, had ordered the brown cat be put at the very end of the kennels. It helped a little…until they started up again. Drew swore that they were cussing each other out. No one would even go near those two.

The blonde kitty wasn't as bad, but every once in a while he too would start yowling at the silver cat. Their "arguments" didn't last nearly as long but that wasn't the only problem. He stuck his nose up at the food they fed him (well they all did that only in a less snooty way) and would push the dish the kennel door and dump its contents out. He wasn't that bad with the people who came to look at him. Until they commented that they wanted a female and how he would be perfect. After that he started hissing at whoever came near him.

The fish looking one liked to bait the potential adoptees. He would act all sweet and cuddly and when they were close enough he would pounce on outstretched hands. Luckily he only seemed interested in spooking and let the hands get away with minimal damage. But at least he got along with his neighbor, the dicolored cat, and Kaitlin even witnessed her first kitty conversation before they spotted her and clammed up.

No one seemed interested in the last cat after witnessing him meow sweetly at them one minute and prowl around ominously the next. They weren't interested in a cat with kitty baggage.

Kaitlin almost gave up two weeks in. No one wanted to adopt the other rowdy cats, Alfred was becoming more of a creeper, Drew absolutely refused to go near the bipolar cat after the incident known as "Drew almost getting eaten by a pint sized cat," and her friends (well one of them) were beginning to worry about her after she declined another free lunch invitation.

This led to what was known as "Intervention: Nanichi Style". This procedure was only implemented in dire circumstances...or when the woman it was named after was extremely bored.

On that particular day Kaitlin was manning the front counter, Drew was having another argument with the silver cat (the blonde seemed to be egging them both on), and Alfred was…creeping somewhere. There hadn't been any customer that day so Kaitlin was surprised when she heard the bell loudly ding. After seeing who it was she quickly ducked under the counter and cowered.

"Bitch! Where the hell are you?"a disgruntled lavender haired teen yelled upon entering. Her eyes darted around the front area before honing in on the counter. She stalked over and slammed her hands down, smirking when she heard a squeak from underneath. She also heard the sigh behind her as she leaned over and tried to extract Kaitlin from underneath the counter.

"Come here! You're going to lunch with me and Miss Sourpuss!"

"I resent that."

"No one cares!"

"I can't," Kaitlin whined while dodging two perfectly manicured hands. "It's not even my lunch break yet!"

"Well make it your lunch break!"

"I can't without asking the creeper, and I don't know where he is!"

"Miss Sourpuss" sighed from the sidelines as she deposited the fast food sacks she had been holding on the edge of the counter. She looked at her quarreling friends before sighing again and heading to the back where she could hear Drew yelling and cats yowling. Alfred would get mad and yell or something but she didn't care. It wasn't like she hadn't done it before.

She honestly wasn't surprised at finding Drew trading insults with a silver haired cat. Well the insults were a surprise; he usually baby talked to the animals.

"—you low down fucking animal—"

"HISS!"

"—I'm gonna string you up by your fucking tail—"

"GROWL!"

"—and the crows can eat you alive (insert evil cackle)!"

"…Drew?"

Drew looked up from his spot in front of the hissing cat and stopped mid cackle.

"Hey Rikku!" he exclaimed with a sunny smile. He jumped up to squeeze the girl in front of him.

"Hey Drew," Rikku gasped as Drew crushed her. "What's up with the yelling?"

Drew's sunny demeanor seemed to fall a little as he glared at the still angered cat.

"That little bastard," he growled. "He's so annoying with his yowling, and the hissing, and the scratching and, and, and the…annoying!"

Rikku grinned a little and patted the male on the head as he had crouched back down to glare at the cat. "I'll see if Nicholas will let up on the bet."

Drew looked up at her starry eyed. "Really?"

She sighed. "Yeah. You're always in a grumpy mood when you're low on caffeine."

"Am not!" he whined.

The silver cat hissed as if he disagreed. Drew glared him. "Shut the hell up! No one asked your damned opinion, you stupid flea bitten—"

Rikku shook her head as another argument between man and beast ensued.

She looked at the cat in the kennel beside them. He was bouncing back and forth, meowing every once in a while which seemed to tick the silver one off. There was a loud yowl at the other end of kennels and the silver feline transferred his anger to the sound of the yowl.

"Are these the animals Kaitlin's been worrying over?"

"Yeah," Drew said still glaring at the now preoccupied cat.

…_These cats are so dead…_ she thought as she walked down the row to the other yowling cat. She stopped halfway as one of the other cats caught her attention.

"…Is that cat blue?"

"Yes the damned cat's blue!" Drew said annoyed. "And yes he looks like a fish! Do you know how many people have stopped to point that out?"

Rikku shrugged. "I was just asking. Jeez."

"Well don't ask. For your information, there _is_ a breed of cats that sport blue-grey fur, unlike you and _your_ messed up blue hair. Russian Blues are a breed that have been around for-"

The blue haired woman pretended to listen to the brunet's monologue as she continued to examine each of the cats.

**~O~**

Meanwhile at the front the two girls continued to argue, not even noticing the door open and a woman step in with a cat carrier.

"No Nanichi! Leave me alone!"

"Not until you admit I'm right!

"About what?"

"…I don't know but Nanichi's always right!"

The woman looked back at her car before deciding she'd rather be rid of the little devil in the carrier first.

"Umm, excuse me?"

Kaitlin pushed Nanichi aside instantly with a big smile. She didn't even bat an eye as Nanichi complained.

"How may I help you?"

The woman was a little uneasy as she carefully placed the carrier on the counter. "Well, my boyfriend adopted this…cat a few days ago but I'm afraid I have to bring him back."

Kaitlin looked heartbroken, which made the woman even more uneasy.

"Bu-but why?"

"Well he's destroyed half of my house."

"I'm sure you can replace whatever he broke."

"Err, no I really mean he's destroyed half my house."

The two younger females looked at the woman skeptically.

"Seriously?" Nanichi asked.

"Yes, there's a huge hole through the wall that divides the kitchen and living room, the furniture is in shreds now, and I think he made the TV explode…"

"Are you sure you don't want him?" Kaitlin interrupted in an amazed voice. The cats weren't that big. How could just _one_ cause such destruction? Nanichi just stood beside her, mouth gaping in amazement.

"No! Please take him back!"

The woman looked so pale, that Kaitlin took the carrier and without another word the woman fled. They watched through the window as the woman's car squealed out of the parking lot.

"Which cat did she adopt?" Nanichi finally asked.

Kaitlin shrugged before peeking into the carrier.

"…Mr. Lollipop?"

**~O~**

The rest of the cats were brought back in a similar way over the next week. First back was the indigo female, now known as Angel now. Nanichi complained that if the owner had rare imported fish, then why the hell did he adopt a cat to begin with? Kaitlin didn't get it either and was sad to see the cat put back in its former kennel. Angel on the other hand looked perfectly content.

Grumpy came back next. The mother just said that her children had started having nightmares and would wake up to see the cat staring at them. Drew had inspected the cat after she left and agreed that the cat had creepy red eyes. He was stuck back into the kennel beside Catfish (as Nanichi had dubbed him.)

The only cat anyone felt sorry for was the orange tom. It was the dad that brought in the disgruntled cat. Apparently, everything had been fine up until the man's daughter had named the feline. After that anyone who would say the cat's name would be severely scratched as punishment.

"I don't blame him," Nanichi said as Drew put the cat back beside the female. Rikku trailed behind a little ways. The creepy cats were nodding and sending signals to each other again. Was she seriously the only one noticing this? "I would be mad too if a little brat named me Princess Pea."

For the first time in two weeks the kennels were completely quiet as the tom glared at each individual cat.

"I think you offended him."

The cat glared at him, and Drew decided now was the best time to take lunch break.

**~O~**

"Alfred please! I can find them a home, I swear!"

Alfred sighed while adjusting his glasses. _I should really get these things fixed. They're sliding down more often,_ he thought to himself.

"You know our policy: one month."

Kaitlin looked at him teary eyed.

"Not going to work."

"Damn!"

Kaitlin desperately tried to think of another way to get the cats adopted. _Stupid cats aren't going to ruin my perfect record…uh I mean, I will keep those cats from dying or something._

An idea struck her. Nine cats were just too much for her, even she knew that. But she did now at least four others who would adopt or would easily be convinced to adopt the cats.

She cut Alfred off before he could leave for the day. He felt vaguely surprised by the determined look on her face.

"Alfred, what if I told you I already have people who want to adopt them?"

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1013/13 (Chapters 2 & 3 switched)**


	4. Adoption

Adoption 101

Chapter 4

Adoption

* * *

><p>"No."<p>

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeeaassse?"

"Dragging out the word won't change my mind."

"But why not?" Kaitlin whined as she trailed behind Rikku.

Rikku simply ignored her tag-a-long and continued to make her way between the tables, picking up stray glasses along the way. Being a waitress wasn't so bad. Then again there wasn't much that fazed her. Living half her life with a transvestite uncle and a perverted friend seemed to make her immune to "normal" life.

That was probably why Kaitlin's puppy dog eyes didn't work. Puppy dog eyes had gotten Rikku into more trouble than she ever wanted. And trouble seemed to follow her friends everywhere.

"No, I'm not adopting a weird cat for the sake of your record."

Kaitlin looked shifty eyed. "That's not the reason."

Rikku snorted a "yeah right" before continuing to the kitchen. Something probably needed to be delivered somewhere by now.

"Anyway," Kaitlin continued, "I've already asked the others, and they said yes!"

"I'm not one to give into peer pressure."

"Even Nicholas has agreed to adopt one!"

"Yeah well, Nicholas is crazy and needs another friend anyway."

Kaitlin pouted as Rikku escaped into the kitchen. Unlike Rikku she didn't have enough courage (or indifference) to wonder into a restricted area. Darn her parents for raising her to be a goody two shoes.

She huffed as she plopped herself down onto a stool nearby, watching the door like a hawk and ready to pounce as soon as her friend walked through. Rikku may not be persuaded by peer pressure but it had been proven, by her own best friend, that annoyance worked wonders. If you annoyed her enough, Rikku was liable to agree with anything just to make you go away.

But Kaitlin still didn't like how stubborn her friend was being. Nanichi and Drew had agreed before she had even finished explaining her idea. It took a little to convince Nicholas, another friend of theirs, to adopt one, but when he heard about the bipolar cat he was all in. Kaitlin didn't even want to know why the cat had to have mental issues to be adoptable.

Unfortunately, that's where her luck ran out. She had been hoping Nanichi's half blind cousin would agree to adopt the last two but apparently his landlord wanted five hundred dollars for each animal within the household. He didn't have that kind of money to spend on two cats he didn't want, and the lavender haired woman's other cousin had refused to answer his phone for her to even ask. So Kaitlin had to come and beg the one person who absolutely did not like _any_ of the cats.

Kaitlin didn't understand why Rikku felt that way. She had walked in on Rikku having a decent conversation with Catfish and Grumpy once. Of course it ended with a "fuck you" on Rikku's end, but up until then it had been pretty decent.

Rikku came back out with a tray full of food then, and Kaitlin got back to the task at hand.

"No."

"I didn't even say anything."

Rikku sighed as she stopped at a table full of rowdy teens.

"Have you decided to talk about something else?"

"Well…no."

"Then the answers still no."

Before Rikku could walk away from the table, one of the boys reached out and grabbed her arm. "Hey, that invitation for tonight is still open. I know a great club a few minutes away…"

Kaitlin smirked as her friend's stoic expression finally broke under the pressure of annoyance.

"Damn it! Does no one know the meaning of 'no' anymore? I don't want anything to do with you underage punks!"

The male looked shocked as he backed away from the now raging female. Jeez, why'd he always find the chicks with mental/emotional issues?

Kaitlin's smirk got bigger as her friend continued to rage. The regulars of the small restaurant didn't even look over. Rikku snapped like that at least once a week, although it was normally because of a male with multiple piercings who would come in just to piss her off.

"I'll go away if you agree to adopt the cats."

"Whatever! Just get the hell away from me!"

"Yay!" Kaitlin attempted to hug the other female, but Rikku stepped aside and stuck her foot out, causing Kaitlin to fall on her face.

"I said get the hell out!"

"EEPP!" Kaitlin fled after that.

**~O~**

The next day dawned bright and sunny. Except for the gloomy little cloud that seemed to hover over the humane society.

"That is so weird," Drew commented as he studied the cloud.

"You think we'd be used to weird things by now," Nanichi said from her spot beside him. "I mean weird stuff just seemed to follow us through high school."

Drew thought about it and had to agree. As far as he knew other teens didn't have electronics spontaneously combust from touching them or experience the awkward meeting between student and principal in the air duct during a bomb threat.

He smiled as he reminisced. Good times, good times.

Nanichi shook her head as the boy beside her giggled. She looked behind her to see Kaitlin signing the papers to adopt the first two cats. They had decided to keep the groups of twos together since they seemed more comfortable together (even the two that fought all the time.) The one loner was going with Nicholas who just pulled up on his motorcycle.

Nanichi watched him study the hovering cloud before shrugging and making his way inside.

"Who pissed off mother nature this time?"

"I think Rikku had her speed dial." Nanichi motioned towards the girl who sat in the corner with her own little cloud of despair.

"Oh, so she's adopting some monsters too. I knew she'd cave eventually."

Rikku heard him and glared, but Nicholas waved at her unfazed.

"Okay the first two are Kaitlin's now," Alfred said as Kaitlin began to bounce giddily. He looked the exact opposite of the girl, a scowl permanently affixed on his face as he glared at the small group. "Who's next?"

"Me," Nanichi said making her way over to the counter. "I get Grumpy and Catfish."

"Where's the mental cat?" Nicholas asked. He made his way to the kennels despite Alfred's squawking protests.

"That one," Rikku said as she followed behind.

"Sweet," he said observing the cat. The cat stared back at him with unblinking golden eyes, its tongue flicking out to lick the dark side of its muzzle. "He's a funky looking kitty too. I like him!"

"Why did you want a mentally unstable cat?"

"Cause its best he already be unstable so the transition will be less damaging mentally."

It seemed like the cat couldn't decide whether to look puzzled or glare.

"Which ones do you get?"

"The two yowling back and forth at each other."

"Harsh."

Nanichi stuck her head through the door. "Rikku, it's your turn."

Rikku sighed and made her way back to the front. She ignored Alfred's glares as she signed the papers.

"Wait, I have to name them before I can leave with them?"

"Yes," Alfred hissed.

"What the hell am I supposed to name them?"

"You can name the silver one Demon," Drew suggested.

"I still need another name."

"What about Frankenstein?" Nanichi said. "You know because he looks like he's covered in stiches."

"But Frankenstein was the man that created the monster."

"…so? The cat can be the mad scientist _and_ the monster."

"Then he'd be like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."

"Well, if you gonna shoot down every suggestion, then figure out a name on your own."

"What about Monopoly?" Nicholas yelled from the back.

"Why?"

"He seems really interested in my wallet. And that's what I was playing with Aiden before coming here."

"Whatever," Rikku said, writing the names down. She just wanted the process to be over so she could leave.

Nicholas was next. As he filled out the papers he explained the name he'd picked for the cat. See Nicholas, despite his punk image, actually had a secret love for felines and his first cat's name had been Thor. Thor had been killed in a freak accident involving a thunderstorm, so he got another cat and named him Hercules in hopes of him becoming invincible. Sadly the cat picked a fight with the wrong lawn mower and that was the end of him. He named the next Zeus to make him god-like only to have him drown as he tried to walk across the swimming pool. So half a dozen cats (and weird deaths) later he decided to adopt a mentally unstable kitty.

"That really doesn't explain why his name is Bob," Drew said, and the others agreed with him.

Nicholas sighed. Didn't they get anything out of his story?

"If he has a normal name,then he won't be expected to live up to anything. Duh. Besides his name isn't Bob…it's Bob III."

"You just didn't have any other names, did you?"

"Shut up Rikku."

~~O~~

The cats were loaded up in everyone's car (except Nicholas's cat, which Rikku would drop off.) Kaitlin ended up with Princess Pea (who still hissed every time someone said his name) and Angel; Nanichi with Grumpy and Catfish; Drew with SpongeBob (the blonde kitty Drew proudly named) and Mr. Lollipop (Drew and Nanichi had fought over him. Nanichi wanted the badass cat that could destroy half a house.); Rikku had the yowling duo now christened Demon and Monopoly; and of course Nicholas had Bob III.

The cats seemed fidgety at being separated, so Kaitlin said they would have to set up a kitty play date. Drew agreed, Nanichi rolled her eyes and told the two cats in her truck to suck it up, Rikku glared, and Nicholas said hell no. So Kaitlin pouted in the parking lot while the others left.

"Are you sure you should have adopted them?"

Kaitlin shrieked and spun around to see Alfred.

"Creeper! Don't do that!"

Alfred pushed his glasses back up his nose.

"Really, maybe there was a reason why no one else wanted them."

"Whatever." Kaitlin climbed into her Bug and drove away.

Alfred stood there for a minute.

_Shit, Lord Orochimaru isn't going to like this._

* * *

><p><strong><span>Kitty Names<span>  
><strong>Pein- Princess Pea  
>Konan- Angel<br>Deidara- SpongeBob  
>TobiMadara- Mr. Lollipop  
>Itachi- Grumpy<br>Kisame- Catfish  
>Zetsu- Bob III<br>Kakuzu- Monopoly  
>Hidan- Demon<p>

**EDITED: 10/13/13**


	5. Seperated

Adoption 101

Chapter 5

Separated

* * *

><p>"Deidara-senpai! Tobi's scared! Where are we going? Where are the others being taken to? What are we going to do?" Tobi exclaimed as they watched the Humane Society get smaller and smaller as they drove away.<p>

"Tobi! Shut up!" Deidara hissed from his end of the cat carrier. "We're just being separated for a while, un. Don't worry; we'll be back in no time."

"But senpai! How are we going to that?"

"Just be quiet, un. We'll make it so unbearable to be around that they guy will take us back."

"But, but, but!" Tobi stuttered. "Tobi's a good boy! How can Tobi be unbearable to be around?"

Deidara's eye visibly twitched. "Just do what you're doing now Tobi. We'll be back in no time, un."

**~O~**

"What the hell Kakuzu! Get the fuck off me!"

"Like I would even want to touch you," Kakuzu grunted as he picked himself up and off the Jashinist. "It's not my fault every time the girl turns sharply I fly to your end."

"What the fuck ever," Hidan snarled while stalking another, Kakuzu free corner. "Just stay on your side you money whore!"

Kakuzu snorted at his immature partner. "Resorting to name calling? You're such a child Hidan."

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Hey!" the blue haired female yelled from the front of the vehicle. "Shut the hell up back there before I dump your sorry asses on the side of the road."

Hidan hissed as he transferred his attention from his stitched partner to their new 'owner'. "You little bitch! Wait until I'm back in my body! You're going to be first heathen I sacrifice!"

"Oh come now Hidan, she's not that bad," Zetsu chimed from the front seat. "**Her only downfall is that she almost has as dirty a mouth as you.**"

Kakuzu snorted. "She only seems to do it out of anger. Hidan's vocabulary, on the other hand, would be non-existent without vulgar words."

"Fuck you!"

**~O~**

"Stupid creeper! I've never liked him anyway. Thinks he's all special because he's only worked there for a month and already calls the shots. Well I've worked there since my junior year of high school. And I am very responsible! I should have that job! Don't you agree Angel?"

Konan jumped at being suddenly acknowledged and nodded without thinking. Fortunately, the blonde, Kaitlin if Konan recalled correctly, didn't find it odd that the cat was responding to her and continued her rant without pausing.

Pein simply ignored the girl as he stared out the front window. He didn't understand how they ended up here. Even Madara and Kakuzu, the two elders of Akatsuki, had never heard of such a thing happening.

He did notice, however, that their chakra seemed to be gradually returning (though they still couldn't perform any jutsus), and he could now easily communicate with his other bodies including his real self, Nagato.

If anything he could possibly use that connection to get them home.

**~O~**

Itachi twitched as Kisame snickered. The lavender haired female remained oblivious to them both as she continued to sing off key to the music on the radio.

"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! / Caught in a bad romance/ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! / Caught in a bad romance." She paused at red light and looked over to the carrier on the other side of the truck to see both of the cats staring at her.

"Don't judge me kitties; the bible says not to."

**~O~**

"It's about fucking time," Hidan grumbled as the car came to a halt. He started jumping up and down, trying to see out of the window. "Fuck! I can't see. Kakuzu! Come here and help me!"

"I thought I wasn't allowed on _your_ side of the carrier."

"**You did say that.**"

"Fuck both of you bastards!"

"You're not my type."

"Kakuzu!"

The arguing duo didn't notice the girl get out of the car to meet her friend, but they did notice when the male opened Zetsu's door to grab his carrier.

"Let's go Bob."

"Hey, wait a minute! What about us?"

"Maybe you should bring them in," the male said while balancing Zetsu's carrier on his shoulder. "After all, you don't want to come back down and find two cats dead due to heatstroke."

Kakuzu could barely see the blue head that poked around the front seat due to a whining Hidan blocking his way.

"…Naw, they'll be okay."

"Fuck you bitch! I want out of here!"

~O~

"Bob, Aiden. Aiden, Bob."

"Bob?"

"He couldn't think of a better name."

"Hey Rikku, why don't you try shutting your mouth for once."

Zetsu blinked at the black haired male in front of him, who looked about as confused as he felt. He still hadn't figured out the others' names and now he had to learn another? He just wanted to go home, find a nice meal, and spy on people like he did on any normal day.

The male in front of him shrugged. "Whatever," he said, walking back to the table he had been dragged from.

"Yeah, you're just to cool for him Bob," the white haired male said as he sat Zetsu down. Zetsu took that opportunity to duck behind the potted plant by the door. "You better not have not messed with my colorful money while I was gone."

"I didn't. You're still broke."

"Shut up."

Rikku (Zetsu remembered her name since she seemed to be the only sane one) sighed at the "adults" bent over the table with serious faces as they rolled the die. "Nicholas, please remember to feed the cat okay?"

Nicholas grunted an affirmative and moved his little silver car three spaces.

"That includes watering him too."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure I know how to take care of a cat."

"The one cat you had that _didn't_ die from a freakish accident died because you forgot to feed him."

"…I thought we agreed never to speak of that again."

She sighed again before walking towards the plant that Zetsu had hid behind. She bent down and started petting him before he could bolt. "Be careful freaky kitty. There's no telling what Nicholas does when he's left alone."

Zetsu blinked as she turned and left. He looked back over the other two occupants in the room, who intently played their little game like their lives depended on the outcome.

_It can't be too bad here.__** Idiot, you probably just jinxed us.**_

**~O~**

"Okay kitties," Nanichi said as she hauled the carrier of kitties and cat supplies up the flight of stairs. "This place doesn't actually belong to me, so you can't piss on the carpets or anything. Because if you do, my landlord will give me hell and I don't want to stand there and pretend to listen to another one of his rants."

She put the carrier down at the top of the stairs, stretching her arms to regain the feeling back them. "Man, I never realized how many stairs I normally climb. No wonder I'm not fat despite all the junk I eat."

Meanwhile, Kisame stared down the steps through gaps in the side of the carrier. "Hey? You think if we tip the carrier down the stairs, it'll break the open so we can get out and high tail it out of here?"

"…don't speak to me again unless you can come up with something better than that."

"It was just a thought. I'm pretty sure we would survive the fall."

Itachi didn't bother answering and just settled for a glare. They collided with each other as the carrier was picked back up.

"Alright where was I? Oh yeah. Don't mess with any of my stuff either. I don't want my parents complaining about having to replace the stuff because I'm not 'responsible' or whatever. They've already been whining about that since I started high school; I don't need to give them more ammo."

They went up another flight of stairs before stopping in front of a door for the female to dig out her key. Kisame wobbled around trying to regain his balance. "This chick needs be less enthusiastic about swinging the carrier around."

"Hn."

"Shit!"

They looked up at the girl trying to stick a key in the lock. When it wouldn't go in, she kicked the door before grabbing the foot in pain. "Shit, shit, shit! Why won't the key go in?"

"Because you don't live there anymore!"

All three turned to see a short man standing at the top of the stairway, tapping his foot impatiently.

"What the hell do you mean I don't live here anymore?"

"Just as I said!" The little man stalked up to Nanichi and stabbed his finger into her face. "You haven't paid your rent for three months!"

"Three months?" Nanichi asked. "But my parents always send you the rent at the end of each month."

"Well they haven't for three months," the man complained. "Now pay up or get out."

"Can I at least get my stuff?"

"It's already out back in the loading dock," he said walking away.

"Bastard!" Nanichi yelled at his back. "You're already moved my stuff out? What if I had the money to pay you?"

"But you don't, so your argument is useless," he said over his shoulder as he disappeared down the stairs.

"Bastard," she hissed to herself. "But I don't have time for that." She picked the carrier up a little too harshly causing Kisame to hiss and Itachi to glare at her. She ignored them and stomped down the stairs.

"I need a place to stay, and I know exactly where to go. Take that parents!"

**~O~**

"Welcome to your new home kitties!"

"Yay!" Tobi squealed. As soon the door opened on Deidara and his carrier, he sprinted out and straight into a wall.

"Whoops, maybe I should've taken you guys into the living room first."

"Tobi you idiot, un," Deidara said as he calmly walked over to the downed cat.

"Ouch. Senpai the wall hurt Tobi."

"Well Tobi it might have something to with you running into it, un."

"Oh...I don't get it."

Drew watched as the cats conversed before shrugging and walking down the hallway to his room. "Kitties! Your stuff's in here."

"Yay! Stuff!"

Deidara sighed as his child-like partner zoomed down the hallway after the teen. One Tobi was bad enough, but the kid they were with now acted just like Tobi. And two Tobis was too much for him to handle. He wasn't even able to use his art as a stress reliever.

"Look, look Deidara-senpai!"

Deidara looked up at Tobi's voice. He felt his eye twitch as Tobi ran around with a small cape billowing behind him and a mask on his kitty face.

"Tobi is now Catman!"

His eye twitched again in annoyance. "Tobi, where the hell did you get that?"

"Drew gave it to me! Isn't it cool?"

No, no it wasn't. Because Deidara was going to lose his mind staying here.

**~O~**

"What the hell? What's up with the yellow streamers?"

Kakuzu ignored his partner and instead observed their owner, who didn't look very happy.

"Who the hell set my room on fire?" she asked herself. She examined the charred remains of her dorm room through the police line that blocked off the door.

"Bitch, that's how Jashin punishes those who mess with his followers!"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes at his idiotic cackling partner, who gushed over his god. Hidan continued cackling as the girl walked away to find some answers.

Kakuzu pushed the carrier's door open and stepped out, making sure to lock his partner in. See, unlike the others Rikku didn't care whether the cats got free, so when putting them in she hadn't closed the door all the way. Kakuzu realized this not long after Zetsu had been dropped off but had 'forgotten' to mention this fact to Hidan, since the door was on his side of the carrier. If Hidan wanted be possessive about his side of the carrier, Kakuzu would be too.

He trailed after the girl, figuring he would take this time to figure out where they are.

"KAKUZU! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO?"

Of course, he was also using the time to get away from partner.

He glanced over his shoulder with a smirk. He could see the cat carrier jump as Hidan bounced off the walls in anger. His smirk grew.

"Just stay there Hidan. Protect the cat carrier if you need something to do."

"Asshole!"

Kakuzu ignored him and followed after the girl, who had just disappeared around the corner. He avoided doors that had music blaring from them and sidestepped a pair of giggling girls along the way. He also noticed the fliers lining the walls though he was too far away to read them.

He turned the corner to see Rikku standing outside an open door talking to the person inside.

"So someone just randomly set _my_ room on fire?"

"Umm, w-well," the boy stuttered under her glare, "you're r-roommate said s-something about a c-c-chemistry experiment?"

Rikku's eye twitched minutely before sighing. "How long will it take?"

"Will what take?"

Her eye twitched again. "To fix the room, you idiot."

Kakuzu watched the boy hesitate. _At least the kid's smart enough to think of what he's going to say._

"_How long?_" Rikku growled and the boy squeaked.

"T-t-t-three months."

Rikku stared at him blankly before turning and walking away. Kakuzu followed after her, a little impressed at how she was able to walk away so calmly. They walked back to a strangely still carrier, and Rikku opened its door before staring at Kakuzu pointedly.

"Get back in. We're leaving."

He walked in, again impressed. How'd she know he had gotten out?

"_Kakuzu_."

He'd forgotten about Hidan. He now turned to him. Hidan sat hunched at the back of the carrier, his amythest eyes sending a deadly glare Kakuzu's way.

"_You left me here_."

Kakuzu felt slightly disturbed as he had never seen Hidan act this way before. The zealot seemed so serious now. Normally, in a situation like this, he'd be screeching and whining about being left behind.

Just as Kakuzu thought this, Hidan launched himself at Kakuzu, claws extended.

"YOU FUCKER! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

**~O~**

Pein and Konan sniffed around their new home. The place was huge and they had lost track of Kaitlin, who had stomped up the stairs as soon as they got here. Apparently whatever that Alfred guy had said really ticked her off.

"How are we going to find the others?" Konan asked as they settled onto a couch.

Pein thought a moment before he answered. "These children seem to be close to one another. I'm sure they'll bring the members under their care together again."

"So we have to rely on them?" Konan asked a little worried.

"For the time being, at least until we fully recover our chakra," Pein explained to his partner. "By then we should have regained our true forms."

"WHAT!"

To their utter shame, both the ninjas jumped in surprise. They watched Kaitlin storm down the stairs with an orange phone held to her ear. Konan was surprised at how angry the girl looked. They'd known her for the better part of a month and she had never seen her so angry. Pein was just pissed that he had been taken by surprise. This last month of being a cat had caused him to slack off, and he was pretty sure it was the same with all the other members too.

"You're telling me you, dad, and Benjamin just _suddenly_ decided to take a vacation to Hawaii without me?"

There was silence as whoever was on the other side of the phone responded.

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!"

Pein and Konan exchanged a bewildered look as the girl collapsed on the recliner beside them.

"Fine! You know what, I didn't even really want to go anyway." She hung the phone up and slumped further into the recliner.

"S'not fair," she mumbled. Konan would have missed it if she hadn't jumped onto the girls lap right then. "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii."

Konan let the depressed girl pet her. Pein just rolled his eyes at the pouting child now hugging Konan close to her.

"Come on Princess Pea. Join us and we can have a group hug!"

Pein hissed at the mention of his cat name. He jumped as the girl suddenly leaned close to him.

"Hey, what's up with your eyes?" she asked confused. "They look like they have faint little rings around the pupil…"

Pein's eyes widened in surprise. He jumped off the couch, ignoring Kaitlin as she yelled after him, and went searching for a mirror.

He didn't notice Konan following him as he found an open bathroom and jumped up onto the counter to look in the mirror. Sure enough as he observed his eyes in the mirror, he could see his Rinnegan.

Previously, just as with Itachi and Madara's Sharingan, his Rinnegan had been locked away due to whatever jutsu (it had to be one, what else would have done this to them?) they had been hit with.

Obviously, if he had access to his Rinnegan that meant their chakra was returning. Which meant they wouldn't be cats for much longer, right?

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1013/13**


	6. Moving In

Adoption 101

Chapter 6

Moving In

* * *

><p>Kaitlin watched in confusion as her two cats raced off. Apparently, she shouldn't have mentioned anything about the Princess Pea's eyes. Maybe he was sensitive about it.<p>

She shrugged and turned to the TV. Drew had said some new season of something was on tonight. Slumping into the recliner to get comfortable, she flipped the channels over to MTV. She'd just found the right channel when the doorbell rang.

"Who's here at," she glanced at the clock, "nine o'clock at night?"

She got up to answer the door before pausing. "What if it's a burglar?" she asked herself. "Or worse, a rapist!"

"Kaitlin, open the door!"

"No it's just Nanichi," she said in exasperation. She opened the door to see her friend standing there, a suitcase in one hand and a cat carrier in the other. "Nanichi what are doing here?"

"He he, funny story," Nanichi chuckled nervously.

"What? Did your parents finally stop paying rent?" Kaitlin joked.

Nanichi nervously faked a cough, still staring anywhere but at Kaitlin. Kaitlin noticed and her eyes widened in surprise. "Whoa, seriously?"

Her friend nodded in defeat.

"That is so weird," Kaitlin said amazed. "They've been paying for your apartment since you were sixteen, when they _paid_ you to get out."

Nanichi sighed. "Yeah, apparently that ended when I turned nineteen three months ago. They just didn't want to tell me. Aren't my parents swell?" she added sarcastically.

"I'm surprised it didn't happen when you turned eighteen."

"Guess they decided to give me a year extension."

Throughout there conversion, Kaitlin had let Nanichi in, and they now stood in the living room. Nanichi sat down her cat carrier and decided to finally let her cats out. Catfish rushed out and jumped onto the couch. He looked at the TV amazed, watching the two women pulling at each other's hair. Grumpy came out a little slower, looked around, and headed out of the room towards where Kaitlin's cats had vanished.

"So can I crash here for a while?" Nanichi asked her as they both plopped down on the couch beside Catfish. He looked perturbed at them for bouncing him but quickly turned his attention back to the TV.

"Sure, my parents and little brother have gone off to _Hawaii_," she spat the word out, still feeling a bit bummed about being left behind. "So it'll just be the two of us."

"That's a big bowl of awesome sauce."

Both Kaitlin and the cat looked at Nanichi strangely. "…you say the weirdest thinks Nanichi."

The weird girl shrugged, not bothered at all. All of them turned their attention back to the magic box and watched the people dancing at the club.

"What is this shit?"

"I don't know. Drew just told me about it today."

"Well change it. Stuff like this rots your brain."

"You're one to talk. You just watch cartoons all the time."

"And I learn how not to be mean my friends. You learn nothing from this stuff."

"You learn not to take your friend, who used to be your enemy, to a club where they can get you drunk because they still secretly hate you, so when you do something blackmail worthy they can hang it over your head for all of eternity."

"No I don't. Our friends who have always been our friends do stuff like that."

"…true."

Nanichi snatched the remote from her friend and starting flipping through the channels. She paused on Shark Week, catching Catfish's attention, before continuing, to which Catfish looked bummed. She finally stopped on an episode of _Phineas and Ferb_.

"Now see, this is great TV."

"It's a cartoon about two boys whose summer never ends, during which they do the same thing over and over each day."

"Of course, isn't it brilliant? Nothing confusing about it at all, and it provides entertainment for people like me."

Before Kaitlin could reply the doorbell rang. Puzzled, she looked over to Nanichi, who shrugged and turned to the TV that Catfish was watching enraptured. She got up to answer the door but stopped short when the door flung open. Squealing in surprise she turned to run away, figuring someone finally had broken in.

"Relax Kaitlin; it's just me."

She turned back to see an annoyed Rikku standing in the doorway shoving a case back into her baggy pants.

"Excuse me Rikku!" she said highly offended by her friend. "We've talked about this! The only time you can pick a lock is if one of us gets locked out or you feel like messing with Nicholas' stuff."

"Well I didn't want to wait outside all night!" Rikku exploded, surprising Kaitlin and drawing a curious Nanichi into the hallway. "My idiotic roommate burned down our fucking dorm room, taking all of my shit with it, didn't feel the need to even call and tell me either, so when I finally got back at eight fucking o'clock, lo and behold, all my shit is gone, I have nowhere to sleep and the room won't be fixed for THREE MONTHS!"

They stared as the blue haired girl gasped for breath. Kaitlin and Nanichi stood wide eyed and the cats, all drawn to the door by the yelling, stood staring silently at the obviously ticked off the female. Even the cats in the carrier, who had previously been hissing back and forth, were silent.

Rikku drew in a long breath before staring at Kaitlin blankly.

"So, can I stay here for the night?"

**~O~**

Before Rikku had shown up, Itachi had found Leader and Konan huddled up in the bathroom talking quietly with one another. He looked between the two, wondering if he was interrupting anything until Konan spotted him.

"Itachi?" she asked surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"The girl we were separated with was kicked out of her apartment," a bored Itachi explained.

"So you and Kisame are staying here now?" Konan asked to be sure.

Itachi nodded. Pein studied Itachi, or more specifically his eyes. A lesser man would have cowered, but the Uchiha stared back unaffected.

"Has your Sharingan returned?" Pein asked. Itachi blinked not expecting such a question.

"No."

"You're able to see Pein's Rinnegan now," Konan explained to the puzzled Uchiha. He turned to the leader and indeed there were the rings that that represented the leader's dōjutsu.

"Our chakra has slowly been returning," Pein further explained. "Soon we should have enough to break whatever jutsu may have been casted on us."

Itachi nodded in understanding. "Have you figured out how this happened to begin with?"

He watched as Pein and Konan exchanged a look. "We are not positive," Pein started, "but we believe that it may be connected to Orochimaru."

Itachi just stared, waiting for an explanation. Pein stared back. He didn't have to explain anything to his subordinate. Konan just rolled her amber eyes at the battle of male testosterone.

"Do you remember the other male back at the shelter?" she cut the battle short earning a glare from Pein and a nod from Itachi. "Well before you and Pein were brought back he was accompanied by another male when the two who adopted us weren't around. There were faint traces of chakra coming from both of them, but only one felt familiar."

Itachi waited for her to continue slowly putting the pieces together. "Orochimaru's chakra?" he asked to be sure.

Both Pein and Konan nodded.

"But how?" the skeptical Uchiha asked.

"You are aware of Orochimaru's curse marks correct?" Pein asked.

They didn't notice how Itachi slightly tensed before nodding.

"We believe that the individual might have one," Konan explained. "The chakra only emitted from one point."

"How did he get here?" Itachi asked.

Pein took over for his partner. "Possibly the same way we did."

"The only question now is how did we end up here?" Konan said more to herself than the two males.

They were interrupted by loud shouting and all three exited the bathroom to witness the enraged female's rampage.

**~O~**

"No Aiden you can't stay here tonight."

"You are so mean to me," the black haired adult whined dramatically.

Nicholas waved at his friend unconcerned at whether or not he actually hurt the guy's feelings. "Yeah, yeah suck it up and get out. I got work tomorrow."

Aiden stuck his tongue out as he turned and ran into the doorjamb. "Shit! When did that get there?"

"I don't know, maybe when the apartment building was built," Nicholas sarcastically said.

"Ha ha," Aiden sarcastically laughed back, "you're so hilarious. You should start your own comedy routine."

"Naw," Nicholas sighed as dramatically as Aiden had been a second ago. "People wouldn't have enough money to see me."

"Whatever. I'll see ya tomorrow."

Nicholas locked the door before turning to the couch he planned to collapse on. He paused at the potted plant beside his door.

"Hey, you gonna come out anytime soon?"

He spotted the two yellow eyes glaring at him through the plants leaves.

"Whatever little dude. Sleep there for all I care."

The eyes suddenly looked thoughtful before changing swiftly back into a glare. Nicholas shrugged. He didn't have a problem with the bipolar cat. It sort of reminded him of his high school years.

He retreated to his bedroom where he pulled one of the numerous sketchbooks off a shelf. He settled down to finish a set of designs for the tattoo parlor he worked for. If they were approved by his boss, he could get a hefty bonus for his work. One of the perks of being the only employees who was actually consistent with their work schedule...or actually worked at all.

A couple of minutes later he noticed the di-colored cat's head cautiously poke through the door. He paused in his work and curiously watched the cat tip toe across the room and duck underneath the bed.

After a few minutes and the cat not reappearing, Nicholas moved to the edge of the bed, where he hung upside down to look underneath. The cat had settled himself into a tight little ball, his tail covering his eyes.

"Hey."

He had to hold back his laughter as Bob started and hit his head on the bottom of the bed frame. The cat glared at him as a few snickers slipped.

"Its way more comfortable up here," Nicholas was finally able to get out without laughing. The cat looked at him confused and angry. "Just saying."

Nicholas flipped himself back over again and waited. Five minutes passed before the cat finally poked his head out to look at the top of the bed where he sat. Nicholas wiggled his fingers at the cat invitingly. Unfortunately, the cat seemed more freaked out, and it ducked back underneath the bed.

"Oh come on," Nicholas whined, ducking back down to look underneath the bed. "I know I'm weird, but you need to learn to suck it up kitty."

Bob glared at him and unsheathed his claws, before retracting them and tilting his head cutely.

"Jeez, you really are bipolar."

The cat's head snapped straight and glared at him, proving his statement.

"Hey we're in the same boat," Nicholas told it nonchalantly. "I'm bipolar with a slight case of split personality. Or schizophrenia. Can't remember the exact words, but I know I have it."

The cat honestly looked amazed. Nicholas flipped back over, and the cat came out a lot quicker this time.

"Yep, I went all through high school with the teachers thinking I was nothing but a troublemaker. Kicked me out of school my senior year and wouldn't let me walk with the rest my class. Kaitlin's dad is a Psychiatrist and evaluated me one day. Turns out I was 'mentally ill'."

He grinned evilly at the cat that seemed intrigued. "Took their asses to court, saying that they had worsened my condition by being so quick to judge, and won. In fact that's what's paying for this apartment. I think it was the tears and sob story that convinced the jury."

Bob seemed to be in deep thought, so Nicholas settled back down with his sketchbook. Later the cat umped up onto the bed and curled up next his elbow. The room was silent with only the faint scratching sounds of pencil against paper.

Nicholas watched Bob jump as his cellphone began to vibrate on the nightstand. He sighed, putting his sketchbook aside before answering it.

"What?"

"Dude," he heard Aiden's voice on the other end shout, "it's finally happened!"

"Shit! The Zombie Apocalypse is finally upon us! I've got to avoid Rikku; Facebook says she'll be the one who trips me."

"What? No! I told you one day my apartment would be full of water, and that day is here."

"So?"

"I need a place to stay."

"No!" Nicholas said vehemently. "I got my own apartment so that I can have Me Time alone. You can't move in because that disrupts Me Time! Don't look at me like that Bob!" The cat was staring at him with a look that was a cross between incredulous and amused. "Me Time is sacred."

"I'll give you a month's worth of cinnamon buns."

"You need any help moving in buddy?"

**~O~**

Deidara twitched violently as Tobi ran in circles around him.

"Dunn nana, Catman!" Tobi yelled gleefully. He finished circling his senpai and jumped onto the couch. From there he dramatically jumped the gap between couch and end table, his cape billowing after him.

Drew clapped as Tobi paused, before jumping up on the low bookshelf and posing. He looked down on the Lego® city that had been created.

"Look at Catman's city. It's so colorful!" Tobi gushed. Deidara just glared, at the two idiots he was stuck with.

"Dunn nana, Catman!" Drew sang putting the finishing touches on a Lego® tower. "Catman! The defender of Kitty City, savior for kitties everywhere, and protector of the Meow Mix®!"

Drew twirled and pointed dramatically in Deidara's direction. "Fighting off his sworn enemy, Kittyzilla, he puts his life on the line every day!"

Deidara just glared as Tobi jumped down from the bookshelf and settled beside Drew, who was now busy constructing a stadium.

"Senpai! Don't look so mean. Have some fun with Tobi!"

Deidara snapped then. After being stuck in a small kennel for almost a month, still being mistaken for a girl even as a cat and having to be stuck with Tobi and a Tobi clone, Deidara had finally lost it.

"You want me to have fun with you, un?" Deidara asked in a deadly tone. Tobi's head bobbed in excitement, not noticing how violently the blonde was twitching now.

"Okay," Deidara said, "I'll play with you". He stood from his spot in the corner, jumping onto the couch then the bookshelf Tobi had vacated not long ago. He glared down at the Lego® city Drew had spent three painstakingly long hours creating.

"ART IS AN EXPLOSION!"

"Gah! No Senpai!"

Too late, Deidara performed the first kitty cannonball in history (unfortunately Tobi was his only witness so it couldn't be recorded) and landed heavily in the middle of Kitty City. Small plastic blocks exploded everywhere.

Tobi cried at the destruction of his city, and Drew yelped as he was pelted by the colorful plastic blocks. Deidara stood in the middle of the destruction with a satisfied look on his face.

"…I think Kittyzilla won today, Catman."

"Deidara-senpai! You're so mean!" Tobi cried. He turned to his only friend. "Drew-kun! Make Tobi another city so that he can be Catman!"

Drew ignored the cat as he glanced at the clock hanging in the kitchen. "Aahh!" he cried quickly searching for the remote, which had been buried in blocks. "I'm missing the premiere of the new season of _Jersey Shore_!"

Deidara sauntered over to a weeping Tobi. With an evil kitty grin he settled beside his partners crumbled form.

"Thanks Tobi, un. That was more fun than I thought it would be."

"Tobi's senpai is a very evil kitty."

**~O~**

None of the house's occupants noticed the figure peeking in through the window. The figure's gaze focused in on the two cats that jumped up onto the couch to join the male. He smirked as the black and orange cat jumped up with the male in response to the game show on the television.

Those cats weren't getting away this time. And he would finally prove himself to Lord Orochimaru.

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1013/13**


	7. Disturbing Discoveries

Adoption 101

Chapter 7

Disturbing Discoveries

* * *

><p>Kaitlin woke the next morning to terrified screaming. From the direction of the screams, and the expletives accompanying it, she guessed the one screaming so early already was Nanichi.<p>

She carefully pulled her feet out from beneath Princess Pea, who of course awoke as soon as she did, and groggily walked out of the bedroom. In the hallway she encountered Rikku's head as she poked it out of the room she was currently occupying.

"What's going on?" Kaitlin yawned. Rikku shrugged, before shoving Demon back into the room and shutting the door. Kaitlin heard the cat yowling on the other side. She shrugged and made her way to Nanichi's door.

Before she could knock, the door flew open, and a rumpled Nanichi stood with Grumpy held between her hands.

"I understand why he creeped the kids out." Nanichi angrily threw the cat onto the floor, where he landed perfectly, glared, and arrogantly walked away.

"I woke up to the thing staring at me." She shivered. "I almost threw the other cat at him."

"That wasn't nice."

"Shut up!" Nanichi slammed door shut, almost getting the blue cat making his great escape. Catfish huffed at the closed door and followed after his companion.

Kaitlin yawned again. It was too early to be awake but also too late to go back to sleep, so she made her way to the kitchen where four hungry cats greeted her.

The fishy cat pitifully meowed up at her as he pawed the refrigerator, while Grumpy was attempting to turn the water faucet on in the sink. Angel gracefully jumped off the counter to walk beside her, also meowing to get her attention. Princess Pea arrogantly sat in the middle of the table, his mere presence demanding attention.

"Are you hungry too Princess Pea?" Kaitlin teased the infuriated cat. He hissed in anger and jumped off the table, stomping angrily into the living. Angel seemed to sigh before following. The girl just snickered as she opened the fridge. Catfish jumped right in and started nosing through the contents.

"You guys really don't like cat food," she observed, noticing that while the cats were hungry, they wouldn't touch the dry food that had been laid out in the corner of the kitchen for them the night before.

Catfish looked up at her with his small black eyes and stuck his tongue out at her. Kaitlin gawked at the cat, which grabbed a small plate of chicken leftover from a previous meal and shuffled underneath the table to enjoy his spoils. Grumpy joined him.

Kaitlin shook herself out her stupor. She already knew the cats were odd; the odd color fur and the fact that they seemed to understand them made it obvious. But a cat shouldn't purposely be able to stick his tongue out at someone or grab a plate of chicken from the fridge.

Her thoughts were interrupted as a silver streak dashed into the room. It ran into the open fridge door, wobbled a little, but changed its course and collided with the blue cat under the table. Said cat hissed and used his bigger paw to crack the silver cat's head on the floor.

Rikku walked into the room then, accompanied by Monopoly.

"I hate you," Rikku voiced monotonously, grabbing the jug of milk from a shocked Kaitlin's grasp.

"What? Why?"

"You just had to be desperate to find that _thing-_" Rikku pointed to the _thing_ under the table, "-a home. So desperate that you got me involved."

"Is he really that bad?" Kaitlin asked while grabbing the cereal. Her friend just glared. "I thought it was just Drew he hated."

"He hates everyone, especially Monopoly." The two girls heard growling from underneath the table. A second later Demon flew out, skidding across the floor until hitting the counter. They watched the brown cat emerge as well and saunter off into the living room, looking quite pleased with his self. "But that's okay because Monopoly hates him too."

Kaitlin blinked as she turned back to her cereal. Nanichi walked in not long after that already dressed and ready for the day.

"Good morning all! I slept wonderfully last night. Until this morning when I awoke to two evil red eyes glaring at me." She bent and glared under the table at Grumpy. "Yeah, I'm talking about you bud."

"Maybe he just likes you," Kaitlin teased.

Nanichi glanced at the clock before answering. "Don't you go in early on Mondays?"

Kaitlin followed her friend's gaze to the clock. "Crap!"

Nanichi grinned triumphantly as Kaitlin began to freak out. She watched the blonde dash out the room. She still had a triumphant grin as she settled beside Rikku.

"You shouldn't feel too great about pointing out your friends late for work."

"It's not that. I set the clock back an hour last night."

**~O~**

Nicholas woke up with a cat butt in his face.

"Dude, Bob personal space man," he mumbled groggily shoving the cat away. The cat blinked and curled back up to sleep.

Nicholas glanced at the clock groaning. He had to go in early today and take inventory. Stretching he rolled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom.

He had just finished showering when Aiden started pounding on the door.

"Nicholas! Your cat just tried to eat me!"

He rolled his eyes as he listened to his friend's panicked voice through the door. "Tell him not to then."

"Nicholas I'm being serious!"

"What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Come out here and get it! It's staring at me creepily."

"Fine," he sighed and yanked the door open to his new disgruntled, and slightly freaked, roommate.

"Dammit Nicholas! Put some clothes on!"

"What? We've got the same stuff."

Aiden glared. "That doesn't mean I want to see yours!"

"Then leave me alone so I can finish getting ready!" The door slammed shut again.

Aiden stared at the door annoyed. He turned intending to go back to the couch that served as his bed but stopped short. Backing up slowly he groped for the doorknob as he tried to avoid the cat staring up at him hungrily.

"Nice kitty," his voice shook as desperately fumbled for the doorknob now. His hand finally found it, and he quickly ducked in just as the cat pounced.

"Shit Aiden, what the hell!"

"I'm telling you! The cat's trying to eat me!"

**~O~**

Kisame watched the desperate blonde run around the living room searching for her keys. He snickered as she stepped on Hidan's tail, who instantly freaked.

"BITCH! Forget about sacrificing you to Jashin! I'm going to just fucking kill you!"

His snickering increased when Rikku kicked the clawing Jashinist away from the panicked Kaitlin.

"I'll make sure you suffer the most!" Hidan hissed before running out of the room.

_Probably to sulk_, Kisame thought with another snicker. If he didn't get anything else out of this world, he could still go home satisfied. He had never before been so amused, especially by young people. The young people he usually encountered either A) wanted to blow themselves up (Deidara) or B) had a stick up their ass (*cough*Itachi*cough*).

Speaking of Itachi, Kisame looked around the living room from his spot on the couch. Where had that Uchiha snuck off to?

"Kisame," Leader demanded from the high spot on the TV. "Where's Itachi?"

"Funny, I was just asking myself the same thing."

Kakuzu looked up from the wallet he had procured from one of the bedrooms. "I thought I saw him head upstairs."

Pein gave Kisame a pointed look. The swordsman sighed and dragged himself from the couch. That was another thing he liked about this world: big, plushy couches. Kakuzu would throw a fit if they were to buy anything like that for the hideout.

Once Kisame had dragged himself upstairs, he prowled down the hallway in search of his partner.

"Itachi! Where'd you go?"

He saw an open door up ahead and headed towards it. He paused after he had stepped into the room. It was very…different from the other rooms.

Posters of different groups of people were plastered onto the walls. Strange stuffed animals littered the floor, one of the normal ones being a little blue turtle. Two bookshelves stood in different corners of the rooms. The smaller one next to the TV was filled with colorful cases. The other, much taller than the first, was filled with paperback books.

Nanichi stood in front of the smaller one with her head tilted to the side to allow her to read the titles. She was mumbling something about the original Pokèmon being better as she dragged her finger across the cases. He finally found Itachi on the other side of the bed hidden from the door and girl.

With a toothy grin Kisame greeted his stoic partner, "Yo Itachi! What'cha reading there?"

He glanced down at the book in front of his partner, and did a double take. "Is that your little brother?"

Itachi nodded stiffly as he flipped the page with his little kitty paw. It contained another picture of Sasuke and his blonde teammate tied to a pole. The next page was of the copy ninja and so on and so on until the book ended.

Both of the Akatsuki members stared at the back of the book. Itachi looked over at the stack where he had found it. Kisame noticed the pile too. "Shit, we're not in one of those are we?"

**~O~**

Drew shifted his weight to his other foot. He had been standing out here for an hour now. This was weird since normally if Kaitlin wasn't here on her days to open up the shelter, Alfred would already be in his office.

But the creeper manager was nowhere to be seen, and as far as Drew knew the guy wasn't taking any time for a vacation.

He must have zoned out because the sound of a horn made him jump. He watched as Kaitlin's bright yellow Bug pulled into the empty "Employees Only" space. She jumped out and dashed to the door he stood by.

"I'm so sorry Drew!" she apologized while frantically looking for the right key. "I'd forgotten it was my turn to open up, and I lost track of time."

"It's okay," he tried to calm the frantic girl down. "I haven't been waiting here long."

"But still, I should've been here! I let you down. And the last thing I need is Alfred on my butt so early in the morning.

He hummed in understanding and walked through the now opened door. He looked around at the empty front area before heading back to the offices. He figured Alfred was holed up back there and had locked the door just tick him off.

"And Nanichi and Rikku are staying with me. So now I have six cats running around that I can't keep track of," Kaitlin complained from the front. "I stepped on two this morning trying to get ready. Rikku's demon nearly clawed my foot off because of that. Nanichi's whining about her cat really being a demon…"

Drew couldn't hear her now as he stepped into the main office area. Every employee could use this area, though many didn't, but the office beyond was solely Alfred's. He had been very specific when explaining this to Drew and Kaitlin and had even threatened them if they were to ever go in.

Drew thought the guy had a meth lab or something in there.

Anyway, Drew had never felt threatened by Alfred and tended to ignore most of the stuff the guy told him. So he didn't see anything wrong with kicking the door in when no one answered.

The door fell against the door with a loud bang, gaining Kaitlin's attention.

"Drew! What are you doing back here?" She walked up behind a stunned Drew and looked in from behind.

"Holy crap…what has Alfred been doing?"

**~O~**

Zetsu poked his head out of the backpack slung across Nicholas's shoulder. The black haired male, Aiden he had heard Nicholas call him, glared at him. _He must still feel bad about this morning_._** I just wished he had stayed asleep; I'm starving!**_

He felt his tiny kitty tummy pitifully growl. He ducked back in the backpack and settled against the sketchpad Nicholas had packed. The scent of pencil shavings, paper, and graphite helped him not feel as hungry.

However long after that, he heard a bell ding and the sound of faint music reached his ears. He poked his head back out and smelt the scent of ink and smoke. He also watched, amused, as Aiden began to hack as the smell of smoke reached him.

"Oh stop you drama queen," an exasperated Nicholas said. "You've been here before and haven't died yet."

Aiden stopped and glared at the back of an albino head. Zetsu glared back when the male glanced down at him. The man paled as he avoided his glare.

"That's not very nice," white Zetsu chided.

"**So?"**

"Wouldn't it make more sense to find allies?"

"**That's what Nicholas is for. We're eating the other when we're big again."**

"…Fine. But only because we haven't had a decent meal since we got here."

Having come to an agreement, Zetsu turned his attention back to Nicholas as the male sat the backpack on a plastic chair.

"Aiden keep Bob company." Nicholas disappeared behind the counter before Aiden could say anything.

Zetsu watched Aiden blanch as his friend disappeared. The human looked at the cat and paled further at the sadistic grin that had appeared on the cat's face. He picked a chair as far away from Zetsu as possible.

Aiden kept his eyes everywhere possible except in the direction of the cat. So he freaked when a cute meow came from the chair beside him. Turning his head slowly towards the backpack on the other side of the room, Aiden panicked at seeing the empty bag. That meant…

Nicholas paused in the middle of counting needles as he heard Aiden's high pitched scream from the front. He shrugged. His friend always over exaggerated things anyway.

**~O~**

The room was littered with test tubes and cylinders, some of them even containing _samples_. Papers were scattered everywhere as if someone had left quickly. Cages, all of which were empty now but appeared to have been occupied not long ago, were lined along one wall. Drew even noticed small splatters of blood in random spots on the floor.

Kaitlin stood stunned at the door. She was a very sheltered girl and had never seen anything in such disarray.

Drew picked up one of the test tubes, and then quickly put it back down after seeing an eyeball float around the murky liquid. This definitely wasn't a meth lab, but whether that was good or bad he couldn't decide.

"Drew what do we do?" Kaitlin asked her voice barely above a whisper as if she expected someone to be listening. Which could be very possible as Drew noticed a camcorder on the busted file cabinet. He grabbed it, sighing in relief when he realized the battery was dead.

Still the paranoia of being watched didn't vanish. He quickly walked back across the room with the camera, avoiding papers and blood spots, until he stood once again next to Kaitlin.

"I think we should leave it alone for right now," he finally answered. Kaitlin just nodded still stunned at what they had found.

Drew set to finding a way to close the door back having kicked it off the one of the hinges. Kaitlin watched not really feeling like being alone now. Who wouldn't be creeped out after finding out your manager was doing freaky shit behind a closed door not ten feet from where you normally work every day?

Both froze as they heard a faint, pitiful animal cry from the room. Having thought they had imagined both stayed completely quiet until the cry came again. Kaitlin huddled close to Drew's side.

"D-drew," Kaitlin stuttered, "there's something in there."

"Shh!" Drew hushed her. He took a cautious step back in the room and waited for the cry again. After the third cry he was able to vaguely pinpoint where the sound came from, a corner behind the desk.

He walked around the desk to see another cage previously hidden from view. Huddled in the far corner of the cage was an emaciated dull red kitten.

_Shit not another freaky cat,_ Drew thought in despair. This one was far worse off than the other nine had been. It looked up at him with brown eyes and gave another hoarse cry.

Drew looked around for something to cover his hands. Having dealt with mistreated animals, he knew that the animal would more than likely lash out as a defense mechanism. The last thing Drew needed was to catch Cat Scratch Fever or another more deadly disease from the cat that had spent his time is such a dirty environment.

He stood up to see Kaitlin still standing in the doorway with a worried look. "Go get me some gloves, then set up a clean space for me to check the cat." Drew ordered.

Kaitlin nodded and rushed off to do as he said. He looked back down to see the cat had dragged himself to the cage door and was now looking up expectantly at him.

"Don't worry," Drew softly said as he bent back down. "We'll get you out of here and better in no time."

~O~

"Where did you find these?" Pein asked.

The Akatsuki members staying in Kaitlin's house had all convened in the room Itachi had found the books. Hidan was looking through the books now to find himself after hearing Kisame say he had found both him and Itachi when they had gone to Konoha.

Konan was slightly disturbed at hearing about this. How would someone of another dimension be able to write (or draw as was the case) about an event they shouldn't have any knowledge of?

"In this room," Itachi answered vaguely. Pein glared, but when the Uchiha remained stubbornly impassive, he turned his attention back to the books. Hidan was still desperately looking for "his handsome self" (as he had told Kakuzu when the stitched man had asked), and Kakuzu seemed to have joined in.

"Fuck! Where the hell am I?"

"Maybe your face was a turn off to whoever wrote these."

"Fuck you! You know you're not in here either."

"I'd rather not have a stalker documenting my everyday life," Konan commented looking through the book that followed the blonde jinchuriki from the Hidden Leaf.

"No one would want to follow any of you heathens," an annoyed Hidan said. "None of you are interesting."

"Apparently, neither are you since you can't find yourself."

"Kakuzu I'm getting tired of your smart mouth!"

"Do you know what they say?" Pein returned to questioning Itachi.

"No."

Pein sighed. Pictures were good and all, but without knowing what was being said how could they be used if needed.

The assembled group was interrupted as the lavender haired female walked into the room. "There you guys are!"

She proceeded to walk over and pick Konan up. Konan went willingly, not feeling the need to resist.

"You know, you guys should really leave Benjamin's stuff alone." She petted Konan. "He has hissy fits just when Kaitlin walks into his room."

"Says the person who took half a row of his DVDs to the living room," Rikku commented after walking in behind her, observing the half empty shelf on the other side of the room.

"Whatever," Nanichi pouted and left the room with Konan tucked under her arm. "Grab the other kitties!"

Rikku glanced over at the males. "Kitties first," she gestured to the door. Just as Konan, Pein didn't feel the need to cause trouble and exited the room. Kisame and Itachi followed with Kakuzu, who spared a glance at his still searching partner.

Rikku watched the silver cat try to flip a book over. When he was about to succeed, she used her foot to grab under his belly and fling him through the open door.

"Bitch! That one had me in it. I could feel it!"

Kakuzu chuckled as he walked away from his ranting partner.

Pein stopped before they reached the stairs and turned to Itachi. "When you get the chance, I want you to return to that room and find out as much as you can."

Itachi nodded and they went downstairs where Nanichi was ranting to Konan about where the creators of Pokèmon had gone wrong.

**~O~**

Kaitlin was amazed at how well Drew took command of the situation. Once she had returned with the gloves, he had gently retrieved the kitten and took him to the table she had set up. There he had given the animal a quick cursory check before ordering Kaitlin to grab supplies.

Now he was just finishing setting up the I.V. drip meant to rehydrate the cat. The cat seemed to be able to keep down the mush that she had concocted fine, so that was a good sign.

"What do we do with him?"

Drew thought about her question. "I don't feel comfortable leaving him or the other animals here where Alfred can get a hold of them."

She agreed with him. "Me either. I think three of the animals are scheduled to be taken home today. That leaves five dogs and three cats."

"My brother can haul them to another shelter," Drew replied already dialing the number on his cellphone. She stayed with the cat as he walked out the room.

When she was sure he was gone, she finally collapsed onto the chair by the table. The kitten watched her, eyes only half open.

"Whatever Alfred was doing has really spooked me kitty," she explained. "What's worse is that he was doing it right under our nose."

The cat just stared at her with a bored expression

"You're just like Nanichi's cat with the staring."

It turned away from her and curled up in tiny ball.

"Fine, be that way."

Drew returned to tell her his brother had agreed to take the animals to the shelter two towns over. They set to work loading the seven animals into carriers, one of them checking on the cat they had found every so often.

Four hours passed with no trouble and no appearance of Alfred. Kaitlin was now waving Drew's brother goodbye as his truck left the parking lot. She walked back inside to see Drew loading the red kitten into his own carrier, carefully adjusting the I.V. still attached its front leg.

"What are we doing with him?"

"Since I'm the only one who knows how to care for sick animals, I'll take him with me."

Kaitlin nodded, just know remembering how Drew had taken a three year class in high school to become a veterinary technician. He hadn't passed the final test to become certified because of his severe test anxiety, but he still knew the stuff.

"I quit." She looked up at Drew's sudden announcement in shock. Drew looked more serious than she had ever seen him. "I can't work in a place where animals are meant to find good homes but are instead cruelly mistreated. It goes against every one of my beliefs."

"I quit too then," Kaitlin voiced. She had only taken the job anyway to be close to him, so if he quit then there was no point in her staying here either.

They both walked out the building not looking back.

**~O~**

"Dunn nana Catman!"

"Tobi shut up already!"

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED:1013/13**


	8. Chain Reaction

Adoption 101

Chapter 8

Chain Reaction

* * *

><p>"Kitties! I'm home!"<p>

"Yay! Drew-kun's back!"

_Shit,_ was all Deidara could think. He had a bad case of hate for the male they were staying with. Because of _him,_ Tobi had the idea that now he was a cat superhero and had to protect the small city of blocks that Drew had rebuilt last night. That meant that anytime Deidara would even look at the toys, Tobi pounced on him, singing that annoying little song the whole time.

Once Deidara had finally motivated himself to go greet him, he saw Drew bent down rubbing the ecstatic Tobi.

"Who's a good boy?"

"Tobi is! Tobi's a good boy!"

_How the hell did Tobi end up in Akatsuki?_ Deidara wondered. He seemed to have become infected with an eye twitching disease, since that's all it did nowadays.

Finally Drew finished his love-fest with Tobi and headed towards his room with the carrier that Deidara just noticed. Tobi bounced after him.

"Catman defended Kitty City, Drew-kun!" a proud Tobi exclaimed.

"It'd be more impressive if it was against something, un."

"Kittyzilla's just jealous of Catman."

Deidara glared at the swirl faced kitten. Tobi stuck his tongue out before running to the safety of Drew's side.

"Kitties we gotta guest." Drew sat the carrier on his bed. Deidara watched from the door as the brunet went around the room, gathering things like an oversized shoebox and frayed towels from the connecting bathroom. Tobi obediently followed him.

"Who's here? Is he nice? Will Tobi like him? Tobi hopes so."

Deidara pounced on Tobi as he passed by. "Tobi shut up! Just sit still, un."

Tobi gave a muffled okay from underneath Deidara's body, bu the bomber stayed on him just in case.

"Hey," a surprised Drew said when he noticed he had lost his tag-a-long. "Where'd Mr. Lollipop go?" Tobi's response was conveniently blocked by a furry, blonde body. The brunet shrugged and set to dragging whatever animal he had brought out of the carrier.

Deidara caught a glance of red before the animal was put in the shoebox. Drew took a bent clothes hanger and rigged the bag filled with liquid to the bedpost.

"Don't mess with this kitties," a serious Drew stared them down. "If you knock it down I'll have to put you in the box of doom."

"What's the box of doom?" Tobi asked curiously.

"And you don't want to know what the box of doom is."

"Apparently we don't want to know, un."

"Okay! Tobi doesn't want to know now."

Drew left satisfied that the cats wouldn't bother the bag. Once he cleared the room Deidara jumped onto the bed.

"Senpai!" Tobi panicked on the floor. "Drew-kun said not to do that!"

Deidara rolled his blue eyes. "He said not to bother the bag, un. He didn't say anything about jumping on the bed."

Tobi thought about the logic and joined the blonde kitty on the bed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to learn how to dance the polka, un," a sarcastic Deidara said. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm going to see what's in that box."

"What's the polka?"

He paused. "You know, un. That stupid dance we saw on the TV."

"Tobi doesn't remember."

Deidara just ignored the other cat. He crept along the bed until he stood next to the box. Putting his front paws on the edge, he balanced himself on his hind legs to look over the top.

Curled in the far corner, the leg with the needle in it the only part of its body sticking out, was a dull red kitten which looked up at the blonde with bored brown eyes.

"D-danna?"

**~O~**

"Aiden…it's just a cat."

"A cat that's tried to eat three times now!"

"Just let him have finger then."

"Stay away from me Nicholas!"

Nicholas sighed as he watched Aiden run ahead of him. He looked back at Bob whose head was sticking out of the bag.

"What did you do to him?"

The cat tilted his head innocently. "Yeah, Aiden's just a drama queen."

**~O~**

"-and then we walked out," Kaitlin finished retelling her story. The three housemates sat in the living room along with the cats who were all preoccupied with different things.

Catfish sat close to Nanichi and kept his eyes glued on the TV. Grumpy sat next to him but looked more like he was searching for a way to escape the room. Princess Pea and Angel convened in a corner. Monopoly was watching Rikku count out the money she currently had, every once in a while putting a paw down on a flyaway bill. Demon was under the table trying to draw a circle with some red paint…Kaitlin hoped that was paint

"You know it would have been a lot more dramatic if Alfred was there."

Kaitlin pouted at her lavender haired friend. "I wasn't going to wait for him."

"You should have called the cops," a logical Rikku put in, grabbing the bill Monopoly tried to get away with. His green eyes glared up at her before turning to the coins scattered in piles.

"We had others things to worry about!" Kaitlin defended. "Like the little red kitten we found!"

The two cats in the corner turned their attention towards the conversation and even Grumpy looked interested. Demon was laid out on his back, legs up in the air.

"Another freaky furred cat?" an uninterested Nanichi asked as she munched on popcorn.

"Yeah, only this one was so thin and pathetic looking." The blonde sniffed. "It made me want to cry when I saw the state it was in."

"You're such a crybaby."

"And you're a cold hearted witch!"

Rikku shrugged the insult off and snatched a coin from the jaws of Monopoly. He finally gave up and, with a growl, stalked away. He ended up under the table where Demon was now glaring at the red circle.

Nanichi put an end the glaring match between the two girls. "Did you take cat to the vet?"

"No, Drew said he would take of it." Kaitlin was trying to see under the table now as the two cats started bickering. The smudged circle seemed to be the subject of the argument.

"Where'd Demon get that tomato sauce from?"

**~O~**

Itachi joined Pein and Konan in the corner as the blonde set to cleaning up Hidan's mess and Rikku set to keeping Hidan away from the girl.

A bewildered Konan tried to make sense of the information they had just heard. "Sasori?"

Pein didn't look convinced. "Let's not jump to conclusions," he told the other members. "As far as we know Sasori is dead."

"Orochimaru knows of a resurrection jutsu," Itachi stated.

Pein glared at his subordinate. Itachi's red eyes stared back. Konan was getting tired of the little male fights the two had been having lately.

"Let me go! I haven't been able to do any of my rituals for a whole damn month!" Hidan yowled. Rikku shifted her grip on him so that now she held him by the nape of his neck. He fell limp. "Damn you! Kakuzu stop it!"

The brown cat was smearing the circle of tomato sauce with perverse glee, and the Jashinist was freaking out and spitting death threats left and right. Kisame and Nanichi sat on the sidelines, watching the whole thing while cackling.

Itachi sighed. "I'm going to read those books now."

**~O~**

The red mass of fur blinked its brown eyes up at the shocked blue eyes. "You're still alive brat?"

The blonde cat bristled. "Why do you sound so astonished, un?"

"I thought one of your silly little bombs would have blown you up by now."

"Don't badmouth my art!" Deidara hissed. "Your so called 'eternal art' didn't help much against an old woman and pink haired bitch, un!"

"I'm still here, am I not?" Sasori watched his old partner freeze. "Obviously that just proves that art is eternal."

"Senpai got burned!"

"Shut up Tobi!"

Sasori watched a swirled face pop of the lid beside Deidara. "Hey new kitty! My names Tobi; what's yours?"

He blinked at the new face before turning back to an upset Deidara. "Who is this, brat?"

"My _partner_," Deidara said disdainfully. "After you…went MIA, leader stuck me with him, un."

"Deidara is Tobi's senpai!"

"Poor kid."

"Hey!"

Sasori curled back up. "I'm tired brat. Let me be."

Deidara looked confused as his danna fell asleep.

"I thought your old partner was a puppet senpai."

"He was, un."

Deidara settled down by the box. He was still in shock about having his dead partner suddenly reappear. He barely heard Tobi leave the room saying something about defending the Meow Mix®.

~O~

An uneventful week passed. Drew and Kaitlin spent the week looking for another job, Kaitlin dragging Nanichi along with her. After finding out that she didn't have enough money to replace the things she had lost, Rikku worked overtime almost every night. Nicholas took Zetsu to work every day to prevent Aiden from having meltdown as he desperately looked for a new place to stay.

The Akatsuki's week was no better. Pein, Konan, and Itachi spent the time that the girls were gone to look through the other books they had found. So far the only other event involving the Akatsuki they had seen was the extraction of the one-tailed beast and the death of Sasori.

Kisame spent the time retrieving information about the world through the TV. Meaning he would change the show he was watching to the news anytime Pein, Konan, or Itachi came in the room. Kakuzu and Hidan tried to kill each other the whole time. Kakuzu had almost succeeded by shoving his partner in the newly discovered garbage disposal.

Sasori spent most of the time regaining the weight he had lost until he was almost to a healthy weight. Deidara would sit and talk to him when he was awake. Most of their conversations would end in a fight over whose art was the best but it was better than being Kittyzilla with Tobi.

A week from the day Sasori had been found, Drew deemed him healthy enough to physically interact with the others. So, with needle finally out of his leg, Sasori was able to investigate his new home with Tobi as a guide.

"And that's the magic box called a 'TV'. It shows you a bunch of cool stuff!"

The puppeteer stared at the box, then turned his attention to the colorful buildings in the corner of the living room. Tobi noticed where his gaze had wandered and bounced in excitement.

"That's Kitty City! Catman protects it!"

"Catman?"

Tobi looked around shifty eyes and crept closer to whisper in Sasori's ear. "Tobi can't tell puppet man who Catman is. It's a matter of life and death."

Sasori stared unbelieving. "Okay."

"Hey look, Spongebob!" an excited Drew shouted. "It's the guy who inspired your name!"

Deidara glared at the cartoon. "I hate that sponge, un."

"He's as yellow as you are senpai!"

"I hate it even more now."

The occupants of the room jumped as a sudden bang came from one of the backrooms of the house. Drew was on his feet before the ninjas could fully register what had happened. The brunet walked silently to the living room entryway and peeked around the corner. The cats copied him but none of them, human nor cat, could see anything down the dark hallway.

Nothing appeared so Drew slowly entered the hallway. He made his way towards the sound and stopped at the last closed door. It was the only room with a window that would open wide enough to allow anyone through.

Just as he reached for it, the doorknob began to jiggle. He jumped back but wasn't fast enough. The door suddenly slammed open and whoever was behind it wasted no time pinning Drew down. He grunted at the sudden weight that landed on his chest. Struggling to get free, he didn't notice the second figure walk through the now opened door.

"Now, now Drew. This wouldn't have happened at all if you and that annoying girl had left things alone."

Drew's eyes widened as he recognized the voice. "Alfred?"

A light flipped on and Drew could now see the grey haired man standing behind his partner.

"Alfred?" he pretended to misunderstand. "Oh, yes that _was_ the name I was using. I guess it won't do much do for you knowing my real name. After all you won't be alive for much longer."

Drew felt a hand roughly wrap around his throat and begin to squeeze. He struggled, gasping for breath, but couldn't pull himself free. Dots began to flood his vision as his supply of oxygen remained cut off.

The last thing he saw was a red blur attack the man who had imprisoned it.

**~O~**

"Hurry up Rikku!" Kaitlin yelled into the kitchen. "The movie's about to start and I can't watch a movie without popcorn!"

"Yeah, yeah," she heard her friend mumble from the kitchen. A cat hissed from the kitchen, probably Demon being shoved out of the way.

She settled herself down in front of the TV where the opening credits were already rolling. She noticed her cats in the corner they seemed fond of and motioned them towards the couch.

"Come kitties! We shall watch the movie of robots and dine on popcorn together!"

Angel settled down beside her and received a pat on the head. Princess Pea remained stubbornly in his corner. "Oh, come on. I'm the bigger of us two, so you have to do what I say."

No sooner had she said that a loud 'CRACK' resonated through the room and two puffs of smoke appeared where the cats had been. Kaitlin coughed as she inhaled the smoke, waving her hand in front of her face in hopes of clearing the smoke away.

Once the smoke cleared, she saw her cats were gone. In their place stood a female with indigo hair, with a paper flower clipped in her hair and an orange haired male with some of the strangest piercings she had ever seen.

She looked at his eyes and gaped at the ringed pupils that looked eerily similar to her cat.

"You were saying girl."

**~O~**

"No way," Rikku stuttered as she backed away from the now male humans.

The darker one with stitches grunted as he stretched. For the moment, he didn't seem to notice the girl slowly backing out of the room. His partner on the other hand did. The silver haired male maliciously grinned as he stalked over to the petrified female.

"Bitch, I'm going to make you regret all the shit you did while I was a cat. You'll be my first sacrifice to Jashin in this world."

Rikku gulped at the manic grin stretching across his face as he came closer. She kept backing up before hitting the wall behind her. Both of his arms boxed her in before she could run. She grimaced and mentally kicked herself for allowing herself to be cornered.

There had only been two times in her life that Rikku had ever been genuinely scared. Once had been when she was around ten, and Nicholas had played a crude joke on her involving her fear of clowns, and now with the maniac in front of her leaning forward with that wacked out grin still plastered on his face.

She stood there frozen as he reached forward, wrapping one hand around her neck, preparing to squeeze…

'POOF!'

Rikku coughed as a cloud of smoke suddenly appeared in front of her. Perplexed she noticed that the hand previously on her neck was now gone. Blinking, she also realized that the silver haired male was gone to.

"What the hell?" she muttered looking back and forth. The man with stitches was looking at her feet astonished. She looked down and her eyes widened in disbelief.

"Only you would find a way to become a cat again after only five minutes, Hidan."

"HISS!"

**~O~**

Nanichi was in her room when the other members transformed. So she didn't hear either one of her friends on the first floor. As a matter of fact, she couldn't hear anything with the headphones in her ears.

All she knew was that one minute she was singing along with Lady Gaga and the next she was upside down on an uncomfortable shoulder.

"Holy shit! Why'd the room's gravity suddenly disappear?"

She felt whoever was holding her chuckle and begin to move out the room.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Nanichi didn't say she wanted to leave her room! Put Nanichi back!"

"I would advise you on keeping your mouth shut."

She looked up to see a long, black haired man standing in front of her. "Holy shit, you're hot!"

The man holding her let a loud guffaw. "Two unknown men are in your house and you tell one of them they're hot?"

"Hey! One, it's not my house. Two, it's not my fault I blurt out my observations!"

The man just kept laughing and walking towards the staircase. The hot guy behind them remained stoic as he followed.

"…So what's a hot guy like you doing in a place like this?"

He glared at her and that's when she recognized the red eyes that she had woken up to everyday since bringing her cats home.

"Don't tell me you were the cat," a displeased Nanichi complained. "That means we could never be. I only date within my species."

Her form of transportation chuckled again. "And that means you have to be Catfish."

She lifted the guy's shirt, causing him to pause, and poked the blue skin she saw. "Well no wonder your fur was blue fish-man."

He must have felt uncomfortable because he put her down on her feet, which caused her to lose her grip on the shirt. She stood back and got her first good look at her captor.

"Fuck! You're hot too!"

Grumpy gave an annoyed sigh. "Kisame," he turned to his partner, "I'll be looking through the books we found." He left without another word.

"Hey where are you going?" Nanichi yelled at his retreating back. Her sense of gravity suddenly left her as the blue man picked her back up.

"Hey put me down Catfish!"

**~O~**

"I told you your cat was trying to eat!" Aiden squealed as he jumped over the couch to avoid the starving cannibal.

"Just keep his attention!" Nicolas yelled. "I'm calling Rikku now."

"Nicholas!"

"Go squeal in the other room!"

Aiden ran behind Nicholas with a hungry Zetsu behind. Nicholas, being the loyal friend he was, reached behind and yanked Aiden around to act as a shield. Aiden swore as he tried to bring Nicholas back around to his front.

Zetsu managed to grab hold of his meal. But as soon as he got a firm grip there was 'poof' and Bob now sat in the cannibal's place.

Both the males stared down at the cat.

"What the fuck?"

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1013/13**


	9. Assemble

Adoption 101

Chapter 9

Assemble

* * *

><p>Kaitlin made it a point to avoid the ringed eyes staring her. She was still in shock at seeing her cats suddenly change into two people. And if that had happened to her cats, what if…<p>

"Put me down you overgrown fish!"

Yep, it happened to the others.

Kaitlin watched as a huge, _blue_ male walked into the room with Nanichi flung over her shoulder. He was snickering at Nanichi's feeble attempts to get away.

"Hey stop that," he said as Nanichi pounded her fists into his back. "That tickles!"

"Don't laugh at my serious attempts at escape, asshole!"

He just continued snickering and dumped the girl on the couch next to her friend. Nanichi pouted while glaring at the blue man.

"You were my favorite Catfish."

He just grinned and Kaitlin flinched at his sharp teeth. Nanichi didn't look fazed as she continued glaring at him.

"Kisame, where's Itachi?" the ring eyed leader asked.

Kisame pointed to the roof, "Upstairs looking at the kid's books with the nine-tailed jinchuriki on them."

Pein nodded before turning to the kitchen, waiting. Kaitlin didn't have time to wonder why before calmly Rikku walked out followed by a dark skinned man, who was as tall as the blue one only with stitches covering his body. Dangling from his hand was Demon.

"What happened?" the indigo haired female beside the leader asked.

The stitched man shrugged. "He tried to attack the girl and changed back."

Demon hissed as the man holding him shook him.

Rikku walked over to the couch and sat on Kaitlin's other side, staring at the new individuals with an almost blank look.

"You're taking this well, Rikku," Nanichi said, watching her friend. She might have been acting nonchalantly about this whole situation, but that's what reading comics, watching anime, and playing video games did to a person. There was always this little thing in the back of your mind that prepared you for something like this. This being when cats turned into people.

"No, I'm freaking out on the inside."

"Oh."

The stitched man flung the cat, who yowled at him, onto the recliner. Ignoring the cat, he turned to the other three former cats. "Where's Itachi?"

"Upstairs," Kisame explained as he turned to his attention to the TV.

Silence fell on the room as the three girls on the couch watched the former cats have a silent conversation among themselves. The silence was only broken when Rikku's phone went off in the kitchen, belting the chorus of 'Get it Up' by MSI, and Nanichi's followed suit not long after that, though her's was much closer.

"Nicholas's cat must have changed too," Rikku said, wondering when Nicholas had gotten a hold of her phone to change his ringtone. He must not have liked his Britney Spears's ringtone.

"Aiden's probably with him," Nanichi chimed in as she dug her phone out of her pocket. "That or he locked himself out of his car again at the exact same moment the cats changed."

"Answer it already," the ginger snapped making Kaitlin jump. The stitched man retrieved Rikku's phone, and Nanichi's stopped just as she triumphantly held it in her hand. Rikku managed to answer hers in time.

"Why'd you mess with my phone?"

Kaitlin felt the need to face palm like the characters from the cartoons her brother watched. Nanichi and Kisame just laughed, while the rest ignored the conversation starter.

"Make it so that we can hear," the leader demanded. Rikku did as she was told; she figured now wasn't the time to tell him how rude he was.

"-signed up for taking care of a cat who change into a grown man," Nicholas finished. "Do you know how awkward it was to be in my living room, minding my own business and suddenly the cat sitting beside me poofs into a full grown _naked_ man?"

"Actually yes," Rikku answered glaring at the cat that now looked fast asleep in the recliner, "minus the naked part. Did he try to kill you too?"

"…Well, he tried to eat me."

"Are you dead?" Nanichi asked before Rikku could respond.

"No!...I used Aiden as a shield…"

"Some friend you are!" they heard Aiden yell in the background.

"I guess that answers what happened to Aiden," Nanichi said offhand.

"Where's Zetsu now?" the leader asked.

"Zetsu? Oh, you mean Bob III?"

The man sighed in exasperation so Rikku answered for him. "Yeah, Bob."

"He's a cat again. As soon as he grabbed Aiden, he poofed back to Bob III."

"That's exactly what happened to Hidan," the stitched man commented.

"What if that happens to all of us Pein?" their female companion asked.

"Hey who's there?" Nicholas demanded through the phone. "Are you guys having a party?"

"Yes!" Nanichi yelled from her end of the couch. Rikku glared at her, and Kaitlin looked at her astonished that she'd try to start something in a situation like this. Pein and his comrades ignored them.

"You guys are sick. Here Aiden and I are here with a cannibalistic cat, that almost ate _us_, and you didn't even invite us to your party!"

"Really Nicholas?" Rikku asked in disbelief. "You're complaining because we didn't invite you to a party we're not having."

"Well yeah, Kaitlin's house is freaking huge and I only get invited over there like once every year when her parents leave."

"You need to get your priorities fixed before it's too late."

"I'm trying not to freak out here! My cat suddenly grew six feet tall and tried to eat my ticket to free cinnamon buns for a month!" They heard an offended Aiden squawk in the background. "Shut up! I've lived my life encountering weird shit but this is too much…I think I'm having a panic attack…"

"Just breathe,"

The phone crackled loudly as Nicholas did just that.

"Better?"

"Not really."

"Suck it up you big baby."

The ring leader took the phone from Rikku, ignoring her glare. "Bring Zetsu here now."

"Sure, whatever." The phone clicked as Nicholas hung up.

"That loser!" an enraged Nanichi voiced. "He wasn't supposed to agree to come! He's supposed to call the cops on all their asses."

"It's Nicholas," Rikku simply said as if that explained everything.

"I hope he doesn't bring Aiden. That guy always gets on my nerves!"

"You're really talky today Nanichi."

"Looks who's talking Miss Sourpuss."

"It's called 'not freaking the fuck out' bitch!"

Kisame watched with interest as the two girls began to trade insults. Maybe they would end up like the girls on TV, pulling each other's hair and what not. Konan had found some newspaper and was making origami again after a long month. Kakuzu had left the room, probably to look for the blue haired girl's stash of money that every once in a while would make an appearance; Hidan, still a cat, was asleep on the recliner, and Leader was peeking through the curtain waiting for the white haired male to pull up with Zetsu.

Kaitlin interrupted the fight of insults before it could escalate, much to Kisame's disappointment.

"You guys! Aren't you worried?"

Nanichi looked up at the blonde as Rikku directed her attention to the wall on the other side of the room. "Why would we be?"

"We haven't heard anything from Drew," a worried Kaitlin explained. "Our cats changed; Nicholas' changed; why hasn't Drew called to say his did too?"

"Shit! I totally forgot about Drew!"

"Drew?" orange top asked from the window. "He's the one who took Deidara and Tobi?"

"Who?"

"…SpongeBob and Mr. Lollipop…"

"Oh! Yeah he took them."

The Leader looked thoughtful as he turned back to the window.

**~O~**

"Okay, so you grab the cat-"

"I'm not doing it."

"-and put him in the carrier. "

"I'm not doing it."

"I'll pull your car around to the front-"

"Like hell you will."

"-and you can bring the cat down."

"I'm not doing it."

"Work with me here Aiden!"

Aiden glared. "Well excuse me! You haven't been nearly eaten by the cat. I've spent the whole week looking for ways to avoid it! I didn't even get a decent night's sleep all week before being woken up by something chomping on my leg!"

Nicholas growled in annoyance. "Then you go get the car and I'll get the cat."

Aiden sighed in relief and grabbed his keys from the ledge by the door. "That I can do."

Once Aiden had left, Nicholas turned his attention to the two tone feline. The cat was staring pitifully down at its tummy. "What? Do you only eat meat or something?"

The kitty perked up at the mention of meat and looked expectantly up at the male. "Seriously?"

Bob, or Zetsu as the guy on the phone referred to him (but he would forever be Bob in Nicholas's mind), looked pretty serious, so Nicholas made his way to the fridge to see what he had. Luckily he had just gone shopping, so instead of having an empty refrigerator Nicholas had a total of five things, three of which were beverages.

One of the other two was a package of hamburger meat he had planned to use at some point. He took the meat and showed it to the cat.

"Will this do?"

Zetsu sniffed the package and nodded. Nicholas picked up the cat bowl from the floor and proceeded to dump the meat in it. "I'm guessing since you've been trying to eat Aiden, you don't want it cooked."

The feline seemed more focused on the cat bowl, so Nicholas took that as a yes. As soon as the bowl touched the floor the animal pounced on the meat and devoured every piece in less than five minutes.

"Wow, you should have said you were hungry earlier."

Zetsu licked his chops in satisfaction. He was a good kitty after that, sort of. He refused to go in the carrier and Nicholas conceded to his wishes. After all, now Nicholas knew he wasn't just a cat. Aiden, on the other hand, wasn't too thrilled about the idea but let it slide. The cat was still giving him hungry looks.

**~O~**

Kaitlin dialed Drew's number again for the twentieth time. She was really starting to worry; it wasn't like the male to not answer his phone right away. If he happened to miss a call he was always calling back within ten minutes.

Nanichi had told her not to worry, that if anything the brunet was probably too focused on what was on MTV that night to even hear the phone ring. Rikku was too busy trying to explain how their money system worked to the stitched man to notice her friend's distress.

"No these four coins make one dollar."

"Then what about the brown coins."

"You have to have a hundred of those."

Demon had woken not long after Nicholas had hung up and was now trying to mess with the piles of money the dark skinned man had meticulously separated. If the man didn't flick the cat across the room, then Rikku would shove him harshly off the table they were using.

A male with long black hair had appeared from upstairs, scaring Kaitlin before she remembered the missing Grumpy. He soon left after mumbling something to the orange headed leader, who remained by the window. The blue man was sitting watching the Discovery channel with the origami loving woman sitting beside him folding paper.

As a whole, everything was _way_ too calm for a situation like this.

Kaitlin finally flung her phone across the room and collapsed in the free recliner. "I'm really worried! He still isn't answering."

"He might be asleep," Rikku suggested as she showed the male how many nickels would make a dollar. "That _is_ what most people do at eleven o'clock at night."

"But still," the blonde argued, "he keeps the phone on loud just in case something happens. Like Nanichi gets put back in jail."

"Hey!" Nanichi jumped in from beside Kisame. "That was one time. And that was the other guys fault."

"Yeah, because the guy _really_ wanted a beer bottle across his head."

"According to the courts he did."

Kisame chuckled. "So we have another criminal amongst us."

"Shut it fish man. I'm still mad at you."

"Is that your friend?" Pein suddenly asked as the headlights of a car appeared around the street corner.

Kaitlin dragged herself to the window and saw a silver Dodge Charger pull up the driveway. "Yeah, that's Aiden's car."

"He's here?" Nanichi exclaimed. "What's Aiden doing here? He has no cat so he shouldn't be allowed in!"

"You sound like a little kid in their secret club," Rikku commented.

"He's your cousin Nanichi," Kaitlin said not understanding the sudden hate the lavender haired woman had towards the male.

Nanichi crossed her arms stubbornly. "I don't care, and be quiet Rikku. It might as well be club now anyways. The cats can be like membership cards."

The leader was opening the door before the two males and cat could even knock. They came into the living room and observed the cats turned human.

"…You gotta admit, this is pretty damn cool."

"Shut up Nicholas."

Zetsu jumped from the white haired male's arms and settled onto the couch beside a disgruntled Demon. The silver cat hissed at the close proximity, and the other cat growled threateningly back not at all intimidated by the other feline.

The leader studied the room's occupants before coming to a decision. He turned to Kaitlin. "Where does your friend live?"

**~O~**

The first thing Drew noticed as he slowly regained conscious was the pounding headache he had. The second would be the pain coming from his throat. Third would be the yelling.

"Deidara-senpai you can't destroy Kitty City!"

"Tobi stop whining, un! It's just a pile of blocks."

"But it's Tobi's precious city!"

"You're not even a cat anymore!"

"B-but it still Tobi's!"

There was the sound of a slap followed by a whine. Someone close to Drew sighed.

"Leave him alone brat," a dull voice said from beside his head.

Drew blinked his eyes open, flinching slightly at the bright light. He groaned, gaining the attention of whoever was in the room with him.

"Drew-kun!" something jumped onto the couch beside him. "You're awake!"

"Tobi leave him alone, un!"

The weight was pulled off with a squeal. When Drew was finally able to focus, he noticed a long haired blonde male holding a man with a swirl mask in a headlock.

"Gah! Lemme go Senpai!" The voice came from the masked male.

"I will," the blonde responded, tightening his grip, "when you stop being an idiot, un. Which will probably be never."

"Meanie!"

Drew blinked again as he gripped his aching head. He decided that attempting to sit up would be a bad idea at the moment.

"Who are you people?"

The duo turned their attention back to the brunet. The masked one managed to break away and hopped back over to the couch.

"Drew-kun! We haven't properly met yet. Tobi is Tobi. And that's Deidara-senpai." The hyperactive black hair male gestured to the blonde. "And that's Sasori-san!" He pointed to someone above Drew's head so Drew turned and saw a red haired teen standing behind him.

He looked back up at the orange mask peering down at him. "What happened?"

Tobi gasped. "Drew-kun was almost killed! Luckily Sasori-san was there to save the day." He nodded thoughtfully. "Sasori-san would have made a great sidekick to Catman."

"Enough about Catman!" An enraged blonde brought fist down onto Tobi's head. Tobi whined while grabbing his head.

Drew turned his attention from the two and focused on the red head. "You saved me?"

The teen scoffed. "More like I was getting revenge for what that little pest did to me."

"Wait." Drew stared at the red headed teen. "You were the cat we saved?"

Sasori nodded. Drew laid back on the couch to try and absorb what he had just learned. "So…the blonde is SpongeBob and the one with the orange mask is Mr. Lollipop."

The puppeteer watched as the brunet seemed to accept the facts with ease and even commented about it. "You seem to be very accepting of this."

Drew shrugged. "My friends are a lavender haired jerk who doesn't think before opening her mouth, a naïve little blonde with a fascination with spiders, one with a transvestite uncle who she lived with up until a year ago, her mentally ill friend, and a guy who is actually the smartest of all of us but pretends to be as dumb as a brick." He paused then continued. "Throughout the years we have been through some of the craziest shit. Being kittens is weird, but we've been through strange things before."

"Really?"

"Have you ever been chased by a tiger when you _accidently_ snuck into its cage?"

"…"

"Or have you ever gone around the school telling people that the opossums were going to invade, had people laugh, got them back by becoming the leader of the opossums and leading the invasion, _and _caused the school to cancel class for the next two weeks?"

"I don't believe I have."

"Yeah, there's more, but those are really the only ones that come to mind now. Besides, I already figured something was up with the way the cats acted back at the pound. I was leaning more towards some secret government conspiracy or something."

They both watched the blonde proceed to strangle his partner, who continued to squeal about Kittyzilla being jealous.

"So…how did you become a cat anyway?"

For some reason, the red head glared at him. Before Drew could question him the doorbell rang several times before pausing. When the door wasn't answered fast enough, whoever was there proceeded to pound on the door.

The brunet tried to pull himself off the couch but stopped halfway as the room began to spin. Sasori saw this, so he went to answer the door instead. He yanked the door open and had to dodge the fist that was about to pound on the door again.

"Sorry!"

The red head looked out to see the blonde that had helped him at the shelter. She looked extremely worried and shoved him out of the way without a thought. He watched her dash into the living room and sigh in relief when she saw her friend alive and well on the couch.

"Drew! You're okay!" Drew had to brace himself as the little blonde flung herself on him. "I was so worried! You didn't call when all the cats changed and you wouldn't answer the phone when I called."

Tobi bounced over to the door and excitedly shouted. "Leader-sama! You're here!"

Sasori turned to see said leader staring at him and an astonished Konan behind him. "So you are alive?"

"Don't seem too surprised."

"Nothing will faze me again after spending a month as a cat."

Sasori conceded to that point. He didn't think anything would faze him either.

The ring eyed leader turned his attention to the living room where the blonde was being tackle hugged by an enthusiastic Tobi.

"Your friend is alive and I have the rest of subordinates. We're going back to the house."

**~O~**

They arrived back at the house to witness an enraged silver haired man try to strangle Nanichi. His plans came to abrupt halt as he poofed once again into a cat.

"What's going on?" Leader demanded.

Kisame, who sat next to Nanichi, snickered at the cat's predicament. Kakuzu ignored him as he counted the money he had "found", and Rikku was glaring at the stitched man. Nicholas, Aiden, and Zetsu were nowhere to be seen but a thud and a squeal suggested they were upstairs. Itachi was the one who explained to him.

"We were experimenting to see why Hidan changed back into a cat."

"Yeah," Nanichi piped in. "So they used me as a guinea pig and told me to insult his god Justin or Jasmine or something."

The cat hissed and attacked the girl, biting and scratching. She screeched in surprise and the cat was able to get a scratch or two in before the blue haired girl flung him across the room.

"Apparently we can do harm in our cat forms with no consequence," Itachi observed as Nanichi glared at him.

"But we change back when we're human?" Konan asked as the occupants in the room settled down on the furniture.

"That's not true!" Tobi exclaimed as he admired the glass figurines Kaitlin's mother collected.

"He's right, un," a reluctant Deidara agreed. "Sasori-danna was able to kill the guy that attacked Drew without changing back, un."

"Alfred!" Drew exclaimed as just remembered the events from earlier.

"Alfred?" Kaitlin asked surprised.

"The guy from the shelter?" Kisame asked confused.

"Yeah."

"So Alfred the creeper's dead?" Nanichi excitedly asked.

Drew looked to the three who were at his house to explain what happened after he had fallen unconscious.

"He got away," Sasori reluctantly said. "I was only able to kill the one who had attacked Drew. Kabuto used that time to escape."

"Okay, who's Kabuto?" Rikku thought they had been talking about Alfred.

"Alfred." Itachi explained to the confused kids.

"Since when has Alfred been Kabuto?" Nanichi asked.

"Since when has Kabuto been Alfred?" Sasori answered.

"Don't be cryptic little man."

"Watch your tongue _girl_. I'm twice your age."

"Back to the main point," Pein interrupted. Turning from the glaring duo he focused on Konan and Itachi. "Our theory was correct. With Kabuto here this definably has something to do with Orochimaru."

"Now who's Orochimaru?" Drew asked hoarsely. His throat was still irritated from the attack, so he was trying to avoid talking as much as possible. His earlier exclamation had just made it worse.

"A snake man who used to be part of the organization, un," Deidara explained as well as he could.

"Organization?"

"That's right!" Kaitlin exclaimed. She jumped up from her spot on the floor and pointed straight at the orange haired male. "Who exactly are you people?"

The man glared as he stood to tower over the blonde. "We are an organization of S-ranked criminals known as the Akatsuki. We are the most wanted criminals in the entire Shinobi world."

Silence greeted the statement, as the blonde paled at the thought of having criminal kitties. Drew didn't look very concerned as his attention had shifted to Tobi, who was assembling a little group of superhero glass animals. Rikku, of course, didn't care but Nanichi stared at the members thoughtfully.

"Akatsuki?" she mumbled trying to rack her brain to figure out where she had heard the name. She finally snapped her fingers as she remembered. "Oh yeah! Benjamin was talking about someone named Akatsuki when he was telling me about a manga he was reading.

"Yeah," she continued thoughtfully, "most of you guys are dead."

The members stared at her. "What?" the indigo haired female finally asked.

"Yeah, that's what Benjamin was complaining about. The creator had apparently killed off the most interesting characters in his series."

"Manga?" Itachi asked. "The books I have been studying."

"Yeah, I guess so."

Itachi blankly stared at her. "I have not seen anything about our deaths, aside from Sasori's."

Kaitlin piped in then. "Benjamin burned a lot of his books a few weeks ago in a fit of rage."

"Where can we find copies these books?" Kisame asked.

Nanichi shrugged. "I don't know. I don't read them; anything I've ever seen that's manga related came from Kaitlin's little brother. I tend to stick more to the American comics. Anime on the other hand is a completely different manner."

"I think we've veered off subject," Rikku interjected. "Right now we need to figure out what we're going to with you guys and find this guy, Kabuto, Orochimaru, whatever his name is, who came after Drew."

Pein nodded. "You're right. We only know the little things we've observed about this world, which isn't much. Kabuto will have to wait until we've regained our bearings and figured out how this jutsu works."

Just then smoke appeared as Hidan poofed back to normal. His amethyst eyes glared at everyone.

"Everyone leave me the fuck alone! I don't want to be a cat again!"

There came a series of pounding as someone ran down the stairs, and Aiden entered the room at a dead run. He jumped behind the couch that was occupied by Kisame, Nanichi, and Rikku.

"Leave me alone!"

Nicholas and a clothed, plant-less Zetsu entered the room behind him. Nicholas looked far to amused for his own good and Zetsu seemed to be just as amused.

"We just want to apologize to you Aiden. **And maybe grab a little bite to eat. **"

Nicholas snickered, listening to Aiden squeals of fear. "I haven't had this much fun since high school ended."

There was small crash as glass broke on the floor, followed by Kaitlin's gasp of horror.

"Whoops," Tobi said rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "Tobi's sorry Kaitlin-chan, I didn't mean to break it."

Deidara took Tobi's distraction to knock another animal over. "Tobi! How could you break two of them, un!"

"Wah! Tobi's a bad boy!"

Sasori sighed at his idiot former partner. Kisame turned the TV back on, and he and Nanichi fought for the remote when they couldn't decide on a show. Itachi escaped back upstairs; Konan tried to calm the panicking Kaitlin; Rikku and Kakuzu were having a debate over who was in control of the money; Zetsu was tormenting Aiden with Nicholas cackling beside him; Drew was trying to calm the even more panicking Tobi; and Hidan was cursing them all at the top of his lungs.

Pein stood on the sidelines watching his subordinates. He sighed. Kabuto would definately have to wait for him to put his organization back together.

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1013/13**


	10. Exception to the Rule

Adoption 101

Chapter 10

Exception to the Rule

* * *

><p>It was decided that they would all spend the rest of the night at Kaitlin's house. But with sixteen people there weren't enough rooms for each individual. So the girls all bunked in Kaitlin's room, which happened to be one of the biggest rooms in the house. The Akatsuki males paired off with their partners, except for Deidara who refused to bunk with Tobi (each ended up with Sasori and Zetsu) and Pein who agreed to share a room with Drew for the night. Nicholas and Aiden were the only two left, so they got the couch and recliner.<p>

The next morning was chaotic. Everyone woke at the crack of dawn to Aiden's screeches and Nicholas's cackling. Hidan, not liking be woken so early, had took it upon his self to put an end to the yelling and ended up almost having his arm bitten off by a hungry Zetsu. Kakuzu thought it was hilarious, so that had started a shouting match between the two. Deidara decided to hackle Hidan on, which made it even worse, but was stopped by his emotionless former partner, who still wasn't used to getting a full night's rest. Nanichi came in after the arguments were over and started another fight with Hidan that ended up with him changing back to a cat.

Drew and Tobi avoided the mess by locating Kaitlin's brother's own set of Legos® and started construction on a zoo for the glass animals that had survived the night before. Unfortunately, they constructed the zoo in a high traffic area so both Rikku and Pein (though he wouldn't admit it) tripped over the blocks. Itachi came down later, red Sharingan eyes glaring at a sheepish Kisame who had knocked him off the bed last night. Konan was the only one who woke up relatively happy, and Kaitlin almost had a mental breakdown at the mess she woke up to.

She searched for the supposed leader of the group of criminals and finally found him enjoying his first experience with coffee alongside his female companion and a traumatized Aiden.

"You!" Pein stared at the finger the blonde had shoved into his face. "As my former kitty, I order you to control the members of your so-called 'organization'."

The leader calmly pushed the offending finger from his face. "One, what makes you think that _you_ have the right to order me around." Kaitlin cowered under the ringed eyes that seemed to bore into her very soul. "Two, your friends seem to be the ones causing most of the disturbance. And three, it's too early in the morning to be dealing with them anyways."

"What kind of leader are you?"

"I believe in letting them learn from their own experiences."

"You sound like a parent."

Pein glared, Kaitlin couldn't help the shiver of fear that raced through her, and turned back to his coffee. Hidan, now Demon, sprinted into the kitchen, looked around, then dashed back out. Kaitlin wondered what he was doing, but soon found out as she heard Nanichi yell and a hiss of triumph follow.

Aiden's shriek filled the kitchen as Zetsu popped out of the wall beside him.

"Dammit! Leave me alone!"

Kaitlin stared pointedly at the leader as more chaos rocked the house. He stared back and Konan sighed. "Maybe it would help if there weren't so many people crammed in the house," she suggested. Pein seemed to agree, stood up, and ordered the members to the living room for a meeting.

Half an hour, along with three broken glass animals, a mental breakdown, and strangling a cat later, everyone was now seated and staring at the orange haired leader.

"It's been decided that half are you getting out of the house."

A now human (again) Hidan jumped up from his spot on the floor next to Aiden. "Me! Get me out of this hellhole!"

"Sit down!"

Hidan cursed the leader as he sat back down.

"As I was saying," Pein glared at the immortal. "The one's leaving will be returning to the spot where we first appeared."

"Why?" Drew asked from beside Tobi, who was trying to build a Lego® tower as awesome Drew's.

"There could be possible clues as to how we ended up here."

Kisame, who had been trying to slyly slip the remote from Nanichi's hand, paused. "I thought we already said it was Orochimaru's fault."

Pein sighed in annoyance. "The jutsu that made us cats was Orochimaru's fault. We still don't know how we ended up here."

Nanichi's hand shot up. "How are you getting there?"

"A car."

"Do you know how to drive?"

"No, that's why at least one of you will be going as well."

Nicholas vehemently shook his head from beside Kakuzu. "I'm not going. Today's my day off and I always spend my days off entertaining myself."

"That could be mistaken as a sexual innuendo."

"Who's got the dirty mind now huh Rikku?"

Kaitlin's gaze shifted around the living room, taking in the mess that had been made in less than two hours. "I have to stay and clean."

Drew happily volunteered to go, and with Drew going Tobi automatically jumped about wanting to go too. Hidan didn't care who went he just wanted to be free after spending the better part of a month and a half caged. Pein said if Hidan was going Kakuzu had to go to keep his partner in line. Kakuzu said if he had to go then Rikku would have to go too since she had the money and Kakuzu didn't want to be separated from it. Rikku said that someone sane would have to come or she would go crazy. So both Konan and Itachi decided to be the last half of the Akatsuki to go.

As the decisions were being finalized, Aiden reappeared from his trip to the bathroom. He fell to the floor in front of Itachi (who was the closest) and quickly clung to his legs.

"Please take me with you!" he cried to the uncomfortable Itachi. "I don't want to be eaten!"

Nicholas high-fived the evilly grinning Zetsu.

**~O~**

"Tobi spies something green!"

"…the tree…"

"Wow! You're really good Rikku-chan!"

Rikku glanced at him through her rearview mirror. "It's been a tree the last three times."

"Fucking idiot," Hidan mumbled from beside Rikku. Tobi ignored him and planted his mask to the window to search for more things to spy. Drew sat in the backseat beside him. Itachi, Konan, and Kakuzu had decided to ride with Aiden, who was following behind her in his car.

"Oh, Tobi spies something blue!"

"The (fucking) sky," Hidan and Rikku said together.

"Rikku-chan and Hidan-san make a good team!"

Rikku glared, and Hidan reached behind him to strangle Tobi.

**~O~**

"Zetsu, Zetsu, Zetsu!" Nicholas shouted excitedly as he raced down the hallway to the plant man's room.

Zetsu phased through the wall to see the excited male. He was a little surprised to see him so giddy with Aiden gone.

"Zetsu," Nicholas began whispering dramatically. "I thought of the perfect plan to screw with people."

"**Really?** I don't think we should do it. **Quiet fun sucker.**"

"Yeah," Nicholas said slowly. He still wasn't used to the two talking personalities. "And all you have to do is the cool phase through walls thing."

The black side of the man looked intrigued, but the other half still looked slightly concerned.

"**I'm in. **We're going to get in trouble, I can feel it."

**~O~**

"You guys first appeared in the park?" Aiden was surprised to see Itachi nod. He guessed it made sense. The park was probably the closest thing even similar to the world that Konan had described on the way there. Minus the play equipment that Drew and Tobi were now swinging on.

"More like back within the trees," Konan pointed to the thatch of trees just beyond the swing set.

"How did you get caught then?" Rikku asked from the bench her and Kakuzu occupied. Hidan leaned over the back of it, glaring at anyone that happened to stare too long. If there was one thing he couldn't stand (other than heathens in general) it was people who couldn't mind their own damn business. "There's no way someone would venture in the woods to grab a couple of cats."

"We traveled quite a bit to see exactly where we were," Konan explained. "Once we broke through the trees we were picked up by a nice woman who took us to the shelter."

Drew and Tobi were now having a contest to see who could jump the farthest on the swings. Hidan had gone over to "judge" but was really trying to shove Tobi out of the swing to early. They had hypothesized, from the experiences they had had, that the Akatsuki could not harm any of the people from this world without turning into kitties, but oddly enough, the same rules didn't appear to apply to other members of the Akatsuki. So Hidan was learning to take his anger and boredom out on the more vulnerable members.

"So are we going in or something?" Aiden asked. Itachi started toward the trees, so he took that as a yes. Kakuzu heaved himself up and followed, while Konan waited for Rikku to become motivated enough to move from the bench. Drew jumped from the swing, landing perfectly and ran after them while Tobi picked himself up after being shoved off by Hidan and followed too.

**~O~**

Sasori could feel someone staring at him, but when he turned to look behind him he didn't see anyone. The puppeteer returned to the puppet he was constructing from scratch and frowned seeing the parts missing.

He sighed and left the room to see if the blonde girl had more wood lying around.

"Well that sucked," Nicholas said as Zetsu phased them through the wall. Zetsu shrugged. He told him that would happen.

**~O~**

"I hate nature," Rikku complained as another tree branch smacked her in the face. "Or maybe I just hate the asshole who keeps smacking me with trees!"

Hidan turned his purple eyes to glare at the blue haired girl behind him. She glared back with just as much intensity.

"Keep moving," Kakuzu grunted from behind both of them. They both glared at him before moving again. Itachi was leading them further into the trees to where he was almost certain they had popped up at. Tobi was hopping through the trees with a delighted Drew on his back, and Konan and Aiden brought up the rear.

"You know," Aiden started. "I was noticing your outfits earlier, and couldn't help but think that you guys stick out like a sore thumb."

Konan looked down at her standard issued ninja clothes. After seeing what the people in this world wore she had to agree.

"Plus, it can't be that comfortable having to where the same thing," he continued. "Maybe we can get you guys some new clothes. Not much, but maybe an outfit or two for when you come out in public."

"We would be able to blend in better," Konan agreed.

"And this Kabuto guy may not be able to pick you out as easily in a crowd."

Konan nodded. She was surprised at how much smarter this guy was than she had originally thought. After seeing him crying to others to save him from Zetsu, she had thought he was mentally challenged and hadn't expected much else from him.

"Hidan you bastard!"

Both of them looked ahead to see that Rikku had finally snapped and was chasing after the Jashinist with a branch she had found. Itachi barely moved out of their way before they dashed past him.

"Bitch!" Hidan yelled as the branch swiped his back. "Watch where you're swinging that thing!"

"Run, run, run as fast as you can," Kakuzu mumbled in amusement. He watched his partner almost be impaled by the branch as Rikku threw it at him. Itachi sighed, and Tobi took the moment's pause to jump down from the tops of the tree with Drew.

"That was awesome!" Drew exclaimed. He jumped off Tobi's back, staggering as he regained his sense of gravity. "It's sort of like a roller coaster on steroids!"

"Yeah! What's a roller coaster?" Tobi asked.

"It's this fun ride at an amusement park that goes up and down and around at crazy fast speeds."

"Oh…what's an amusement park?"

Before Drew or Aiden could explain what an amusement park was, the group heard a high pitched shriek from ahead.

"Hidan you asshole! Get me out of this hole!"

Hidan's cackles echoed off the trees.

**~O~**

Kaitlin sighed in relief as the last of the mess was cleaned. There was no way she was going to survive if this was what happened every day. She retreated to the kitchen only to blanch at the mess scattered along the countertop. Deidara stood at the stove starring at a boiling pot.

"What are you doing?"

Deidara turned to see Kaitlin standing behind him gaping at the mess he had created. "I'm trying to create clay, un."

Kaitlin blinked. "Why not just go outside and get some."

Deidara sighed at the blonde female's ignorance. "There is no clay around here, un."

"How do you know if you haven't looked?"

"I did."

Kaitlin watched Deidara turn the heat down and poored the dry ingredients from a bowl into the pot.

"So," she broke the silence, "you like to play with clay?"

Deidara glared. "Are you trying to insult my art?"

Kaitlin quickly backed up. "No! I'm just interested."

Deidara's scowl switched to a smile and his blue eyes shone with glee. "Really? In that case I'll give you a demonstration, un."

He took the now cooled mixture and made a fist around it. Kaitlin watched him open the fist and gaped at the small bird that had appeared. "That's so cool!"

Deidara smirked. "That's not even the best part, un!"

The bird suddenly became animated and flew around the kitchen. Kaitlin squealed in surprise, and watched fascinated. She didn't notice Deidara form a hand sign as the bird landed on the table. Suddenly the bird blew up with a small pop, leaving behind a scorch mark and a surprised Kaitlin.

"Art's a bang, un," an only slightly satisfied Deidara said.

"You blew it up," an astonished Kaitlin stared at him.

He shrugged. "Of course, un. Art is fleeting." He thoughtfully stared at the scorch mark. "It was smaller than I thought it would be though, un."

Kaitlin glared at him. "Don't blow things up in my house." She stomped out of the room but stuck her head back in a second later. "And clean your mess up!"

Deidara stared where her head had disappeared, disappointed. "Poor little girl, un. She worries so much, that she can't even appreciate the true meaning of art."

He turned back to get the rest of clay he had made as a substitute until he could get his hands on some real clay. His eye twitched in anger as he found the clay gone.

"Kaitlin what'd you do with my clay?" he yelled as he chased after the girl.

As Deidara ran out of the room, Nicholas came out of the pantry he had hid in, mashing the homemade play-doh in his hand. Zetsu phased halfway out of the wall beside him.

"**This isn't as fun as I thought it would be.**"

Nicholas sighed. "You're right. Tormenting Aiden is just so much better."

**~O~**

"So," Aiden started as their little group backtracked through the trees. "We came all this way for absolutely nothing."

"Not true," Drew chimed in from behind him. "We found out that what we were looking for was not here."

"And that Hidan-san shouldn't push Rikku-chan into holes," Tobi added. Hidan glared at the masked man as he held his shoulder where the branch had impaled him. Even with a sprained ankle, the girl's anger had given her enough strength to injure him.

Said girl was now riding piggy back on his partner's back. Her two friends weren't able to carry her and be able to keep up with the group. She had refused to ride on Tobi or Itachi's back when they volunteered, saying she wanted to see what it was like to look down on people. Kakuzu had only agreed after she paid him twenty bucks. Now she had the perfect seat to glare down at Hidan, who was now a head shorter.

When they reached the park, it was abandoned as the sun had just set. Drew's stomach loudly growled, causing everyone to turn and stare at him. He rubbed the back of head with a sheepish grin.

"I'm hungry," he stated to the staring ninjas, Aiden, and Rikku. "Let's grab a bite to eat somewhere before we head back."

Aiden agreed once he realized he hadn't eaten since breakfast. "There's a little diner not far from here."

"Is it expensive?"

"Fuck Kakuzu! We're not spending your money old geezer!"

The stitched man glared at his silver headed partner. To prevent a fight, and protect the young woman on Kakuzu's back, Konan interrupted them. "If it's too expensive we can starve Hidan as punishment for pushing Rikku in the hole."

"What the hell!"

**~O~**

"Give me the controller fish man!"

Kisame chuckled while holding the rectangular device high above Nanichi's jumping form. "Don't think so kiddo," he teased. "I was here first."

"But I'm missing the new episode of _The Amazing World of Gumball_!"

"What?"

Nanichi didn't answer. She managed to link her arm around his raised elbow and sort of walk up his tall form. Kisame, surprised at the girl's actions, lost his balance and they both collapsed on the floor.

Nanichi grabbed the remote in triumph. "Ha! Victory!"

Kisame regained his senses and, after snatching the controller back, propelled the girl back onto the couch. "Your victory was short lived."

"Bastard!" she shouted as she jumped back up. "I don't have super strength to throw you across the room."

Kisame snickered at the enraged female. "I'm sure you could find some way to get back at me."

He began to feel slightly worried as the girl actually stopped to think about what she was going to do. Normally he wouldn't be concerned, but knowing that she could harm him but he couldn't without becoming a cat again caused him to feel unnaturally panicky, especially when the girl looked back up at him with an evil grin.

Nanichi suddenly pounced on him and wrapped her arms around the blue man's waist. Acting purely on instinct, he brought his fist down on her head. There was a 'poof' and Catfish stared at her in disbelief. She just grinned.

"I win."

She turned to pick up the controller that had been thrown in the fight. She paused confused as the controller was nowhere in sight. Turning back to the cat, she glared. "Where's the remote?"

Catfish gave her a kitty shrug and glumly left the room to await his transformation back into a human.

Nanichi searched high and low for that controller until she finally gave up and left to watch Netflix on Benjamin's X-box.

"Shit," Nicholas sulked walking into the now empty room. "This was supposed to be fun! What happened?"

Zetsu shrugged. "I knew this was a bad idea. **Shut up.**"

**~O~**

Eating out was not a thing the Akatsuki should do often as was found out when they were kicked out.

"Great job genius," Rikku said sarcastically as she limped to the curb to sit. "Your death threats got us thrown out."

"Like I fucking care!" Hidan growled back. "I wasn't eating or anything."

"But we were," Itachi glared at the zealot with red eyes.

"Hidan-san's just a party pooper," Tobi stage whispered to Drew.

"I heard that!"

"Don't be such a cry baby Hidan."

"Fuck you Kakuzu!"

As the immortal Akatsuki began to fight, the others agreed that it would be best to let them get it out of their system before being stuck back into the cars for the half an hour it took to get back to Kaitlin's house.

Their yelling attracted the attention of a group of men outside the bar not far away. The drunkards swaggered up to the group, where they immediately zoned in on the females. One slung his arm around an uncomfortable Konan and another walked right between the fuming males to slump next to Rikku.

"What's a pretty lady like you doing here?" the first drawled, and Konan fought not to cringe at the repugnant smell of his breath.

"Tobi's here because he was hungry," Tobi chimed to the three other men who had come along with the first two. They ignored him. In fact all of the males were ignored as the focus of the new men was solely on the women.

Rikku slapped the guy that had been whispering in her ear. She limped over to Itachi, who was trying to deal with the male hanging on Konan. He didn't need Pein on his ass if something happened to his partner.

"You're the prodigy right?" The Uchiha nodded. "Then find a way to kick their asses without poofing."

The drunk that had sat beside her was now on his feet and staggering back over to her. On the way he collided with Hidan.

"Get the hell off me!" Hidan shouted as he shoved the alcoholic off of him. The man stumbled backwards. His muddled mind caused him to bring his fist forward aimed at Hidan's head. Hidan, being the ninja he is, saw it coming and dodged before throwing his own fist. To the group's surprise, the fist hit home, and the man was thrown to the ground where his broken nose oozed blood.

"Whoa," Drew said examining the fallen man. "Hidan didn't poof."

"Maybe the jutsu was broken," Tobi muttered to his self no one noticing the slightly deeper voice he used.

Hidan didn't care. At seeing the man on his back, he turned to the rest of his group, cracking his knuckles. "Who the fuck is next?"

One man broke off the group of three and charged the silver haired man. Unfortunately, his alcohol impeded brain veered him off by an inch and his fist ended up aimed at Kakuzu. Kakuzu grabbed the man's fist and swung him around to collide with his companion that had charged Tobi. Tobi gave a high pitch squeal as he dodged the two bodies.

That left two, the one other that had followed and the one who still clung to Konan. The youngest of the men decided to high tail it, but the clingy one remained attached to Konan. Before Konan could flip him of her, Hidan took it upon his self to get rid of the man. Like with the first man, he brought his fist forward with the intention of breaking a nose and-'poof'- Demon hissed from far below on the sidewalk.

The clingy one began to laugh at the unbelievable outcome, and the alcohol in his system finally caught up to him, causing him to faint and fall off of Konan.

"Now that doesn't make sense," Aiden observed from his spot on the wall next to Drew. They had both leaned back against the wall to stay out of the way of the fight. "Hidan was able to punch the other without being transformed into a cat."

Itachi studied the fallen man whose face was covered in blood. "He attacked Hidan first."

"But the other posed no threat to Hidan himself," Kakuzu finished.

"Another part of the jutsu to explain to your leader," Rikku said as she leaned on Itachi to take the weight of her injured ankle.

Konan nodded in agreement and bent over to pick Hidan up. He hissed but allowed her pick him up. Just when things were getting good, the jutsu stops him. Stupid jutsu.

**~O~**

Nicholas pulled at his hair. "Argh!" he growled. "No one responded the way I intended for them to."

Zetsu tilted his head. "How did you expect them to respond?"

"I don't know! A mental breakdown as they imagined themselves going crazy maybe? Just something more entertaining than what really happened."

"**We should have just waited for Aiden to come back.**"

Nicholas sighed as he agreed. "Yeah, I think Aiden's squeals of fear have spoiled me."

Pein stumbled upon the men convening secretly by the washer and drier. "Where have you two been all day."

Zetsu and Nicholas traded a look. "_**Around,**_" all three voices responded, and Pein simply shook his head and left. As the leader of a deadly organization of missing-nin, there were some things that he just didn't want to know.

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1013/13**


	11. Sleep Over

Adoption 101

Chapter 11

Sleep Over

* * *

><p>Pein reclined in the La-Z-Boy® as Konan finished retelling the events of the night. The group had returned not too long ago, losing Aiden to Zetsu and Nicholas as soon as he stepped in the door. Rikku had limped upstairs with the help of Itachi and Kakuzu had followed behind them with a hissing Hidan. Drew and Tobi sat on either side of Konan but that was to only add minor details they thought were important. Like how they had seen a family of squirrels while hopping through the trees.<p>

"So," Pein said slowly as the retelling came to an end, "Hidan only changed back after attacking the man who _didn't_ attack him?"

Konan nodded. So, that meant if the person from this world were to attack first then they could fight back to defend themselves.

Sasori had already proven that inhabitants from their own world didn't seem to apply to the rule, and now that they knew that they could properly defend themselves against occupants from this world was a relief. With Hidan's multiple changes, they had even discovered that the transformation lasted approximately one hour and seemed to be getting shorter every few transformations.

"Fishman! Controller, now!"

"Nope, _Untamed and Uncut_'s on."

"Well, _2 Stupid Dogs_ is on Cartoon Network."

"I feel slightly offended that you'd want to watch two dogs, as I was a cat not too long ago."

"Argh!"

Pein felt like pounding his head on a wall. Really, his criminal organization was falling apart at the seams. Next thing he'd see Deidara walking around in a dress and Kakuzu giving money away.

**~O~**

Kaitlin kicked everyone (except for Pein and Konan) out that night. The ones who couldn't stay would have argued if the blonde girl hadn't knocked Hidan out with a well-placed fist to the temple. Pein enforced her ruling, figuring that now would not be the best time to deny the mentally unstable girl.

Drew, stuck with Deidara, Sasori and Tobi already, couldn't say no to Nanichi when she told him her and her "kitties" would be bunking with him. Aiden, not wanting to go home with Nicholas and Zetsu, begged Rikku to let him go to her uncle's house with her. After gaining his loyal servitude for a month, she agreed, and he hopped into the back of her car with an unconscious Hidan.

Kaitlin shut the door in relief. It was strange to have a quiet house after having people running around wreaking havoc, but she embraced the silence with much glee.

Pein watched the now giddy girl giggle up the stairs before turning to Konan. "So now that everyone's gone…"

"Nope," his indigo haired partner said as she trailed after Kaitlin. "I spend my days surrounded by men. I want to have some girl bonding time now that I have the chance."

Pein grumbled, watching his partner disappear at the top of the stairs. He glanced around the empty bottom floor of the house and huffed at the prospect of having absolutely _nothing_ to do."I should have just let them stay."

**~O~**

"I've always wondered why you lived in a house," Nanichi told Drew as he unlocked the door to allow them in. "Everyone else, except Kaitlin, lives in apartments. How'd you even get the money to afford this place so soon after high school?"

"It involves a car, a will, and a dead uncle who hated my dad's guts and didn't want him to have the house when he kicked the can."

When Drew had managed to get the door open, Tobi raced in to check on his little city. Deidara followed at a more moderate pace. They heard Tobi scream. "Senpai! Noooooooo!"

"That's it for Kitty City, un!"

Nanichi ran to the living room to see Deidara impersonating Godzilla and a dismayed Tobi crying in the crumbled remains of his toy block city. Nanichi had to help the former badass kitty who put a hole through the wall. So her logical thinking led to her jumping on the back of Kittyzilla and grabbing a fist full of blonde hair.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow!" Deidara whined as he spun around trying to grab the girl. "Let go, un!"

"Don't think so, un!"

"Are you making fun of me, un?"

"No, un."

Sasori sighed as the two danced around the room. Tobi was bent over the destroyed towers and quickly started putting the blocks back together. Kisame had already commandeered the sofa and forced Itachi to sit down and relax. Itachi glared at him but sat down anyway.

Drew pulled Sasori aside before the redhead could join them. "What did you guys do with the body?"

The puppeteer stared as blankly as ever. "It's still in the backroom."

"You left a dead body in my house!" Drew hissed at him.

The puppeteer just shrugged. "What else were we supposed to do with it?"

"I don't know; bury it the backyard maybe?" The brunet was on the verge of hysterics, glancing around as if a platoon of police would suddenly fall on the house. "I don't kill people every day like you guys!"

"We can feed him to Zetsu."

"…eww."

Sasori shrugged again and retreated back into the living room to witness Deidara flop onto his back in a desperate attempt to rid his self of the girl.

Drew wanted so badly to follow him, but he had to see to the state his house had been put in. So, he put on a brave face, which was more like a pout, and edged his way down the hallway. He reached the spot he had lost conscious and stared at the stains on the floor.

"Man," he groaned, "they couldn't have been a little cleaner with this? I thought they were great ninjas."

"We are."

Drew shrieked and spun around to see the detached teen behind him. He grabbed his chest and just stared. "Oh my god! I think you just gave me a heart attack."

Sasori sighed what felt like his millionth sigh. Things were so much simpler when he was supposed to be dead. Why couldn't Orochimaru just let him be?

He shook off his annoyance and pointed to the closed door. "I put the body in there."

"At least it's not in the hallway." Drew sighed. "It would have been better if he was already in the ground." He pointedly stared at Sasori.

The ninja fought the childish urge to roll his eyes. "I saved your life. I should not be forced to clean up."

"You want to stay in this house you better learn to pick up after yourself."

They shared a mini glaring contest before, sighing again, Sasori gave in. The victorious brunet turned with a grin and opened the blood spattered door. He felt the urge to throw up at seeing the mangled body behind it.

"Shit! What did you do, go at him with a cheese grader?"

"I was angry."

"Remind me not to get on your bad side."

**~O~**

A relieved Aiden trailed behind Rikku, Kakuzu, and the still unconscious Hidan being dragged by Kakuzu. He was just happy about not being stuck with a hungry Zetsu tonight. And he'd never met any of Rikku's family before. He stood patiently as Rikku rang the doorbell. He did not expect to see what finally answer the door.

"Rikku darling!" Both Kakuzu and Aiden had to jump back to avoid the collision between Rikku and the long haired brunet that answered the door. "Sweetheart, it's been so long! I've had to kidnap little Nicky from the grocery store just to hear what's been going on in your life."

"Hi Uncle Brian." She shoved the man off of her as nicely as she could. "Some friends and I need a place to stay tonight."

The man, Uncle Brian, seemed to finally notice the males behind her. He looked giddily back to his niece. "You brought some _boys_ home?" he asked waggling his eyebrows.

"Perverted old man." Rikku shoved her uncle out of the way and motioned for the two behind her to go in. Aiden went first and Kakuzu came after remembering to pick Hidan up.

"Well it's the first time you've brought men over," Uncle Brian complained as he locked the door back before following them into the entertainment area. "In fact you don't even bring your friends over."

"Isn't Nicholas enough?"

"A person can only take so much of little Nicky." He turned his attention back to the other males. "Anyway, what else could you be doing with such handsome men? And one's unconscious."

"Kaitlin did that."

"Ah! I never thought little Katie'd be the one into that."

Aiden chocked on his own spit at what the older man was implying. Kakuzu was staring at his Hidan footstool and looked to be resisting the urge to laugh. Rikku just ignored the man and left the room in search for blankets and pillows.

Uncle Brian took the opportunity to jump on the couch between the two men. He sat, legs crossed and hands on his knees, looking from Aiden to Kakuzu and sparing a glance at Hidan. Aiden began to shift uncomfortably, and Kakuzu had already turned his attention to something else.

"I hope you're practicing safe sex."

Aiden wished he had gone on home Nicholas and Zetsu.

**~O~**

"**I'm bored." **

"Yeah, it's just not the same without Aiden."

**~O~**

"Jesus Christ," Drew groaned. "This guy weighs a ton!"

"Quit complaining brat 2."

"Did you just call Brat 2?"

"I would not want you and Deidara to be confused."

Drew grunted as he lugged his end (the less bloody one) of the dead body to the edge of his backyard. After contemplating all of two seconds, he had decided that the best way to be rid of the body would be to bury it and bury it soon. He had enlisted the not so very happy Sasori and the bored Itachi to help. Sasori was now lugging the other half of the body (he could have carried the whole thing but Drew didn't need to know that) and Itachi carried a shovel behind them.

Tobi had wanted to come too but as soon as he had left the block city alone, Deidara had tried to destroy it. So the whole Tobi crying, Nanichi jumping on the blonde's back, and Deidara yelling in pain episode began again. Kisame just sat on the couch with a bowl popcorn watching.

Drew unceremoniously let his end drop. "Well, since I'm tired of carrying a stinky dead body, it's going to go here."

Sasori dropped the body without complaint and stared at Itachi, who still held the shovel. Itachi stared back before shoving the shovel in his direction. "I volunteered to carry the shovel, not dig."

Sasori glared briefly before trying to give the shovel off do Drew. "Brat 2."

"Your responsibility~" Drew sang.

Sasori glared at the both of them. When neither fell to their knees groveling for forgiveness for being rude, he shoved the metal end of the shovel into the dirt. He made sure to throw the dirt on both of them at least once.

While Sasori dug the first half of the hole, Drew and Itachi stood on the sidelines having half of a conversation. Meaning Drew talked mostly to himself and Itachi listened with half an ear. Until Drew somehow got on the subject of sweets. Itachi asked him if he knew what dango was and when Drew said he did not, the Uchiha looked slightly offended and ignored him for the rest of the conversation. Eventually Drew felt bad for being mean to the just recovered kitty and took over with the digging.

"Ugh! I hate digging!"

"Suck it up. You are halfway there already."

They managed to come up with a decent sized hole, about five feet deep and big enough to scrunch the body in nicely. Sasori tested it by shoving said body in the hole while Drew was still in it. Drew was not amused.

After climbing out and giving the puppeteer a piece of his mind, they both told Itachi he could push the dirt back in. The Uchiha shrugged and began to kick the dirt pile back in.

Throughout all of this they had not encountered any problem, and Drew thought they would get away with burying a _dead_ body. He said so to Sasori. Sasori told him to shut up or he would jinx them, and Itachi mumbled something about Murphy's Law.

Damn Murphy's Law.

"Drew?" an old scruffy voice asked. "What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?"

Drew cursed before turning to the fence that divided his backyard with his neighbor's. "Hi Ms. Ewald," Drew said slightly panicking. "What are _you_ doing out here on this beautiful night?"

"Mr. Scuffles needed to tinkle."

They heard a high pitched bark from the other side of fence.

"That reminds me," the old woman said as she bent to pick the dog up. Sasori and Itachi stared slightly stunned at what could possibly be the ugliest dog they had ever seen. "Mr. Scuffles still has that slight…_problem._ I was wondering if you could look at him again."

Drew shuddered. Last time he had tried to help the mutt he hadn't been able to sleep properly for a whole month. "Why not take it to a vet, or a psychiatrist, or just put the thing out of its misery?" he muttered the last part to himself.

"What was that?"

"Maybe Mr. Scuffles needs some alone time."

"Maybe you're right." The old woman looked thoughtful. "Thank you Drew. You're such a dear."

Drew sighed in relief as the woman's head vanished. "Okay, Itachi pick the shovel up and throw the dirt in faster before she comes back!"

"That reminds me," the woman's head reappeared, and Drew almost had another heart attack at the sudden appearance. "What are you doing?"

Drew froze and his eyes bounced back and forth between the ninjas as he looked for an explanation.

"Well, you see…"

"His cat died," Sasori said soberly.

The senior citizen looked heartbroken. "Really?" Drew nodded gravely. "Oh dear, I'm so sorry. I know how much you love animals."

Drew dramatically sniffed. "Yes the little guy…he just...I can't talk about!"

Itachi and Sasori exchanged a dull look as the brunet laid the pity factor on thick, but the woman just ate it up.

"I'll bake you some cookies tomorrow," the woman tried to comfort Drew.

He sniffed and said pitifully, "Thank you."

The old woman gave him another look of pity before disappearing again. This time Drew waited until he heard the sound of her screen door shut.

"Quick! Put the dirt back in the damn hole before she comes back!"

**~O~**

Konan giggled for what felt like the first time years. Having lost so much during the Second and Third Shinobi World Wars, she had never thought that she would truly smile again. But here she was, watching a teen movie with Kaitlin whose comments were what made her giggle.

"That's just creepy," was one of the blonde's comments. "Who seriously thinks someone watching them all the time while they sleep is romantic?"

She fully turned to Konan, who sat beside her on the bed. "Pein doesn't watch you sleep all the time does he?"

Konan gaped at the girl. "Pein? W-why would he do that?"

Kaitlin critically stared at her. "Oh, come on. I'm dense at some things but there's obviously something going on with you two."

Konan just shook her head in denial, but Kaitlin could see the slight color that adorned her cheeks. So she grinned slyly and sidled up closer to the older woman.

"Why'd he ask me three times when I was getting popcorn when _you_ were coming back down?"

"…To discuss what's going on with the jutsu?"

Kaitlin huffed and rolled back over to her side of the bed. "Fine, don't tell me. I don't really care."

They sat in silence as they watched more of the movie. Konan was just wondering how an entire house can be made of glass and not have one crack when Kaitlin bounced back over to grab her arm. "Okay! I was lying. Tell what's going on!"

"Nothing!"

"Liar! Tell me!"

Pein looked up at the ceiling as he heard thumps and a high-pitched squeal from above. _Maybe I should check on them,_ he thought as he stood from the recliner. _After all they could be in trouble. Kabuto could have attacked…_ Yeah that's a really good reason to go upstairs.

He made it the girl's room in record time and yanked the door open. He paused as he watched a feather fly in front of his face and land on the ground before him. The two girls stood in front of him, Konan with an empty pillow (which explained the feathers) and Kaitlin poised to attack with her own.

"Pein!" The blonde girl yelled at the stunned leader. "This is girl time. Get out!"

Pein shut the door just as a pillow made contact. There was a moment of silence and then he heard the girl's begin to giggle behind the door. He shook his head as he headed back downstairs. It might be because he was guy, but he didn't understand how beating each other with pillows was considered "girl time".

**~O~**

Hidan smirked savagely as he thrust the pike through his chest. His eyes nearly rolled back into his head as the pleasure of the pain filled his body. He listened to the shouts of pain from his victim and laughed manically. One more stab and—

His body jerked awake as a bucket of ice cold water was splashed on him. He sputtered as the water went up his nose and glared at the new man who had woken him up. The man glared back and even Hidan almost cowered.

"They tell me you're the one who's getting frisky with my niece."

"What the hell!"

"Yes Hidan." The Jashinist looked up at his partner lounging on the couch next to an extremely pale Aiden. "I hope you don't mind. I just thought that your secret love should be out in the open now."

"What the hell have you been sniffing?"

The brunet who woke him up grabbed a fist full of silver hair and swung Hidan's head back around to glare at him. "Are you having sex with my niece?"

"What the- I don't even know your damn niece!"

"Hidan!" Kakuzu sounded disappointed. "You were going to marry someone and you didn't even know her name?"

"Kakuzu! What the fuck-" He wasn't able to finish as his head was shoved into the carpet. Kakuzu gleefully listened to the muffled curses.

"Having sex with my darling niece is one thing, but marrying her! She's not ready for that yet! And I don't have the money to pay for it. And not even knowing her name! Why I ought to-"

Uncle Brian continued to shout at the poor silver haired victim. Rikku happened to walk in on his death threats and sidestepped the pair to get to the couch. She dumped the blankets on a still frozen Aiden and turned to Kakuzu.

"Okay, what did you tell him?"

"That you're having sex with Hidan and you're both planning on getting married."

Rikku glared. "You couldn't have picked someone better for me to have lie-sex with?"

The stitched man shrugged. "I enjoy Hidan's pain."

Rikku was about to respond when Aiden jumped off the couch, scattering the blankets, and silently walked to the door.

"Hey, where are you going?"

He turned back to the blue haired female and said with a serious tone of voice, "I'd rather sleep in an apartment where I risk myself being eaten by a cannibal than sit through another sex talk with your uncle." And he left.

Both blue and Christmas eyes stared at the door, before the blue sighed and turned to stare at her uncle still forcing Hidan to eat the carpet.

"This is why I don't bring friends home."

**~O~**

"Don't go in there!" A terrified scream filled the room as Nanichi leaned back in her spot beside Kisame. "I told her not to. You heard me right?"

Deidara snorted from the floor he had been pushed on to after trying to sit next the lavender haired girl. He'd finally decided just to stay after the fourth time. "This movie is so stupid, un."

"It's scary," Tobi whined from his hiding spot behind the couch.

"Makes me want to laugh," Kisame put in with his sharky grin.

"Hey Tobi," Deidara said as an idea struck. "Being behind the couch you can't see anything, un. You want me to tell you what's happening?"

"No!"

"Okay, I'll tell you, un," Deidara viciously grinned at the terrified squeal that emitted from the back of the couch. "The monster got another girl. He barged into the house and snatched her right in front of her friend, un!"

At that moment the front door banged open, causing Nanichi and Deidara to jump (Kisame laughed at them) and Tobi to turn around and squeal, "The Boogieman!"

Itachi's red eyes glared at the finger jabbed in his direction and stomped down the hallway to wash the dirt off of him. Sasori and Drew entered after him, Drew shutting the door behind them with a relived sigh.

Nanichi glanced over the couch at them. "When'd you guys leave?"

"About an hour ago," Drew responded. "Did you seriously not know we were gone?"

"No. I thought you three had gone into the kitchen."

Tobi jumped over to his friend. "Why are covered in dirt Drew-kun?"

"I had to bury a body."

"…"

"Shit why didn't you tell me? I've always dreamed of burying a dead body!"

Everyone in the room stared at the only female. "What? Is that so odd?"

"Yes," was everyone's response as they turned back to whatever they were doing.

Nanichi huffed and turned back to the TV. "So what if my dream's a little different? At least I have one."

**~O~**

Nicholas was surprised when he opened his door to see Aiden standing there. He actually looked down the hallway to see if anyone else had come with him.

"I thought you were staying with Rikku tonight."

Aiden glared. "You and Zetsu are the lesser of two evils."

Nicholas didn't know whether to be happy or somewhat offended by that statement.

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1013/13**


	12. Newness

Adoption 101

Chapter 12

Newness

* * *

><p>Deidara glared as the Uchiha flawlessly maneuvered the truck through the cone maze. He also shoved a cheering Tobi to the ground.<p>

Nanichi had finally decided that she would teach some members of the Akatsuki to drive after three days of having to chaperone. She'd chosen four to drive and had set up a little course of orange cones she had…_borrowed_ from the construction site three blocks down from the empty parking lot.

Right now all of the Akatsuki and four of their new companions were watching the driving lessons. Aiden had to do his "super-secret nerdy work", as Nanichi had put, and Drew had managed to find another job with the local vet. But the rest were free at the time.

"Man," Nicholas groaned as Itachi flawlessly avoided another cone. "I was hoping you guys would run into something!"

"That's why she only chose Konan, Pein, Sasori, and Itachi to drive," Rikku commented from beside her blonde friend, who was circling help wanted ads in the paper.

"I'd be just as good as Uchiha, un," Deidara pouted.

Sasori turned to his partner. "You already tried to blow up the truck brat."

"How was I supposed to know it was flammable?"

"That might have something to do with the fact it has _gasoline_ in it."

Deidara just turned away from his danna pouting. How was he supposed to know that at the time? He was just trying to show Kaitlin more of his art, which, by the way, she hadn't appreciated _one bit_. She was a pretty girl, but her unappreciative attitude for fine art was a huge turn off. She found more joy in watching Sasori make his _puppets_ than what Deidara did with his clay. He jumped out of his thoughts as Nicholas suddenly shouted.

"Yes!"

Deidara turned his attention back to the truck to see a fuming Nanichi shouting at the _perfect_ Uchiha, who had ran into a pole while backing up.

"The one fucking pole in the whole lot and you ran into it!"

Itachi just stared at her blankly, then at the pole, and back at her. He shrugged.

"Is that all you can say? You almost knock my bumper off and all you can do is shrug!"

Nanichi's rampage continued, and the others looked on from the sideline. For the first time in history Itachi was being scolded, and by a girl two years his junior. How embarrassing...and absolutely hilarious to watch.

Their attention shifted away from the fuming woman as a bloody, yet ecstatic, Hidan suddenly returned from where he had wondered off to.

"I finally found a way to do my rituals!" He turned to Rikku. "Bitch, throw a punch at me!"

Rikku blinked up at his psychotic grin. "Why?"

"So I can sacrifice you!"

"…I don't think so."

Hidan's grin fell as he scowled down at her. "Look here! I said I would sacrifice you, and I'm going to sacrifice you. Now cooperate with me dammit!"

"No."

Hidan's patience snapped, and he lunged for the girl. She backed into Tobi, who held her up as Hidan collided with her for a second before poofing back into a cat. The cat hissed as the ninja was subjected to another hour in his tiny, furry body.

Kisame laughed at the hissing cat. His partner sat beside him as Nanichi turned her anger to Pein, yelling at him for having incompetent followers.

"Do you know how much money this will cost?"

At the mention of money Kakuzu glanced up from balancing Nicholas's checkbook, for a price of course. And a hefty one it would be from all the mistakes he was having to correct for the crazy young man. "Money? Money for what?"

Nanichi turned her glare his way. "The money to fix the bumper the so called _perfect_ Itachi wrecked."

Kakuzu's Christmas colored eyes glared over at the perpetrator. "You come up with the money to fix it. It's not coming out of my pocket." He returned to the checkbook, not waiting for Itachi to answer him.

"That's exactly what he will have do," Pein voiced. "We do not have any money in this world, so there would be no way to pay without one of us getting a job." He stared right at Itachi. "Since it was your fault, you will be the one getting the job."

Itachi gave him a small scowl before emotionlessly turning to the blonde who offered half of the help wanted ads she had been scribbling on.

"Tobi wants a job!" Tobi glanced over Itachi's shoulder to look at the jobs available.

"No one would hire you, un."

"No one would hire a gender confused male either."

"What did you say to me?"

"Nothing senpai!"

"I don't care who gets a job," Nanichi yelled at the group as she inspected the damage done to her truck. "Someone better pay up!"

"You can work at the sandwich shop," Kaitlin suggested. "Or you can be a bodyguard at this club."

Itachi glanced at the all the jobs, and gave the paper back to Kaitlin. "I will find my own way to get the money."

"You sure?"

Itachi nodded. He was an Uchiha; he could do it.

Nicholas glanced down at his watch and stood from the cement block he was sitting on. "Well, I've got work. Have fun with the losers Zetsu."

"**Yay.** You're both so mean."

Sasori turned to the male as he left. "Where do you work?"

"A tattoo parlor. Why?"

"Drew told me that you were an artist-"

"I wouldn't say that."

"-and I would like to see some of your work."

"I want to too, un," Deidara chimed in after hearing the word art mentioned. Nicholas looked back and forth between the two artists and shrugged.

"Sure if you feel like sitting for hours in a hard plastic chair while I work."

Sasori and Deidara followed him to the nearest bus stop, fussing about art the whole way.

Rikku looked up from tormenting the kitty Hidan. "I have to go too."

"Where are you going?" Konan asked genuinely curious. Nicholas had mentioned earlier that his friend's boss would give her a day off every once in a while in order to keep Nicholas from coming around and scaring off some the more skittish customers. This happened to be one of those days.

"I have to go replace the things I lost in the fire."

"Can you buy us some clothes too?" Konan asked. Kakuzu glanced over at the women. "Wearing all of your clothes is okay, but I would prefer to have something in my size and wearing our ninja clothes in public draws too much attention."

"…" Rikku turned to Kaitlin. "Give me your parent's credit card."

"They said to only use it in emergencies."

"This is an emergency. Blue man and Stiches barely fit the clothes we gave them and Konan is tired of wearing your tiny clothes."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"No, Kaitlin's just a twig."

Kaitlin huffed but handed the credit card over anyways. Once in her possession, Rikku turned to the group and critically stared them down. "Since I'm buying crap for you guys I need two valets."

"Me, me!" Tobi shouted jumping around like the idiot he was. "Pick Tobi! Tobi would be a good valet!"

"...If I can survive my uncle and Nicholas I'm pretty sure I'll live through you."

"Yay!"

Tobi glomped the poor girl, who tried to shove him off but gave up when he began to squeeze her death, and turned to the rest of the males. She pointed at the unlucky Kisame. "Blue man, since your one of the biggest and I'm tired of Stiches, you're going with me."

Kisame gave an exaggerated sigh before following the already leaving girl, who had to drag the swirl faced criminal that wouldn't let her go.

Kakuzu glared after them, slightly offended by the blunette. Zetsu, seeing nothing better to do, phased through the ground he stood on, off to find leads on Kabuto. Itachi had already begun the walk back to Kaitlin's house, not wanting to wait for the blonde (since Nanichi was too mad at him to let him back in her truck). Konan was trying to calm the still mad Nanichi, and Pein stood beside them pinching the bridge of nose in an effort to relieve himself of his headache. Hidan had taken interest in pouncing on insects as they were smaller than his kitty body. Kaitlin still sat circling ads.

"I could totally be a pole dancer!"

**~O~**

"Oh what's that?"

"A revolving door, Tobi."

"Cool!"

Rikku sighed as she showed the two ninjas how to maneuver through the spinning door. She was regretting bringing the curious Tobi, who oh'ed and ah'ed about everything they came across. Kisame wasn't any better, as he had pressed every button he could get to in her car. She'd forgotten he'd never been in the front of a car and the buttons had fascinated him.

"Wow!" Tobi said in awe as he gazed upon the mall. "This place is huge!"

"Your awe sounds faked."

"Tobi doesn't know what Rikku-chan is talking about."

Rikku stared at the swirl mask in front of her and caught a glance of red through the mask's eye hole. She blinked, and it was gone. "Whatever, let's just get clothes and get out of here."

Except of course it wasn't that easy. Tobi was easily sidetracked by the little train placed in the center of the bottom floor. While he tried to convince the worker to let him ride, Rikku was dragging Kisame away from the fountain filled with little orange fish. When she had finally managed to grab hold of Tobi too, a group of teenagers had surrounded Kisame. They were poking and prodding various parts of the uncomfortable shark man.

"Wow! You costume looks authentic!"

"Yeah! Even the gills look real."

"Where did you get the blue body paint?"

"How can you be Kisame without Samehada?"

Kisame glared at the boy who dare mention his beloved sword. That was a touchy subject for him right now. Rikku didn't feel like explaining to Pein how the member she borrowed ended up in jail charged with brutal assault and possible murder, so she intervened.

"Hey," she stabbed a finger in the teens face as dramatically as she could. Where was Nanichi when she was actually needed? "Leave the guy alone! He's been through a lot and had to resort to walking around as a blue man, as a way of protection."

The teenager crossed his arms and glared at the girl who interrupted them. "Really?"

"Yes, really! He's in the protection of witnesses to very violent crimes program."

"You mean the Witness Protection Program?"

"That's what I said in a roundabout way."

"Ohhh," Tobi bounced around to the front of Kisame. "Kisame-san's been a bad boy!"

"Rikku's about to be a bad girl if Tobi doesn't stop butting in."

"No! Don't go to the dark side Rikku-chan!"

The group of teenagers had decided it wasn't worth the effort to admire the authentic looking Kisame and Tobi costumes and walked away. Rikku noticed and grabbed hold of both the Akatsuki members before they could wander off again.

"Okay first things first, let's get you guys some normal clothes that don't attract attention."

~O~

Sasori glanced around the tiny tattoo parlor. It wasn't that impressive. But Deidara seemed to think differently, as he was flipping through a book of tattoo designs after being scolded by Nicholas for playing with the earrings and whatnot that were on display.

Nicholas was now discussing a design that was supposed to go on the female customer's back. He didn't look very enthusiastic when the girl decided on a simple heart. Her friend was gushing on how pretty it would be and decided on having a similar design. They kept glancing back in intervals at both Sasori and Deidara. Nicholas noticed this and sighed.

"Sweethearts, hate to break it to you, but those two don't care what you get on your back," Nicholas told the suddenly saddened girls. "The red head appears to be asexual, and the blonde doesn't know what he wants."

Deidara glared viciously at the pierced man as the girls giggled at his humor. Sasori just blankly stared and took the book from Deidara's lap.

"Are these your designs?" he asked as he walked up to the counter. He ignored the two girls as he put the book on the counter and pointed at the design he spoke of. The design was more in-depth than the simple heart the girls had decided on. A series of three flowers, each bigger than the last, were connected together by a vine of leaves. Each flower was intricately detailed with various shades of color throughout. On the top flower was elegant butterfly.

"I remember that one," Nicholas said fondly as he and the girls stared at the sketch. "It was one the first designs I made for this place."

"It's so pretty!" one of the girls gushed. Her friend nodded enthusiastically and immediately called the design for her own.

Not to be outdone, the first girl quickly snatched the book away and flipped through looking for a design of her own. She finally settled on a sketch of a heart lock and key that she wanted to wrap around her ankle.

"You do now each of these designs will take longer," Nicholas warned as he went about prepping the tools he would use.

"Yeah," the girl who volunteered to go first said. "But they're better and you _are_ the original artist so it will be awesome."

"It also cost more."

"We have my daddy's credit card."

"Sweet."

~O~

Aiden stared up at Itachi as the computer screen blinked out. "Let me get this straight. Nanichi was teaching you to drive?"

Itachi nodded.

"Well that's where you messed up bub. You never get Nanichi to teach you anything."

Itachi glared.

"So, you ended up backing into a pole? And now you have to pay for the damages?"

Itachi nodded as he normal blank look returned.

"What do you want me to do?"

Itachi sighed. "I need you to find me a way to get the money."

"I think McDonald's hiring now."

Itachi stared at the male until he became extremely uncomfortable under the unblinking stare.

"Okay! I'll help you."

"Thank-"

"Under one condition. You _cannot_ tell anyone about this, especially not Nanichi."

Itachi thought about the condition and nodded. Aiden slowly turned back to click the computer screen back on. Multiple series of complicated codes popped up. Aiden cracked his knuckles as he prepared to type. "Turn that fancy Sharingan thing-a-bob on, and copy exactly what I do."

Itachi settled in the chair beside the closet genius and did as he said. He became interested and vaguely impressed as Aiden's fingers quickly flew over the keys and he explained the essentials of code breaking, hacking, and anonymous e-mails sent to various companies and big powered people demanding payment be sent to various accounts to keep the blackmail acquired from hitting papers.

~O~

"Tobi feels different…"

"I know what you mean," Kisame said as he tugged at the unfamiliar neck line of his T-shirt. As he hadn't gone out into public as much as the others had, he hadn't become use to the clothing that everyone else here wore. Tobi was bouncing in his Nikes as he tried to become use to sneakers. Rikku was enjoying her _free_ (i.e. charged to Kaitlin's credit card) double chocolate milkshake as they took a break in the food court.

They had managed to find enough clothes for everyone to be satisfied, Rikku taking more time on Konan's than the rest as she felt bad for the woman who had to endure the Akatsuki men every day before coming here. Tobi had picked out a bunch of graphic tees for himself and Kisame had grabbed anything that would fit him. The rest of the guys would just have to settle for the two shirts and pair of pants they had picked.

Rikku had even been able to replace about half of the things she had lost and said she would be ready to leave happy after they had grabbed a treat from the food court. Tobi had wholeheartedly agreed and was happily poking a spoon full of ice cream beneath his mask. Kisame had not wanted anything so Rikku ordered him a Coke, which he seemed to like.

The blue haired girl glanced at her cell phone to check the time and sighed as stood. "I'm going to the bathroom, and then we'll get out of here."

"Have fun!"

Rikku stared at the masked male and turned without word. Kisame smacked the immature Akatsuki member upside the head. "Idiot! You don't tell people to have fun in the bathroom."

"Owie! Why not?"

"…It could be taken out of context."

"Kisame-san's a bad boy with nasty thoughts."

"Look who's talking."

**~O~**

Nicholas happily showed the girls out with a wave. Deidara was poking through the various piercing jewelry, holding one up to his ear every once in a while. Sasori sat behind the counter.

"You say you are not an artist but you obviously showed pride in your work."

Nicholas shrugged as walked past him to clean up his tattooing station. "Wouldn't anyone, artist or not?"

"No."

Nicholas rolled his eyes at the serious red head and turned to Deidara, who was holding a stud up to his tongue. "That would be hilarious to see."

Deidara glared and lifted his hand to stick the hand's mouth's tongue out at him. Nicholas looked astonished as he paused cleaning.

"Dude, that's not normal. You should get that checked out."

Deidara humphed, and Sasori cracked a small smile.

**~O~**

Rikku sighed as she looked into the mirror above the sink. Today hadn't been so bad. She had actually anticipated more trouble from the Akatsuki members. But there was only one incident in the perfume section of the store they shopped in where Tobi had accidentally blinded Kisame with the perfume.

She threw the paper towel she used to dry hands into the waste bin before opening the door to exit. When someone opens a door they don't expect to be grabbed and slammed into the wall opposite of the door, which is exactly what happened to her. Her head slammed hard, and she gasped in pain.

"It wasn't as hard to get you alone as I thought it would be. And here I thought you were one of the smarter ones."

Rikku blinked up at the glasses that dominated the grey haired male's face. "What's your name again? Kite? Oreo? Butthole?"

The male glared down at her, and his hold on her collar tightened. "Listen here, you insignificant little brat, you're going to tell me everything you know about the Akatsuki: their weaknesses, schedules, everything!"

"Shouldn't you already know that creeper?"

He slammed her hard against the wall, and Rikku gasped as pain shot through her body. With the pain came the realization that she was in serious trouble. This guy wasn't restricted in the same ways the Akatsuki were.

"Now that I have your full attention," he said softly, leaning in to stare directly at the slightly stunned female, "you will tell me everything I want to know."

"Rikku-chan!"

Kabuto was suddenly thrown from her, harshly colliding with the bathroom door. Rikku could only stare as the orange masked ninja took the other man's place and gave her shoulders a harsh shake.

"Tobi was worried when Rikku-chan didn't return from the bathroom! So, Tobi was a good boy and came to make sure you were okay!"

She blinked. "Did you think I fell in the toilet or something?"

"No, but that could have happened."

They were interrupted by a fist coming their way. Tobi quickly picked Rikku up and dodged the infuriated bespectacled ninja. Pushing Rikku behind him once they had landed, Tobi took to the offensive and, instead of dodging this time, grabbed the other ninja's fist and aimed his own at his enemy's face.

Rikku gaped at the puff of smoke that appeared and the log that fell to the ground with a thud.

"Shit!" Tobi cursed in a deep voice.

"What the hell just happened?" Rikku exclaimed. Seeing a human being suddenly turn into a log had caused her to slightly lose her normal indifferent composure. First the whole cat thing, and now people could turn into logs. What the hell were they going to turn into next? Purple elephants?

Tobi was glaring, though she couldn't see that fact, at the log. "Ninja went 'poof'."

Rikku glared at him for stating the obvious. "I saw that! And what the hell's up with your voice?"

Tobi jumped as he seemed to realize his mistake and twiddled his thumbs. "Tobi doesn't know what Rikku-chan is talking about."

"Don't play games with me!" Rikku lost any composure she may have had and shouted at Tobi. She crossed the few steps between them and poked him in the chest until he clumsily stumbled into the wall behind him. "I haven't questioned one damn thing that's happened lately! I've put up with a crazed religious fanatic, a stuck up leader, and a stitched man who steals my money. I want answers and I want them now!"

Tobi sighed and dropped his mindless façade. "Fine, but not now." He covered her mouth as she opened it to yell at him. "I will explain when we get back to the house. Now let's go before Kisame comes to look for us."

Rikku reluctantly nodded and followed the man as they went back to the shark man.

**~O~**

"Come on Hidan! Kiss me!"

"Get the fuck away!"

Itachi blinked at what he had walked in on. A pole had been placed in the middle of the living room and was currently being circled by a scantily dressed Nanichi and a slightly frightened Hidan. Kakuzu and Konan sat on the couch staring with a mix of horror and amusement, and Kaitlin stood beside them, also scantily dressed and laughing so hard that tears ran down her face.

He blinked again; just to make sure what he was seeing was real. He realized now why he had seen Pein outside sitting on the steps, holding his head in near tears.

Nanichi grabbed hold of the silver haired male's arm and made smooching noises up at him. He blanched and struggled to free himself without resorting to the violence that would change him back into a cat.

"Just one kiss!"

"NO!"

Itachi cleared his throat to gain the room's occupants' attention. When he had their undivided attention, he walked up to Nanichi and placed a thick envelope into the palm of her hand.

"This should be enough to pay for the damages done to your truck," he explained to the confused audience. He left the room before she could respond.

Nanichi stared at the envelope before quickly dropping it in panic.

"Shit! This is blood money isn't it?" She chased after the Uchiha. "Itachi! Who did you kill?"

The room got quiet as the lavender haired female left, and Hidan collapsed into the recliner to rest. Kaitlin finally turned to Kakuzu and Konan. "So, do you think I could be pole dancer?"

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1013/13**


	13. Answers

Adoption 101

Chapter 13

Answers

* * *

><p>Rikku glared at the back of his head. As soon as Kisame, Tobi, and her had gotten back to Kaitlin's, he had been avoiding her. First, he'd run upstairs and locked himself in the bathroom; after that he had dragged Pein away and locked them both in the room Pein was occupying; and now he was making a point to stick to Drew's side.<p>

During his avoidance, Rikku had explained what happened at the mall to Konan, who had greeted them at the door. Konan had Kakuzu poke at the girl's head to see if she was okay. Rikku smacked him when he poked a sore spot on purpose.

After the check-up, she stomped upstairs in search of the answers Tobi refused to give her.

**~O~**

"Fishman!" Kisame braced himself for the tiny body that impacted him. "I missed you and your arguments over the TV."

The ninja could only stare down at the clothes she wore. "What are you wearing?"

Nanichi glanced down at the tight tank that showed some of her belly and short skirt. "Oh, this? Kaitlin wanted to learn how to pole dance, so I agreed to teach her."

"How do you know how to pole dance?"

"It's a long, complicated story, mainly involving alcohol and blackmail."

Kisame just shook his in disbelief. He dropped off the bags that Rikku and Tobi had left for him to bring in before heading to the TV he had grown attached to. He turned back around when he saw Kaitlin swinging on a pole in the middle of the living room with Drew and Tobi cheering her on.

"I'm finding a TV upstairs," he informed Nanichi before doing just that.

He was halfway up the stairs when the front door flung open, and Nicholas, Deidara, and Sasori walked in. He paused when he noticed Deidara holding a hand up to his mouth and glaring at the non-ninja with them. This outta be good.

"What's up with you, blondie?" Nanichi asked, drawing everyone's attention to the trio.

He continued to glare at Nicholas, who just grinned back.

"Show 'em," he teased the glaring bomber. "Show 'em, show 'em, show 'em!"

Deidara growled behind his hand before removing it. Everyone became confused when they noticed nothing out of the ordinary.

"The hell is wrong with you?" Hidan finally asked.

Nicholas gave the blonde's side a violent jab. "_Show them!_"

Deidara's glare intensified before he slowly stuck his tongue out. The ninjas gaped at the new stud that adorned the bomber's tongue. Kaitlin gaped as well, but Nanichi began to laugh.

"That's what you were so upset about?" she asked between laughs. Deidara glared at her before sticking his tongue back in.

"Nicholas conveniently forgot to mention that there could be side effects," Sasori explained to the still confused Kaitlin. "And he had wanted one on each of his tongues."

"Suth ub, dannuh!"

Nanichi doubled over in laughter and Hidan joined her. Kisame snickered as he continued to make his way up the stairs in search of a TV.

"Senpai, you talk funny now," Tobi said as he came up to poke at his senpai's cheek.

"Yeah, you sound like how Nicholas did when he got his tongue pierced," Drew teased, and Nicholas turned a brief glare on him.

Hearing this seemed to calm the blonde bomber a little. At least Nicholas went through the same thing, so it was normal. He just wouldn't talk for the next few days.

Kaitlin jumped over to Sasori and grabbed his hand. "Sasori come here! I need the opinion of someone other than goofballs!"

He sighed and allowed her to drag him into the living room where the dreaded pole still stood. He could have already told her that pole dancing was not her thing. But she already seemed to know that and was having fun making a fool of herself. So, he just sat on the couch without a word and watched her twirl.

**~O~**

Kisame found his partner and Rikku upstairs reading the manga that Itachi had previously found.

"So this kid has a demon in him?"

"Hn."

"And your little brother's a dick?"

"…"

"Wonder where he got that from."

Kisame smirked at the glare Itachi gave the girl, who simply ignored him and continued to flip through the book of black and white pictures.

"It's an Uchiha thing," he told her. Itachi transferred his glare to his partner, who also ignored him in his search for the remote.

"You guys aren't even in here much," she stated as she picked another book up. Itachi shrugged as he had already known this, and Kisame was already flipping through channels. At the speed he was going, Itachi would have missed the brief appearance of the famed copy Nin if his Sharingan hadn't been activated.

Without a word he snatched the controller from the blue man and flipped back ten channels. Kisame complained at the abrupt action, but Itachi ignored him. Instead, he stared at the image of himself and Kisame harassing the Konoha ninjas.

All three watched the full episode without a word. Both Kisame and Itachi were still having a hard time believing their lives were being depicted in a book, and now their faces pop up on the TV? Rikku was amazed at the depiction of Itachi's Tsukuyomi and slightly disturbed. Despite how lax they had been here, it was becoming more and more obvious that they were very deadly ninjas.

"You're such a dick," she said in awe as his TV self stabbed the restrained silver haired ninja. "How could you hurt someone with such awesome hair like that?"

The tension in the room broke at Kisame's strangled laughs. Itachi glared at her and she shrugged. Then to make matters worse, Tobi barged in.

"Rikku-chan!" He jumped onto the girl, who let out a squeak and collided with the long haired male sitting beside her. "Tobi's been looking for you!"

"Really?" she said sarcastically as she remembered the avoidances from earlier.

"Yep, for about five minutes now!" Before she could say another word he violently dragged her out of the room, much to the surprise of both Kisame and Itachi.

**~O~**

Sasori watched with half lidded eyes as his partner was teased by Nanichi and Hidan. They would make him mad enough to yell at them, and then laugh at the lisp caused by the swelling of his tongue. He would then take the clay he had acquired while they were out and make miniature birds to fly after them. It wasn't very intimidating because he couldn't make them explode as Leader had ordered him not to do so while in the house.

Sasori felt the space beside him become occupied and looked up to see Kaitlin sitting next to him. She looked worried.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a low voice so as not to gain any unwanted attention. He blinked at her.

"Of course; why would I not be?"

She didn't look convinced. "It's only been two weeks since we found you."

"So?"

"You weren't in the greatest of conditions, Sasori."

He blinked again. She wouldn't have been able to tell (no one would have been able to) but he was actually surprised and a little touched at her concern. It had been a long time since someone actually worried over him.

"I'm fine," he told her again. "Ninjas learn to brush off near death experiences from an early age."

"Is that all that happened?"

Sasori had to admit that for a girl who constantly seemed to fret over things, she was very persistent when she wanted to be. Not to say it wasn't annoying.

When he didn't answer, she scooted closer. His eyes widened marginally in surprise at the move.

"You can tell me anything," she persisted. "I won't tell anyone."

Maybe it was the small bond that had formed between when both she and Drew rescued him or maybe it was real concern he could see reflecting in her eyes. Whatever it was that made him do it, Sasori slowly nodded and the two left the crowded the room to find a private place to talk.

**~O~**

Meanwhile, Zetsu was just phasing once again into the office formally occupied by the Alfred-disguised-Kabuto. His search for any kind of lead on Kabuto or Orochimaru had begun here nearly four days before. Unfortunately, anything that could be used to find him had already been cleared away. All of the tubes and beakers, piles of papers, and even the cages that Drew, Kaitlin, and Sasori had seen were no longer there.

"**Why are we here?**" Black Zetsu complained as they paced the room in search for something.

"We're not getting anywhere with what we have now—"

"**Which is nothing.**"

"—so it won't hurt if we take another look around."

"**There's nothing here!**" his black side exclaimed. He kicked the desk chair in anger, and it smashed to pieces when it hit the other wall. "**This is just a waste of time and what little chakra we have to spare use.**"**  
><strong>

White Zetsu sighed as his more violent side fumed. If he continued to act like this, they would have to separate for a while. Ignoring his other half's dark thoughts, he scoured the desk once more; he even broke the drawers out in case anything had managed to fall underneath them or they had secret compartments. Black Zetsu swore as they once again came up with nothing.

"We might as well go back," White Zetsu finally said in defeat. "We'll just tell them we couldn't find anything."

"**Who? Pein or Madara?**"

"Both."

His black side agreed, and they phased through the floor without another word.

**~O~**

Rikku was violently jerked around the corner before Tobi reached the room he was aiming for, then she was jerked violently into there. She staggered as the last tug threw off her balance. "Jeez, I wanted to talk to you too, but do you have to be so violent?"

Tobi ignored her and locked the door behind him. He looked back towards her, and Rikku could almost see the mask of his fake persona drop. "So, you've been reading those books too?"

"Yeah," she said in uneaseily.

"What do they say?"

"Not telling."

The eyehole of his mask flashed red as Rikku felt his glare. She was quickly learning after her experience with Kabuto that she shouldn't let her smart mouth get the best of her, and the cartoon she had just watched cinched it. These weren't just ordinary people—they were highly trained killers.

He suddenly tilted his head as a thought came to him. "Tell me what you know, and I'll tell you what I know."

"A compromise?"

"Necessity." He stalked over to the bed and sat. Patting the space beside him as a mocking invite, he continued. "Itachi has already looked over those books cover to cover and still cannot read them. We may be able to speak your language, but for whatever reason, we cannot read it."

Rikku reluctantly sat next to the ninja. "So you need a translator." He nodded an affirmative. "How do I know that the information I'm getting is worth actually reading those things?"

"I'll tell you exactly how we got here."

She blinked her blue eyes in confusion. "Pein already said he didn't know."

"He doesn't, but I do."

Something clicked. "_You're_ the one that brought all of you here?"

The orange mask bobbed up and down. "I wasn't about to let Orochimaru kill use all."

Rikku rubbed her forehead as she tried to absorb the information she had just heard. Tobi sat patiently beside her. Finally she looked back up.

"Okay, you've got a deal."

**~O~**

Kaitlin silently sat in the kitchen chair she occupied as she waited for Sasori to speak. Her friends and family had always said that she could be a good counselor if she wanted too. She had always been the one people would come to, just to talk about their problems. Sometimes they came for answers but mostly just to talk. It was weird, especially when someone off the street would randomly ask if she would listen to their problems, but Kaitlin had just learned to accept it.

Sasori shifted in his chair and stared at the girl that seemed to have zoned out. What was he doing? He didn't normally sit down at a table and prepare to spew out personal crap—especially not to a girl half his age. But some annoying "new" emotion compelled him to tell _someone, _and she just happened to be the only one who had bothered to ask. Pein wasn't even interested at knowing how he had come here; he was too busy trying to find a way back and control his criminals while at the same time pretend that none of this affected him. _Deidara _hadn't even asked. His partner was acting as if nothing had ever happened to begin with—Sasori was never killed; no, he just went missing for a small period of time, but now he's back! So it's all good.

Sasori's sighing brought her attention back to him. He intently stared at her before opening his mouth to begin. However, he closed it again, and there was an obvious internal struggle as the redhead debated whether to continue or call the meeting off. Eventually, the weight of his thoughts finally urged him to start.

"I was killed before I came to this world."

Kaitlin blinked. Okay, she definitely wasn't expecting that.

"The last thing I remember was seeing my grandmother and the pink haired brat who helped kill me." He paused to allow the innocent girl to absorb what he had just said and even smirked a little at the look of disbelief that appeared. "That is the danger of becoming S-ranked criminal. You face the odds of coming up against your own family in battle one day.

"I do not know how long I… floated between life and death. The next thing I remember is opening my eyes to see my ex-partner and his assistant, Orochimaru and Kabuto, looking down at me. Somehow (I still do not know how) Orochimaru had resurrected me from the dead, completely chakra less and unable to fight back."

He paused again, this time to think of what to say next. The girl had wanted him to talk about what had happened, but he was reluctant to share any gruesome details to her. She wasn't a ninja, wasn't use to the horrors that many children from their world had witnessed, and he didn't have the heart to shatter the innocent world she (or any of the others for that matter) lived in.

It had nothing to do with the fact that his own uncontrollable emotions were making it hard to revisit those dark times; for years he hadn't had to worry about controlling them like other shinobi. As a puppet, he hadn't been burdened with them at all. He had underestimated how time consuming that would be.

So, he edited many parts of his story.

"Orochimaru used me for many of his experiments. He tried to change my chakra nature, injected me with any experimental drugs Kabuto had created, and finally performed the jutsu that would eventually change us into cats."

Sasori paused again as the girl gasped. Even with the edited version, she still seemed shocked. He couldn't say he was doing any better. Damn emotions; there was a reason why he had gotten rid of them to begin with.

"The jutsu was meant to put the Akatsuki in as vulnerable a state as possible without putting the caster in any harm's way. Orochimaru figured that with the Akatsuki gone any major threat towards him would be gone also. So he performed the jutsu several times, not only on me but others he had captured just for that cause.

"He failed many times. Either the jutsu would not last long enough, or the distance would be too great for it to reach. But he finally perfected it. The side effect from the jutsu was changing their bodies into felines, but the main goal was to have their chakra locked away and make them as defenseless as he needed them to be.

"But something happened that he had not anticipated. Somehow, a rip in the dimension between our world and your world was opened, and the Akatsuki were thrown into it. Kabuto, Orochimaru's most loyal follower, was sent in to retrieve them.

"He came back a day later saying that the cats had been found and were now being protected. He could not kill them without causing suspicion. Kabuto was sent once again, this time with me along to enable him to know when the jutsu broke, and assumed the identity of the man Alfred after killing him."

Sasori took a deep breath as he wound his story up. "Kabuto planned when he would kill them. The one month policy worked in his favor, until you interfered." He glanced up at her with a smirk. "I had never seen him so angry. Flinging papers around in a fit of childish anger! It was amusing to see him like that.

"Obviously, he planned to take all of you out just to get to his target. He almost managed to succeed with Drew if I had not attacked when I did." He looked directly into the stunned green eyes of Kaitlin. "I never did thank him for saving me. Maybe I should later."

Kaitlin automatically nodded. She slumped in the chair as she absorbed everything he had said. Not only had he been _dead_ for a short period of time, but he had also been used and experimented on by a vile man whose only goal was to kill off the rest of kitties she had grown attached to.

Sasori shrugged, as if saying none of this had really affected him in the slightest, but even Kaitlin—naïve little Kaitlin—could see right through that. He tried very hard to keep his bored mask up, but his inner thoughts managed to escape through the tiny cracks in it. It was those exact cracks that had caught her attention and made her worried. "Anyway, that is what happened. It is in the past now, and all I can do is—"

He was abruptly cut off as the blonde girl enveloped him in a hug. His eyes widened in surprise as she wrapped her arms around the stunned Nin's neck and squeezed. He tensed, but when the girl made no move to let go, he slowly relaxed and allowed her to stay.

"Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me this Sasori," she said softly into his red hair. He just nodded as he rested his head below her chin. It had been a long time since someone had held him like this. So it was only natural that he would relish this short moment.

...dammit, this was why he had preferred his puppet body. He was reverting back into a hormonal teenager.

**~O~**

Zetsu phased through the floor just in time to duck back down in an effort to dodge the many pillows being thrown.

"Cowbard! Come outh throm behinb de couth!"

He heard Nanichi and Hidan laugh. "Oh my God! It's still so funny!"

"Zetsu!"

He glanced around to see Nicholas's head poked around the living room's entryway, motioning for the plant man (who was still half in, half out of the floor) to hurry over. Zetsu did the smart thing and phased back into the floor (dodging a suddenly thrown pillow) and appearing beside Nicholas.

"That shit is still awesome!"

For once, both black and white shared a smirk together. They knew they were awesome.

"Anyway, where the hell you been, man? You missed Deidara's squeals of pain as he got his tongue pierced, and him being made fun of. It was almost as great as chasing after Aiden."

"We were looking for lead on Kabuto," the white side responded, as the black was pouting at having missed the fun. "We weren't able to find anything though."

"Harsh," Nicholas sympathized, but Zetsu saw a hard glint in his eyes. "The bastard's hiding himself pretty damn well after what he did."

"What happened?"

The glint he had seen hardened. "The coward attacked Rikku when she was alone. I can't even imagine what would have happened if Tobi hadn't shown up when he had."

"**Tobi?**"

"Yeah, he and Kisame had gone shopping with her, and he was the one that went to check on her when she was gone for too long."

Zetsu understood why the male was so upset now. If Tobi hadn't been there, Rikku could very well be dead now. Nicholas didn't show it often, but he cared very much for his blue haired friend and would have been devastated if something had happened to her; that, and very murderous.

"Anyway, no new leads?"

Zetsu shook his head, and his friend seemed disappointed. "Well damn, guess he'll show up again soon." Nicholas looked towards the living where Deidara was suffocating the cackling Hidan. "Maybe you should talk to Drew or Kaitlin. They worked with the guy for at least a month. Maybe he let something slip."

Zetsu thoughtfully nodded. Why hadn't he thought of that before?

**~O~**

"Sign it."

Madara sighed and signed the meaningless piece of paper. If it made her more cooperative he'd do it; he needed to know what was in those books!

Rikku looked at the signature and nodded, satisfied. "Alright, now if I find anything in those books that could potentially change the flow of time (or whatever), I have the right to refuse to tell you."

Madara started in surprise. "That was not part of the deal!"

"According to this paper you signed, it was."

He growled. The little brat was smarter than he originally thought. She just looked back at him, smug.

"What if that wasn't my real name?"

"Then it's null and void, and I walk out now."

The ninja tapped his orange mask in thought. He needed to know everything those books said, and if Itachi had learned how to translate them, he absolutely refused to tell the older Uchiha what they said. He didn't want to risk giving away his identity to anyone else.

"Fine…" He'd find another way to find out what she refused to translate.

"Good," she said, tucking the paper away for safe keeping. "First off, what's your real name?"

"Tobi."

"If you refuse to tell me, I refuse to translate."

Madara growled again in anger. "…Madara…"

"Alright we're getting somewhere. What did you mean earlier that you were the one who brought the Akatsuki here?"

"Exactly as I said. I used a jutsu meant to safely teleport us away. Somehow coming into contact with Orochimaru's jutsu ripped a hole between our dimensions and flung us here. Apparently, it's still open seeing as Kabuto and Sasori were able to end up here as well."

"Why don't you go back then?"

The masked man snorted, and Rikku glared. It was good question! "What would be point with this jutsu still causing us to change back into cats and half of our chakra still locked away? One wrong move and that's all Orochimaru needs to kill us."

"Do you even know where the portal is?"

Madara stared at her and shrugged. It wasn't where they had popped up at (Itachi had looked for it and never found it), so there was telling where the actually hole between dimensions was.

Rikku nodded, and when he didn't continue she decided to ask, "Is that it?"

He nodded. What else could the girl possibly want?

"You made it sound so much more dramatic."

Madara just shook his head. Kids these days! They can never take simple answers; it always had to be about drama!

"Whatever," Rikku said in slight disappointment. "What do you want me to translate?"

A book suddenly appeared in his hand, and he thrust it into her lap. "What does it say about the one-tail extraction?"

**~O~**

Drew looked up at Aiden's scream of terror. Oh, it was just Zetsu phasing through the wall. He went back to the puzzle he had started in a fit of boredom after Tobi had run off.

"**What the hell is that supposed to be?** Hush!"

Drew looked up to the two toned man hovering over him. He looked back down at the puzzle. "I think it's supposed to be some garden, but most of the pieces are missing. So, I'm making it abstract art by filling with the gaps with pieces from another puzzle."

Silence fell over the three.

"**That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.** Why are you being so mean lately?"

Drew shrugged the comment off and went back to forcing pieces together. Aiden escaped the room before Zetsu's attention could be brought to him. Zetsu still awkwardly stood next to Drew.

"Did you need something?" Drew asked when he noticed Zetsu hadn't gone after Aiden.

"You were in Kabuto's office before, right?"

"Yeah, it's where I found Sasori."

"Did you see anything… suspicious?"

"Other than the fact that papers were scattered everywhere, there was blood on the floor, and empty cages lining the wall, no."

"**Don't get smart with us.** All of that's gone now."

Drew racked his brain for anything else he had seen that day. "There was a camcorder I found."

That caught Zetsu interest. "A camcorder? **What's that?**"

"It takes movies of things and saves them on a little tape, or replays them on the little screen."

"Where is it?"

"My place… somewhere."

"**Let's go.**"

Zetsu didn't give Drew time to respond as he grabbed the younger male and phased through the floor. Aiden peeked around the corner where he had been standing the whole time.

"I pity him."

**~O~**

Drew and Zetsu popped back up in the middle of Drew's living room mere seconds later. Drew took a wobbly step away from the plant man. "Please ask next time you do that."

"**Suck it up.** Be nice. It was his first time."

Drew shook his head as he tried to relieve himself of his dizziness. "The camcorder's probably back in my room. I was charging it up to see what was on there, but I kinda forgot about it."

Zetsu nodded and made his way down the hallway Drew had pointed to. He returned shortly with a small camera balanced in his hand. "Is this it?"

Drew nodded from the couch he had sat on. He motioned Zetsu to give him the camera, and turned it on. Its screen winked onto the camera's menu and Drew clicked on the replay option. The screen turned black before flashing on again.

What was displayed on the screen was Kabuto's office and sitting at the desk was a man that was most definitely not Kabuto. The video played for a few minutes, displaying nothing but the dark haired man working behind his desk until he jumped up and yelled at something off screen. Kabuto soon appeared on the edge of the screen, and the two males moved to stand in the middle of the frame. A soundless argument ensued because the camera's speaker was broken, but the animosity that escalated between them was obvious. The end of the argument was an enraged Kabuto killing the man.

It continued to play afterwards but the only thing that happened was the removal of the body and Kabuto's reappearance with a cat Sasori. The camera's battery must have died shortly after that.

"**Well, that didn't help.**"

Drew folded the screen back. "Actually, we now know that Alfred was real. Kabuto must have appeared the day before he officially began working, since both Kaitlin and I had never seen him before. So, it was easy for Kabuto to take his place."

"It still doesn't tell us where he is, **or why his chakra will suddenly disappear**."

Drew shrugged. He didn't have anything else to say.

"We might as well head back."

"I'm not going back," Drew said. He backed away from Zetsu's hand when the spy extended it to him. "You might enjoy the sensation of moving through things but it makes me sick. Sasori can drive my car back."

Zetsu shrugged and left without another word.

**~O~**

Deidara glared at the crumbled body of Hidan. Pein had said nothing about blowing him up outside.

"Bastard!" Hidan's disconnected head cursed. "You've had your fun; now go get Kakuzu to put my body back together!"

Deidara's blue eyes glared harshly at him. "Nob." He walked away, leaving Hidan still disconnected and an amazed Nanichi staring.

"Bitch, go get Kakuzu!"

Nanichi ignored him and looked up as a raindrop fell on her head. "It's starting to rain…Have fun, Hidan!"

She skipped back into the house. Hidan glared at the sliding glass door within his vision. "Fucking heathens! Mark my words; I'll sacrifice you all one day!"

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1014/13**


	14. Groups, Job Hunting, and Art

Adoption 101

Chapter 14

Groups, Job Hunting, and Art

* * *

><p>"Due to recent events, I have decided that all of you," Pein glanced between the six non-ninjas, "will be accompanied by one team at all times."<p>

Rikku raised her hand, and Pein nodded for her to speak. She immediately pointed to the orange masked annoyance that sat beside her. "I don't want Tobi."

"But Rikku-chan!" Tobi exclaimed as he glomped the girl. "Tobi _loves_ you."

"Get off you swirl faced weirdo."

Aiden shot his hand up also. Pein turned to him, ignoring the annoyed female who was trying to free herself from the overeager ninja. "Yes?"

"If Rikku gets to choose who she doesn't want, then I don't want Zetsu!"

"**We don't want you either.**"

"You tell him Zetsu," Nicholas voiced from beside his cannibal accomplice.

Pein sighed as the rest voiced their opinions.

"I don't want Kisame."

"Why not?"

"You hog the controller!"

"I don't want anything to do with the blue haired bitch!"

"What do have against Konan?"

"Shut up Kakuzu! I meant Rikku."

"Tobi wants to stay with Deidara-senpai!"

"No, un!"

"Hidan still owes me a kiss!"

"Fuck no!"

"Be quiet!"

Akatsuki and co. turned to stare at Pein, who had finally snapped. "I've already decided who goes with whom. So shut up and sit down!"

He took a deep breath and the group continued to stare at him. "Now that I've got your attention, listen up. These are the groups and they will not be changing."

He turned to the closest pair, which happened to be Hidan and Kakuzu. "You two are stuck with Nanichi."

"What!" Hidan jumped and stared at the leader in disbelief. "You did that on purpose! You know girls get on my fucking nerves!"

"Kakuzu restrain your partner."

The strings from Kakuzu's arm detached and wrapped around the screaming Jashinist's mouth and pulling him back into his chair in the process. Of course, Nanichi had to make a comment about this.

"Tentacle rape!"

Pein didn't have to tell anyone to restrain her; more of Kakuzu's strings had already done the job. So while the two loudmouths were effectively shut up, Pein turned to the next pair Sasori and Deidara.

"Since you have reappeared Sasori, you and Deidara will once again be partners. You two stay with Kaitlin."

They both nodded; neither had a problem with that. Drew turned to Sasori and held out his hands. "Well it was nice living with you for our short time together."

Sasori sighed but grabbed his hand anyway. "I suppose it was okay, brat 2."

"Aw," Tobi whined. "Tobi wanted to stay with Deidara-senpai!"

"You're still clinging to me weirdo."

Pein turned Tobi. "You will temporarily be teamed with Zetsu. You will both have Aiden and Nicholas."

"No!" Aiden cried out. He almost jumped the table to tackle Pein. "You, you… ninja with a god complex! How dare you put me with that thing?" He pointed in the direction of the cannibal. Zetsu glared back him.

"Zetsu will not have the time to torment you," Pein informed the still fuming male. "He should be looking Kabuto."

"**That's what we've been doing for the past two weeks.** Kabuto's gone."

Rikku, who had given up on detangling herself from the pest that clung to her, turned to glare at the two-toned man. "Then who the hell attacked me four days ago?"

"…whoops. **He's gone now.**"

"Excuse me if I don't believe you."

"Anyway," the orange haired leader tried to regain their attention; he turned to Itachi and Kisame. "The next team will stay with Rikku."

"I'm staying at my uncle's from now on," Rikku suddenly informed the group. They stared at her sudden announcement. Before long Nicholas and the restrained Hidan were in tears as they laughed hard. Kakuzu was trying to restrain his chuckles and Aiden had gone paler than Zetsu had ever seen him.

"Good…good luck," Nicholas gasped between laughs. Itachi and Kisame stared at him before turning to a sane person for answers. This sane person happened to be Aiden. Noticing their stares, he paled further.

"Please don't make me relive that night."

Pein turned to Drew, the last of the group needing protection. "Konan and I will stay with you. There is a chance that Kabuto only knows where you and Kaitlin live, but he has only attacked you at home. So, there is a high chance that he may do so again."

Drew nodded. He would miss his three original kitties, but Pein had already decided and he was sure he couldn't change the leader's mind.

Noticing Pein was finally finished, Kaitlin turned to Nanichi who was struggling to free her herself. "Nanichi if you don't get job, I'm kicking you out."

She stared at her friend wide eyed. "Mmuph?"

"If you don't get a job, I'm kicking you out," Kaitlin repeated slowly. "My family may be rich, but I'm tired of you bumming off of me."

"Mi'ne mut bummphing moff mou!"

"Yes you are."

"Mhine!" Nanichi glared at the stitched man. He glared back before releasing her. "But how am I going to find a job?"

"You can work at McDonald's," Rikku said sarcastically.

"No! I don't even like to eat at the place."

"What's McDonald's Rikku-chan?"

"I'll tell if you let go."

"Nope!"

"Let me go!"

Everyone ignored the glaring match that had begun between the two.

"You can go to the mall," Drew suggested. "Sometimes the stores out there will be hiring."

"Or you could get in on what Aiden does," Nicholas teased. All of the friends were convinced that Aiden's mysterious "job" didn't exist. Aiden glared.

"It's settled," Kaitlin said. She turned to Nanichi. "Nanichi go to the mall and don't come back without a job!"

"What!" Nanichi stared at her friend in disbelief. She hadn't thought the blonde was serious. "Is everyone forgetting that's where Kabuto attacked Rikku?"

"Four eyes wouldn't come after you're scrawny ass!"

"You're just jealous of my firm buttocks!"

Kakuzu looked back and forth between the glaring pair. "You're both idiots."

"You swirl faced pumpkin thing, let me go!"

"Hmmm," Tobi hummed while snuggling the face of his mask into her hair. "Nope! Tobi doesn't want to!"

Rikku growled as she tried to de-tangle his arms from around her neck.

**~O~**

"Our deal didn't involve any clinging!" Rikku exclaimed once she and Madara had escaped from the group. They were now in the room that Rikku currently occupied. Rikku was packing what little she had in her new suitcase, and Madara was messing around with whatever he could get his hands on.

"I had to come up with a reason for Tobi's sudden interest in you" he explained. Rikku snatched the Heartless necklace (a birthday gift from Nanichi, who said something about irony) from the Uchiha's grasp and stuffed it into the pocket of her jeans. "Tobi suddenly clinging to someone isn't suspicious at all."

"You never clung to Drew."

"That might have something to with you being a girl."

"Pervert."

Madara shrugged, unoffended, and reached for her laptop. He was still curious as to how a "computer" worked. Rikku smacked his hand away and packed the device. Madara pouted and jumped onto the bed, where he lay on his back with his hands behind his head.

"I don't see why you're upset. Nicholas clings to you sometimes."

Rikku glared at the body that flattened the shirt she was about to pack. "That's because he's been doing that since we were in diapers, and he's my age. How old did you say you were?"

"I didn't."

Her glare hardened. Jerk, the stupid deal wasn't worth all this hassle.

Tobi jumped off the bed when the door opened. Kakuzu paused at seeing the swirl masked ninja sitting on the edge of the bed with his legs swinging back and forth. Kakuzu shrugged and turned to Rikku. "Nanichi wants to borrow your car."

"Tell her hell no," Rikku said not even glancing up from shoving a shirt in her bag. "Besides, taking the bus is cheaper than filling up my tank." She paused in thought. "No, she wouldn't be able to fill up the tank anyway."

Kakuzu nodded but remained leaning on the door frame. Tobi pointed out that he could leave now and he just shrugged. "The more time I waste up here, the less time I'll have to deal with those two."

"But Rikku-chan is _boring!_" Rikku glared at his exclamation. Kakuzu just stared at him with blank green eyes.

"Then why are you here?"

Tobi's swinging legs froze. "Ummmm..."

"Yeah Tobi," Rikku said, seeing the chance to be rid of her annoyance, "why are you here?"

The orange mask bounced back and forth between them before the ninja hopped off the bed. "Tobi doesn't know! But Drew might be doing something!"

He bounced over to hug the girl tight. "We'll get together again _soon._" he muttered into her ear before letting go and bouncing out of the room.

"That's why I'm moving back in with my uncle," she grumbled once he left. Kakuzu's eyebrow twitched upwards at her statement, but he shrugged it off. He would move out too if it meant he could get away from certain people.

"Kakuzu!" Nanichi yelled up to him from downstairs. "Hurry up!"

He glared as the blunette snickered. "Have fun at the mall."

He finally sighed and left the snickering girl.

**~O~**

"I hate this place," Nanichi said as she glared at the shopping center. They had just stepped off the bus (her truck's bumper was being repaired with Itachi's blood money) and were now staring at the ban of her existence. "It's full of annoying teenagers, stuck up women, and pesky little grandmas."

"Sounds like you would fit in perfectly."

"Shut up Kakuzu."

Hidan laughed, having just gotten Kakuzu's sarcastic remark. Nanichi flicked them off and stomped towards the glass doors. She paused in front of a map to figure out where she where she was going. "Where the hell am I supposed to get a job?"

Hidan randomly stuck his finger on a colorful square. "This place."

Nanichi searched for the name of the store he had chosen. "I am not working in _Victoria's Secret_."

"Why not?"

"Do you even know what _Victoria's Secret_ is?"

"No."

"Then just shut up."

Hidan glared at the girl. "Fine! I was just trying to fucking help."

Kakuzu decided to poke the map next. "What about this place?"

Nanichi glanced at the name. "Now that's good random poking! Off to _Hot Topic_ I go. See ya!"

She skipped off in a random direction, leaving Hidan and Kakuzu staring after her. Kakuzu glanced over to at his partner.

"I even poke better than you."

"Shut the fuck up."

Kakuzu left the pouting Hidan to scope out some of the stores. He had to stop halfway through the first. The prices nearly stopped all five of his hearts.

**~O~**

"So your mouths just pop finished birdies out?"

"…I wouldn't put it that way, un."

Sasori sighed as his partner began to explain, _again_, how his kinjutsu worked. The explanation led into a rant about how art was fleeting. Sasori felt like his ears would start to bleed.

What was sad was that the girl was eating the nonsense up. After Deidara had stopped randomly blowing up his clay creations in the house, Kaitlin had actually formed a small appreciation for his "art." Now she looked just as attentive to Deidara as she had listening to him. As long as she didn't start hugging him; if she did Sasori might do something he would regret.

He blinked. Where had that come from? This was why he liked being a puppet. He didn't have to deal with these emotions. And what really sucked was that years without dealing with emotions had left them as immature as his now human body.

"-and then it's gone in an instance." He turned back to what the blonde was saying. "That is true art, un."

"Cool."

Cool? What kind of compliment was that? But Deidara seemed satisfied, if the grin on his face said anything.

"Do you want a demonstration, un?" he asked excitedly.

Sasori couldn't help but smirk at the uneasy look that appeared on Kaitlin's face. "You're not going to blow up the house are you?"

"It would be cool, un."

"Deidara!"

Deidara chuckled. "Of course I won't, un. Now come on!" Deidara was up and dragging the girl out before Sasori could even sigh.

He followed them at a more moderate pace and ended up in the backyard where everyone else had gone. Tobi and Drew were the only ones who occupied the underground pool at the moment. Pein and Konan lounged on pool chairs, which they had dragged away from the splashing pair. Kisame looked as if he had just gotten out, as he was dripping wet, and was currently flicking water at an un-amused Itachi. Nicholas and Zetsu were conversing together off to the side, and from the glances they kept throwing Aiden's way (who was trying to stay close to Pein), they were planning some way to drive the poor guy even more insane. That just left Rikku—

"What are they doing?"

—who had just walked up behind Sasori. He turned to her and followed her gaze to Deidara and Kaitlin. Deidara had taken out some store bought clay and was now feeding it to his hands as Kaitlin watched in amazement.

"Deidara is about to blow something up."

"You sound very unconcerned."

"I am not the one who should be worried," Sasori said as he noticed the evil glint in his partner's eye as he stared at Tobi splashing around. Rikku noticed as well.

"I hope he succeeds."

They proceeded to watch as Deidara finished sculpting a little clay fish. He showed the fish to Kaitlin (again Sasori frowned at her newfound awe) before turning to the pool. "Drew! Come here for a second, un."

Drew nodded and hopped out of the pool to stand beside the blonde bomber. As soon as Drew cleared the water, Deidara tossed the clay fish into the pool. "Katsu!"

Everyone watched the little fish explode, creating a tower of water and sending a squealing Tobi into the closest pool chair.

"Art is a bang, un!"

"That was fucking awesome!" Nicholas yelled. "Do it again!"

Drew was leaning over the half-filled pool, looking slightly upset at the shallow water. "We have to put more water in—that could take hours."

Kaitlin was gaping at the small crater left behind by the bomb. She turned to the still giddy Deidara and shoved him in the pool. He sputtered as some of the water went up his nose and glared at the girl standing on the edge of the pool. "Why'd you do that?"

"Your bomb left a crater!"

"So?"

"How am I supposed to explain that to my dad?"

Sasori smirked as the girl continued to yell at Deidara. Beside him Rikku was frowning.

"He was supposed to blow up."

**~O~**

Kakuzu was sitting on a bench, trying to wrap his mind around the extravagant prices he had seen. Hidan had grown bored of him and stalked off after the lavender haired girl that had dragged them here.

Although, he noticed his partner hadn't gotten very far. Kakuzu could still see his silver, slicked backed hair sticking out in the crowd. The Jashinist appeared to be surrounded by a group of four girls. By the way his hand kept going back, as if to grab the scythe that had formerly sat there, the zealot wasn't very happy.

Kakuzu didn't immediately go to his partner's rescue. No, he sat on the bench and watched as the girls jumped onto his partner, rubbed their hands through his hair, and poked whatever amount of chest was peeking through the button up shirt he wore.

"Fuck! Get off me!"

Kakuzu sighed as his partner's yells attracted the attention of shoppers. The girls just squealed at his nasty language (_What the hell is wrong with those girls?_ Kakuzu asked himself) and started chattering. Hidan was now trying to pry one of them off his arm.

The miser finally grew tired of the yells of profanity and dragged himself over to the group. "What are squawking about Hidan?"

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow at the squeals. "You guys are so in character!"

_In character?_ Kakuzu thought confused.

"Yeah," the girl clinging to Hidan's arm gushed. "You're even almost as cute as the real Hidan!"

"I am the real Hidan!"

"You're really dedicated!"

"You guys must cosplay a lot," a third girl observed. "You really _are_ good at staying in character."

"What the hell is cosplay?"

Hidan was momentarily blinded by a flash. Cursing, he angrily fisted his eyes, trying to get rid of the sudden dots. Kakuzu noticed that the fourth girl held a camera in front of her. An idea struck him and walked over to the girl.

"That'll cost five dollars."

The girl looked surprised but dug through her purse anyway. "So, that's why you guys look so genuine! With so many Narutards around here, you could easily rack up a fortune."

The girl's comments were like fuel to a fire, and Kakuzu looked over at his partner (who was still trying to rub the flash dots away) with a greedy glint in his eye. He happily snatched the five dollar bill from her hand and advanced towards the unsuspecting Jashinist.

Hidan was surprised when he felt someone pull him from the clingy girl's grasp, and even more surprised when an arm slung itself across his shoulder. He noticed the stiches and immediately stiffened.

"Kakuzu?"

"Individual pictures are five dollars, group ten. And any physical contact is another ten."

"What the hell!" Hidan yelled as he tried to free himself from Kakuzu's suddenly strangling grasp. "Kakuzu what are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm selling you out."

"What!"

**~O~**

Rikku glared at the Uchiha fiddling with the controls to her radio. She finally slapped his hand as he flipped through the radio stations for a third time. "Just leave it alone!"

Itachi sighed and leaned back in the seat. Kisame, who had the backseat all to himself, snickered at his partner. Really, he was happy for coming to this world; there was no way he would ever see Itachi scolded back home.

They were on their to Rikku's uncle's house where they would possibly be staying at for the remainder of their time in this world (or until her uncle drove her crazy). Rikku had grown tired of Kaitlin's suddenly crowded house, though Itachi suspected it had more to with the overly clingy Tobi, and figured it would be easier to stay with her uncle until she broke down and rented an apartment.

"I'm warning you now," Rikku said as she pulled up into the driveway. "My uncle is very…ecstatic. So just ignore him, and you should stay sane."

"He must be pretty crazy," Kisame commented eyeing the house. "He caused Aiden to go running back to Nicholas and Zetsu."

"Aiden's not a strong-willed person."

The door flew open as the ecstatic brunet rushed out to tackle-hug his niece. "Rikku!" he squealed. "I'm so happy you've come back home!"

"I can't breathe."

He released her and bounced over to Itachi and Kisame, who had just stepped out of the car. "And you brought more handsome _men!_"

"Man. We think Itachi's asexual."

Itachi didn't even bother glaring at the girl. He'd been showing too much emotion lately anyway.

"It looks like you're right," Uncle Brian said glumly after observing the black haired male. "Too bad; he really is handsome. And his personality matches yours perfectly." He turned to Kisame. "Aren't you a big one!"

Kisame gave him a sharp tooth grin.

"The blue skin's a bit of turn off though."

The fish man's ego took a nose dive, and it was visible as his body slumped.

"Don't be mean. His blue skin gives him character."

"You just have odd taste."

Rikku sighed and the grabbed the suitcase she had brought with her before heading through the open front door. The Akatsuki pair followed her after picking up their duffle bags. Her uncle poked Kisame on the way in and asked if his skin really was blue.

"Yes," Kisame said reluctantly. The poor shark man's skin tone had always been a touchy subject for him.

Brian contemplated the new information. "Well, at least you're better than the silver haired demon Rikku brought home. Nasty little thing."

"He is pretty annoying."

"Rikku, I like your new blue friend!"

**~O~**

"I knew this place sucked!" Nanichi yelled back into the store. The manager just waved her off. "I hope your sales plummet!"

She stomped away in a huff. That was third store that refused to hire her all because of her hair. So what if she had lavender hair? There was nothing she could do about it!

Although _Hot Topic_ would have hired her if they hadn't already had too many employees.

She stopped to stare at the _Victoria's Secret_ Hidan had pointed to on the map. _No!_ she though vehemently and turned away. _I will not stoop that low!_ She ran into the closest store she could find.

"_GameStop_!" she yelled as she saw the rows of video games. "This is perfect!"

The lone nerd standing behind the counter jumped when Nanichi nearly flung herself at him. "Hire me please! You're my lost hope!"

He could only blink in surprise. "Uh sure? Why not?"

She happily cried and did fling herself across the counter to glomp the poor kid. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You don't know how much I want to kiss you right now!"

He pried the girl off of him. "Please don't do that." Nanichi straightened and nodded. "Okay, I guess you can start tomorrow at eight. Your shift will end at three since someone already comes in at that time."

Nanichi squealed in joy as she glomped the unsuspecting teen once more. "Thank you!" she exclaimed before running off to find her ninja companions.

"What have I just done?"

It didn't take her long to find Hidan and Kakuzu. They were surrounded by girls (and some guys) who were giving Kakuzu money to take a picture with Hidan. It seemed like the unfortunate Hidan couldn't find a way to escape without potentially changing into a cat, though it looked like he was starting to contemplate the cat option if only to get away.

Nanichi shoved a group of girls out of her way until she stood next to Kakuzu. "What is going on?"

Kakuzu was greedily flicking through the green bills in his hand. "I'm selling Hidan out."

Her grey eyes blinked at his choice of words. "I always knew you were a pimp."

She turned to a struggling Hidan and yelled at him, "That makes you a prostitute Hidan!"

Hidan growled a curse as he finally freed himself. He took the opportunity to run away as fast as he could. Kakuzu and Nanichi watched him successfully clear the doors to the outside and turn to flick them off. He was yelling too but the doors between prevented what was being yelled to be heard.

"Your pimping days are over miser."

Kakuzu stuffed the money in his pocket. "We'll see about that."

They began to walk towards where Hidan stood now yelling at a man who had the _nerve_ to tell him to stop disturbing the peace. "Rikku would totally be impressed by your money making method."

Kakuzu looked over at her. "Really?"

"Yep, you just managed to make nearly as much as she does in a month without lifting a finger."

He looked thoughtful as they reached the doors just in time to see Hidan run away from the man that tried to put handcuffs on him. The poor mall cop groaned and turned to the two. "Do you two know that man?"

"No," they simultaneously answered and walked over to the bus stop. Hidan would find his way home...eventually

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1014/13**


	15. Day of Bonding

Adoption 101

Chapter 15

Day of Bonding

* * *

><p>Nanichi groaned as she walked into the kitchen at seven o'clock the next day. "Who wakes up this early?"<p>

"We had to wake up earlier in high school," Kaitlin informed her friend as she sat eating at the table. Sasori sat beside her, looking through the newspaper. Nanichi, not being a morning person, just flicked the blonde off.

"Where are my followers anyway?" she asked, grabbing a bagel from the breadbox. Hidan entered the kitchen then and snatched the bagel from her hand as he passed. She stared at her empty hand in shock before turning to the silver haired priest. He mockingly took a bite of the bagel.

"No! My bagel!" she yelled in despair. "It's been contaminated by Hidan germs!"

Hidan glared at her and took another big bite. She gasped in horror before snatching the bagel back from a now stunned Hidan and throwing it in the sink. Before he could do anything, she flicked the garbage disposal on.

"What the hell!" Hidan yelled as his bagel was hacked into pieces. "Why would you even fucking do that?"

"Don't yell at me. I just prevented an epidemic. Who knows how many people would have been affected with stupid if I hadn't destroyed that bagel!"

Hidan twisted his hands as if he was strangling the girl's neck and turned to grab an apple from the fruit bowl. He stalked out before his apple met the same fate as the bagel. Kaitlin and Sasori, who had both been quiet during the exchange, watched as the now happy Nanichi grabbed another bagel and pranced out of the kitchen.

"She's always so mean in the morning," Kaitlin commented.

"I think it has more to with the fact that it was Hidan," Sasori said dully.

Kaitlin gasped. "You're right! Nanichi has a crush!" She turned to the redhead beside her. "Do you think Kisame would mind?"

He blinked. "I really do not think that is why she is acting like that."

She shrugged. "Maybe you're right. She really is just bipolar in the morning."

**~O~**

"The wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round; round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round. All through the town!"

Nicholas beat his head against the bus's window. This was _not_ what he agreed to when he said Tobi could go to work with him this morning. Tobi kicked his legs in what little space he had and began another verse. Nicholas almost screamed at the sound of the ninja's already high pitched voice becoming even squeakier. The pair of little old ladies sitting across from them found the sight amusing. The kid in front of them had long ago stuck a pair of headphones in his head, and Nicholas envied the brat.

"Sing with me Nicky-kun!"

Nicholas felt his eye twitch. "What did you call me?"

Tobi tilted his masked head. "Nicky-kun, or would you prefer Nicky-senpai? Or, or Nicky-chan!"

"Don't you attach that 'chan' word to the end of the girls' names?"

"Yep."

Nicholas turned a full, dark glare onto the swirl mask next to him. "So, are you implying that I'm a _girl_?"

Tobi gulped. "…No?"

"That's what I thought," Nicholas said as he turned back to the window. He turned back before Tobi could start singing again. "And my name is Nicholas. Not Nicky-kun or Nicky-chan. Nicholas!"

Tobi jumped up and waved his hand around wildly, accidently clipping the back of the kid's head in front of them. "I'm sorry Nicholas! Tobi just thought we were friends! And friends give each other nicknames."

"Well we're not friends because this is the longest we've ever even talked." He leaned menacingly forward, and Tobi backed up into the aisle. "And you've been really clingy to Rikku lately. What are you planning? Because even if you _did_ save her from Kabuto earlier in the week, I don't trust any of you damn ninjas with her safety. Or the others for that matter."

The bus came to abrupt halt, flinging Tobi towards the front of the bus with a squeal. The bus driver turned to the standing Nicholas and whining Tobi. "You two get off my bus! The singing I could handle, but I don't want any fighting."

Nicholas glanced out the window before throwing his backpack over his shoulder. "This is close to our stop anyway. Tobi let's go!" He stepped over Tobi's still downed form and patted the bus driver on the shoulder. "It has been nice riding with you. Tobi! I said let's go!"

Tobi jumped up and followed Nicholas off the bus, but not before stopping and hugging the confused bus driver.

**~O~**

Itachi leaned his head on his hand in boredom. At least back at Kaitlin's he could act like he was doing something. Here all he could was stare at the group of girls on TV while Brian explained to Kisame how the show worked. But Kisame seemed more interested in the girls themselves than how they got eliminated after a photo shoot. Sometimes his partner could have such a one tracked mind.

Rikku was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of him, using the table to hold her laptop. Her screen was turned just enough for him not to able to see, so he had no idea what she was doing. Not that it would have mattered anyway. If there weren't any pictures on the screen to indicate what she read, he wouldn't have any luck figuring out what it was she did.

"She has the worst attitude," Brian commented about the woman on TV, yelling at her housemate. Kisame didn't reply as he watched the potential catfight. Of course, it was stopped before anything could happen, much to Kisame's disappointment. Itachi just sighed in his boredom.

Suddenly, Rikku started choking on the bottle of water she had been drinking. The men turned to stare at the choking female, but no one moved to help.

"Hold your arms up!" Brian said. "Haven't I taught you anything?"

Out of the goodness of his heart, Kisame leaned over and lightly tapped the girl on the back. He underestimated his "light tap," and Rikku flew forward from the force of it. She stopped choking though.

The formerly choking girl glared at all three of them. "I'll forgive you since you helped me," she told Kisame, who just grinned, before turning to the other two. "But you two can die horrible deaths for lack of caring."

Uncle Brian looked offended. "I helped! I was the one who told you to hold your arm up."

"Who the hell is able to hold their arm up when they're really choking?"

She didn't wait for his answer and turned to Itachi. She stood up and dragged the Uchiha out of his chair by the arm. "We need to talk privately."

The girl ignored her uncle's squeal of approval and pushed the ninja out of the room and towards her bedroom. "Use protection you two!"

Rikku slammed the door as Kisame's guffaws echoed down the hallway. Itachi blinked when she turned to him. "You know Tobi is Madara?"

He tensed at the mention of his ancestor and shifted slightly as he tried to think of a plausible lie.

"Don't lie because I know everything."

He sighed and nodded. He watched the girl slightly slump before looking back at him. She unexpectedly grabbed a pillow and flung it at him. "You're an idiot!"

Itachi's reflexes allowed him to guard against the pillow, but his surprise prevented him from anticipating the next pillow to be flung at him. It hit him directly in the face, and he blinked. Then Rikku jumped over to grab the pillow up and began to hit him over and over again.

"You. Big. Idiot!" she said between smacks. He pushed his surprise away and managed to grab one of wrists. He glared at her, the tomoes of his Sharingan swirling dangerously.

"Oh put that away! It's hard to be intimidated by someone you know hates violence."

Itachi's surprise actually showed on his face this time. Then he glared. "How do you know that?"

Rikku scoffed. "What do you think I've been doing on the computer all day? I've looked up every one of you guys in the Akatsuki. I know pretty much _everything_ about every one of you." She tried to kick him but he stepped back just enough to avoid her while keeping her arms restrained. "And you should have stopped me from making that deal with that swirl faced pedophile!"

"You made a deal with Madara?"

Rikku huffed. "Yeah, to be his translator if he told me how you guys got here. Honestly his information wasn't even that interesting."

"What will you tell him?" Itachi asked slightly concerned.

"Don't worry," she sighed, seeing the concern. "I don't plan on telling anyone things that could drastically alter the events that take place your world. If anything, I'll only tell him insignificant events. He'll never know whether they're right or wrong."

Itachi let her go, and they both sat on the bed. "What do you know about me?"

"You're an idiot."

He gave a blank look. "So you've said."

They stared at each other blankly before Rikku gave up and told him the quick version of what she knew. "You were ordered to kill your clan, traumatized your little brother so he would come after you, and after that you joined the Akatsuki and acted as a double agent. It was also kind of mean that you forced Deidara to join." Itachi sighed at the mention of the bomber. "Anyway you went back to your village, did shit, made your brother more determined to kill you,sending him off to Orochimaru, then went back to Akatsuki. I skimmed the rest of the information until I came to your death."

She paused long enough to hit him with another pillow. "You die for nothing! You're brother's still a prick; the only difference is that he's a prick being used by Madara." She stared at him. "Your death reminds me of something. Why aren't you hacking up blood or something?"

Itachi shrugged for he really didn't know. Maybe having his entire system rearranged into a cat had something to do with the illness suddenly vanishing.

"So yeah, the summary of it all is that you're an idiot."

Itachi's now black eyes slightly narrowed in a glare at her statement. She shrugged and stood to leave. "How did you learn all of this without those books?"

"Internet." She sighed at his confusion. "I just typed your name in my laptop and a bunch of information popped out. Let me get it, and I'll show you."

Itachi watched her leave. He still didn't know how to react to her knowing so much about him. It was weird for all the secrets he had kept to himself to suddenly be summarized back to him.

**~O~**

"You know, it's kind of nice to have someone help me with the shopping."

Konan glanced at Drew, who was walking beside her with his hands full of plastic shopping bags. Her own were full with the same type of bags. "Why didn't we bring your car?"

"Because the grocer I prefer is only a ten minute walk from my house. It's kind of a waste of gas to drive there and back."

"You sound like Kakuzu."

"Hey, you think about that kind of thing when money's tight." He paused as they entered the park that provided the shortcut to his house. "Besides I like walking through the park."

Konan nodded. She had enjoyed the first walk through. Drew had actually been able to point out three different kinds of birds to her, something she wouldn't have noticed on her own.

"It's too bad Pein didn't want to come with us," Drew said sadly.

Konan couldn't help the small smile at Drew's genuine sadness. Not many wanted Pein around them; sometimes his ego was just a little too big for them to handle. She watched Drew jog ahead to talk to the owner of a big yellow dog.

By the time she had calmly reached them, Drew had abandoned his bags and was rubbing behind the canine's ears.

"You're such a pretty doggy!" he told the dog in a high pitched voice. "Yes you are. You're a pretty doggy!"

The dog barked and gave him a sloppy dog kiss. "Eww."

The dog's owner responded with a friendly laugh before pulling the dog alongside him to continue their walk. Drew grabbed his bags back up after using the bottom of his shirt to wipe the dog drool of his face. "Well we better get back. I'm sure Pein's getting lonely without us."

Konan smiled again, and they continued back to the house.

**~O~**

Nanichi sighed. This place was so _boring_! Sure, it was fun when Sam, the kid that hired her the other day, was here, but he had gone off for his lunch break and wouldn't be back for another—she glanced at the clock—ten minutes. _Ten minutes! _She banged her head on the counter.

"Nanichi?" She picked her head up to see the blonde nerd staring at her. "What are doing?"

"You're back!" Nanichi yelled and flung herself at him. Sam had quickly learned of her mild mood swings and dodged the flinging so that she landed on the floor on the other side of the counter. "Ow!"

"Anyway," he said as he helped her back up, "you're lunch break is now."

"Awesome!" she exclaimed and ran out the shop. "I'll see you in thirty minutes!"

"Take your time...seriously."

Nanichi scoured the mall for her Akatsuki "protectors." Just like the day before, she found them surrounded by girls—Hidan as the main subject of interest and Kakuzu collecting the money.

"I can't believe you actually got roped back into doing this."

Hidan glared at the girl's sudden appearance before being distracted by another clingy teenager. Kakuzu accepted another ten dollar bill and allowed the giver to take a picture of Hidan and her friends. "He doesn't have much of choice."

Nanichi noticed what he was talking about as she got closer. The fan girls were too busy with the Jashinist to notice the cords that kept him tied down to his spot on the bench. Of course, the cords led straight back to Kakuzu, who sat on the second bench behind him.

Nanichi felt a smirk grace her lips as she got a wicked idea that would make Hidan's life ten times worse. She scooted onto the bench beside Kakuzu and waited to be acknowledged. Five minutes passed with the old miser not even looking up from his money caused her instigate her own conversation.

"You know, I know how you can make more money."

Kakuzu paused in his counting and gave her his full, undivided attention. "How?"

"I know of a little concept called yaoi," she said slyly, "and most girls eat it up."

"Really?"

"Yep, all you have to do is act like you and Hidan love each other."

"What!"

They glanced behind them to see an even paler than normal Hidan glaring at Nanichi. "No way in hell! You stop talking to him right now!"

Kakuzu ignored the fuming male and turned back to Nanichi. "And this is supposed to make me more money?"

"Yep."

"Shut up!"

"Or," Nanichi said as if trying to find a compromise for the immortal pair, "you can just tie Hidan up. I hear BDSM is on the rise."

"Kakuzu you let me go right now!"

Nanichi grinned wickedly as she saw Kakuzu's eyes thoughtfully glance at his struggling partner. The seed had been planted, and Nanichi hoped she would be able to see the outcome by the end of her shift.

**~O~**

Sasori glanced up for the third in ten minutes. Kaitlin was still on her belly by the pool watching it fill with water. Just like she had been for the last two hours. Up until an hour ago, Deidara had been lying beside her—much to his annoyance. Deidara had since relocated to a pool chair and was creating little bird sculptures that would fly around (mostly around Kaitlin's head) before flying off into the sky for a mini-explosion.

Sasori had been quietly working on a small puppet. He was planning on showing the blonde girl what true art was. But first he had to get the brat away so there weren't any interruptions.

He walked out of the sliding door and over to the chair Deidara sat in. Once there he pushed the blonde out with a swift kick from behind. Deidara was launched out of the chair and landed on his face. The blonde growled as he picked himself up and turned to his partner.

"What was that for Sasori-danna, un!"

"Go inside."

"Why?"

"Do not question your older and wiser danna; just go."

Deidara's blue eyes followed the path of Sasori's brown ones and landed on the blonde beside the pool. Deidara turned back to him with a smirk. Instead of doing what he said (though Sasori admitted there was only a slim chance of that happening anyway), the bomber sidled up to the puppet master.

"Danna, are you having _feelings, _un?" he asked with a sly grin.

Sasori returned his grin with a blank stare. "I do not know what you are talking about brat."

Deidara just shrugged and stood up to leave. "Fine, don't tell me, un. I was only going to say that Katie wasn't my type anyway. She has no appreciation for _true_ art."

Sasori's blank stare followed his younger partner waltz inside. After he was sure Deidara was gone, he turned back to the pool only to blink when he saw the other blonde was gone as well.

"Why'd Deidara go back inside?"

Somehow, Kaitlin had managed to sneak up and sit in the chair next to him. Sasori frowned. What kind of ninja was he if he didn't even notice a little girl sitting beside him?

She was looking at him for an answer. "He had to…use the bathroom."

"Oh," she said looking down at the small doll in his hands. "What's that?"

"My art," Sasori said, proudly displaying the puppet. Kaitlin watched it skeptically.

"It's not going to blow up is it?"

Sasori scoffed. "Of course not. Art is eternal, not that nonsense the brat spouts off."

Knowing now that the doll of wood wouldn't explode, Kaitlin took it and examined the puppet closely. "How do you work it? It has no strings."

Sasori didn't say a word. Instead he lifted his hands, and Kaitlin was amazed to see the little twitch upwards into a standing position without being touched. He twitched his fingers in a series of movements and the puppet followed along, walking along the on the ground and doing a cartwheel.

"That is so cool!" Kaitlin exclaimed in true amazement. And Sasori was satisfied; she never exclaimed at Deidara's art like that.

**~O~**

Nicholas cringed at the sound of a popular boy band emitting from the radio. One of his loyal customers started to laugh at the disgusted look on his face, and he glared.

"Tobi!"

They heard an "Eep!" from the front counter.

"How many times do I have to tell you to leave the damn radio alone?" Nicholas yelled. The woman he was currently trying to give a pierced lip giggled.

Tobi's orange mask peeked around the opening of Nicholas's workstation. "Sorry Nicky-kun!" Nicholas felt his eye twitch. "Tobi was just tired of the screaming."

"Tobi," Nicholas said slowly, "—my orange masked buddy, the pain in my friggin' side for today—I told you not to mess with the radio. Now _please_ change it back."

"Okay!"

Tobi ducked back to the counter, and Nicholas heard the normal radio station come on. He sighed and turned back to the female customer, who was still trying not to giggle.

"He's just adorable Nicky!" she teased. Nicholas sneered and poked the needle through her lip. The lip ring went in, and it was done. "Where did you find him?"

"In a cage at the pound," Nicholas said seriously as he tossed the needle and cleaned the rest of his area. The woman laughed at his "joke" and went over to the counter to pay and chat with Tobi. Tobi was excited to have the interaction and gushed over how great Nicholas was to him and his friends. The woman left laughing.

Nicholas sighed. "Tobi go flip the sign to 'closed'." Tobi gladly did the job. "I'll be in the back doing some last minute cleaning." He glared at Tobi. "Don't touch _anything_."

He continued to glare at Tobi's mock salute and headed toward the back. As soon as he had cleared the front area, he paused and waited. Right on cue, the radio station changed this time to a country station.

"Tobi!"

The station changed back. Nicholas sighed and massaged his forehead to try and relieve himself of the sudden headache. Now he understood why Deidara tried to strangle the man for every little thing.

**~O~**

Itachi could only blink as he watched the last moments of his life. It pretty much went like he had planned it to at least.

Rikku had returned earlier with her laptop, and the two of them had situated themselves to sit against the bed frame with the device between. Rikku had first shown him the website she had found all of her information. It was basically all summaries of the manga series. She then showed him the link to the manga online. And finally, she showed him the _Naruto_ anime. He had no problem understanding the original version, though she complained about not being able to keep up with the action and read the subtitles all at the same time.

"A lot of people say your death made them cry," Rikku said as she translated some of the episodes comments to him.

"They don't even know me."

"Apparently your show of brotherly love touches them," she said, clicking off the website and into her e-mail. "I still think you're an idiot."

Itachi leaned his head back against the bed's frame and closed his eyes. "You have never had anyone you would sacrifice your life for?"

"Nope." She glanced over at him. "There aren't that many people who would even if they say they would. I guess you're one of the very few exceptions."

He opened his eyes to see what she was doing. She was scrolling through another website, and he saw his name pop up every once in a while.

"You know," Rikku started seriously, "even with this whole 'bonding' thing right now, we're not going to end up together."

"What?"

"Yeah, a bunch of these fan stories have you end up with a girl that completely understands you. And though I understand you, you come with way to much baggage for me to even consider being intimate with you." She jabbed a finger in his face. "So you better not have any nasty thoughts about me! I already have to deal with your pervy ancestor."

Itachi felt the undeniable urge to laugh. For once in his life, a girl wasn't throwing herself at his feet. Instead, it was the exact opposite; she was telling _him_ not to have any intimate thoughts.

"I don't even think you're my type. Yeah, you're smart and all, but you're a little to feminine looking for me. And you're still kind of a dick with the silent treatment thing."

This time Itachi did chuckle a little. Curiously, he felt a little…_free_ having someone know his dark secrets.

"And we're most definitely not having little Uchiha babies."

He laughed at the girl's look of disgust at the thought of little Uchihas running around.

"You're acting really OOC. That means 'out of character' by the way...stop it."

Itachi drew in a deep breath and turned to the girl with his normal mask of indifference. "Thank you for sharing this with me."

Rikku nodded back, her face as emotionless as his. "You're welcome."

They stared at each for a while as they sat on her bed. "Okay, this is getting weird. Go bond with Uncle Brian or something."

Itachi had to fight the smile that tried to resurface as he left the room.

**~O~**

Nanichi sold her tenth game with a smile. It wasn't nearly as busy as she had anticipated. Of course, Sam told her that was because it was Thursday and she should be grateful she didn't have the weekend shift. Now her first day at work was winding down, with only five minutes left of her shift.

Which proved to be a good thing as Hidan came charging into the GameStop then. He zoned in on her and stalked up to the counter.

"I am going to kill you!" he growled menacingly.

Nanichi yawned in boredom. "Yeah, yeah, you've already tried that about a dozen times since we've met."

"No," Hidan snarled. "I'm serious. I'm pretty sure I can poison you and not change back."

"Wow, you do sound serious." Nanichi smirked and leaned on the counter closer to him. "What happened?"

"You happened?" Hidan yelled, pointing a finger in her face. "What the hell were you thinking? Telling Kakuzu about that yaoi and BDSM shit! Do you know what the last two hours have been like? Living Hell!"

Nanichi's smirk widened. "Really? How much money did he manage to reel in?"

Hidan viciously glare at her. He suddenly reached across the counter to grab the collar of her shirt. "This isn't funny!"

"I'm not laughing."

"Hey Nanichi," Sam said as his gaze bounced back and forth between the two. "You've only got five minutes left of your shift. If you want to leave early with your boyfriend, that's cool."

"What!"

Sam jumped as two yelled together and turned to him in sync.

"There's no way I'd date a guy like _him_!"

"Ditto with the bitch!"

Sam shrugged and all but shoved the two out of the store. "If you want to be in denial, that's fine with me. Just go be in denial at home. And use protection!" he added the last part as if an afterthought and left the shocked duo.

"Protection for what?"

They turned to see Kakuzu looking curiously at the two of them. Nanichi noticed his pockets bulged with more money than he had managed to get yesterday.

"Because that would imply that Hidan actually-"

Hidan jumped his partner. "Don't finish that fucking sentence!"

"OMG!" Nanichi squealed loudly. "Yaoi!"

Hidan jumped off of Kakuzu and yelled, "That's it!" before charging at the female. She just laughed as she ran towards the mall's exit. Their actions caused people to turn and stare at them and even look to Kakuzu for answers.

Kakuzu just shrugged. "They were both dropped from a great height onto their heads as children." He followed after the two and chuckled as Hidan was delayed by the revolving door while Nanichi stood on the opposite side mocking him.

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1016/13**


	16. Normalcy

Adoption 101

Chapter 16

Normalcy

* * *

><p>The next day started very similar as the day before at Kaitlin's house. Nanichi woke up grouchy, Hidan stole her pop-tart, Nanichi trashed the pop-tart, and Hidan left the kitchen angry while Nanichi skipped out.<p>

Kaitlin was scanning the newspaper ads again, and instead of Sasori, Deidara sat beside her. Sasori walked in and glared at how close they sat. Deidara just smiled and scooted closer, making Sasori roll his dull brown eyes and take the seat across from them.

"The fair's this weekend," Kaitlin said offhand as she flipped through the paper. "We usually try to go each year, but we might have to miss it this year."

Deidara looked up from the muffin he was pulverizing on his plate and flicked the crumbs off his finger towards the redhead. Sasori glared in annoyance and pointedly swiped his finger across the tabletop to get rid of them. "How come, un?"

"Well since you guys are here, I kind of figured none of you would want to go to that sort of thing."

"What's it about?" Deidara asked curiously. Sasori watched as the mouths on the blonde's hands unknowingly consumed bits of the muffin, feeling it to be a suitable punishment for the blond's previous actions.

"There are all sorts of games," Kaitlin started, tapping her chin in thought. "And Rikku likes to spend most of her time pigging out on unhealthy food. There's a petting zoo and some concerts. And rides like a Ferris wheel, one of those twirly ride things, and a roller coaster. Oh, and fireworks!"

"Sounds like fun, un," Deidara said and turned to Sasori, who diverted his eyes from the mouths he had been watching. "We should go, right danna?"

Sasori shrugged indifferently. "I do not care."

Deidara glared at the uncooperative puppeteer and Kaitlin's face fell slightly. "Like I said, we'll probably miss it anyways since you guys are here."

Kaitlin walked out then to see what Hidan and Nanichi had started yelling about. After her departure, Deidara turned sharply to his danna, who was strangely watching his hands. "Danna! You were supposed to agree to take her, un."

Sasori looked up. "Why?"

"Why?" Deidara repeated in disbelief. "How do you expect to get her to like you if you don't take her on dates and stuff, un?"

"Dates?" Sasori asked bored. "Why would we go out on a date?"

Deidara sighed. "You're so dense, un."

"Says the person whose hands just ingested a whole muffin without them knowing," Sasori stated as he stood from the table and left.

The blonde looked down at his hand and grimaced in disgust as they spit the half chewed food back out. "That's gross, un."

**~O~**

Nicholas and Aiden stared each other down as they stood nose to nose.

"Alright," Nicholas began seriously, "we know the rules?" Aiden nodded. "And we know what's at stake here?" Aiden nodded again. "Then let's do this."

Each brought their fists up. "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

Their hands came down together and they stared at the results. Aiden groaned and Nicholas cackled in triumph. "Yes! You get him today!"

"I demand a rematch!" Aiden insisted, following Nicholas around as the pierced male went around gathering the things he would need for the day. "Your hand came down a second after mine."

"Be quiet crybaby," Nicholas said turning to his follower. "I had him yesterday and resisted the urge to knock him out every ten minutes; you can do the same today."

Aiden groaned and watched Nicholas all but run out of the apartment. He ran a hand through his hair as he tried to think of what he could do with the ninja he was stuck with. He was interrupted by a force crashing into him from behind. "Ai-chan!"

"Have mercy on me please."

"What was that Ai-chan?"

Aiden sighed. "Nothing Tobi." Aiden stumbled as Tobi continued to cling to him and sighed again before dragging male along. "Tobi, do you not have anything better to do then…cling to me?"

"Do you have any Legos?"

"I don't think so."

"What about a game?"

"Monopoly is around here somewhere."

"Numbers make Tobi's head hurt. Got anything else?"

"...no..."

"Then no; Tobi has nothing better to do than cling to Ai-chan."

They slowly made their way to the kitchen. Aiden let out a scream at the sight of Zetsu sitting at the table. Tobi un-clung himself and dashed over to the plant ninja. "Zetsu-san! Did you find anything?"

Zetsu shifted to dodge the exuberant ninja and watched Tobi land in a pile. "Ummm-**of course we didn't find anything.**" Zetsu's attention shifted to Aiden. "**Hi Aiden.**"

Aiden could only emit a small squeak. The black half smirked evilly back. Aiden saw the smirk and quickly ran behind Tobi, who had picked himself up and was now going through a box pop-tarts. Aiden grabbed hold of Tobi's arm.

"Well, it was nice seeing you Zetsu," Aiden said in a panicky voice as he dragged a complaining Tobi out of the kitchen, "but Tobi and I were just on our way to, to… Drew's! Yeah we're going to Drew's house today."

"Yay!" Tobi exclaimed. He reversed his and Aiden's position so that he was dragging Aiden. "We're going to see Drew-kun!"

Zetsu watched Tobi and Aiden leave the kitchen and heard the front door slam not long afterwards. "You ran them off. **Whatever, let's go find Nicholas.**"

**~O~**

Rikku jolted awake. She sat up to glare at her uncle, who had jumped on her.

"Oh, look!" he exclaimed, jumping back up. "You're awake!"

She continued to glare at him. He just pranced around the room, dragging out a pair of short shorts and a tight T-shirt. He threw the articles of clothing at her before skipping to out the room. "Get dressed~" he sang back at her. "We're going to bond today!"

Once she was sure her uncle had left, she fell back onto the pillow. She underestimated her uncle's determination and was surprised (and annoyed) when five minutes later she was lifted out of the bed by the back of her shirt. She glared at the sharp tooth grin beaming back at her.

"I hate you."

"Bonding time!"

Kisame threw her over his shoulder and marched down the hallway to the kitchen with her. Once there, he plopped her down at the table across from Itachi. Brian grinned as he shoved the cereal box her way. "I'm so happy that you joined us sweetie!"

Rikku viciously glared at him before turning her attention to the Uchiha. "Are you in on this too?"

Itachi shook his head.

"I hate you anyway."

"We love you too!"

Her glare transferred back to her way-to-happy uncle. "Can I at least go change?" she asked as she motioned to her sleepwear.

"You had your chance," Uncle Brian said, "but I guess as long as you come back."

Rikku immediately stood and retreated back to her room. There was knocking at the door but Rikku ignored it.

"Rikku~ be a dear and get the door."

Rikku cursed her uncle and stomped back down the hallway to answer the door. She flung it open to see Nanichi, Kakuzu, and Hidan. Her friend waved at her.

"Hey Rikku! Guess what? We're going to trade big people today!"

"Huh?"

"Yep," Nanichi chirped passing her friend to search for Kisame. "Hidan refuses to go back to the mall with Kakuzu, so I'm trading my boring person with your not so boring person."

Nanichi continued on into the kitchen, leaving a confused Rikku behind with the immortal pair. "Whatever," she finally said and turned to return to her bedroom. "Everyone's in the kitchen. Go annoy them."

Hidan shrugged and went to the kitchen to see Nanichi poking Kisame's gills and Itachi shaking his head. The weird brunet guy wasn't there, so Hidan relaxed a little. His relaxing would cost him as a spatula flew across the small room to hit him in the forehead.

"Dammit! What the hell is wrong with people in this world?"

Uncle Brian waved the skillet he had been using around in the air. "I thought I _specifically_ told you not to step foot back into this house!"

"I guess I missed it when my face was being shoved into the fucking carpet!"

"I'm so tempted to knock your face back into the carpet with this skillet."

Nanichi grabbed the back of Hidan's shirt before he could say anything else. "Well it was nice seeing you all, but I'm going to be late if we don't leave now."

"Let me go!"

She ignored him and dragged him out of the room, and Kisame followed after waving goodbye to his partner and host. Brian abandoned his post at the stove and followed them out.

"Bye!" He energetically waved at their backs as he hung onto the doorframe. "Come back soon! Except for the foul mouthed demon! You can keep him in his cage next time."

"His cage has gotten too small for him," Kakuzu said loud enough for Hidan to hear him

Hidan flicked them both off as Nanichi shoved him into the truck. Brian continued to wave as the truck vanished around the corner and shut the door. He turned to see Kakuzu still standing in the entranceway, Itachi sipping his coffee, and his niece returning clothed in a baggy shirt and even baggier basketball shorts (he frowned at how unfeminine she looked).

He clapped his hands once and smiled brightly at the trio. "Is everyone ready for bonding?"

"No," Rikku told him.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but sometimes we have to stomach through things we don't necessarily like."

Rikku glared at her uncle before sighing and crossly asking him, "What are we even doing?"

"Baking!" Uncle Brian exclaimed as he dashed back into the kitchen to the assemble the ingredients and baking equipment.

"Shit," she muttered, watching her uncle prance around the kitchen.

"He's almost worse than Tobi," Kakuzu commented from beside her.

"You have no idea."

**~O~**

"No that's okay," Kaitlin said in near tears as her fourth interview fell through. "I understand perfectly…No I'm not crying."

She hung up and let her head fall to the table. Deidara dashed in then with a dry erase board. Seeing his host with her head on the table in despair, he paused. He walked over to where she sat. "What's wrong, un?"

Her head shot up, causing him to jump, and she grabbed onto him and looked directly in his blue eye. "Deidara, am I a bad person?"

He blinked in surprise. That was probably not the best question to ask an S-ranked criminal. Not to mention pretty awkward. "Of course not, un."

She roughly shook him, and he was, once again, surprised at the uncharacteristic move. "Then why won't anyone hire me?"

The frantic girl released the blinking blonde ninja and wildly gestured to the papers scattered across the table. "I've been calling everywhere! And every place I call either says that they _just_ hired someone before my call, or I get a scheduled interview and they cancel! What have I done to deserve this? I mean, even Nanichi was able to find a job and not be fired before her first hour was up."

"Has that happened before?"

"It's a long story."

Deidara panicked at the tears that were starting to form in her eyes. He was not good with crying girls. So, he swiftly dropped the board beside the table and hugged her in a last ditch effort to save the situation. "Please don't cry, un!"

The girl squished against him giggled at his frantic tone. "What, the big bad ninja doesn't know how to handle a crying girl?"

"No!"

She laughed as she wiggled out of his grasp. "Thanks, that's just what I needed."

"Cool…what did I do, un?"

Kaitlin just laughed again. "Just know when you see another crying girl to hug her. That usually helps in most situations." She glanced over at the board he had been carrying. "Is that the board my mom keeps her calendar on?"

"Depends, was the calendar important, un?"

"I don't think so." She moved to pick up the board when Deidara snatched it away. He protectively held the board to his chest.

Kaitlin placed her fist on her hips as her green eyes stared him down. "Deidara, what are you hiding?"

"Nothing," he said shifty eyed.

Kaitlin continued to stare at him before sighing and walking away. "I'm going to go see what Sasori is doing. Whatever you're hiding it better not involve blowing anything up."

Deidara sighed as the girl left and shifted the board so he could read it. He took a marker wrote down "Crying girls + hugs = O.K." under the heading "Mission: Get Danna a girl." His danna would need _all _the help he could get.

**~O~**

"Stick it to the top."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"Just stick the green and blue blocks together… carefully!"

Pein tried not to chuckle as Konan sighed while trying to glare at the brunet. He just smiled up at her from where he sat in the middle of his Lego city. The little project they had seen at Kaitlin's house was nothing compared to this. Drew had woken them up that morning to tell them they had to bond in some way (while wildly waving his arms around for emphasis). Then he had stopped to tease them about being in the same bed, despite the fact that the night before he had been almost _positive_ that they had gone to separate rooms. Pein had managed to expand just enough of his chakra to nonviolently knock the kid out of the room.

Anyway, Pein had been dubious when Drew had dragged a whole trunk of blocks into the living room. His thought of bonding was playing with toys? Konan hadn't been nearly as close-minded as him and had sat down next to Drew and the first pile of blocks he had dumped out.

If the kid hadn't been more interested in veterinary medicine, he could have easily gotten some type of job in architecture. Whether it was from habit or just plain skill, Drew had already had a tower that nearly came to mid chest in less than ten minutes. And he had taken the time to build four smaller buildings around it. He had even paused after the first tower to plot a system of roads with Konan on a piece of graph paper from the notebook he kept in the chest of blocks.

Pein was actually surprised at how much thought the kid put into his block city. Though, if he took the time to think about it, he could actually remember that the zoo Tobi and Drew had put together was just as meticulously planned.

"What do you think Pein?"

Pein blinked and looked at the brunet who had just asked him asked a question. Drew pointed to an empty space on the floor. "Should the school go here or over there by the post office?"

The Akatsuki leader looked down at the already half-finished building. He pointed to the empty spot. "There."

Drew groaned and Konan smiled up at him. "I told you he would agree with me."

"Maybe I should start sleeping with the leader," Drew grumbled under his breath and yelped when Konan casually pushed the back of his knees, which caused him to fall to the ground and narrowly miss the half-finished school building. "Not cool!"

Konan just innocently smiled at him before putting two blocks together. Building a city was much harder than she had originally thought.

Pein sat in the recliner and watched as they continued to put the city together. They would pause every once in a while to quietly argue about where something would go (Pein was the final voice in the things they couldn't come to an agreement on). Drew even asked Konan if she could make little origami people to place throughout blocks. To accompany her origami men, Drew also placed Hot-Wheels cars on the roads and a gorilla to hang off the tallest tower. Inspired by his gorilla, Konan made other origami animals and randomly placed them on buildings.

"How exactly do you know how to do all of this?" Konan randomly asked as she watched Drew assemble a small building at a rapid pace.

"This is what me and my oldest brother used to do on the weekends," he answered distractedly as he looked around for a green block.

"Really?"

"Yep, sometimes our living room would be completely covered in blocks. But most of the time that was because the building had collapsed…"

"Do you do it anymore?"

Drew made a sound of triumph as he found his green block; except it was attached to the bottom of another tower. "We haven't been able to lately."

"That's a shame," Konan said and handed him a green block before he did anything drastic—like destroy the tower they had built ten minutes ago. He accepted the block with a sound of gratitude and pieced finished piecing the building together. Now they had a recreation center.

He stood up and observed their city. "I think this is the best city I've ever put together with another person." Konan stood up to look down upon it and nodded. It was a good looking city of colorful blocks.

Drew turned to Pein, who was still lounging in the recliner and tapping his fingers on the arm rest in thought. "Pein, now it's time for you to do your part," Drew said dramatically.

The pierced man looked down at the finished city. What did he want him to do, pick up the blocks? Pein was _not_ picking up toys. The brunet saw his confusion and pointed at the block city with emphasis. "You have to level it!"

Konan blinked. "You want Pein to destroy what we spent four hours creating?"

Drew enthusiastically nodded. "Duh! That's the best part of creating it—you get to dramatically destroy it afterwards!" He turned back to Pein. "Now do whatever you have to do to destroy the city!"

Pein sighed. Really, his awesome abilities have been reduced to this? He raised a hand above the city.

"Wait!"

Rinnegan eyes glared at the male's sudden exclamation. Drew ignored him and ran over to the couch where he began to pull off the cushions and throw to the other side of the room. "We have to make it more realistic!"

"How do you make destroying a pile of blocks more realistic?" Pein muttered. Konan just smiled and told him to play along before walking over to the cushions and beginning to set up a wall that would be between them and the city. Drew made it so that there was little opening between the cushions they look out of.

Jumping behind the newly constructed barricade, he gestured for Konan and Pein to join. Konan was trying not to laugh as she crouched down beside him and Pein was still muttering when he finally decided to come over.

"Okie dokie. You see that tower in the middle?"

Pein nodded. How could he miss it? It was the tallest one the two had managed to create. Plus, it was the only one made of multiple color blocks. The rest were solid colors.

"Aim for that one and demolish the city!"

Konan was still trying not to laugh at her partner's exasperation. The man rubbed his forehead and held up his hand. He paused. This would be more difficult than he originally thought. He had to destroy the city but also make sure that he didn't crush the blocks into unusable pieces.

"Is it too difficult for you leader?" Drew asked innocently. Now that Pein took the time to look, he noticed that Drew wasn't even _looking_ at the city. Instead he had his back to it and was staring at the ceiling. And Konan was _still_ trying not to laugh.

Pein dropped his hand. "What have you two planned?"

Drew looked at him with wide brown eyes, and Konan was finally able to control her giggles. "Nothing! It's just that it wouldn't be very fun if you could just pulverize it." Drew tapped his temple. "You have to think! Just like me and Konan thought for the past four hours."

Konan was nodding and had settled with her back against the cushions. Drew pulled a Dum Dum from his pocket and offered it to her. She accepted it, and they started talking to each other in whispers. Pein's eyes narrowed at them before turning back to the Legos. It nearly took up the whole living room, except their little corner (something else Drew and Konan must have planned on). The tallest tower stood in the middle, and the buildings circling it varied in size but never came close to its height. The gorilla was still hanging on the side of it, and Konan had added an origami monkey to hang beside it.

He sat completely on the floor and stared at the blocks. He had to figure out _exactly_ how much chakra to expend. Too much would crush the plastic, too little probably wouldn't even bring down the tower. Drumming his fingers on his knees, he glared at the city. It would be so much easier to flatten a real city that you didn't have to worry about.

He blinked at the lollipop suddenly waving in his face. "Dum Dum?"

"Are you mocking me?" Pein asked as he took the sucker.

Drew smiled around the candy in his mouth. "It is a very mocking candy. I wonder if we get stupider by eating it…

"But it is one of the simplest candies in the world," he continued thoughtfully. "A stick with a piece of hard candy on top. Not like Tootsie Pops. Tootsie Pops you have to go through the process of putting the Tootsie Roll in the middle. And then you have the question 'How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?' And that voice at the end of the commercial never gives a certain answer. All it says is that 'The world may never know.' Dum Dums all you have to do bite down and it's gone. That answers the question that no one asks, 'How long does it take to eat a Dum Dum?' Three point five seconds and the side-effects of a tooth ache. Unlucky people get the side-effect of a new hole between their teeth."

Konan shook her head at the brunet's pointless soliloquy. It was just candy. But Pein looked thoughtful as he put the sucker in his mouth. He stood up and Konan and Drew watched him through the hole in the cushions as he approached the center of the city. Standing by the tower, he brought his right foot back and kicked the bottom blocks. The tower crumbled instantly, taking the gorilla and paper monkey. The debris of the tower knocked into the other building and they began to create a domino effect: each building knocked down the next. Hot-Wheels were buried, paper people were crushed, and few of the lucky animals that perched on the blocks fluttered harmlessly to the ground.

Drew giggled at the destruction. "He may not have used The Force, but that was still cool."

The woman beside him turned her amber eyes to him. "Wait, your candy rant had a meaning behind it."

"Apparently to him it did. I was just complaining about Tootsie Pops."

Pein was scratching the back of his head and staring down at the destruction he just caused. Sometimes simple was the best means to an end. He glared back at the two. "I am not playing with blocks…so this doesn't go beyond this room."

Konan nodded and Drew grinned. The doorbell began to ring in a sporadic pattern, so Drew stood up to answer it. Konan stood up as well and stared at Pein. "Did you have some kind of epiphany from a candy rant?"

Pein huffed. "Of course not…"

She shrugged and turned to the sound of thud from the front door.

"Drew-kun!"

"Tobi!"

They walked out of the living room to see Drew and Tobi rolling around on the floor together in a fit of joy at being reunited. Aiden stood in the doorway staring at the two. "That's just weird."

Konan smiled and Pein sighed while covering his eyes. When was the last time someone could honestly say that his minions were scary?

**~O~**

Hidan's violet eyes glared at the shark ninja as he sat on top of the counter with a controller in his hand. Nanichi stood beside him with her own controller and was hopping around as her character on the TV was being beaten to a bloody pulp.

"No!" she exclaimed when her health bar reached zero and Kisame was declared the winner.

Kisame just chuckled. "This is a lot more fun than sitting at the house."

"You're right. You should totally get out more."

Hidan just glared at both of them. Nanichi happened to turn then and see the Jashinist standing there. "Oh! Hi Hidan, how long have you been standing there?"

"The past ten minutes," Hidan growled still glaring at Kisame. The shark man gave him a toothy grin.

"Really? I totally didn't notice you."

He transferred his glare to her. "I'm fucking starving."

"So?" Nanichi asked as she examined her nails.

"Feed me!"

Nanichi thought about it. "Do a trick."

Hidan stared at her and Kisame chuckled. "What?"

"Do a trick if you want food."

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me!"

"Nope."

Hidan glared at them both before sighing. "Fine, what the hell do I have to do?"

Nanichi blinked. "Whoa, really?" Hidan just stared at her. "Huh, I didn't expect you to agree; now I have to think of something."

Hidan growled at Kisame's chuckles, and the girl stared at the ceiling in thought. Sam walked in then, his lunch break having ended, and stared at the glaring Hidan, thoughtful Nanichi, and the blue man sitting on the counter. "You're still doing your job, right?"

"Of course Sam!" Nanichi said dramatically. "I would never let you down, _man_!"

Sam shrugged and moved over to fix a row of games. He glanced back over at them when he heard Nanichi shout of triumphant and saw an annoyed Hidan about to jump the girl and Kisame watching them in interest. "Hey Nanichi, I never thought you were into that kind of thing."

"What kind of thing?" she asked, temporarily forgetting the Jashinist (who appeared more annoyed at the ignoring).

"You know, the threesome thing," he said resisting the urge to laugh as he watched the looks of shock cross all three of their faces. "Or is it a foursome? I almost forgot about the other guy from yesterday."

Kisame finally laughed as he caught onto the teasing tone in the kid's voice, but Hidan looked like he was on the verge of throwing up. Nanichi still stood shocked. Then, much to everyone's surprise, she fell to the floor.

"Whoops," Sam said unapologetically. "I guess she's more sensitive than I thought." He poked her unmoving body with his foot. "Well, she's no use unconscious. You can take her home; she has the entire weekend to recover."

Kisame was still laughing as he carried the girl out on his shoulder followed by a still sick Hidan.

**~O~**

Uncle Brian groaned at the fact that his niece didn't even know to whisk eggs. Although, he had a sneaky suspicion she was purposely causing the eggs fly out of the bowl.

"You are very messy," Itachi told her as he volunteered to mix the dry ingredients with the wet ones.

"No one asked for your opinion," Rikku muttered.

Itachi shrugged. "I have never done anything like this, yet I do it flawlessly. Your uncle tells me you do this at least once a month."

Rikku glared at him as behind them Kakuzu's eyebrow twitched upward in surprise from where he sat at the table.

"You should be a cake pro then," Kakuzu said. Rikku turned to glare at him as well.

"You're both losers, so you're not allowed to share your opinion."

"Be nice Rikku," her uncle chastised her. So, she glared at him too and officially placed him in the loser category.

"You should listen to your uncle," Itachi said, lightly tapping her forehead with a batter covered spoon. "More people may like you if you did."

Rikku huffed at the turned Uchiha's back and, tired of the Uchiha's teasing, threw the egg she held in her hand at the back of his head. She gaped as the egg actually managed to hit its target. She couldn't see his face but Brian, who had a perfect view, started to laugh at the surprised look that adorned Itachi's face.

"I don't know whether to laugh," Kakuzu said surprised, "or yell at the wastefulness."

"When we finish laughing, then we can yell," Brian said between his laughs.

Itachi sighed as Kakuzu's chuckles joined the laughter and even Rikku giggled behind him. So to get her back he picked up an egg…and smashed it on top of her head. The room got quiet as Rikku gaped up at him, egg yolk dripping down the side of her face.

"I can't believe you just did that."

Itachi just rubbed the egg further into her hair, his lip twitching upward in a slight smirk. She glared and reached behind her to grab the bag of flour. She flung it wildly at him, coating the Uchiha in white dust and managing to hit Kakuzu and her uncle at the same time.

Itachi coughed as the dust filled his nose. He rubbed the white from his eyes and blankly stared at her. He then reached behind her to pick up the bowl of mixed batter and before she could move, he dumped the contents on her head.

Rikku gasped at the cold liquid like substance trailed down the collar of her shirt. Satisfied, Itachi placed the bowl back at the counter, watching her wipe the batter from her eyes. She reached for another egg but he knew better this time and dodged the projectile. Instead it hit her uncle square in the chest.

"Now hold on! When did I become a target?"

Rikku ignored her uncle and threw another egg at the Uchiha. He dodged again to insure the egg would hit Kakuzu, who was trying to pat the flour off his shirt. Kakuzu froze and turned to the direction the egg came from.

"Which one of you threw it?"

Rikku pointed at Itachi; Itachi pointed at Brian; Brian pointed at both of them. Kakuzu eyes bounced between the three before he walked up to the counter. He picked up the oil they had been using and dumped the rest of the contents onto Rikku's head.

"I choose you to retaliate on."

Itachi blinked in surprise. He hadn't expected Kakuzu to join in; actually he had anticipated some rant about how much money their childish antics had wasted. He watched from the sidelines as Rikku jumped in an effort to smash an egg on the top of the stitched man's head. Kakuzu just chuckled at her attempts and smashed his own egg onto her head. Rikku gave up and settled for cracking her egg on his flour covered chest.

As the battle continued between them, Brian sidled up beside the silent Uchiha to observe. "You know I was trying to create chemistry between you two," Uncle Brian told Itachi. "I guess it kind of backfired, but I'm still happy with the results."

Itachi glanced at him as he slightly moved to the right to avoid a misguided egg. "It wouldn't have worked. Neither of us was looking for a relationship with one another."

"It wouldn't be the first time I failed," Uncle Brian responded, watching the ninja slip on the batter that coated the floor and his niece laugh. "I always knew she'd go after an older man. She just doesn't get along very well with her own generation."

Itachi just watched the food fight come to an end as Rikku's laughter caused her to slip and fall next to the older man.

"Although," Brian began thoughtfully, "I have learned something else today."

"Hn?"

"I thought it was just Rikku, but it seems my bonding sessions make normally stoic or unfeeling people act extremely out of character." He sniffed some of the flour that had landed on him. "I hope we're using flour and not some other white substance that looks like it..."

"What?"

"Nothing~"

**~O~**

"How did you get your skin to do that?"

"...It's natural?"

"No way! That is _so_ cool!"

Nicholas snickered as an uncomfortable Zetsu shifted away from the bimbo's wandering hands. She had walked in with her friend, who Nicholas was just finishing giving a tattoo to, and had instantly been drawn the green haired man. Speaking of green hair, she had just started to rub her hands through that too.

"And your hair is so, so...so green!"

"That's natural too. **Get off me idiot!**"

"I like a man with split personality!"

Nicholas could no longer contain his laughter and was thankful that he had already finished the tattoo before he bent over in the chair in laughter. The girl's friend sighed as she waited for Nicholas to finish laughing and cover her new skin art. Zetsu glared at him while maneuvering his head away from the touchy hands.

"Please stop, **before I eat you!**"

"A cannibal? That is so hot!"

Nicholas, who had just finished laughing, doubled back in a new fit of laughter. Her friend rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Christie, that's not how you get a guy."

"I know!" the blonde said cheerfully. "I've gotta show off my boobs!" She cheerfully bounced and that's when Zetsu escaped to the back. Nicholas wiped away his laughter induced tears.

"That was so worth forty bucks," he said as he dug his wallet from his back pocket. He gave each girl a twenty and waved as they left. After they had cleared the door, he yelled back to Zetsu, "They're gone now!"

Zetsu cautiously came back to the front and, seeing the girls gone, sighed in relief. "That was just weird. **I don't care how desperate we may get; we're staying away from chicks like her!**"

Nicholas just snickered at his friend.

**~O~**

It wasn't long after Kaitlin's semi-breakdown with Deidara that the others started to show up. The first to arrive were Drew and Aiden, along with their ninjas. Kisame and Hidan got back next with a just awakening Nanichi. Kaitlin asked how they had managed to get back with her unconscious and Kisame just grinned, so she decided it was probably best that she didn't know.

Rikku, Kakuzu, and Itachi showed up after them. Tobi flew at Rikku as soon as she stepped through the door and commented that she smelled like a cupcake. She hit him in a very private place and escaped while he was collapsed on the floor. Kakuzu laughed at his misfortune and even Itachi gave a small smirk. Nicholas appeared just as she was shutting the door behind the previous three, and Zetsu phased up beside him.

Kaitlin now collapsed in the pool chair next to Konan. They had all come out back after Nanichi came running down the stairs in a bathing suit and yelled that she was going to use the trampoline as a diving board. She had dragged Kisame out with her to move the trampoline closer, and the rest had slowly migrated that way too.

Kisame was ominously swimming around and pulling unsuspecting people underwater or off the edge of the pool. Nicholas had begun to hum the Jaws theme every time he saw Kisame swim by until Kisame had dragged him in. Deidara was jumping around on the trampoline (which had been abandoned by Nanichi long ago) to get enough bounce before he would flip into the pool. Tobi was copying his senpai as Drew looked on from the float he drifted around on.

Somebody—probably Nanichi—had dragged out the water guns that had been hidden in the pool house, and Hidan and Nanichi were running around the pool shooting each other. Apparently shooting water at someone wasn't very deadly as Hidan hadn't poofed back yet. Kakuzu and Rikku had their own guns and would shoot whoever came to close to them. Kakuzu lost his gun when he ran out of water and threw it at Hidan's head (it connected and knocked the Jashinist into the pool) while Rikku had thrown hers at Itachi when he refused to refill it for her. The rest of the group lounged in the pool chairs that surrounded the pool.

"It's hard to believe you guys are deadly ninjas," Kaitlin commented to Konan. Pein, who was sitting on the other side of Konan, gave her a small glare before returning to his laid back position. "At first I could believe it, but now you guys don't act very ninja-like."

"You know," Konan said thoughtfully, "I think their behavior has more to do with their short or lack of a childhood."

Kaitlin turned surprised to Konan. "What do you mean?"

"Well, ninjas have a very short time to actually be children," Konan explained. "My generation had to live through two Shinobi wars that robbed them of family members and friends, and Itachi had virtually no childhood because of the high expectations of clan. Deidara was also brought into the Akatsuki at a very young age."

Kaitlin watched said bomber shove both Tobi and Drew into the pool and laugh as they resurfaced, sputtering. She also witnessed Kakuzu try to throw Rikku into the pool, but the girl managed to hang onto his arm and drag him in as well. Hidan laughed at his partner's misfortune before being shoved from behind by Nanichi, who cackled and fled to hide behind the snickering shark. Kisame ended up tossing her in anyways.

Kaitlin then glanced over at the pool chairs close to them. Pein was actually _relaxing_, a concept that Kaitlin was sure he hadn't known of. Itachi seemed to be a similar position, but he was still alert enough to throw the float that was tossed at him back at Kisame before it actually hit. Sasori was using the chakra strings he had shown her the day before to grab onto Deidara and make him walk off the diving board into the pool. He was smiling as he glanced over at the two women, before quickly diverting his eyes back to the pool again.

"That's sad," Kaitlin finally said turning back to Konan. "It's almost the exact opposite here. There are a lot of people who don't even grow up."

As if to prove her point Aiden and Nicholas ran by them—Nicholas whacking Aiden upside the head with a pool noodle and Aiden trying to squirt Nicholas with his water gun. Kaitlin giggled and Konan smiled as they rounded the pool and were tripped in by their local plant ninja as he phased through the ground.

Nicholas resurfaced and glared at his former accomplice. "Zetsu! You're supposed to be on my side!"

Zetsu's black and white shoulders shrugged. "**I was bored** and I was actually the one that suggested it."

Aiden laughed at Nicholas's fury, before swimming away to help Hidan try to knock Rikku off of Kakuzu's shoulders. Hidan was currently having a difficult time as Rikku would kick him any time he approached her. It was strange that the stitch man didn't seem to mind having the girl atop his shoulders and her arms wrapped around his head to keep her from falling off.

Watching all of the Akatsuki members interact with her friends, Kaitlin had a sudden thought. She was almost positive that if they tried hard enough, they could have found a way home by now. So, what if they didn't want to go home? Maybe they wanted to forget about their ninja lives for a little while and just live in the moment. Like how she and her friends had been doing since they all met at the beginning of high school.

She smiled as an idea came to her. She turned to Konan. "Konan, have you ever been to a fair before?"

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 1027/13**


	17. Fairgrounds (Part 1)

Adoption 101

Chapter 17

Fairgrounds (Part 1)

* * *

><p>"Wow!" Tobi exclaimed as he flew out of Drew's car. He waved his hands around to make sure everyone knew what he was exclaiming about. "Look at this place! It's so cool looking."<p>

"We're still in the parking lot, idiot," Nicholas grumbled as he remained sitting on his bike.

"Yeah," Drew, said joining the ecstatic ninja. "It's ten times cooler inside!"

"Yay!"

Aiden stood beside Pein as Drew and Tobi dashed off together towards the entrance to the grounds. "I swear, sometimes they act like they're two little kids stuck in a candy factory."

Pein gave an uncharacteristic snort and walked beside Konan to the entrance. Tobi and Drew were already there, Tobi impatiently jumping around and Drew searching his pockets for his wallet. Kakuzu saw this and paused. "Wait, how much is this going to cost?"

Hidan sneered at him. "Kakuzu, you're such a spoil sport."

Nanichi gasped. "Hidan you didn't curse!" She jumped onto his back to pull at his hair and face. "He's an imposter!" Hidan tried to bite the fingers that were shoved into his face, but Nanichi managed to keep her nimble fingers away from the threat.

Kaitlin sighed as she stepped around them. "You guys don't have to worry; I'll pay for you."

Kakuzu nodded because he didn't care who paid as long it didn't come out of his pocket. While Kaitlin was paying for them, the group stood off to the side. Rikku was going through her own cash to see how much she had, Nicholas noticed, sneakily sidling up beside her and Kakuzu. "Planning on pigging out again this year?"

Rikku glared at him. "Why do you want now?"

He shrugged. "I just want to be ready to cackle at your misfortune as you worship the porcelain god tomorrow."

She made to kick him, but he jumped back over to where he had previously stood beside Zetsu. "That's not going to happen this year."

"Whatever you say."

Kaitlin waved at them to let them know they could go in now. They walked through the gate to where they could now see the many booths set up. Closer to the entrance stood the booths designated for games, with some booths for food and drink scattered amongst them. The rides were further into the park as they could be easily seen by some of the bigger ones that towered over the booths. Drew told them that they couldn't see it, but there was a place closer to the rides that held a petting zoo for younger kids and a stage used for concerts.

"It's sort of like a festival, un," Deidara observed.

"Only bigger!" Tobi exclaimed. Deidara bopped him on the head for drawing attention to their already attention attracting group.

Kaitlin tugged on Pein's shirt to get his attention but quickly released it with a sheepish grin when he glared at her. "I think it would be easier if we split into groups."

Pein nodded as the thought had already crossed his mind and turned to his…he wasn't even sure if he could call them an organization anymore. "Kaitlin's right—it would be easier to navigate the park in smaller groups. I don't care who you go with, just be back here by closing." With that said, he grabbed Konan, and the two of them proceeded further into the park.

The group stared in surprise as their leader and his partner were lost in the crowd. "Well that was unexpected," Drew said, and Tobi, who was draped across his shoulder, nodded.

Deidara took the opportunity to grab Kaitlin and Sasori by the arm. "We're a group, un!" He dragged them into the crowd, and they were lost as well.

Rikku shrugged. "Anyone who really doesn't want to do anything can follow me." She started to walk off before anyone could say a thing to her. Kakuzu immediately followed her, and Itachi followed as well after trading a look with his partner.

"Tobi and Drew are going to the rides!" Tobi ran off with Drew, and the remaining six could see his head hopping above the crowd as they made their way to the back of the park.

Nicholas looked at Aiden. "Games?"

"You don't even need to ask." Zetsu followed after the two to the nearest game stall.

Nanichi swatted at Kisame's arm. "Guess that leaves me and you with the imposter, fish-man."

"I'm not a fucking imposter!" Hidan yelled at her as he glared.

Nanichi gasped. "Oh, hi Hidan! Where have you been? You know someone actually tried to impersonate you."

Kisame laughed as Hidan began to pull his hair out.

**~O~**

"Do you think it was wise to leave them back there?" Konan asked as she and Pein weaved through the crowd, on the lookout for something interesting.

"They're adults," Pein replied, spotting a booth full of colorful jewelry. "They should be able to take care of themselves."

"We are talking about members of the Akatsuki, who can change back into cats even if they so much as accidentally bump into someone too hard."

"You worry too much Konan. The odds of that happening are slim to none." Pein paused, as if to carefully think over what he had just said, before continuing. "Yes, they will be fine."

**~O~**

Nicholas glared at the tiny bear he had won. That game was rigged! How the hell was someone supposed to toss a microscopic ring around the neck of a bottle? Stupid rigged fair games.

"Don't look so down," Zetsu tried to reassure the glaring white haired male. "You'll win next time." Nicholas just threw the bear on the ground and stomped it. "**Right after you throw your little tantrum.**"

Nicholas glared at the green haired ninja. He glanced over to where Aiden had walked further ahead of them and frowned at the huge bear he was being given. His eyes bounced back to the small toy on the ground before returning to Zetsu. He grinned as an idea came to him.

"Zetsu!" Nicholas grabbed the ninja beside him. "Phase through the wall and get me that stuffed animal!"

Zetsu's eyes followed Nicholas' finger and landed on the giant turtle he was pointing at. "Isn't that cheating? **Why?**"

"I am not going to lose to a pussy like Aiden."

Zetsu shrugged, and they both ducked between the booths. Zetsu didn't bother phasing all the way through. Instead, he just stuck his hand through the wall to grab the stuffed animal. Fortunately, it was the right one.

Nicholas snatched the animal from his partner in crime the moment it came out. "Thank you Zetsu! You shall reap some of my wins."

"Wins?" Zetsu asked curiously. They had moved from between the stalls and were now out in the open again.

"Yeah, Aiden and I do this every year. Whoever wins the most animals gets to pick an embarrassing outfit for the other to wear every day for the next month." Nicholas glared at nothing as they walked amongst the crowd to the next game stall. "No one won last year, because security kicked us off the property. It was something about destruction of property and indecent exposure or something."

"**So if you win, I get to choose what Aiden wears too?**"

"Yeah, I'll give you half the month."

"What if Aiden wins?"

"We don't need to talk about that improbability."

Zetsu's yellow eyes curiously glanced around at the stalls. His eyes landed on Aiden, who was throwing basketballs into a net and surprisingly making the majority of the throws. "**I'll be right back.**"

Nicholas waved him off; his attention had already been diverted to a booth that had pyramids of bottles waiting to be tipped over. Zetsu hurried over to Aiden and tapped him on the shoulder. Aiden turned and, seeing Zetsu, jumped back into the wooden counter. "Leave me alone!"

People automatically turned to see who was yelling, and Zetsu just sighed and covered Aiden's mouth to prevent anymore yelling. "**I'm here to offer you a deal.**"

Aiden's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "**I'll help you get stuffed animals if you give me half the month of choosing outfits.**"

Aiden pushed his hand away. "Isn't that cheating?"

"**So?**"

The black haired man stared at him in contemplation before agreeing. So Zetsu phased through the wall of that stand and grabbed the biggest animal for Aiden. Aiden happily walked off with the animal.

Zetsu turned to scan the crowd for Nicholas white head of hair. "I thought we were helping Nicholas," his white side said in confusion.

"**We are,**" Black Zetsu said, spotting Nicholas yelling at the worker at his stand. "**But if he still loses, we have a backup.**"

"You just want to embarrass one of them."

"**Yes. Yes I do.**"

**~O~**

Kaitlin giggled at Deidara as he wobbled out of the _Tornado_. He had gotten a little too enthusiastic about making his gondola spin faster than the one Kaitlin and Sasori had occupied. It wasn't very hard, seeing as Sasori had only spun them twice, but Deidara had wanted to show off and didn't stop spinning until the ride came to an end.

He was now leaning against the fence surrounding the ride, holding his head and stomach. Sasori walked over to him. "Are you going to be sick brat?"

"Be quiet danna," Deidara said weakly. He shook off his sickness and searched for another ride for the couple behind him to share seats. He zoned in on the huge wheel centered in the park. "What's that one, un?"

Kaitlin followed his finger to the Ferris wheel. "The Ferris wheel. It's not that fast so you might not like it."

"Is it romantic?"

Kaitlin blushed at his question. "W-well," she stuttered, "It sort of is at night when it and the whole park are lit up." Deidara watched her face redden. "I rode it with Drew last year, and it was _kinda _romantic."

Deidara frowned. He didn't know his danna would have competition, and by the looks on the girl's face, it was big competition.

"Of course, Drew was busier pointing out Nicholas and Aiden being dragged out of the park than anything romantic."

That was a relief. At least the teenager was too dense to realize the girl's feelings, which gave his emotionally-retarded danna a chance. Deidara made a mental note to come back to the wheel later before grabbing the two members of his group and hauling them towards the next ride.

**~O~**

Itachi stared at the blue ball of fluff on a stick that Rikku had bought. She had said something about starting small and had bypassed some of the tastier looking stands. Kakuzu was happy because the fluff ball didn't cost much.

Itachi blinked when the blue blob suddenly appeared in front of his face. "Want some?" Rikku asked. "You like sweet stuff right? It's pure sugar; go crazy."

He tore a small bit from the whole and stared at it. Rikku offered some to Kakuzu, but he just his head. When she turned back to Itachi, he was still staring at his piece. She sighed. "If you're waiting for it to grow a head and eat you, I can assure you it won't."

Itachi gave her a brief glare and popped the sticky blob into his mouth. He blinked in surprise as the sugar immediately melted in his mouth. Rikku had to laugh as the normally emotionless Uchiha's face was filled with surprise, but her laughter didn't last long as she glared at him when he managed to snatch about half of her sugar on a stick. "Go get your own."

Itachi popped the sugary treat into his mouth before responding. "I don't have any money."

At the mention of money, Kakuzu turned back to them after observing the prices on display. "Do you even know how much this will cost you?"

Rikku waved him off as she gave the rest of the candy to Itachi. What was the point of keeping it when he'd already taken half of it? "Don't worry. I set aside a little each month just to spend at the fair. So when that money stops, I stop." She stood from the bench and wandered off to another stand.

Itachi sighed as he watched the impressed Kakuzu follow after her. Really, it was like all of the most unlikely guys were slowly starting to feel again. First, it was the emotionless, resurrected puppet-boy with "brand new" emotions and now the cold-hearted miser whose only love had ever been green and of the paper persuasion. Although, he was silently cheering for his blue partner to get his girl before Hidan did. If Itachi ever held any loyalty to the Akatsuki, the majority of it went to his partner.

His musings came to an end when his cotton candy did the same. He tossed the stick into the nearest waste bin and followed after his companions in hopes of obtaining another treat.

**~O~**

"Tobi doesn't think this is a good idea."

"Just hang in there Tobi! It's better once you're in the air."

"Tobi doesn't think this is safe."

"You're probably right about that."

Their car was suddenly released, and they were flung at high speeds straight into the air. Tobi screamed as the car reached its climax and began to spin. Drew just laughed as they descended. The first few times the bungee ride had thrown him off too, but after five years of riding it about half a dozen times each year had taken the scream factor out for him. Tobi screamed for two more rotations before suddenly stopping. It bounced and spun a couple of more times before stopping and descending back to the ground.

The worker unhooked their belts, and they both wobbly stepped out and off of the platform. Drew began to worry when Tobi remained quiet. "Are you okay Tobi? I didn't think that would affect you so much."

Tobi stopped and turned to stare at Drew. Drew felt uneasy until Tobi threw himself at him. "Let's do it again!"

Drew laughed, and they ran back to the line.

**~O~**

Kisame laughed as he watched Nanichi dash out of the funhouse, skillfully walking across the moving floor. Though what was funny was Hidan right behind her, looking murderous and falling as he tried to hurry over the floor as fast as she had done. Nanichi ran over to the blue man and grabbed his arm. "I win again!"

"You fucking bitch!" Hidan shouted as he was finally able to pick himself up and get over to them. "You cheated!"

Nanichi glared at him as she placed her hands on her hips. "How can you cheat in a race through a funhouse?"

"I don't know. But you cheated!"

"Kisame the imposter's back!"

Hidan yelled up at the sky—attracting even more attention to their group—before stomping away, cursing at the top of his lungs. Nanichi watched him walk away with a small smile. "Never mind Kisame, it was just a false alarm."

"Again," Kisame added to the end of her sentence as he laughed. She shrugged. So what if she had sounded a false alarm five times now. You could never be too careful.

The shark ninja glanced up at the darkening sky. "It's getting dark," he said as they moved to follow Hidan. Nanichi glanced up at the sky to see he was right.

"Wow, that was quick. But we did show up around five," she said. She looked back down to see that Hidan had stopped in front of another funhouse and was impatiently waiting for them. "I guess after this we should try to find at least one other group."

Kisame nodded, and they came to a stop in front of the glaring Jashinist. He pointed at the building. "It's my turn to choose, and I choose this one."

"Imposter!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"False alarm."

Kisame chuckled again and glanced up at the funhouse. The outside of this one was covered in mirrors that would reflect back distorted images of a person. There were a lot of young children who would stop on their way past to giggle at their own images. He looked over to Nanichi when he heard her groan.

"Do we _have_ to do this one?" she asked reluctantly.

Hidan must have smelled weakness because his face stretched in a vengeful smile. He obnoxiously poked her. "What? Are you afraid I'll win? Scared to go up against the almighty Hidan, bitch?"

Nanichi swatted the finger away from her. "I just don't like the House of Mirrors. Besides you couldn't win even if someone held your hand and guided you through the maze."

Hidan growled and hurried over to the line in front of the entrance. The lavender haired girl turned to the shark man beside her. "Kisame," she looked up at him pleadingly, "please come in the maze with me!"

She didn't like the sharky grin he gave her. "Are sure you're not afraid?"

She glared at his teasing and stomped away to wait beside Hidan. Kisame just chuckled and wandered over to a concession stand. He paused and covertly glanced around at the familiar feeling of being watched. When nothing unusual turned up, he shrugged and stood in line for one of the stands, counting out the bill he had pick pocketed while Hidan and Nanichi had their fun.

**~O~**

"Deidara slow down!" Kaitlin shouted as the blonde bomber forcefully pulled both her and Sasori toward the huge wheel ride. "The Ferris wheel isn't going anywhere!"

Sasori sighed as his partner just turned to grin at them. He wasn't stupid; he had noticed how Deidara would push them together for every ride. Now that night had finally fallen and the fairgrounds had lit up, Deidara was dead set on getting them on the so-called "romantic" ride. The brat needed to learn how to mind his own business.

Deidara refused to let go of either of them, especially Sasori (who he was sure would take off the minute he let go), until it was their turn to board the attraction. The blonde bomber jumped onto the bench first and brought the bar down before anyone else could join him. He motioned to the surprised worker. "Make sure those two sit together, un."

The worker nodded as glanced at the two the man pointed to, and Deidara waved as his bench moved forward and up to make way for the next bench. The couple on it exited, and Sasori and Kaitlin took their place.

They sat silently as the bench swung on its way up, stopped, and allowed other riders on below them. Sasori tapped his fingers on the bar in boredom, while Kaitlin looked every which way.

"Hey look!" She pointed down to the ground below them. "Is that Nicholas?"

Sasori looked to where she had pointed, but didn't see anything. Which would make sense as Nicholas— along with Aiden and Zetsu—was supposed to be on the other side of the grounds by the games.

Before he could say just that, Deidara yelled down from above them. "Now's the perfect time to make a move danna, un!"

Sasori glared at the blonde's swinging legs while Kaitlin looked curiously at him. "What's he talking about?"

"He is just babbling again," Sasori replied still glaring at the swinging legs. Deidara managed to lean forward just enough to glance down at them and not fall out. Seeing that Sasori was glaring up at him and Kaitlin looked lost, he glared back at his danna. "I mean it, un! This is the perfect time to kiss her."

He leaned back in satisfaction as he saw Kaitlin's face reddened and his danna transferred his attention back to the blonde beside him. Sasori could feel his face heat up as Kaitlin looked at him. _Stupid teenage emotions,_ he thought childishly. He hadn't noticed before just how close they sat together. So all he had to do was lean forward just a little…

Kaitlin fell against him when the Ferris wheel came to a jolting stop. Sasori caught her out of instinct and looked for the cause of the sudden stop.

"Did she knock you out for trying to get to second base, un?"

Sasori spared the teasing bomber a brief glare. A sudden screech drew their attentions further above them. Someone at the top of the ride screamed as a creature swooped in to settle down on the giant wheel.

"Whoa," Kaitlin said in astonishment, "what is that?"

Sasori cursed. He had a pretty good feeling where that thing came from. He abnormal cursing grew even louder as beady yellow eyes zoomed in on the two benches he, Kaitlin, and Deidara occupied. It screeched again before strongly flapping its wings to take off from its perch and circled the ride before diving towards them.

Luckily, Deidara had stashed his clay in the baggy jeans he wore. Sasori watched as he released two owl sculptures to occupy the raptor like creature, while another clay creation expanded in front of them. Deidara was already jumping onto on his creation, and Sasori unbuckled them and effortlessly lifted the locked bar. The bomber brought the bird close so Sasori and Kaitlin could jump on. Kaitlin clung to the puppeteer as the bird took off. She watched as the two sculptures distracting the raptor exploded, sending the people on the ground into even more panic.

"Art is an explosion, un!" Deidara exclaimed. Sasori sighed in annoyance, and Kaitlin gave a little nervous laugh. She choked on the laughter when the raptor flew towards them out of the smoke with a shattering screech.

"What do we do now?" she yelled.

Deidara sneered at the bird. "Hold on!" His clay creation steeply swooped until they were dodging between stands. Unfortunately, the creature easily followed them and was actually gaining on them. Kaitlin shrieked as Deidara's bird came too close to a stand and sent bags of cotton candy flying. Sasori glared at the back of his partner's head. "Could you perhaps get a little closer to the stands brat?"

Deidara sent him a glare, as his hands chewed furiously to create more bombs. His hand popped out a spider this time. Sasori spotted the spider gripped in his hand. "Deidara don't—!"

The terrorist ignored him, and tossed the bomb back at the raptor. It attached itself to the bird monster's face. The creature screeched as its wings buckled and it blindly flew up. Once it was a decent distance away, _then_ Deidara's fingers formed a sign, and the spider exploded.

"I'm not stupid enough to make the bomb explode in a crowd, un," Deidara said, offended that his danna thought him to be so stupid. "I would probably change back to a cat if I did. What would happen to my creation then, un?"

Sasori just stared blankly at him as he held Kaitlin close to him. "So, you did get to second base, un!"

Kaitlin's face resembled a tomato and even Sasori had a line of red across his nose. "Just find the others, brat."

**~O~**

"You're not very sneaky," Rikku commented as the Uchiha snatched another piece of her funnel cake. Itachi stuck the piece in his mouth and chewed before saying anything to her.

"I was under the impression that we were sharing."

Rikku dodged the grabby hand and held the plate off to the side. "No, my funnel cake."

Kakuzu chuckled as he snatched a piece for himself. Rikku glared at him as well. "You're both losers."

The ninjas shrugged, not at all offended. She just glared at the two of them before standing from her spot between them and walking out from under the tent. She turned and stood in front of them a good distance away and ate the rest of the fried dough covered in sugar to spite them, which didn't really work when both of them looked as if they could care less

The sound of an explosion drew their attention to the far side of the grounds where the Ferris wheel was located. Other people were also looking that way, wondering if the fireworks were starting early. Rikku shrugged as some people moved towards the noise and turned to dump her empty plate in the nearest trash can. "Is that one of our idiots?"

Something suddenly grabbed the back of her shirt, and she flew backwards with a yelp. She collided with a solid object and looked up to see the bottom Kakuzu's masked chin. "Kakuzu? What are you-?"

A wild animal cry interrupted he,r and Kakuzu jumped in time to dodge a charging body. The body collided with the formerly occupied bench, growling as it clumsily became entangled with it. As new screams of fear and horror sent the people around them scrambling for safety, Itachi joined the other two as they stared at it.

"Is that a wild cat?" Rikku asked blinking as the animal picked itself up after cleaving the inanimate object in half.

"Whatever it is, it's not friendly," Kakuzu answered, and Itachi gave his famous grunt.

The animal growled and turned back to them. It charged again and just as it was about to make contact, the two ninja's used what little chakra they possessed to jump to safety. Kakuzu still held Rikku in his arms, so her head was positioned looking over his shoulder. Her eyes widened at the sight of a _second_ cat positioned on top of the stand they were in front of.

"Kakuzu!" she shouted just as the cat pounced. Kakuzu glanced over his shoulder. Not being able to twist in mid-air with the girl in his arms, he detached his arm to grab onto a pole and pulled them out of the way. The monstrous feline gracefully landed at the same time Kakuzu and Rikku did.

"I can't fight and hold you at the same time," Kakuzu informed the girl as they both watched the cat stalk towards them through the crowd of panicked bystanders. Rikku nodded and ducked behind him when he released her. The wild cat leaped towards them not a second later, claws extended and ready to tear into the ninja. Kakuzu's arm hardened, and he swiftly brought it around. The impact was hard enough to send the predator flying through the stand across from them. Kakuzu shook his hand out and waited for the next attack.

People were still freaking out all around them. Some were wildly running away while others were hiding behind stands that were still intact. As Kakuzu faced off with his monstrous creature, Rikku took the time to search for the second ninja that had been with them. She spotted him dodging between the stands to avoid the first rampaging animal. Itachi gracefully dodged every single swipe of the big paws, and she caught the flash of pocketknife he must have confiscated from one of the guys.

Rikku was suddenly knocked down from behind before she could see anything else. The man that had ran into her kept going and was passing Itachi when the Uchiha turned to see why she had shouted in surprise. Neither expected what happened next. Somehow, the blade of the knife caught on the fleeing man's shirt, ripping right through to the skin beneath. Both of their eyes widened as a puff smoke filled the place Itachi stood.

"Shit!" Rikku cursed when the smoke cleared. Itachi's shirt and jeans lay in a pile where he had stood, and she could see the tiny movements of a kitten beneath. She scrambled to pick herself up and get to where Itachi now stood on four paws.

Itachi shook the shirt off of his head. He felt disorientated at being a foot tall after a month of normal height. But now wasn't the time to worry about that. His tiny head twitched right and left, searching for his enemy as he untangled himself from the now oversized clothes, stumbling as his tiny legs managed to get twisted in his shirt.

Rikku watched in horror as the oversized cat appeared out of the screaming crowd behind Itachi. The creature quickly snatched him up in its jaws, and she heard a pained squeak escape from the kitten as the jaws squeezed down.

Acting purely on instinct, she grabbed the closed thing to her, a piece of wood that had broken off one of the stands, and threw it at the head of cat with all the strength she possessed. It didn't hit her intended target, but the sharp end of the wood managed to graze the cat's eye, temporarily blinding it and causing it to yowl in pain. Itachi's limp body fell from its jaws and lay still on the ground. Rikku ignored the creature's howls of pain and snatched the bleeding kitten up before stumbling backwards.

_Shit, what am I supposed to do_? she asked herself. She tried to rack her brain for anything Drew may have told her, but her mind was drawing a continious blank. The only thing she could think to do was use her hoodie as a makeshift bandage. _Right now,_ she thought, glancing up at the feline pawing its eye, _I need to get him out of here._

Rikku gathered dreadfully still kitten in her arms and turned to run back to Kakuzu, who was just finishing with his enemy, when the injured monster suddenly landed in front of her. She yelped at the sudden appearance and quickly backtracked away from the furious cat. It yowled at her and wasted no time attacking.

Whenever Rikku heard people say that right before a near death experience they saw their life flash before their very eyes, she had always said that was bull. She didn't know whether to be happy she was right or a little disappointed that she wouldn't experience the phenomenon. She just squeezed her eyes shut and held Itachi close as she awaited the teeth or claws that rip her apart, knowing that there was nothing she could do on her own to stop it.

She heard a grunt and glanced up to see Kakuzu standing in front of them, his hardened arms taking the brunt of the attack. He grunted once more as the cat's fangs managed to sink into his skin as he chakra quickly drained. He forcefully shoved it away, and the feline didn't get a chance to attack again as one of his strings unraveled to impale its throat.

The girl felt her legs collapse beneath her as relief flooded her body. Kakuzu stared at the now dead body for a moment before turning to her. "Are you hurt?" he asked, an abnormal gleam of concern flickering through his green eyes as he spotted the blood that soaked her shirt. Rikku looked down at her ruined shirt and Itachi, who pathetically curled up against her in her bulky hoodie.

"No," she said, jumping up to show him the injured kitten. "Itachi got hurt, and we need to stop the bleeding before he bleeds out."

The brief concern that had been visible in the miser completely vanished, and Kakuzu nodded in his critical way. The major loss of blood had already caused Itachi to fall unconscious and any more could cause the ninja to fall into hypovolemic shock. He lifted his hand to locate the injuries underneath Itachi's fur and didn't flinch at all when he found the deep wounds. His threads slithered from his arm and closed the wounds. They were some of the worst stitches he had ever done, but it was only meant to keep the Uchiha from bleeding out before they properly stitch him up.

"Now," he said once he finished, "we need to find the others and get out of here."

"Rikku, Kakuzu!"

They looked up just in time to block the gust of wind Deidara's clay bird created as it stopped. Kaitlin jumped off with the help of Sasori and ran to her friend. "You guys were attacked too?" she asked as she looked around at the destruction. Her eyes landed on one of the dead bodies, and she shuttered.

"Was that you earlier?" Kakuzu asked Deidara as he stood on his flapping bird. Deidara nodded.

"I thought Itachi was with you," Sasori said, glancing around for said male. Kaitlin looked around too as she realized the stoic man wasn't there. She gasped when she noticed the blood soaked shirt her friend wore and the shivering kitten she held.

"What happened?" she exclaimed, examining the kitten.

Rikku brushed her off. "I'll tell you later. Right now we need to find the others and get out of here before something else happens."

Kaitlin nodded, though she was still obviously worried as she jumped back on the bird with Sasori's assistance. Sasori, of course, jumped up alongside her, and Kakuzu pushed Rikku their way.

"Go with them," he told her when she gave him a questioning look. "Itachi needs to be taken care of and that won't happen if he stays here. I'll find the others."

Rikku slowly nodded, and he lifted her onto the bird, where she sat and cradled the injured kitten. Once he was sure she was on, Kakuzu glared at the blonde pilot. "She better not fall off."

Deidara just smirked. "So, you're having feelings too Kakuzu, un?"

Kakuzu's green and red eyes narrowed in a harsh glare before he turned to navigate through the still panicked crowd. Deidara shrugged and willed his masterpiece to lift up into the air. Once he was at a decent height, he turned the bird towards Kaitlin's house, and they were off.

Kaitlin looked down at the half destroyed fairgrounds. People were frantically running to their cars to escape the sudden attacks, and she was sad to see some bodies lying motionless on the ground. She glanced over at Rikk,u who held Itachi close as she tried to stop the shivers that racked his tiny body. Kaitlin sadly sighed. "I guess my idea wasn't so great after all."

Sasori just pulled her close as the bird continued in the direction of her house.

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED 123/13  
><strong>


	18. Fairgrounds (Part 2)

Adoption 101

Chapter 18

Fairgrounds (Part 2)

* * *

><p>Kisame looked up from his coke at the sound of an explosion. Glancing to where a ball of smoke hovered above the lit up Ferris wheel, he shrugged and took a long drag from his straw. He was actually surprised Deidara hadn't blown something up earlier. The temptation must have been killing him. He went back to tripping unsuspecting passer-byers from his bench in boredom. Nanichi and Hidan were taking a lot longer than usual to get through the funhouse. He was so distracted in tripping one particular asshole that he actually flinched in surprise when a body suddenly blocked his view to the building's exit.<p>

"Where did you get that?" Kakuzu asked suspiciously when he saw the beverage Kisame was currently drinking.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Kisame teased with his sharky grin. "I can tell ya it didn't cost you anything."

The stitched ninja grunted in approval before turning serious. "Where are the other two morons?"

Kisame gestured toward the building in front of him. "Inside racing through a maze of mirrors. You know, for a ninja Hidan's pretty bad at them."

"Hidan's an awful ninja in general," Kakuzu insulted as he glanced over his shoulder. "Go get them."

"Why?" Kisame asked in surprise. He foot automatically stuck out as someone came screaming past them."Does this have something to do with Deidara finally losing his patience?"

"No," the stitched man said seriously. "Something's attacked both of our groups. Deidara got rid of their attacker by blowing it up; I took care of ours, but Itachi was injured in the process."

Kisame turned serious at the mention of his partner being injured. Itachi wasn't injured every day, so whatever had attacked them must have been serious. He turned to the building just in time to see a panicked couple come running out.

"Well," Kisame began as he tossed his empty cup away, "whoever it is must have sneaked in when I was gone. Who is it anyways?"

Kakuzu stared at him before saying cryptically, "You'll know when you see it." He turned and quickly ran towards the other side of the park. Kisame sighed and lifted himself from the bench. Time to go hunting. He grinned as he made his way to the entrance, but he soon frowned as he remembered his missing Samehada. Damn, it wouldn't be as much fun without his beloved sword.

**~O~**

Everyone was making a point to avoid the two fuming males that stood in the center of the walkway. Each had half a dozen stuffed animals sitting beside them, and the animals seemed to the subject of their argument.

"There is no way you won all of those!"

"Look who's talking! Last time I checked you could barely win at the little rubber ducky game!"

Nicholas flinched and a cloud of despair seemed to form around him. Aiden looked as if he regretted his words. He wrapped his arm around his white haired friend's shoulder in a manly hug. "I'm sorry; that was below the belt."

Nicholas sniffed. "Yes it was…I think I should be declared winner because of that."

Aiden shoved him away in disgust. "Yeah right! You cheated, remember?"

"And you didn't?"

The two began to argue all over again. Zetsu stood beside them, his head bouncing back and forth between. If he had known they were going to fight like this…he would have outted them sooner!

"You're being mean again. **No I'm not.** Really, you've gotten so mean since we came here. **Well, maybe this world has brought out my true personality!** Are you going to _argue_ with me? **Damn straight!**"

The bickering males missed Deidara's explosion and ignored the people who ran by them in panic. After all, screaming was a everyday occurrence when they were around.

"You cheated first!" Aiden said, angrily jabbing a finger in the male's face. "You should face the consequences of your actions and be declared loser!"

"Well you cheated too!" Nicholas yelled, truly losing his cool. "And you took my idea which makes you worse! I should sick my opossum army on you. I am still the Cobra commander!"

Aiden blinked as Nicholas continued to yell random nonsense. _Crap,_ he thought, watching his friend flail his hands around for emphasis, _this hasn't happened since high school. He'll be like this for an hour at least and there's no telling what-_

His thoughts were interrupted when Nicholas hefted a baseball that he had snatched from the stand behind them and straight at Aiden's head. He ducked just in the nick of time, and the ball harmlessly flew past him. He stood back up to reprimand the psychotic male only to stop at the look of pure shock that dominated Nicholas's face. He turned to look behind him and quickly backed up at what he saw.

The reptilian creature that had manifested behind him was shaking his head from the blow to the head it had suffered. It could easily be described as a Komodo dragon—only it was about twice as big and half of its body was flawlessly blending in to the stand it clung to; there was no way they would have seen it if Nicholas hadn't hit the head. Its tongue flicked out as its yellow slitted eye glared at the ball.

"Zetsu," Nicholas said in amazement/fear, "what is that?"

Zetsu shook his head. "**How the hell should I know?** Whatever it is, it doesn't appear to have any chakra, which is why we didn't sense it. **Asshole**."

At the sound of their voices, the head turned to stare. It hissed, and as it hissed, the hood that been flattened against its neck ominously rose to surround its head. It flung itself from the stand it perched on and gracefully lunged at the three.

Working quickly, Zetsu grabbed the two other men by a shoulder, and all three slipped into the ground below them. Aiden, having never experienced Zetsu's ability, panicked at the feeling of suffocation that overcame him and was relieved when they popped back out a few seconds later. Nicholas wasn't fazed at all and was looking to where the creature stood several feet away from them now, its hood swishing as its head looked back and forth for its prey.

"What the hell!" Nicholas squeaked, still in shock. "What is that thing—some kind of mix between a Komodo dragon, chameleon, and fucking cobra?"

At the sound of his voice, the dragon's head snapped their way. It hissed at their distance and stood up on its hind legs. Its mouth widely opened and a stream of fire came out. Zetsu grabbed them again and this time they phased out on the other side of the stands parallel to the creature.

"And now it's vomiting fire at us!" Nicholas yelled. Aiden's traveling sickness/claustrophobia caught up to him, and he doubled over to empty his stomach. Zetsu ignored them and kept an eye on the dragon through the space between the stalls. It was searching again but the hood was flattened back against its neck, as if it was sure it had got them that time. He glanced back at Aiden leaning on the back of a stand and Nicholas's jumpy form. There was no way he could take on that thing and keep those two safe.

"We need to find leader,** now!**" With that he grabbed the two once more and set off to where he could faintly feel both Pein and Konan's chakra.

**~O~**

Drew and Tobi were actually on their way to the Ferris wheel when they were attacked. After seeing the explosion, Tobi had freaked and insisted that they go and see if his senpai was okay. Drew hadn't protested at being dragged into the flow of running people as he had been worried for them as well.

If Tobi hadn't had a hand on Drew, he probably would have been smashed. As it happened Tobi did, so when their mutated creature tried to jump on them, the masked ninja was able to pull him to safety. A cloud of dust rose around the thing, and Tobi, Drew, and the people around them at the time coughed as they inhaled the dust.

When the smoke cleared, all Drew could do was blink. "…was that once a rabbit?"

Tobi tilted his head to look at the mutated bunny from a different angle. "…Tobi doesn't know…but whatever it is, I don't think it was very smart to begin with."

Drew nodded as the beast slobbered on itself. Its long ears twitched and the muscles in its legs constricted as it prepared to bounce again. Tobi exclaimed in wonder as its bounce sent it several feet into the air above them. He was still shouting in amazement as he used his body flicker technique to get him and Drew out of the way.

Once it hit the ground it seemed to freeze before slowly unbending from its crouch. Drew noticed the slow movement and kept his eyes on the legs. It bounced again and (of course) missed again. But this time Drew saw that the beast's leg muscles were definitely locking on impact longer than they should have.

He tugged on the sleeve of Tobi's shirt. "The best time to attack would be after it lands."

Tobi nodded, a little surprised that Drew was so calm. He had expected the teen to be freaking out at having a giant, mutated rabbit thing attack them. Drew noticed Tobi's hesitation. "Come on—we should deal with this and find our pierced leader before anything else shows up. That things not smart enough to be working on its own."

Tobi nodded again, and Drew hurried over to stand beside the stalls and out of the ninja's way. The rabbit had just recovered and was bouncing again. Tobi had no trouble at dodging the attack once more, while the oversized beast's muscles locked, Madara performed his Space Time Ninjutsu. The beast was easily sucked in.

People around them panicked even more when the beast seemed to suddenly be sucked into the man's mask. Tobi just hopped over to Drew and held two fingers up in victory. "Tobi wins!"

Drew grinned and they continued in the direction they had been going, though a chill of anxiety traveled down his spine. He had long since figured out that Tobi was more than he seemed but seeing the casual way he dealt with the monster made him wonder just how much he knew of Tobi.

**~O~**

Nanichi hated the House of Mirrors; always had ever since she got lost in one as a little girl. The mirrors always threw her off, and she hated it when she ran into other people. What's worse was that other person would probably be Hidan, since he had entered the house after her. The prick would scare her on purpose.

"Argh," she yelled in frustration at another dead end. "I hate this place!"

She froze. Was that the sound of someone breathing? She frantically looked around as the sound continued. All she saw were distorted images of herself reflected back in the mirrors.

"Hidan," she called hesitantly. The breathing paused before starting again. "Hidan, you prick! This isn't funny."

The breathing echoed off the mirrors as it came closer. Nanichi, out of instinct, backed away from the sound. She had never noticed before how quiet the building was; she couldn't even hear any of the gay carnival music playing outside.

Suddenly something flew out of a space between the mirrors. "Bah!"

She screamed. Then, she pounced on the Jashinist, who was laughing his head off. "You prick!"

Hidan laughed as he playfully fought the girl off. If Nanichi hadn't been mad, she would have been astonished by the fact that the ninja was getting joy out of something other than attempting to kill someone. "You should have seen your face!"

Nanichi huffed and crossed her arms. They began to walk towards what they hoped was the exit with Hidan still happily chuckling. "That wasn't funny Hidan! I was worried some kind of murderer was after me!"

"I am a murderer."

"A murderer who could actually kill me right now."

"Fuck you."

She stared at him seriously. "What was up with the whole breathing thing? That's what really scared me."

Hidan glanced at her. "Breathing? What the hell are you talking about?"

She stopped to angrily place her fists on hips. "Don't play stupid with me! The whole heavy, 'I'm a creeper stalking you' breathing."

"That wasn't me." Nanichi would have argued if she hadn't seen the deadly serious look in his amethyst eyes.

"Then who-"

They both froze as a deep growl came from behind them. Quickly turning they could only stare at the creature behind them. It looked like it had once been a dog—a freakishly oversized dog that is. Nanichi guessed its chin would reach Hidan's shoulder if they stood side by side. But that's where the similarities ended. The thing didn't have any _skin_. It was just the first layer of muscle that covered its body (she hadn't taken any animal health classes but she _knew_ that wasn't normal). Thick, yellow canine teeth protruded from the upper and bottom, and drool slid out of the side of its mouth in a sickly stream. Its red eyes wickedly glared at them, and long, black claws ticked on the metal floor as it advanced on them.

For each step forward the thing took, Nanichi and Hidan took a step back.

"Hidan," Nanichi whispered in fear, "what is that?"

Hidan could only shake his head. His ninja career had caused him to see weird and sick things, but he had never encountered something like this. Suddenly, the creature charged with a mighty roar. Nanichi clung to Hidan's neck as he quickly picked her up to the dodge the monster's sudden attack. He sent chakra into his feet to allow him to cling onto the mirrors sideways. The creature's oversized body didn't allow it to turn quickly, and Hidan used the small amount of time it took for it to turn to get both him and Nanichi away from it.

For once, Nanichi kept her mouth shut and clung to Hidan's neck as the Jashinist tried to maneuver out of the maze of mirrors. There wasn't supposed to be whatever that thing was coming after them; just a ninja with bulbous glasses! When the hell did demon monsters come into the picture? She wanted her refund now!

Hidan suddenly skidded to a stop and nonchalantly attempted to drop her. Sadly she wasn't ready to let go, and he choked as she squeezed his neck. "What the hell was that thing? And what was it doing in here?" she frantically asked. Hidan could only shake his head at her questions. Whatever it was, it had even thrown him off.

"You've got something sharp and life-threatening right?" The panic she felt caused her voice come out high pitched. "Come on! The sadist in you has to have something!"

Her voice seemed to snap out of his shock, and Hidan quickly patted down his pants. He pulled a small pocket knife from his back pocket.

"That's it!" Nanichi yelled shrilly. "All you have is a puny pocket knife?"

"Bitch, calm down," Hidan half-yelled back. "All I need is to get some of his blood, and I can kill him with one of my rituals!"

"Hidan, now is not the time to become a _Twilight_ vampire!"

"You did not just fucking compare me to something that fucking sparkles in the sun!"

A growl interrupted their short spout. Nanichi meeped at the sight of the dog creature, and Hidan swiftly pushed her behind him. "Dammit! Just stay behind me. The last thing I need is you getting in the way and changing me back into a cat!"

She nodded. There was no way she was facing that thing with nothing but her fists; at least he had a knife, however puny it may have been. She peeked around his arm just in time to see the monster crouch as it readied for another attack.

"Bring it," Hidan said, his voice tinted with bloodlust. This is what he missed from their world! An actual opponent to sacrifice, even if it wasn't human.

It all seemed as if in slow motion as the beast pounced. Hidan made no move to dodge this time and instead gripped the handle of his knife in excitement. Nanichi wasn't so brave (or reckless) and hastily backed away from her protector. She gasped as the beast heavily landed on Hidan's chest. It stared down at the man before letting out an animalistic cry of pain, a cry that sounded _exactly_ like a dog. It hurriedly limped back to inspect its wound.

Nanichi stared in amazement as Hidan unhurriedly picked himself up. She had seen Deidara blow him apart with bombs and had even witnessed when Kakuzu grew tired of the immortal's rants and severed a body limb or two to shut him up, but oddly enough, she wasn't expecting to see him bounce back from a head on attack so soon after. Although she could have smacked him, as he was manically laughing and preaching about his god at a time like this.

"Hidan, hurry up!"

"Don't rush me bitch! I have a process."

He took some of the blood that gushed from a wound that the beast had managed to inflict. Nanichi impatiently watched as Hidan drew a symbol on the floor with his foot. The beast, having noticed that his quarry wasn't quite as dead as it had hoped, picked itself up and prepared for another attack.

Hidan was just finishing his design when the creature began to advance.

"Hidan!"

"I know! Now shut up and let me concentrate!"

With little preamble, the immortal ingested the blood that dripped from the knife. Nanichi watched his skin darken to pitch black and a design of a skeleton appear. Hidan couldn't help releasing another crazed laugh as he took the knife in his hand and plunged it into his own chest.

"The point was to kill it not you!"

Hidan ignored the girl as pleasurable pain racked his body. Man, how he had missed this! Stupid leader telling him he couldn't sacrifice people. Stupid leader for not knowing he did it anyways…but then he had to clean up all the blood before returning so no one would know. And cleaning up blood was such a hassle.

The lavender haired girl, having never seen one of his rituals, could only gap as the beast went down hard. A pool of blood began to slowly form around its body. Hidan's skin returned to normal, and he released a sigh of pleasure as he yanked the knife out. "It may not have been human, but it was still a good sacrifice."

"Is that what you do?" Nanichi asked amazed. Hidan, having heard the amazement, turned to look at her in excitement. Maybe she was so amazed she would convert!

"That is so gross!" Instead of looking ready to convert, the girl looked revolted. "You sounded like you were having an orgasm! You sick masochist."

Hidan growled at her, his excitement having faded at her first exclamation. "Bitch! Don't diss the rituals I perform for Jashin!"

"Your god's a pervy god!"

"Shut up!"

They were interrupted by a gruff voice calling for them. "Nanichi! Hidan! Where are you?"

Kisame came around the corner and stared down the hallway at them. He didn't seem surprised to see the body of a dead unidentified creature lying not far from them.

"There you two are. I've been calling for the last five minutes."

"We were almost killed," Nanichi said dramatically and pointed at the dead carcass.

"Yeah, yeah," Kisame waved off the fact and patted her on the head. She knocked his hand away. "We need to go now. The others were attacked by similar creatures. Itachi was injured, Deidara thought it would be smart to blow up the one that attacked his little group, everyone is running around in a panic, and by now some kind of law enforcement must be on the way. We need to find the others _now_."

"That idiot!" Hidan complained as he trailed after the blue man. Nanichi trailed after them both. "Can't he be fucking subtle for once in his damn life?"

"Look who's talking," Nanichi grumbled as she took one last glance at the dead body surrounded by copious amounts of blood in pools on the floor and splattered on the mirrors. Glaring at the blood that also happened to land on her shirt, she turned to Hidan as Kisame led the way out. "Hey, how did you know about _Twilight?_"

Hidan glared at her. "Don't ask stupid questions at a time like this!"

"You're avoiding the question…" she trailed off suspiciously, and her eyes widened. "Oh my god! You've watched the movies!"

Kisame sighed as Hidan began to vehemently deny the accusation. He decided not to make it worse by saying he had walked on in the Jashinist watching said movies. He could use that as possible blackmail for later.

**~O~**

Pein watched the fleeing people in disgust. Honestly, he understood how they could be scared (seeing as there was no way they could properly defend themselves without chakra) but to let their fear control them to the point where they were shoving each other out of the way and trampling those who fell? That was just barbaric.

Pein just about killed the person who had the nerve to shove Konan out of his way. He was lucky that they were too busy taking care of the thing he ran from. The demonic hound howled as it charged. Pein simply stepped aside and allowed the dumb creature to run into the concert stage behind him. Konan appeared beside him as they stared at the stage the creature had managed to destroy on contact.

"What is it?" Konan asked. "I wasn't aware that there was anything in this world with that type of strength."

Pein's eyes narrowed as the beast picked itself back up with a simple shake. It didn't even seem fazed by the slivers of wood that were now stuck in its body like a porcupine's needles. "It is much more resilient than I thought."

"Of course! They _were_ created to take on the Akatsuki."

Pein and Konan quickly turned to see a smiling Kabuto. He gave them a little wave in response to their heavy glares. "Long time no see. I hope you didn't miss me too much. I had to take a little time away to handle a few other things."

Pein's eyes narrowed at the man's fake smile. The little bastard—the pierced leader really wasn't surprised that he was involved in this. He felt the beast behind him shift into another attack position. Wasting no more time, the Rinnegan beholder performed his Shinra Tensei, sending the beast flying on contact with the barrier of energy. The creature wasn't so lucky this time as it was impaled by a broken beam from the same stage it had just destroyed.

He turned once more to Kabuto, who was clapping. "Very good! Nothing I wouldn't expect from the _almighty_ leader of Akatsuki. But it is a shame to see my creations fall so easily. After all they did take a while to-"

"What is the purpose of being here," Pein cut him off. "Why not go back to our world?"

Kabuto adjusted his glasses so that the glare of the light hid his eyes. "Isn't it obvious? I was sent here to kill you, and that is exactly what I plan to do."

Pein scoffed at the arrogant male. "And how do you plan to do that? By sending your little _pets_ after us? Even in our weakened state, they are no much for us."

Kabuto just smirked. "I wouldn't be that arrogant if I were you. I've already taken care of the Uchiha, and he's one of your biggest players."

Pein heard Konan behind him quietly gasp while he scowled in disbelief. "Itachi?"

The medical ninja shrugged and began examining his nails, as if the death of one of the most famous S-ranked criminals wasn't a big deal. "Yep, he was quite easy to take care of. All I had to do was have someone run past him in the heat of battle, and he did the rest. Poor little kitten—it was a horrible way to go. Even I must admit that."

Pein had finally had enough of the arrogant ninja. He stepped forward and raised his arms with the full intention of taking care of the smirking man. Just before he could release his Almighty Push, Kabuto proved to be much smarter than he had originally thought. A few people were still running around them. One man happened to stray too close to the gray haired ninja and was used as a shield to protect the ninja from the full force of Pein's blow. Pein was unable to stop the attack in time, and though Kabuto was still pushed back by the force of it, the man was killed instantly.

A cloud of smoke formed around Pein, and, just as what had happened to Itachi earlier, Pein was now a kitten stuck in oversized clothes. He hissed as Kabuto laughed.

"See?" Kabuto exclaimed between laughs, tossing aside the limp body of the man he had used as a shield like a common sack of potatoes. "See how easy it is to defeat you? All I have to do is find someone who poses as no threat and you fools do the rest!"

Pein hissed again as his aggressively yanked his legs to untangle them from his clothing. Kabuto began to advance on him them. Chakra began to pool at his fingertips and sharpened to a deadly point. "And once you're defenseless, there's only one last step left to complete."

He brought his hand up as if to deal the finishing blow. Of course, the arrogant medical nin had forgotten that Pein wasn't the only Akatsuki member he had to deal with.

Paper shuriken flew at him, damaging his poised arm. Surprised, he took a step back from his target. The second he was far enough away from the orange kitten, a vortex of paper surrounded him. He raised his arms to protect his face from the assault and scowled at the thin wounds that covered his exposed skin as the paper danced before him.

He watched through his raised arms as the indigo haired woman reformed beside her partner. She gave him a deadly glare and picked the kitten leader up into her protective arms. "Only a coward would lower themselves to such filthy tactics."

She blinked as his body was surrounded by smoke and a log fell harmlessly to the ground. She wasn't surprise that he had been able to perform the basic substitution, and the paper she had used for assault gently fell as she searched the area for her opponent. Her head sharply turned, and she skillfully dodged the shuriken that were tossed at her.

Kabuto cursed the woman. She wasn't supposed to be such a difficult opponent; after all, according to their sources, she never did anything. His anger rose as the plant ninja appeared beside her with the two men he had seen with his annoying, former _coworkers_.

"Konan-san!"

His tried to repress the growl that was on the tip of his tongue at the sight of the childish member of Akatsuki and Drew. It was now three against one, and he did not like those odds. Something clicked behind him, and he turned just in time to see an Anbu mask, mouth open and aimed straight at him. A huge fireball flew from the mouth, and Kabuto was barely able to replace himself with a clone before it hit. Popping back up a good distance away, he decided the best thing to do for now would be to retreat. Killing the Akatsuki would just have to be postponed for a little while longer.

Konan's eyes narrowed as their enemy managed to escape just before being burnt to a crisp. She had the feeling that would definitely not be the last they would see of him.

"Leader-sama!" Tobi exclaimed, finally seeing the orange kitten she held. "Why are you a little kitty?"

Pein gave him a kitty growl of displeasure. He was jostled as Konan transferred him from one arm to another. "Do any of you know what happened to Itachi?"

Drew shook his head while Tobi cried at the news of the Uchiha being hurt. Zetsu was further away from them, poking at the dead hellhound. Nicholas was still twitchy from their earlier encounter, and Aiden was kneeling on the ground holding his stomach. Konan sighed as Kakuzu landed beside her, his breathing coming out in short spurts.

"Are you alright?" she asked slightly worried at seeing the older man panting after such a simple attack. She had never seen the older ninja look so tired.

He nodded as he managed to regain control of his breathing. "Yeah, it's just taking a little more chakra than usual for me to control the separate hearts."

"Hey!"

They looked up to see Nanichi flailing her hands as she ran towards them. A bloody Hidan and Kisame were close behind her. She came to a stop beside the assembled group and gasped for breath. "We need to get out of here like now! A whole bunch of cops are surrounding the place, and the last thing we need is to be arrested because some guy points us out, and believe me, _everyone_ is gonna be able to point the blame at the guy who's running around looking like a freaking ax murderer from a horror movie.."

Hidan scowled as the girl pointed towards him, and Konan nodded and took her position of co-leader. "Meet back at Kaitlin's house." When she received nods from everyone, she focused the chakra into her body and dissolved into millions of pieces of paper, taking Pein with her. Nicholas and Nanichi gaped at where she once stood.

"You guys have got to have some of the coolest abilities I have ever seen," Nanichi said awed. Kisame chuckled and slung her over his shoulder. She protested at first, but his quick speed and the ability to jump along the tops of the buildings silenced her. Hidan followed after them, and Kakuzu followed as well after his stray heart rejoined his body. Zetsu took Aiden and Nicholas back underground (much to Aiden's displeasure). Tobi stuck a hand out to Drew, and when he took it, Madara teleported them.

**~O~**

Rikku sat crouched beside the door Itachi and her uncle occupied. After arriving back at Kaitlin's house, Deidara had almost collapsed from chakra exhaustion, and Kaitlin had insisted they call Rikku's uncle, as he was a retired nurse and would now how to help Itachi until Drew could get there. Sasori and a tired Deidara had been reluctant as they didn't want anyone else to know of their predicament, but Rikku had stood beside Kaitlin's decision and called her uncle against their protests.

He had shown up about fifteen minutes later and freaked at the sight of his niece covered in blood. Rikku had shoved her frantic uncle off of her and pointed at the kitten Itachi lying on a towel partially soaked in blood. Uncle Brian had tried his best to patch the animal up, but that proved to be unnecessary as Itachi's hour soon expired, and he returned to normal.

Unfortunately, the stitches Kakuzu had used to close his wounds tore apart with the change, and the wounds had been ripped open once more. The Uchiha had lost even more blood before they were able to calm the hysterical Brian. After that, he had immediately turned professional, sending them off to gather different materials and shifting through the first aid kit he had grabbed before coming over. He quickly patched the Uchiha up and asked Sasori various medical questions, which the redhead was only partially able to answer. Fortunately, the puppet seemed to know all of the more important answers, and Deidara was chosen to be Itachi's first blood donator, much to his displeasure.

Itachi had been carefully moved up to a bedroom after the crisis had been taken care of. Uncle Brian remained with him as he wasn't out of the danger zone yet. The ninja's body was still recovering from the severe loss of blood he had suffered, and the retired nurse wouldn't budge until he was one hundred percent sure the young man would be okay.

During all of this, Rikku had stuck surprisingly close to the room they occupied. Along with Sasori, she had helped her uncle when he needed it, and now she stubbornly sat outside the door, waiting until her uncle popped out to tell them the Uchiha was fine. Up until five minutes ago, Kaitlin had sat beside her, but Sasori had managed to convince her to go to bed. Deidara, who had been trying to convince her to follow Kaitlin, had finally given up and she now sat alone.

The images of Itachi's near death still flashed in her mind, and an unfound guilt twisted inside of her. She had never felt so useless before, even when she briefly faced Kabuto alone before Madara had come to her rescue. She had been the cause of Itachi's transformation, and if she had been watching what she was doing instead of gaping at everything like a moron, then she wouldn't have been unexpectedly knocked over. Itachi wouldn't have turned, and the man wouldn't have been cut, and that thing wouldn't have...she shook her head and decided to stop thinking. She leaned back against the wall and listened to the faint sounds of her uncle moving around in the room behind her.

Rikku didn't know how long she sat there, but she was eventually brought out of her thoughts by a heavy hand settling on the top of her head. She looked up to see Kakuzu gazing down at her with his green and red eyes. The exhaustion she had been valiantly fighting off finally caught up to her as he wordlessly picked her up, and she fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED 124/13**


	19. Recovery

Adoption 101

Chapter 19

Recovery

* * *

><p>Itachi grimaced in pain as he slowly regained consciousness. The last thing he could remember was suddenly changing back into a kitten at the fair. Everything else from that point onward was a blur and then nothing. Something must have happened though; after all it wasn't very often he was waking up in pain.<p>

As the Uchiha was trying to slowly sit up, he was roughly pushed back down onto the bed. He bit his tongue to keep the groan of pain from escaping. Once the pain had passed, he looked up to see an agitated Uncle Brian.

"Don't reopen those wounds," the man said when he had Itachi's attention. "You don't know how annoying it was to fix you up as a kitten, and then have you poof back human and the wounds reopen all over again."

Itachi blinked up at him in mild surprise. "So you know now?" Brian nodded, not looking freaked in any way. "You're taking this very well then."

He brushed the comment off. "You missed my freak out last night."

Itachi blinked again. "How long was I out?"

Uncle Brian had grown tired of standing in front of the injured male and was now pacing around the room looking for something to keep his hands occupied. "Only about ten hours—I'm actually surprised you're awake now. You're very lucky that I used to work as a registered nurse and Deidara, Tobi, and Nicky were willing to donate blood. Well, Deidara wasn't very willing to begin with, but you'd be amazed at how quickly he can change his mind when Sasori is making him dance along the roof like an upside down puppet."

Itachi nodded and tried sitting up again. Uncle Brian saw the movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to glare at him. "I don't care if you're a badass ninja or a shape-shifter—you are not to move one inch!" Brian leaned in close to the Uchiha's face. "Got it?"

Itachi sighed at the serious tone the man was using and leaned back on the pillows. The deadly glint in the man's eyes left, and he happily straightened back up. "Now I should go tell the others you're fine. Poor Rikku and Kaitlin; that was the first time I have ever seen my niece so worried, and Katie wasn't any better. I think they both had to be dragged away from the door to get some sleep."

The Uchiha sighed as Brian left the room. He lightly placed a hand on the white bandages wrapped around his chest. This was what he hated about being injured—waiting out the recovery.

**~O~**

Kakuzu glanced up from the desk to check on the blunette curled up on the bed. He shook his head and returned to the few piles of bills he had accumulated over the last couple of days. That was nearly the twentieth time that morning that he had gotten distracted from his counting, and all because he felt the urge to check on her every few minutes.

He went back to flipping through the green pieces of paper before pausing. What number had he left off on? He groaned at the thought of starting back over. What was going on with him lately? Distractions had never been a big deal before.

The ninja looked over when he saw her shift on the bed. Rikku blinked as she groaned and flipped over onto her back. Her hand landed on her stomach. "Shit, my stomach is killing me."

Kakuzu felt an eyebrow twitch upward as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. She looked up at him. "Is Itachi okay?"

"Your uncle sat with him all night. Since I haven't heard him yelling the Uchiha was dead, I think it's safe to assume he's still alive."

Rikku nodded before holding a hand to her mouth and dashing out the door. Kakuzu followed and watched her run into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. He could hear the sickening gags behind the door as she emptied her stomach into the toilet.

Kakuzu leaned against the wall next to the bathroom. After a couple of minutes of non-stop puking, he was starting to get concerned. He glared at the wall across from him as he tried to shove the emotion away. He was almost a hundred years old, and he had never had to deal with it before; now suddenly he's taken to another world and the emotion pops up to annoy him. Now he had a better understanding as to why Sasori seemed to always be glaring at something.

He heard the lock click and stood straight as a pale Rikku exited the bathroom. "Are you alright?" he asked, annoyed that the stupid emotion of concern was back.

Rikku nodded. "Yeah, I definitely shouldn't have eaten all that junk." She glanced up at him. "This stays between us; I don't need a sarcastic Nicholas saying he told me so. So as far as anyone else is concerned, I was having an emotional breakdown."

Kakuzu snorted and poked her cheek. "You should try to cry then—it will make the breakdown seem more authentic."

"That's a good idea," she said, going back into the bathroom. She left the door open so he could watch her open the medicine cabinet and pulled out a small bottle. She then proceeded to tilt her head back and squirt the liquid from the bottle into her eye.

"Shit!" Rikku cursed, resisting the urge to rub her eye by blinking it rapidly several times. "This stuff freakin' burns."

The young woman blinked a few more times before turning to Kakuzu. If he hadn't watched to squirt the eye drops in her eyes, he would have actually believed she had been crying. He also would have been more convinced if he hadn't come to known her as being a severely unsympathetic and cynical woman.

"This," RIkku said, motioning to the "tears" trailing down her face, "is all Itachi's fault. Make sure everyone knows, especially him. Maybe he'll feel bad."

Kakuzu snorted again. "I highly doubt he would."

"Be quiet and let me dream."

**~O~**

They all convened in the living room an hour after everyone woke up. Konan was down first with the still kitten Pein. She was starting to worry about him as his one hour time limit had come and gone with no sign of him changing back. A jittery Kaitlin was next, and for some reason she wouldn't look Konan in the eye as she sat down in farthest seat away from the woman. Sasori was following her, and Konan could see the slight worry in his normally emotionless eyes.

Deidara was next, and he grinned at the proximity of his danna and the blonde. He sat next to his partner to insure the puppeteer didn't say anything stupid. Nanichi and Kisame came down together, talking in low voices and glancing at Hidan, who had followed them down the stairs. Hidan saw their covert conversation and glared. When Kisame left to help Itachi come down from his room, Hidan quickly took his spot beside the lavender hair woman.

Tobi and Drew ran in next with a board game they had found in Kaitlin's brother's room. They set up the game and tried to convince the reluctant Deidara to play a round with them. After seeing the point of the game was to make it to a candy castle first, Deidara told them no in a very insulting manner. Kakuzu and Rikku came down after that, and Kaitlin freaked at the sight of Rikku's "tear" stained face. "Rikku! What happened?"

The girl sniffed as she sat down on the couch beside Kakuzu. "I don't know. I guess last night was a little too much for me, and I just…broke down this morning in the bathroom."

Kaitlin looked so guilty (which was not what Rikku had wanted) and left the room. The assembled group could hear the backdoor open and shut as she went outside.

"_Danna,_" Deidara said meaningfully, poking the red head in the side and gesturing with his head to the door Kaitlin just left through. Sasori blinked as he slowly caught on to what the blonde was trying to say, but before he could get up to follow, Drew was already halfway out the backdoor. Deidara growled as the rest of the group filled in, Itachi draped over Kisame's back (something he was not happy about) and Brian sticking close beside them. Aiden entered last with a small notebook and pen in his hands while a reluctant Nicholas followed.

Konan sighed as they turned to stare at her. That's right, as Pein's partner if something was to happen to him she was supposed to take the mantle as the temporary leader. Only if something happened to them both would Madara feel the need to step up to the position, as he didn't look at all eager to step in at the moment from where he sat on the floor. "I suppose the first order of business is to figure out exactly what happened to each group."

Everyone turned to Deidara and Sasori. They were the first attacked so they would be the first to explain. Deidara shrugged at their stares. "We were attacked by a big bird…thing and I blew it up, un."

Seeing that Sasori had nothing to add, Konan turned to the injured Itachi, who sat next to Rikku. He sighed at having to explain how he was injured since neither Kakuzu nor Rikku stepped up to speak first. "Two overgrown felines attacked us. I made the mistake of harming a man who ran past me and changed back to a cat. The rest is a blur to me." He turned to the two beside him, and poked Rikku's wet check in curiosity before she swatted him away.

Kakuzu chuckled at the girl's anger and finished Itachi's story. "After he went down I finished off both of the attackers. That's when Sasori's group arrived, and they left the park to find Itachi some help. I stayed to find the others."

"Why can't it be my group, un?" Deidara muttered, and Sasori just shook his head.

"I like Sasori more."

"Screw you, un."

Their glaring contest was interrupted when Tobi jumped up from his abandoned game and flailed his hands around. "Tobi wants to go next! Tobi wants to tell what happened to me and Drew-kun!"

Pein hissed at the overacting ninja, and Konan patted his head in comfort. "Alright, you can go next Tobi."

"Okay!" Tobi held his finger to his chin as he thought. "Well, me and Drew-kun were on our way to find Deidara-senpai—because we were really worried and all—when this huge bunny tried to smash us!"

Tobi was waving his arms around to demonstrate how "huge" the rabbit had been. Hidan yelled at him when an arm almost smacked him. "Sorry Hidan-san. Anyway, Drew-kun found the monster's weakness and Tobi won! Then we found Leader-sama and Konan-san."

Tobi sat back down as his narration ended and waited eagerly for the next story. Nicholas sighed. Aiden was scribbling in the notebook he had brought with him, and Zetsu was looking at the male expectantly from the wall he was currently peeking through. "Well, we were attacked by a dragon."

Tobi gasped, and Hidan skeptically stared at him. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," Nicholas mimicked. "We would have died if I hadn't thrown a baseball at its head."

"**Don't forget to tell them why you threw it.**"

"Shut up Zetsu. I'm telling the story and will leave out what I want. If you wanted to put in pointless details, then you should've volunteered to tell it."

"It's still alive," Aiden said above the bickering duo. Konan looked at him to explain more. "Zetsu couldn't deal with it while Nicholas was having a mood swing and I was throwing up. So we left it as it was. It had stopped attacking anyway and was leaving already."

Konan thought about that bit of information. So Kabuto must have ordered or programed his experiments to only attack the Akatsuki. It would explain why the things mostly ignored the crowd of people running around them.

She looked to the last group. Nanichi was poking at Hidan's rosary, and Hidan didn't know whether he should yell at her or try to convert her. Bypassing them, Konan looked at Kisame. He shrugged. "I was outside when Hidan took it out. I think he sacrificed it."

Konan sighed. "Now that everyone's told what happened to their groups, we need to discuss what else we found out." Konan glanced at Kakuzu and Deidara. "The jutsu does a lot more than we originally concluded. Not only do we change back to cats but it's also affecting our chakra systems."

"That chakra stuff is what lets you do all those cool things, right?" Nicholas asked.

Konan smiled at his simplistic conclusion. "Yes, chakra allows us to do cool things."

He nodded and pointed to where Zetsu now sat by his feet. "But Zetsu does cool shit all the time."

"The Mayfly technique has never taken much chakra to begin with. **And it's become second nature—making it even easier to perform.**"

"We can still do cool stuff, un," Deidara piped in. "It's just like…well the chakra's there, but I just can't get to it, un."

Konan nodded, and she saw some of the others do the same thing. Before last night, she hadn't really noticed. She guessed having their enemy attack them out of the blue made them more aware of such things. After all, before that they hadn't been using chakra for anything unless it was for small menial tasks. It just wasn't required to use in the day-to-day lives they were living in this world.

Glancing down at Pein, who still sat beside her as an annoyed cat, Konan brought up the next subject. "Itachi and Pein were the only ones turned into cats last night. Itachi was only a cat for the normal hour, but Pein has not changed back." She looked up at the said Uchiha and had the sudden urge to laugh as she saw him poking an annoyed Rikku. It was just such an ordinary thing to catch the infamous Uchiha doing.

Itachi glanced up at her with his finger hovering mere centimeters above Rikku's cheek. "I nicked someone who ran past me. From what I have been told, Pein killed a man."

"Maybe killing a person extends the time," Brian chimed in for the first time, and Aiden nodded in agreement while jotting down a little note.

"Pein's been a cat for nearly half a day," Rikku pointed out as she tried to inch away from the finger hovering next to her. Itachi just moved the finger closer but still didn't make contact, forcing the girl to lean onto Kakuzu without realizing it.

Kisame, who had grown bored from the meeting and was now flipping through channels on the TV, said, "Guess we just need to be more careful of who we kill."

"You said that so nonchalantly," Nanichi said, and Kisame gave her his normal grin.

Konan sighed as she knew he was most likely correct. Still, there was the slight possibility that Pein _wouldn't_ change back, and that would be bad if it turned out to be true. It had taken them a few weeks to figure out how to break the jutsu's kitten affect on them to begin with, and there was no one around to pose any threatening harm to Pein to break it again.

"Itachi if your finger continues to hover over my face, I'm going to bite it off!" Rikku half yelled at the injured Uchiha. Kakuzu glanced down at the two and, after assessing the situation, decided to let the Uchiha have his fun. As long as the woman didn't go so far as to climb into his lap, he didn't care about her proximity.

Itachi raised a mocking eyebrow. "You'll bite my finger off? You were just crying this morning because I was injured."

"That was before you started annoying me!" she retaliated. "Besides, you're supposed to feel awful for making me cry."

Tobi gasped from where he had started to set the _Candy Land_ board back up. "Itachi-san is a bad boy for making a girl cry!"

Itachi ignored him and poked her again. "Your fake tears do not fool me."

Rikku growled as she was found out and scooted even closer to the miser beside her. "Just leave me alone."

"Fuck!" Hidan suddenly cursed and tried to jump on Kisame. "Turn it back! I liked that movie!"

"Already gone past," Kisame said, shoving the religious man off of him. "You gotta wait until I go back through."

"There's, like, five hundred fucking channels. It'll take you forever to get back!"

"That's the point."

Hidan growled and slouched into the couch. Deidara sighed as he grew bored of trying to subtly push his danna off the couch and out the door, and he got up to go outside instead. Sasori watched him go before turning to stare down at the table Tobi had put his game on. Nicholas had joined Zetsu and said masked man on the floor and was fighting with Zetsu over who would be the blue game piece.

"You guys are acting way to normal," Nanichi said out of the blue. "We were just attacked by mutated animals and a whacked out, four-eyed ninja not even a day ago, and you guys are acting like nothing even happened! Nicholas and Tobi, I could understand, but all the smart and serious people? What gives?"

Konan stared at the lavender haired woman. "Kabuto's attack was only a success because he caught us off guard. But it took him a month to do that and even then he lost that element of surprise and his experiments were easily dealt with. He won't immediately attack again, and when he finally does, we'll know what he has to throw at us."

"Besides, being attacked is normal for us," Sasori muttered as he watched Deidara hop around to get his shoes on by the back door. "In fact, being here and _not_ fighting every day to survive is out of the ordinary for us."

Nanichi nodded and leaned back into the couch. "Oh, I guess that makes sense. But I still have one more question."

Konan tilted her head, signaling for the girl to continue. Nanichi pointed down at the kitty Pein. "When is Leader changing back?"

At that moment, a puff of smoke formed around him, and Pein sat up with a sigh. Nicholas stared at the finger Nanichi still pointed at the pierced leader. "You know what that means Nanichi?"

"…I have a magic finger!"

"Hell yeah!"

Nanichi turned and pointed the finger at Hidan. "Magic finger turn Hidan into a chicken!"

"What?"

"I'm hungry."

Pein could feel a headache coming on as the two began to yell at each other. You know, being a cat hadn't been that bad.

**~O~**

Kaitlin sat on the two person swing with her head in her hands. It was all her fault Itachi was hurt and Kabuto had been able to attack the others. If she had never suggested going to the fair, none of it would have happened. She had even caused her normally indifferent friend to breakdown and Aiden hadn't spoken to anyone since they got back. Her fault, her fault, her fau-

The blonde jumped when the swing swung as someone suddenly sat beside her. She looked over to see Drew sitting on the other side with his chin propped on his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. She managed to wipe away the tears that escaped before he turned to look at her. "What's the matter?"

Kaitlin sniffed. "It's all my fault."

Drew blinked at her in confusion. "How come?"

"If I hadn't suggested we go to the fair none of this would have happened."

"Maybe you're right." Kaitlin looked up at him in shock. Wasn't he supposed to cheer her up? That's what he normally did. "Or he could have shown up at the mall again, or here, or at Nicholas' apartment, or-"

"Okay! I get it."

Drew looked over at the annoyed blonde. "I don't think you do. It's stupid to feel guilty for something you had no control over. If we hadn't gone, Kabuto would have just chosen another time to attack, and he would have probably done it when we were more isolated from each other. So, unless your suddenly in cahoots with Kabuto, you've got nothing to feel guilty about."

"But Rikku was crying, and Aiden hasn't spoken to anyone!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if Rikku did that on purpose, and Aiden's been in one of his genius moods all morning. You know what happens when he gets like that."

Kaitlin leaned back in the swing beside him, and they rocked back in forth in silence. "You don't think they blame me?" she finally asked in a small voice.

Drew gave her a smile. "Of course not! Who could ever blame you for anything?" Kaitlin blushed at the smile, and Drew knocked his shoulder against hers. "But you really do need to stop feeling guilty. You're always trying to take responsibility for stuff that isn't your fault or not even your problem—like adopting them as kitties."

Kaitlin shook her head at him. "But who else would have adopted them. They could be dead right now!"

"I was sort of hoping we could euthanize Hidan back at the shelter," Drew mumbled to himself, but Kaitlin heard him anyway and smacked his arm.

"That's mean!"

"Ow, sorry! I've changed my mind since then. Please don't hit me again!"

They continued to swing together in silence. Kaitlin stared at the dew covered grass that seemed to shine in the early morning light. Drew had been the only one to come after her and that meant a lot to her. She glanced up at the house. This was really the only time they had alone…

Sucking in a deep breathe, Kaitlin finally gathered enough courage to turn to Drew. It was actually something she should have done a long time ago.

"You know," Kaitlin said hesitantly, "I've always had a crush on you since we met."

Drew looked over at her in astonishment, dragging his feet against the ground to stop the swing. "Really?"

Kaitlin could feel her cheeks heat up. "Yeah, you never noticed?"

"Well up until five seconds ago I thought you were a lesbian."

Kaitlin's face went from tomato red to paper white in ten seconds flat. "What?" she managed to croak out.

Drew weaved his hand through his hair in embarrassment. "Yeah, when we first met, Nicholas told me you were a lesbian and had a crush on Nanichi. I thought you just weren't interested in her anymore because of how close you two are as friends."

The blonde could feel a new anger rising in her, effectively smothering her embarrassment and earlier guilt. "Nicholas said what?"

"That you had a crush on Nanichi," he said again. "I never said brought it up because I figured that when you wanted to tell me, you would. And I didn't want to embarrass you if you weren't ready; so, I kept my mouth shut."

Drew finally turned to look at Kaitlin and blinked at the look of deadly anger that had spread across her face. "Kaitlin?"

The blonde girl stood up from the porch swing. "Drew," she said, trying to contain the anger she felt, "I'm happy we had this time to talk together, but now I have to go kill Nicholas."

Drew watched her storm back into the house, shoving Deidara out of her way when he tried to stop her. He shrugged and continued over to where Drew still sat on the swing. He plopped down beside the teenager and turned a critical blue eye onto him. "So…what's up with you and Kaitlin, un?"

"Nothing. Should there be anything going on?"

Deidara's stare let up a little. "Well, you followed her out here."

Drew shrugged. "Sure I did. She's my friend and she looked upset."

The brunet leaned backwards as the blonde bomber leaned closer to him. "So, there's nothing going on between you two, un?"

"No."

Deidara sat back in relief and pulled some clay from his pocket. "That's good, un. Danna doesn't need any competition."

"Competition? And are you talking about Sasori?"

Deidara nodded. "Danna's developed feelings for our blonde host, but he's too dense to know what to do, un. So I've taken it upon myself to help him in any way I can."

Drew blinked. "So if I was competition…?"

"You wouldn't be for much longer, un," Deidara answered ominously, his hand licking at the clay he held.

Drew stared at him with astonishment. "That's kind of extreme Deidara."

"I'm an extreme person, un."

**~O~**

No one (except Deidara) had moved much since Kaitlin had left the room earlier. Not that she cared much about them as her eyes focused solely on Nicholas, who was playing an aggressive game of _Candy Land_ with Tobi and Zetsu.

"This game is boring. **For once we share the same opinion.** You act like we never get along together."

Nicholas cursed as he moved from the Lollipop Woods back to the Peppermint Forest. "This fucking game is rigged." Tobi happily shouted as his card told him to move from the Gumdrop Mountains to the Ice Cream Sea, just a few spaces away from the end of the game. "See it's rigged; people aren't that lucky. Little cheater..."

Before he could begin a full rant, Kaitlin jumped onto Nicholas' back and pulled at his snow white hair. Nicholas jumped up, banging against the table and disrupting the board.

"What the hell are you doing?" he yelled, trying to pry the girl's hands off.

"You told Drew I was a lesbian!"

Nanichi turned away from Hidan to look at the two. "What? When did Kaitlin become a lesbian? Girl, you should have told me! No wonder you didn't want me to set up with guys I knew."

"I'm not!" Kaitlin screeched. She managed to hook her fingers on the inside of his cheeks and pulled harshly, making him yelp. "Nicholas just told Drew I was in freshman year."

"I wondered why Drew never asked you out," Rikku said from where she leaned on Kakuzu. She was still feeling a little sick and Itachi's constant poking was annoying her. Uncle Brian noticed her annoyance and would poke her too. "I always thought he liked you the first half of high school."

Kaitlin gasped as this new information was given to her, and she pulled harder on Nicholas's hair. "I could have been with Drew a long time ago!"

Nicholas yelled in pain. "Lemme' go!" he yelled around her fingers. "I don't even remember those years of high school. It's all a blur of narcissistic teachers and voices telling me to put tacks in their chairs."

Kaitlin just growled and would have continued to cause him pain if she wasn't pulled off his back. She turned to yell at whoever interfered but stopped when she noticed it was Sasori. She flushed in embarrassment as he stared down at her with blank brown eyes.

"Are you okay?"

Nicholas groaned and picked himself off the floor. "Shit, she attacked me. Of course she's okay!"

Sasori ignored him and continued to stare at Kaitlin. She could only nod as she was now feeling very embarrassed for her childish actions. Sasori guided her out of the room and away from prying eyes. They ended up in the kitchen, where they sat at the table located there.

"I meant, if you were okay from earlier."

Kaitlin nodded again. "Yeah, I talked to Drew and sorted things out."

The red head looked a little upset at that but the emotion was quickly wiped off his face. "I'm glad to hear that."

The young adult sighed and laid her head on the table. "Yeah, I didn't realize how stupid my guilt was until he said so."

Sasori nodded and stared down at the table. He began to trace shapes on the table's surface, a nervous action that Kaitlin had never seen him do before. "So you like Drew?"

She could only blink in surprise at his question. "Well, I've always had a crush on him a long time. But finding out that he's always thought I was a lesbian…it hasn't completely gone away but I don't think we could ever get together after such a big misunderstanding." She paused and her cheeks suddenly flushed. "In fact it's kind of embarrassing finding out that the guy you liked thought you were attracted to the same sex. Nicholas can tell a lie better than anyone else I know, but for Drew to continue believing it all these years..."

Sasori nodded but his question had peaked Kaitlin's curiosity. "Why did you want to know?"

Before he could answer Deidara and Drew ran into the room. "Danna where did-" Deidara stopped at the sight of the two sitting at the table, causing Drew to run into him. The blonde smirked and pushed Drew back so that they could back out of the room. "Never mind! Just continue what you were doing, un."

Kaitlin and Sasori watched the two males leave as quickly as they had come. Kaitlin turned to Sasori. "I'm starting to worry a little about Deidara."

The puppeteer just sighed in annoyance.

**~O~**

Rikku rinsed her mouth out for the third time that morning. The good news was that she was feeling a lot better now. Bad news was that Nicholas had seen her run from the living room with a hand to mouth to prevent from puking and had cackled at her. So, the odds were that he would be ready when she came out to bug her.

She opened the bathroom door prepared for Nicholas but got something much worse. Madara casually stood leaning on the wall opposite to the bathroom, waiting for her to come out. At the sight of her, he straightened and swung his arms back and forth in a Tobi-like manner. "So…"

"So what?" Rikku asked in annoyance.

Her irritation transferred to him as he stepped forward to haughtily flick her nose. "What have you found out from those books?"

The blue haired girl rubbed her nose in offense. "Nothing important."

Madara crossed his arms. "But you have found something out?"

"Yeah…you're really old."

He gave a small growl as his hand racked through his spiky black hair. "I know I'm old! What else did you learn?"

Rikku shifted from one foot to another. "Not much…"

She yelped as he suddenly pushed her against the wall. With him leaning close, she could see the red tomoes of his Sharingan spinning before quickly looking the other way. She wasn't about to risk her sanity just to find out if genjutsu worked on her or not. If there was thing she had learned from her research, it was to definitely _not _test out that theory. "You're driving my patience girl."

"Hey, I never agreed to what I would tell you," Rikku retaliated while glaring at the wall behind him. She shifted her gaze again as he moved her head in an attempt to catch it. "As far as I'm concerned, I haven't found anything of importance. Besides _Tobi_ signed that contract, which technically means I don't have to tell_ Madara_ anything!"

She was surprised when he loosened his grip and took a step back. "Well played. I'm actually impressed you could come with that."

"Yeah right," she muttered, fixing her shirt.

Madara tilted his head at her. "So…will you tell Tobi what you found, Rikku-chan?"

Rikku glared at the man as his deep voice drastically fell in pitch. "I don't have anything to tell you."

"Really?" he asked in his Tobi voice and dragging the word out.

She didn't even blink. "No."

He studied her. Obviously, he didn't believe her and was hoping to intimidate her. But Rikku stood there staring straight back at him (or slightly over his head as was the case). Tobi may be an innocent acting child man, but she knew damn well that Madara was a whole different story. She definitely wasn't going to tell the madman anything to make his life easier.

Rikku stood her ground as he slowly leaned forward until they stood with barely any space between them. "Be warned—if I found that you're hiding anything to me the consequences will be…well, let's just say they won't be pleasant."

As much as she wished to say that she remained stoic through the confrontation, that wasn't true. She didn't like him being so close and unconsciously flinched when his hand came up to grip her shoulder. Now that she had checked everyone's backgrounds, she knew what Madara was capable of and his threats weren't empty ones. She wasn't ignorant anymore, and because of that, she felt a little sliver of fear crawl down her spine at the thought of what he could do.

"What are you two doing?"

Rikku released a sigh of relief before she could stop it. Madara became Tobi again and turned to see Kakuzu glaring at him from the other end of the hallway. The man flung himself at Rikku, who almost fell on impact. "Tobi just wanted to know if RiRi-chan was feeling better!"

"Dammit!" she yelled as her previous fear vanished. "Who the hell gave you permission to call me that?"

"Tobi thinks it's cute!"

Kakuzu shook his head and stoically walked down the hallway to pry the childish man off of her. Rikku sighed in relief and hurried behind him before Tobi could pounce again. "Let's go back to my room."

"Tobi wants to go!"

"No," they both said together and walked away from the pouting ninja—who decided to take his revenge by telling Uncle Brian (and the rest of the living room) that they had gone upstairs _alone_. So Brian busted into the room five minutes later shouting they better be using protection, only to be disappointed to find Rikku asleep and Kakuzu sitting at the desk counting money.

**~O~**

"Pein?"

Pein sighed as the sound of Nicholas behind him. Dammit, he came to the kitchen to escape the crowd in the living room. Deidara and Drew wouldn't leave Sasori and Kaitlin, who had both gone back to the living room moments before, alone and kept teasing both of them for being caught alone. Hidan had joined Kisame and Nanichi's daily fight over the remote, and that just seemed to make them louder. Brian had taken the place of Tobi when he left the room, and Zetsu had grown bored and was trying to eat Aiden…_again._ The only ones not causing a fuss had either left the room or just sat watching the groups in amusement.

With a sigh, the Akatsuki leader turned to see whatever it was the crazy white haired male wanted. He was surprised to see the aforementioned male standing behind him with his arms crossed and hazel eyes narrowed with with a serious glint of sanity the ninja had never seen from the man before. "What do you plan on doing with Kabuto?"

Pein pushed the surprise away and stared back at Nicholas with dismissing ringed eyes. "Until we know for certain where his little rat hole is there is honestly not much we can do."

"Is that where Zetsu vanishes off to every once in a while?"

The leader reluctantly nodded. "Yes."

Nicholas hummed in thought and closed his eyes. Pein stood there staring at the male. Where had this major personality change come from? Nicholas had never displayed anything but an almost psychotic flare for mischievousness. Nicholas re-opened his eyes and stared the ninja down with unintimidated hazel eyes. "Can you make sure that no one leaves the house without at least one of the Akatsuki?"

Pein's eyes narrowed at the question that sounded vaguely like an order but nodded as he had already decided to do just that. It wasn't like they weren't already doing something similar to that. He watched Nicholas sigh and his shoulders slump, as if a huge weight had been taken off of them. When he looked back up, his normally crazy look had returned to his eyes, and he gave the leader a grin. "Well that's it! Now I have to make Aiden crazy."

"Why do you do that?" Pein couldn't help but ask. Aiden was the only one Nicholas really picked on and Pein was curious as to why.

Nicholas shrugged. "If Aiden was left alone, that genius brain of his would rot. At least when he's chased by me, he has to think of new ways to get away. Because I won't let up until he does." He gave Pein a wave and left the room.

He could hear Aiden's shrieks increase a few moments after the male's departure and shrugged. What Nicholas did definitely wasn't any of his business.

**~O~**

Kabuto sighed for the hundredth time that day as he walked down the cold stone hallway. Annoying little pests those Akatsuki were starting to become. They should have been dead by now! After all, look at how easily they change back to those pathetic little beasts. Instead, they survived and managed to kill off all but one of his magnificent experiments! Now Lord Orochimaru was upset with him.

"_They should have been dead weeks ago,"_ he had said before turning his back on the medical ninja and leaving to train with the Uchiha brat. Nothing else had been said, but the look of disappointment on the snake Sannin's face had said enough. Kabuto couldn't fail next time—that wasn't an option.

But now, they would be on their guard. He was almost positive that the more intelligent members of the organization had found some kind of loophole in the jutsu by now. After the fair incident, they wouldn't tread so lightly in public again. So what could he possibly do? Even with the jutsu in place, he was at a disadvantage because of numbers. He only had one fully developed experiment left (_Though,_ he thought to himself, _there are the failed ones that could still be tweaked to perfection._) And then, there was those little brats running around.

Kabuto wasn't stupid. He knew that Drew might not have been the smartest of the bunch, but he was the most observant, a fact that had been proven when he was able to find one of experiment's weaknesses in such a short period of time and in a stressful situation. Aiden was a well-known genius since he was in grade school, so he would prove to be a problem. Kabuto had been doing some snooping into the rest of the brats' backgrounds and had found out that Nicholas had sent several individuals to the hospital (all in critical conditions) during his high school years, and Kaitlin had started taking self-defense classes at a young age. She hadn't been the top of her class, but even so she could still prove to be an annoyance. He hadn't been able to find much on Nanichi or Rikku, but he knew that the latter had been snooping through the Akatsuki and, very possibly, his own backgrounds. She could prove to be a threat depending on what she discovered.

And he had seen their interactions with each other while still under the guise of Alfred. They were all very different people, but each of their personalities seemed to blend perfectly with each other. They could work flawlessly as a team when they wanted to; and if they could get along, then the ones whose personalities matched with an Akatsuki member…

He scoffed at the idea. The Akatsuki working with chakraless _children?_ What an absurd notion. But…they had been acting strange at the fair. They hadn't seemed nearly as alert as usual. Hell, the spy he had specifically sent his reptilian success to kill had been saved by a little boy having a temper tantrum, and the Uchiha had only turned to check on his female companion. Even his old senpai had been more focused on his little former co-worker.

He paused in the hallway, eyes widening in surprise, as he was suddenly hit with an epiphany. A smirk spread across his face as he casually continued to his lab in much higher spirits. So, some of the evil S-classed criminals were making _friends?_ Well, Kabuto just found something he would be taking advantage of.

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 128/2014**


	20. Matchmaking

Adoption 101

Chapter 20

Matchmaking! (Sorta)

* * *

><p>Matchmaking was a very complicated process. The two people you were working with had to be compatible with one another; they couldn't annoy each other at every turn (unless that's how they showed love for one another); they had to share some ideals (otherwise they'd argue too much) but not too many or they would grow bored of one another. Deidara was convinced that since a bond had already been established, getting his danna and Kaitlin together would be ridiculously easy. But halfway through the same day he found out that what little competition his danna had was gone, he was about ready to pull out his hair. Why?<p>

Because his danna was being a complete douchebag! The red head was ignoring his constant advice and wouldn't even look at the board he had so painstakingly created. The puppeteer kept telling him that he was too busy finishing his "art"—Deidara scoffed at that. Art was fleeting!—and didn't have time to play the blonde's games.

The blonde artist was now pouting in the living with Itachi and Uncle Brian. Uncle Brian was flipping through the channels on TV, complaining about what a waste of money it was to have over five hundred channels of _nothing_, and Itachi was clicking away on Rikku's laptop. It almost made Deidara happy when the Uchiha clicked on something that made ridiculously loud music play and almost caused said Uchiha to throw the device across the room. Uncle Brian laughed at the black haired man and left to see what Kaitlin, Konan, and Pein were doing in the kitchen.

Once that episode was over, Deidara went back to pouting. How was he going to make his danna happy if the man wouldn't cooperate with him? He was actually trying to do something _nice_ here, and it was being completely ignored!

"What's the matter Deidara?"

Deidara looked up to see Drew standing in front of him. Tobi had followed the brunet in but was now leaning over the back of the couch to see what Itachi was doing.

"How did you get a computer Itachi-san?"

"Rikku gave me permission to use it."

"Can Tobi use it?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Rikku said she would disembowel me if I let you touch it. Apparently after that Kakuzu will put me back together so she can do it again. I believe that somewhere within those threats there is one that she may be capable of doing."

Tobi pouted and bounced out of the room. Once he was gone, Deidara turned back the teenager still standing in front of him. "Danna's being a douche."

Deidara heard Itachi snort, and Drew looked like he was resisting the urge to laugh as well. "What happened?"

"All I'm trying to do is help my emotionally retarded danna get a girl, un," Deidara complained. "But he's ignoring me! How do I hook him up with a girl if he does that, un?"

Drew sat down beside. "Well, who are you trying to put him with?" he asked. "It has to either be Nanichi, Kaitlin, or Rikku, unless he's sneaking away on his own to bang the girl down the street."

Itachi snorted at the thought of Sasori "banging" someone. "That sounds more like something Deidara would do."

Deidara, who had been opening his mouth to say something, snapped it shut and turned to glare at the man. "You're not part of this conversation, un!"

Itachi shrugged and packed the laptop up to limp out of the room. Only when he was gone did Deidara turn back to Drew. "It's Kaitlin."

"Kaitlin?" Drew asked thoughtfully. "Hmm, I guess I could see those two together. So what are you trying to do?"

"Help danna."

"By doing what?"

Deidara paused as he had never really thought of how to help him. He had made that chart and everything to show his danna how to react to a girl but that was it. He told Drew that, but the brunet shook his head. "You're going about it wrong. You should focus more on finding something they have in common and work with that."

Deidara's blue eye widened. Of course! He should have been more focused on that to begin with, but, seeing as he had never tried to set anyone up before, he had thought it would be better to give the red head a set of guidelines to follow on how to deal with a girl in general. He grabbed Drew by the shoulders. "Drew! Why don't we work together to get danna the girl, un?"

Drew tilted his head thoughtfully. "Can I call him danna today too?"

"I guess you could, un""

"I'm in!"

**~O~**

Rikku jumped as Tobi knocked the door against the wall in his eagerness to get in. He paused when he noticed that not only Kakuzu was in the room with her now, but so was Nicholas and Zetsu, though the former was asleep beside her on the bed.

"Tobi, what do you want?"

His masked face snapped to the other masked man sitting at the desk. "Tobi wanted to ask RiRi-chan a question!"

Zetsu, who sat on the floor flipping through a book with a plant on the cover, looked up at the nickname. "**RiRi-chan? **Be nice—it's a cute nickname."

Rikku glared at the back of his green head. "If you start calling me that, I have two ninjas and Nicholas I can sick on you."

Zetsu weighed the consequences of using the nickname. He could handle Itachi and Kakuzu but Nicholas? He glanced at the sleeping form gently moving each time he took a breath. No, having Nicholas coming after him wasn't worth it.

"RiRi-chan!" Tobi exclaimed in an attempt to regain her attention. "Tobi still has a question!"

"What?"

"Why can't Tobi use your laptop?"

"Because you're annoying, and I have important stuff on there," Rikku said as she crawled off the bed. Nicholas shifted as the bed moved but otherwise stayed asleep. "I don't need you doing something stupid and losing it all. Computers cost way too much to replace."

"Tobi will be careful!"

"No."

Rikku could feel the glare coming from behind the mask but shook it off and continued to shove her feet into her shoes. She had Kakuzu if anything were to happen. She mentally groaned at that thought. Great, she was becoming attached to one of them.

To add to the ever growing population in her room, Hidan burst through the door. He pointed at Rikku. "Bitch, Leader and female blondie want to see you in the kitchen."

"Are you playing messenger now?"

Hidan glared at her and stalked back out of the room. Rikku made to follow him before stopping and turning to Zetsu. "Don't let him sleep all day," she said, nodding to Nicholas. "If you do, he won't let anyone sleep tonight. And tell Itachi to keep my computer away from…certain people."

Zetsu nodded and returned to his book. Tobi whined and followed her out the door. He was bopped on the head by an annoyed Kakuzu, who also followed her. "Ouchie! What was that for Kakuzu-san?"

"You're getting annoying."

The three made it downstairs without any trouble and stopped when they found Pein, Konan, Kaitlin, and Brian in the kitchen. The blonde held a notepad and was writing as Konan was moving things around in the pantry. Pein stood behind them giving his input on things to write down while Brian sat at the table doing what appeared to be a crossword. The leader glanced over and when he saw Rikku, he gestured to Kaitlin. "She says you're the best shopper here."

"She does all the shopping for me," Brian said before she could answer. "What's a five letter word fool?"

"Hidan," Rikku immediately answered. Kakuzu chuckled and Pein looked to be fighting a smile before donning his normal serious face. "What do you need me for?"

Kaitlin looked up at her friend. "Rikku I need you to do a _huge _favor. The food here was supposed to the last the entire two months my parents were gone, but with a house full of people it didn't last very long. My dad will freak if he checks his bank account and sees a huge chunk of money gone, so I was wondering if you would pretty please-"

"Yeah sure," Rikku said reluctantly. She knew that was going to happen.

"Thank you so much!" Kaitlin threw herself at her friend and hugged her tightly. Rikku gasped and shoved her friend away. The blonde just went back to standing where she was before, not at all fazed. She handed the blunette the list of things they needed, little stars beside the items they _absolutely_ needed—like pop-tarts and Oreos. The overall list was pretty long.

Rikku held out her other hand. "Credit card." Kaitlin sighed and dug the card out of her pocket. Rikku snatched that card away and stashed it in her own pocket. "Now, I demand the use of your slaves."

She heard Konan giggle from the pantry at her wording, and Pein sighed. "Take Kakuzu, he seems awfully attached to you now."

Kakuzu glared at the ring eyed leader, but Rikku nodded. Kakuzu was going anyways. "I still need at least one more."

"Hidan then."

"Shit." Kakuzu chuckled at the look of annoyance on her face. Tobi hugged the girl and told her would be alright. Rikku shoved him off when his "hug" nearly turned to strangulation and left the room before the man could jump back on her. Tobi just chased after her, and Kakuzu sighed before following.

"Hey wait!" Brian yelled after his niece. "You never told me a five letter word for fool!"

"Just put Hidan," Pein said, and Konan sighed. Other than Tobi, Hidan was the most picked on Akatsuki member.

**~O~**

"Danna!"

Sasori looked behind him just in time to be knocked down by two bodies. He glared down at the brown and blonde hair that kept him pinned to the floor. "What are you two doing?"

Deidara picked himself up and helped Drew up as well. Neither helped Sasori—instead they stood staring down at him. Sasori sighed and picked himself up with a grunt.

"You were right. Danna does need our help!"

"I told you, un."

The red head stared at the brunet who called him danna. "Why did you call me danna?"

Drew shrugged with a smile. "I'm just going through a mood today." He slung an arm around Deidara's shoulders. "Plus, I'm helping Deidara!"

Brown eyes narrowed to glare at the two. "What are you two planning?"

"To get you a girl, un!"

Sasori sighed and turned to walk away. "I told you brat, I don't need help."

"Danna used a contraction. He must be getting frustrated."

"Either that or he's reverting to a fifteen year old, un."

Sasori glared at them over his shoulder. "This body is seventeen now."

"That still makes you two years younger than Katie…Katie's a cougar!"

Deidara laughed at Drew's exclamation and elbowed the brunet to get his attention. "What does that make Kakuzu and Rikku, un?"

"Does it really matter? It wouldn't be fair to call him names because everyone's younger than him."

They both laughed, and Sasori just rolled his eyes. At least Deidara was getting along with someone else, which meant the blonde could annoy Drew instead of him.

The redhead walked away from the laughing men. They didn't notice he had walked away until their laughter had subsided. They stared at the spot the redhead had previously occupied. "Well shit," Deidara said in disappointment. "We were going to corner him about Kaitlin."

"Let's go deal with Kakuzu before finding danna again."

Deidara evilly grinned, and they ran out of the room in search of the older man.

**~O~**

Nicholas blinked awake when something shoved his shoulder. He groaned and turned away from the shoving. Now on his stomach, he picked up the pillow under his head to put it on top. Zetsu barely heard the muffled "Leave me alone!"

His black hand poked the middle of the male's back. When he didn't respond this time, Zetsu's black shoulder shrugged. "**We tried.** Liar."

**~O~**

Aiden glared at the computer. He had shut himself up in Kaitlin's dad's study and was clicking on various news links to see what the papers were saying about the attacks at the fairgrounds. So far he had found out that about ten people had been killed and twenty more injured—five of them being critical in the hospital. Snapshots had been posted on the web of the beasts, and Aiden shifted through each of them. His current annoyance stemmed from the fact that they were all too blurry to be of use.

The only picture of the raptor that Deidara had described attacking them was an amateur cellphone pic. The two felines had better pictures, but the photographer must have been shaking while taking them. There were no photos of the canines or rabbit, let alone the invisible firebreathing thing that had attacked his group.

Aiden clicked back on to Kabuto's Naruto wiki page. There was nothing saying that the ninja had experimented on animals, but the fact that he knew how (and willingly did) experiment on other human beings had Aiden convinced that he had taken animals from the pound to create these creatures. Sasori had been with him the entire time, so the redhead had to have seen something…

Moving on from that, he clicked off the page and onto another website. With a few strokes of the keyboard and clicks of a mouse, he had a total listing of every property on and off the market. Scrolling through it, he picked out the buildings closed off to the public and big enough to hide the experiments. If he could narrow down the places that could easily hide a mini lab, then finding Kabuto might not prove to be as hard as he had originally thought. Knowing where Kabuto was would put them on an even playing field as he was certain the scientist knew where they were.

And he wouldn't stop until he had found the exact location the man. He may not be able to do anything on the physical front, but when it came to thinking, he was a definite force to be reckoned with.

The so-called "force to be reckoned with" released a girlish squeal when half of Zetsu's body appeared on the ceiling. Zetsu dug a finger in his ear to try and relieve the ringing that had begun. "**Jeez, they're getting higher in pitch!** Please, stop."

Aiden snapped his mouth shut. He could deal with the white side—it wasn't as mean.

"How do you wake Nicholas up?"

Aiden blinked up at the ninja in astonishment. "That's all you wanted?"

Zetsu nodded and stared down at the male as he waited. "Umm, did you shake his shoulder?"

"**Of course we did!** It was the first thing we did."

"Umm, poke him?"

Zetsu's stare turned to a glare, and Aiden began to panic. "W-wait! Umm, Rikku does something to wake him up—let me think!"

Zetsu nodded and waited as the man racked his brain for what Rikku normally did. Nicholas had always slept like a rock; nothing disturbed him while he slept, and it was very difficult to wake him up. Rikku was one of the few who could actually wake him. Aiden had watched her do it multiple times in high school.

His fingers snapped as he finally remembered. "Hold his nose!"

The plant ninja skeptically stared at him. "Hold his nose?"

Aiden nodded, positive it would work. "Rikku did it all through high school." He watched the ninja shrug and disappear back into the ceiling. He sighed in relief and leaned back in his chair. Now…what had he been doing?

"Aiden!" Drew yelled as he walked in with Deidara. "Have you seen Kakuzu?"

"No," Aiden replied, already back to typing.

Drew leaned over the desk to try to see what his friend was up to. "Whatcha doing? Looking up porn again?"

"No!" Aiden yelled vehemently as Deidara began to laugh. "Why won't anyone believe me when I say that Nicholas sent me an email with that link and he didn't tell me what it was?"

"Because when Nanichi found you, you were halfway through the video."

Deidara was still laughing as he and Drew dodged the paperweight that Aiden threw at them, and they both ran back out of the room to find their original target.

**~O~**

"Kakuzu!"

The Takigakure ninja stepped aside, and the brunet collided with the floor. Deidara stopped to laugh. "What do you two want?"

Drew picked himself up while Deidara replied. "We're here to talk to you about your feelings, un."

Kakuzu stared at them. "No."

"Come on!" Drew whined. "You and Rikku will be more difficult as you're both emotionally constipated."

"Emotionally constipated?" Kakuzu asked with a raised brow. That was a very…creative way of putting it.

"Yep."

"Why would you even feel the need to discuss my…feelings?"

Drew pointed at the blonde. "Deidara's going to be a matchmaker, and I am his sidekick! It's our job to talk to people about their feelings and eventually hook them up together. We charge only happiness and good reviews on Yahoo. We also reserve the rights of having our successful matches name their first born child in honor of us."

Kakuzu's eyes bounced back and forth between them as Deidara burst into a fit of laughter. "You two need to get out of this house."

Rikku saved Kakuzu from further matchmaker torment as she and a reluctant Hidan came down the stairs. "Ready Kakuzu?"

He nodded and followed her out with Hidan grumbling behind them. Deidara and Drew watched them drive away from the open door. "You need to work on your approach."

"You're one to talk, un."

**~O~**

"**He lied to us.** Maybe it does work for Rikku, but only for her."

The plant ninja stared down at the still sleeping Nicholas. He had tried the holding the nose method, but the only thing that happened was that Nicholas opened his mouth to breath. Zetsu stood looking down at the snoring male, tapping his fingers against his folded arm in thought.

"**Maybe we could-**No! We're not eating Nicholas. **I bet he'd wake up then.**"

A bored Tobi bounced in then. "Hey Zetsu-san! Whatcha doing?"

Zetsu stared at Tobi. "**Perfect! **Tobi do you mind helping us try to wake Nicholas?"

Tobi shrugged. "Why not? Tobi is bored anyways." He jumped up on the bed and bounced around Nicholas. "Nicky-kun! It's time to wake up!"

Nicholas's body shifted, and his leg kicked out to knock Tobi of the bed. The foot connected, and Tobi fell to the floor squealing. "That wasn't nice Nicky-kun!"

Zetsu stared in amazement as Nicholas just rolled back over, already snoring again. "How does he…? **What is wrong with this kid?**"

~O~

"This one is cheaper."

"Kakuzu, we're getting this one."

"The only difference between the two is one has a more colorful label."

"No, the difference is that I have a coupon for this one that makes it ten cents cheaper."

Hidan's constant glare turned into a stare of amazement as his greedy partner put the cheaper brand back on the shelf and Rikku threw her container of peanut butter into the buggy. What. The. Hell? They ignored his incredulous look as Rikku pulled the list back out of her pocket to mark peanut butter off the list. "Why does she even need peanut butter? She hates the stuff."

"Sasori has been eating the stuff like crazy," Kakuzu replied while glancing at prices to find the cheapest brands.

"I never would have guessed it to be Sasori." She tugged on the end of the buggy to bring Hidan out of his sudden stupor. "Pay attention pretty boy."

Kakuzu snorted from halfway down the aisle, and Hidan just stared at him. His partner had been acting weird for the past few days. For some reason, the bounty hunter seemed a lot more open and less prone to annoyance. Hidan had figured that out when Kakuzu didn't immediately behead him the last time he went into a rant. He was halfway through it when he was beheaded. And now he was passing up cheaper brands with barely any argument just because the girl says she has a "coupon"…what the hell was a coupon anyway?

Hidan stumbled when he saw his partner's hand settle on Rikku's head and she didn't swat it away. What the-shit! The old miser was having better luck with girls than he was! Due to his epiphany, he didn't notice the pyramid of cans on the end of the aisle and ran straight into them.

Rikku and Kakuzu turned at the loud clang of cans hitting the floor and Hidan's frustrated curses. People stopped to stare as Hidan kicked the cans away from him. They glanced at each other. "We don't know him."

Rikku nodded, and they ducked down another aisle in search of the next item on their list.

**~O~**

Yells of frustration could be heard throughout the house as Nanichi lost once again. Kisame grinned as he posed on screen in victory. Yes, he posed on screen for Nanichi had been rummaging through Benjamin's games and came across _Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 2._ She had immediately dragged Kisame up to the bedroom to play with her.

"You cheated!" she yelled while jabbing a finger in his direction. "Cheater!"

Kisame just grinned up at her from the floor. "You're just jealous of awesome skillz."

"You did not just add a 'z' to the end of skills."

"Why yes, yes I did."

Nanichi's cheeks puffed out in frustration as she picked the controller back up. Kisame had already chosen his person (himself of course) and was waiting patiently for her to choose another person. She hit the random button, not caring who it chose, and blinked when the cursor finally landed on someone.

"Is that man wearing a green leotard?"

Kisame sneered at the man as the game loaded. "It's much worse in person."

The girl bounced as the fight finally began. "Have you met him in real life?"

"Yeah, he's an annoying guy."

"Why's his name Guy?"

The shark man's eyes bounced from the screen to the girl sitting next to him. "We never sat down to discuss the origin of his name."

"Next time you should. I bet it would be an interesting conversation," Nanichi said as she began to run away from the Kisame on-screen. "I wonder what his parents were thinking when they named him. 'I really like the name Boy, but eventually he'll be a man. So, we should name him Guy!'"

Kisame rolled his beady black eyes and was about to chuckle when she managed to land a hit. Nanichi laughed as the green man shouted his attack. "I like this guy!"

Kisame was distracted as Zetsu's head popped up between them. Zetsu turned to Nanichi. "Do you know how to wake Nicholas? **The guy's sleeping like a freaking brick.**"

Nanichi shook her head and punched a bunch of random buttons. "No, it was never my job to wake him."

Zetsu sighed in disappointment before leaving the way he came. Kisame turned back to the TV just in time to see Might Guy victoriously pose. He turned to an ecstatic Nanichi. "You cheated."

**~O~**

"Freakishly tall person, get that off the top shelf."

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"It's not on the list."

Rikku glared at the masked man standing beside her and pointed up at the top shelf. "I don't care. Get me the fucking chocolate!"

Kakuzu's green and red eyes glanced down at her. "No. Grow a few more inches, and you might be able to reach it."

Her glare intensified as he made fun of her shortness. Not everyone could be six feet tall! Hidan snickered behind them as he covertly placed some cookies in the buggy. Kakuzu slapped him upside the back of the head without even turning around. "Put it back."

Rikku smiled at Hidan's cursing before turning back the manner at hand. She punched the miser's arm and was disappointed when he didn't even flinch. "Get the chocolate for me."

"I've told you no for the past five minutes," Kakuzu said and turned to glare as Hidan tried again to put something else in the buggy. "If you want the candy you have to figure out how to get it yourself."

Rikku growled and stared up at the candy she so desperately wanted. It wasn't far! The one day she just happened to want the candy, and it was on the top shelf where she couldn't reach it. Life was cruel.

"Hidan-"

"Fuck no. I'm not helping you!"

The blue haired woman grabbed a can from the buggy and threw it at his head. He cursed when it hit, and the hit made her feel a little better—until she looked back up at the unreachable chocolate.

"Are you done pouting up at the candy?" Kakuzu asked. "I'm ready to leave."

Rikku glared before pointing at him. "You're gonna regret not helping me."

He sighed at her finger and turned to leave. Hidan started laughing, and the stitched ninja turned back to see her climbing up the shelves. "Really, you're climbing up the shelves to get it?"

"Yeah," she said in aggravation as her hand just grazed the package of what she wanted. "I do it all the time; you were just going to be a shortcut."

"I feel used now."

"Suck it up."

Rikku happily exclaimed as her hand finally grabbed her chocolate. Unfortunately in her happiness at getting her candy, the hand holding onto the shelf slipped, and she fell backwards. Without thinking, Kakuzu moved to grab her and stumbled back into the shopping cart as she let her full weight fall on him. "See? I told you would regret it."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and stood her up straight while she hugged her package. "We can leave now."

He sighed and turned back to the still laughing Hidan. "It wasn't that funny."

"I'm not laughing at that," Hidan said and pointed towards the end of the aisle. "The same thing she was making such a fucking fuss about was at the end of the aisle the whole time."

Kakuzu glared at the display, but Rikku just happily threw her candy into the cart. "Duh, it's always down there."

"You knew?" Kakuzu asked, glaring at her. All the time she had wasted, and she could have easily gotten the same thing sitting not five feet away.

"Yeah, but shopping is so boring. You have to make something seem like an adventure."

Hidan started laughing again as he pushed the buggy down the aisle towards the registers with Rikku and Kakuzu behind him. "And getting candy is an adventure?"

"Did you see how I climbed up those shelves? That's like rock climbing for the pathetic," Rikku explained as they stopped at the back of line. "We can't all have super exciting adventures as ninjas." She poked through the magazine rack. "We should try to steal a couple of these tabloids. _That_ would make an exciting adventure."

"We could just abandon Hidan to the cops," Kakuzu replied, and Hidan turned around to glare at them.

"Stop talking about me!"

Rikku slapped Kakuzu's arm. "Stop talking about him. You're so rude, and we don't need our little baby to have a temper tantrum in the store. Do you know how embarrassing that is?"

Hidan snapped his head back around to grumble under his breath as Kakuzu began to chuckle.

**~O~**

"Danna!"

Sasori ducked into the nearest room and watched through the crack of the door as his brat(s) ran past. He didn't open the door as he heard them pause. "I could have sworn I saw him, un."

"Maybe you should uncover your other eye so you can see better."

He heard a smack and a yelp before their footsteps continued down the hallway. Sasori sighed in aggravation. He had had to dodge Deidara and Drew all day. He wasn't even safe hiding in Itachi's room as Deidara would just ignore his normal hatred toward the Uchiha to get to the redhead.

"Is Deidara still messing with you?"

Sasori's eyes widened a fraction at the sound of the voice behind him and he turned (after making sure his face was blank again) to see Kaitlin sitting on the bed with her computer and a phonebook. He hadn't even noticed the room he had ducked into had been hers. Kaitlin's blonde head tilted with curiosity. "Why has he been chasing you anyways?"

Sasori shook his head. "He is under the impression that I need his help."

Kaitlin shifted over and invitingly patted the place beside her. Sasori walked over to the bed and sat beside her. "_Do_ you need help with anything?"

He scoffed. "Of course not."

She shrugged and turned back to the computer. Sasori guessed she had already gotten back to looking for a job. "Why do you need a job if your parents are rich?"

"I want to move out eventually, and I want to be able to do it on my own—no help from mom or dad."

Sasori nodded and glanced around the room. It was his first time being in here, and he imagined it to be more…girly. There were only a few pictures of Kaitlin, her friends, and what he guessed to be her parents and little brother lined across the dresser. Some movie posters lined the walls (he only recognized the movies because Deidara and Kaitlin had watched them together). Other than that her room seemed blank.

Kaitlin caught him eyeing the room. "I packed up a lot of stuff when I thought I was moving out before you guys appeared. I just didn't feel like unpacking again."

Sasori nodded as his eyes caught sight of a simple marionette hanging from her closet doorknob. It looked as if it had never been used—the wooden body was in perfect shape and the simple dress that clothed it was a bright yellow. Sasori stood up to take the puppet off the door. "Do you know how to use this?"

Kaitlin shook her head. "No. I used to collect puppets because I liked the way some of them looked, but I never got around to learning how to move them around without tangling the strings."

He walked back over to her and handed the wooden piece attached to the strings. "I can teach you."

She pushed aside the junk on her bed and took the handle. "That would be really cool."

The redhead sat beside her and started explaining how to move the strings. Kaitlin listened and tried to move them the way he directed, but the strings began to tangle with her jerky motions. Sasori sighed and meticulously untangled the strings. He handed the detangled puppet back to her, and this time he wrapped his arm around her and placed a hand on top of hers. "Just follow what I do."

Kaitlin nodded and felt her face heat up. With his help, the marionette moved flawlessly, and Kaitlin giggled as it danced around on the floor. Sasori gave her a small smile and unconsciously settled his chin on her shoulder as she played with the puppet on her own. His arms naturally wrapped around her waist. He ignored the tiny voice in the back of his head that was telling him he was acting out of the norm. He didn't like that voice to point out the obvious.

Sasori really should have expected it. After all, the brat duo had been chasing him around all day. So, it was only natural that they barged in then. Deidara was first.

"Danna!"

The bomber stopped at the sight them. A smirk spread across his face. "Well looks like—"

Sasori didn't let him finish. His hand lifted and chakra strings shot out to connect with the blonde's limbs. His fingers twitched, and Deidara jerked around to walk clumsily out the door. Sasori flicked his fingers to disconnect the strings and looked at Drew expectantly. The brunet gave him a thumbs up before shutting the door behind him and a disgruntled Deidara.

Sasori sighed and turned back to the girl. "Brats."

Kaitlin giggled and continued to play with the puppet.

**~O~**

Hidan took off upstairs the minute they returned to the house. Rikku sighed as she hefted the grocery bags to the kitchen, where Konan and Brian sat at the table waiting for them. "That jerk, he could have at least helped bring in more bags."

"It's Hidan," Kakuzu said placing his bags down. Rikku huffed and started to help Konan unpack the groceries. Kakuzu went back out to grab the rest of the bags and sat down at the table when he was done.

Brian threw his pen at his niece's head, and it connected with her forehead just as she turned to face him. "What was that for?" she asked, glaring at him and rubbing the sore spot.

"You completely messed up my crossword!" Brian accused. "Telling me 'Hidan' was the five letter word for fool—it was wrong!"

"Why didn't you just go back and erase it then?"

"I was using that pen I just threw at you."

Rikku picked the pen up and flung it back at him. He squealed as it connected with his head this time. "I told you not to use a pen on crosswords. You use them as an excuse to give up."

Brian waggled the pen at Kakuzu. "You see how mean she is to me—the man that raised her! She is so cruel."

Rikku glared as Kakuzu began to chuckle, and Konan told her she could leave before she lost her temper. Rikku gladly left and made her way up the stairs just in time to see Hidan run past with Nanichi on his tail, yelling something about losing to Kisame because of him.

She watched them pass, and Kisame grinned at her as he followed behind them. "They're having another lover's spat."

The woman rolled her eyes and made her way to the bedroom she had left Nicholas in. Opening the door, she frowned at his still sleeping form and Zetsu trying to strangle Aiden.

"**You lied to us!**"

"I'm sorry! I really thought it would work!"

"How do we wake him up before Rikku gets back?"

"I don't know—just please don't eat me!"

Rikku sighed in frustration as Nicholas rolled over in his sleep. "Zetsu!"

Zetsu paused trying to eat Aiden, Aiden's hand placed on his forehead in attempt to keep him away. "**Shit.** We're sorry Rikku. We just couldn't wake him."

She glared at him as she walked over to the bed. When she got there, she grabbed the edge of the sheet Nicholas was lying on and yanked it out from beneath him. He went flying off the bed and landed in a pile on the floor. He groaned and sat up, rubbing his head. "What'd you do that for?"

Rikku ignored him and turned to Zetsu. "That's all you had to do."

Zetsu nodded and watched her leave with Aiden. Nicholas sat up, stretching his arms above his head and popping his back. He yawned and turned to the plant ninja. "What'd I miss?"

**~O~**

"I don't think danna needed our help."

Deidara sighed. "I guess not, un."

Drew flipped to onto his stomach and balanced his chin in his hands. Deidara sat on the edge of the bed in a Thinker pose. "What do we do now?"

"Well, Kakuzu will still need our help, un."

"Nah, I don't think so," Drew said sadly. "I think they have their own system of showing affection in a not-so-obvious way."

"What about Nanichi and Hidan?"

"I thought it was Kisame and Nanichi?"

Deidara frowned, but it quickly turned into a grin. "See, Nanichi needs help to figure out which one to be with, un!"

Drew sat up and stared at the blonde. "Maybe we should just leave them alone."

The blonde's grin fell, and he turned his blue eye to critically stare at Drew. "And why is that, un?"

The brunet wouldn't look directly at him and instead played with his fingers. "Well…you sort of suck as a matchmaker."

Deidara waved off his comment. "So? At least I have something to do, un."

"You mean you're just doing this because you're bored?"

Deidara drummed his fingers on his knees. "I started out with good intentions, un. It's not my fault that it became more enjoyable just to mess with people, un"

Drew stared at the ninja, and Deidara stared back unaffected. Then Drew jumped off the bed and threw his hands in the air. "Let's go screw with Nanichi's love life!"

Deidara jumped up beside him. "Yeah!" And they both ran out of the room with a new target in mind.

**~O~**

Itachi glared at Uncle Brian as he tightened the bandages. He was trying to cause him pain on purpose and would just grin when he saw Itachi's Sharingan swirling at him. "We wouldn't want something to happen to you and you bleed out."

"Hn."

"You're so unsocial."

Itachi grunted again and turned back to the computer he had left to charge. Uncle Brian cleaned up what he had used and sat down beside the Uchiha on the bed. "What have you been doing all day anyways?"

Itachi glanced up at him. He looked to be weighing his options and finally sighed. "I am trying to find a way to break this jutsu."

Brian nodded. "But what makes you think you'll find it on the internet?"

"I don't," Itachi said as he clicked back onto the webpage. "I am trying to figure where the timeline in our world would be at now."

"What?"

Itachi sighed. "When we came, it was only a month after Sasori's death." He glanced at the brunet to see if he was paying attention. "Sometimes, a jutsu can be broken when the caster is killed. So if I can find out when Orochimaru is killed, the jutsu may be broken earlier than Kabuto planned."

"Giving him a nasty surprise when he tries to use a civilian as a shield again," Brian concluded.

Itachi nodded. "But some things may have changed because according to the original timeline, Hidan and Kakuzu should be dead by now."

Brian watched the Uchiha turn back to the computer. "Who kills the guy?"

The typing paused. "My little brother."

"I didn't know you had a little brother!"

"Hn."

"You're being unsocial again. And all I'm trying to do is make small talk."

Rikku came in then. She spotted the Uchiha with her computer and walked over to snap it closed. "I need the computer to do classes." She walked back out without another word.

Itachi glared at the door she shut, and Uncle Brian sighed. "She has no manners at all. I guess I'm a failure at being a parent."

Itachi sighed and laid back in the bed. It was late anyways; might as well get some sleep before Pein came looking for him to form some plan. After all, Itachi was _always_ supposed to have a plan.

* * *

><p><strong>EDITED: 321/14**


	21. Rainy Days

**AN: I feel terrible for suddenly disappearing for a month. So I made a long filler to make up for it :)**

**DISCLAIMER: Nothing has changed in my absence, so I still don't own Naruto.**

* * *

><p>Adoption 101<p>

Chapter 21

Rainy Days

* * *

><p>Kaitlin sighed as she flipped over onto her stomach in boredom. She listened to the faint pitter-patter of rain hitting the roof above her. Thank god it wasn't storming or Uncle Brian would have been going crazy. He never liked storms after watching the <em>Wizard of Oz<em>. Why was a very good question, but he never felt the need to explain it to anyone. Probably the same reason why Aiden refused to sleep in the same room with any kind of toy after watching _Toy Story._

She sighed again and stared at the back of Sasori's head as he leaned against the bed working on one of his puppets. He had come to her room in order to escape Deidara's constant pestering ("What were you two doing yesterday, un? You looked kind of _cozy_ together. Does that mean you're together now? Brian says you two better be using protection, un.") Kaitlin didn't have a problem with him staying in the room and was actually curious to watch him build his puppet. He was very secretive about that, always locking himself in the garage when he was building and making sure everything was hidden once he was finished. Even now he would push her back on the bed as he adjusted something before letting her watch again.

A silent curse came from the head of the bed, and Kaitlin looked over her shoulder to see Rikku glaring at her computer screen as she typed. Apparently, her blue headed friend hadn't kicked her procrastination habit and came to Kaitlin's room looking for a silent place to work on a paper that was supposed to be due today. Rikku had said that Kaitlin's room would be the last one anyone would look in and she appeared so desperate to find a quiet place that Kaitlin had her in without a word.

"Shit," Rikku muttered. "What the hell has Itachi been doing to my computer?"

"Does it have a virus?" Kaitlin asked her as Sasori glanced up at them before going back to attaching a part he wouldn't let Kaitlin see.

"I don't know!" Rikku answered as she jabbed a button. "But I can't connect to my professor's page!"

"Have you tried re-starting?"

"Yes!"

"Take it to Aiden. He'll know how to fix it," Kaitlin said as she turned back to stare over Sasori's shoulder. She sighed when he placed a hand over her eyes. "Really Sasori, what's so secretive about making a puppet?"

"If I told you it would not be a secret."

She pouted at his quick logic and turned back to Rikku, who sounded like she was choking on air. "What happened?"

"My computer just deleted my entire essay," Rikku squeaked in disbelief while frantically trying to find her work. "Itachi has turned it against me!"

Kaitlin moved to help her friend but paused when Rikku suddenly sighed in relief. "Never mind, I found it in the recycle bin…now send dammit, before you give me another heart attack!"

The blonde shook her head and laid back down on the bed. Sasori looked back at her. "How does a computer get sick?"

"Huh?"

"You asked Rikku if her computer had a virus. How does it even get sick in the first place?"

Kaitlin blinked before she realized what he was asking. "Oh! It doesn't get sick like us, but sometimes people upload programs onto the internet that can cause problems if someone else tries to download it. We call it a virus because it can be spread to other computers through networks, internet, or some kind of disc."

Sasori nodded before returning to his puppet. "Are you trying to get computer savvy, Sasori?"

"Not really, but it is probably best if someone other than Itachi learns something about computers."

"Itachi doesn't know anything about computers," Rikku muttered as she tried once again to send her essay. "If he did, he wouldn't have made it sick in the first place."

"I'm sure Aiden can fix it," Kaitlin said once again. "Just take it to him."

"No! I am not leaving this room."

Kaitlin blinked. "Why not?"

Before Rikku could answer, someone knocked on the door. "Katie-chan! Have you seen RiRi-chan?"

"Tell him no!" Rikku hissed and Kaitlin blinked again.

"Um, you can't find her?" Kaitlin asked and Rikku glared. What was so hard with just telling him she didn't know?

"Nope, Leader-sama sent Tobi to find her, but Tobi can't find her anywhere!"

Kaitlin and Rikku stared-well Rikku glared-at each other as Tobi went on to tell her where he had already looked. Sasori's eyes bounced back and forth between them.

"Rikku, Pein wants you."

"No."

"But what if it's important?"

"No."

"He's gonna get mad!"

"_No!_"

"Tobi, she is in her."

"Dammit you red-headed bastard!"

Sasori shrugged as Tobi slammed the door against the wall in his eagerness to get in. "Yay! Tobi's found RiRi-chan!"

Rikku jumped off the bed and held the computer as if she was about to hit him. "Go away!"

"But Leader-sama wants to speak to RiRi-chan!"

"He can talk to Itachi."

"He said it wasn't optional."

"I don't give a damn!"

Tobi stared at her silently before jumping on the bed. "Tobi will just have to take RiRi-chan by force then."

"No!" she shrieked and ran away from him. Tobi jumped from the bed and landed in front of her. She stumbled back and would have fallen if Tobi hadn't slung her over his shoulder. He waved at Kaitlin and Sasori as he walked backwards out the door with the struggling girl. "Tobi has completed his mission!"

They could hear Rikku yelling at him as the two walked away. "That was sort of weird."

"It was Tobi," Sasori answered before going back to his puppet.

"I guess you're right about that," Kaitlin conceded. She looked out the window to watch the rain continue to steadily fall. "I hope it doesn't rain all day. Boredom tends to make the others act a little weird."

"I highly doubt they could get any weirder," Sasori said as he covered her eyes again.

Kaitlin huffed as she couldn't see anything. "You'd be surprised. I bet boredom is what's making Deidara so interested in your love life."

"And I thought it was because he cared."

Kaitlin giggled at his sarcasm and went back to watching.

~O~

Nicholas didn't even look up when Zetsu popped out of the floor. Stuff like that was normal now and wasn't worthy of his attention.

"What are you doing?" Zetsu asked when he realized that Nicholas wasn't going to acknowledge his presence. His normal partner in tormenting Aiden was sitting in the middle of his bed with a pen hanging out of the side of his mouth while he used a pencil to quickly sketch in his notepad.

"Inspiration hit," Nicholas said around the pen and without pausing his hand.

"Interesting," Zetsu said politely as he leaned over to try and see the sketchbook.

Nicholas shoved him back. "Get outta my light!" Zetsu moved back and he went back to sketching. "Jeez, you're never supposed to mess with an artist while he's in the middle of inspiration."

"**You're not one of those artists who argues over what art is, are you?**" Zetsu asked as his mind went immediately to the only two artist he knew.

Nicholas paused and looked up at him. "Art is supposed to be something? Then I believe art is a beluga whale!" Nicholas went back to his sketchbook only this time he was using the pen and the pencil was hanging out of his mouth. "Tomorrow art can be a hedgehog."

Zetsu chuckled as he sat down against the headboard. "**I'm bored. Do you know where Aiden is?**"

His friend paused. "That is a damn good question. Where is that loser today?"

Zetsu shrugged while trying to get another glance at what the man was drawing. "**That's why we came looking for you.** Is that us as a cat?"

Nicholas held up the notebook so that the ninja could get a better look. "Yep, it's pretty damn awesome if I do say so myself." Nicholas looked down at the bi-colored kitty. "I wish I could draw you eating Aiden, but I didn't see any of that stuff."

"It's kind of creepy, **stalker.**"

Nicholas shrugged the comment off and turned to another page. "Don't tell anyone about my second hobby."

Zetsu shook his head and watched him flip through the notebook of thick paper. He caught glances of some of the other Akatsuki, kitty and human, along with the other five. Among the sketches were also pictures of objects that could be found in nature, like flowers, trees, animals, and rough sketches of buildings. Nicholas seemed to do better on people than the last two though.

"Ah ha!" Nicholas finally exclaimed and the book up for the plant man to get a good view. "This is the best one I've ever done."

Zetsu blinked before his eyes narrowed. "**I can't believe you drew that.**"

The artist cackled as turned the book back around. The sketch was of Zetsu as a cat, but the kitty wasn't very happy. In fact, the moment the sketch depicted was of the poor feline in the midst of being eaten by a Venus flytrap. "I didn't even realize the irony of this at the time, but it was still hilarious. Compared to how my other cats died, you're almost death was the best."

"…I think we should somehow feel honored. **You can.**"

"You should feel honored," Nicholas said as he examined the picture. "It really is the best one I've done."

Zetsu rolled his eyes and watched him write something on the paper. "How did you start drawing?"

"Nightmares," Nicholas said as he flipped back to the page he had been on.

"**What?**"

"Nightmares," he said again and glanced up at the male sitting in front of him. "When I was little, I would have the worst nightmares possible. It got to the point where I was afraid to close my eyes. One of my dad's friends had a similar problem, though come to find out his problem stemmed from a slight case of PTSD. But anyways, he told me that he would draw out his nightmares and it seemed to help him sleep. So I started doing the same thing." He shrugged. "It didn't really work and I had to get a doctor to prescribe me a sleeping pill that I took regularly until about the eighth grade. But by then I had already made a habit out of drawing."

"What were your nightmares about?" Zetsu asked intrigued. Nicholas was last person he could imagine having nightmares.

Nicholas shrugged again. "I don't really remember, but I kept the sketchpads that I used to draw them in. I'm not really interested in going back and looking through them though."

"**Why were you having nightmares?**"

Nicholas paused and looked up at him. "Why are you so interested? Are you trying to bond with me? Holy shit, you're gay!"

Zetsu jumped up off the bed and stared at him. "What- **hell no! I'm just bored!**"

"Liar, you're trying to creep on me! I always knew you were a stalker!"

"**What is wrong with you?**"

"Wait," Nicholas paused as he ignored the plant ninja's question. "You're going through withdrawals." He jumped up, leaving his sketchbook on the on the bed, and grabbed the cannibal's arm. "Come on, we have to go find Aiden!"

Nicholas ran out the room, dragging the man behind him, and yelling for Aiden

~O~

Konan blinked as Madara carried in a cursing Rikku. That was definitely not the way she imagined he would bring back the girl. He dropped her on the bed beside Konan, where she sat and gave him a deadly glare.

"That was weird," Aiden commented and Pein sighed.

"Ai-chan!" 'Tobi' yelled and ran at the young man. Pein had to grab his arm to keep him from falling over from the force of the masked Uchiha's glomp. "Tobi hasn't seen you since yesterday morning!"

"Yes, umm," Aiden said nervously as he tried to shove the man off. "Well-I was, umm-it's kind of awkward to have you hanging on me…"

"Madara," Pein sighed, "get off the poor boy."

Madara stiffened and hopped backwards to stare at the nervous Aiden. "When did you find out?"

"I told him when he came to me with an idea on how to find Kabuto," Pein cut in before Aiden could open his mouth. "I thought it would be strange if 'Tobi' was allowed to sit in on this meeting."

Madara shrugged and hopped onto the bed beside Itachi, who glared as his 'meditation' was interrupted. "Okie dokie, as long as he doesn't say a word to anyone else."

Aiden nodded before proceeding to ignore the older Uchiha. Madara gave Pein an impatient wave to get on with his meeting and Pein fought the urge to sigh again as he turned to Itachi. "What have you found in those books?"

Itachi's eyes darted over to where Madara sat before focusing back on Pein. "Just Kakuzu, Hidan, and Orochimaru's death—I haven't made it past the last one."

"I thought you couldn't read English," Aiden said and Itachi turned to him.

"Rikku has helped me."

Aiden blinked and turned to the girl. "Since when have you been able to speak Japanese?"

"Translate Google."

"You know that's not one hundred percent accurate, right?"

"It's working for us," Rikku said staring at him. "Besides, why haven't you been helping him? You speak Japanese fluently."

"No, I speak Mandarin Chinese fluently," Aiden corrected. "I only know how to ask where the bathroom is and if someone is single. And before you ask about the last one, Nicholas is the one who wanted to know how to ask that."

"Whatever. Out of all the languages in the world, the one you chose not to learn just happens to be the only one that can actually help us."

"It was a personal choice."

Pein cleared his throat to get the two's attention. "You can speak about this later. Right now is serious time."

"I feel like a child who was scolded by his mother," Aiden muttered.

"You got that feeling too?"

Pein sighed as the two finally quieted down. "Now," he said returning his attention to Itachi, "other than those three deaths, what else have you found?"

Itachi shrugged. "Nothing."

"You've spent nearly a month translating those books and that's all you found?" Pein asked in disbelief. Itachi nodded and the leader sighed again. He turned to Rikku and Madara as the girl growled and found her glaring at the older Uchiha while rubbing her head. "Anything you would like to share?"

"No," she answered while continuing to glare at the man beside her, whose only visible eye was narrowed back at her. "I have access to the same things Itachi does, so why would I know more?"

"Time limit," Konan suddenly said, and everyone turned to look at her, even Madara. "The hour time limit doesn't apply if you kill someone. What if there are other exceptions?"

"You should do an experiment," Rikku suggested as she shifted away from the man beside her. "Because Hidan sacrifices some innocent person every other day and doesn't turn into a cat."

"What?" Pein asked looking at her. "I told him specifically not to do that as it may draw attention to us."

"You didn't know?" she asked unconcerned. "Whoops."

Pein massaged his temple as he grumbled to himself. Giving Pein some time to get over his anger, Aiden asked the next question. "What about Kabuto's experiments?"

Madara blew off the question with a wave of his hand. "Not important. They're easily taken care of and mindless beasts without specific orders from him."

Now Aiden was offended at having his question blown off so quickly and started mumbling to himself. Itachi sighed and was about to lie down when he noticed Rikku glaring at him. "What?"

"My computer is messed up," she announced.

"So?"

"You messed it up."

"…so?"

She growled and shoved a finger his way. "If I can't fix it then you're buying me a new one."

His eyes twitched with the sudden need to roll them. "Yes, I will buy you a new one with my non-existent money, which I earn from my equally non-existent job."

"You somehow managed to pay Nanichi for her truck."

They looked over as Aiden suddenly started to have a coughing fit. Konan got up to see what was wrong with him as everyone else stared. "Are you okay?"

He took a deep breath. "Yes, I just umm, choked on contaminated oxygen?"

"Your lying skills haven't improved since high school," Rikku muttered and Itachi just shook his head.

Madara, fed up with the slow movement of this meeting, finally turned to the previously choking boy. "Why are you even here?"

Aiden tensed, still offended from earlier, before saying, "I have an idea on how to find Kabuto."

"Oh really," Madara said not really convinced as placed his chin in his hands.

"Yes really," Aiden said back. "As a matter of fact, with Zetsu's help I could probably pinpoint the location on the portal you seemed to have misplaced."

Madara ignored the not so subtle jab and instead tilted his head in interest, and Aiden took that as a sign to continue, but he turned to Pein as he still wasn't comfortable talking to the Uchiha. "I've come up with a list of properties on and recently taken off the market. Kabuto was here for a month before we found out about you guys so it would only make sense that he had some kind of base of operations, even if he could go back and forth. There aren't that many places around here that would be available to provide that, so that narrows it down a little. But I wasn't able to get a specific location, which is why I need to talk to Zetsu."

"How'd you get that information Aiden?" Rikku asked and grinned as the male turned slightly pale and tried to ignore her.

"How did you come up with that?" Konan asked as well, only she was actually curious.

Aiden glared at Rikku. "It wasn't exactly…legal. And I don't see why I have to tell anyone!"

Pein just shook his head. He wasn't interested in how Aiden came up with his information. Aiden knew how to gather the information and that was all that mattered. "All you need is to talk to Zetsu?"

"Yep," Aiden replied. "But I need you in the room so Zetsu doesn't try and eat me, and I need someone else to keep Nicholas away so Zetsu doesn't get distracted."

On cue, both Nicholas and Zetsu barged through the door, the former dragging the latter. Spotting Aiden over by the desk, Nicholas quickly made a bee-line to him and shoved Zetsu toward him. "Quick, Aiden! Zetsu's going through withdrawals and the only cure is to for him to eat you!"

Aiden blinked as everyone else just stared at the male. "What?"

Nicholas groaned. "What don't you understand? The cannibal is going through withdrawals because he hasn't tortured you in the past twenty four hours!"

"Where were you-" Aiden paused. "Oh, that's right! You practically slept all day yesterday."

"So?"

"Nicholas, are you alright?" Rikku asked as she looked more closely at her friend. Nicholas shifted away from her and toward the door.

"Of course I'm fine!" Nicholas practically yelled and pointed at her. "Are _you_ alright Rikku?"

Aiden scratched his head as he stared at his suddenly defensive friend. He turned to Konan, who was also staring at pierced man. "Was he awake at all before Rikku woke him up yesterday?"

She shrugged and looked at Rikku. "I only saw him after she and Kakuzu returned from the store."

Rikku groaned and turned back to Nicholas, who, for some strange reason, was glaring at a confused Zetsu. "Nicholas, did you sleep at all last night?"

Nicholas turned his glare onto her and crossed his arm. "What if I didn't?"

"Did you take your meds yesterday?"

"…" Nicholas turned to glare at Itachi, but the Uchiha just stared back.

"Did you take them today?"

"Stop hounding me!" Nicholas yelled and ran out of the room.

Rikku glared at the door and took the opportunity to leave by going after him. "Nicholas, get back here!"

"Leave me alone or I'll get a restraining order!"

Aiden rubbed his forehead as he sighed. "As if today couldn't get any worse, now we have Nicholas running around un-medicated."

"What's so horrible about that?" Pein asked. He didn't see what the big deal was—Nicholas was crazy on a daily basis.

"Nicholas went all through high school un-medicated," Aiden tried to explain. "Just know that if you find him talking to himself, you just walk away."

"Why not just give him his medication now?" Zetsu asked.

Aiden jumped as he hadn't realized that Zetsu had stayed in the room and replied. "It's easier for him to remember to take them if he stays on a strict schedule. Giving him the meds now will only screw that schedule up, so we have to wait and give them to him tomorrow morning."

Zetsu shrugged and went to follow his crazy, runaway friend before Pein stopped. "Wait, this is the perfect opportunity for you to help Aiden."

Aiden paled as Zetsu turned to stare at him. "What does he need our help for?"

"He says he may have a way to pinpoint Kabuto's location," Madara explained, "but he needs to talk to you."

Zetsu shrugged and stared at the genius, who nervously rubbed his hands together. "Okay. Um, I need you to tell me where you sense Kabuto in the city."

Zetsu looked up at the ceiling as he thought. "Where in the city? **Because it seems like he's everywhere at once.**"

"What?" Aiden asked and the plant man stared at him like he was stupid. "Oh, you're being serious?"

He nodded and Aiden sighed. That wasn't what he was hoping to hear. He stood up. "Wait here."

They watched him walk out of the room as Deidara poke his head in. "Have any of you seen-"

"Senpai!" Madara jumped up from the bed and ran towards the door.

Deidara's eyes widened and backed out of the room quickly. "Shit! I wasn't looking for you, un!"

"But senpai, we haven't hung out together in _forever!"_

"Leave me alone!"

Tobi chased the blonde out of the room, exclaiming that he wanted to spend time with his senpai. Zetsu sighed while Pein stared at the doorway, and Konan leaned over to Itachi. "I'm starting to worry about Madara. He's getting far too good at his Tobi act for it to be healthy."

Itachi just rolled his eyes. Madara was crazy before they even met.

~O~

"I love the rain," Nanichi commented as she watched the rain splash against the window. "It's so calm and serene and…wet."

"That's what he said."

Nanichi glared at the Jashinist watching the rain beside. "Excuse me?"

Hidan didn't bother looking at her. "It was too tempting an opportunity to let pass."

She slapped his arm and he turned to yell at her. Kisame spared them a glance before clicking through the channels again. He was about to throw them outside if they continued to argue. Brian sat next to him and, from the glares he was throwing the yelling man's way, he felt the same way too. Then again, Brian just seemed to hate Hidan since they met. He wouldn't explain why but every time Kisame would ask about the hostility between the two, Kakuzu would just chuckle and walk away.

"Where is everyone else?" Brian asked, twisting his head around every which way. Everyone was in the house, he was sure of that, but oddly enough only the four of them were in the living room. Kisame shrugged as he paused on a movie in the middle of an explosion.

"I'm pretty sure Leader, Konan, and Itachi are discussing plans. Kakuzu's probably counting money, and Drew and Deidara have been running around trying to hook people up. Nicholas and Zetsu are probably tormenting Aiden and there's no telling what Sasori is doing."

Kaitlin walked in to sit on the love seat. "And I just found Kaitlin sitting on the love seat."

She looked over at them. "Are you two talking about me?"

"No sweetie," Brian said, "but have you seen Rikku and Tobi?"

"Tobi ran into the bedroom and dragged her away around lunch."

Sasori came and sat next to Kaitlin. "Did you put your puppet in your super-secret-hidden-away-from-everyone-else place of super secretness?"

"As a matter fact, I did."

"I bet it's hidden behind a shelf out in the garage."

"Don't tell anyone or it won't be a secret anymore."

Brian stared at the two. His squeal attracted everyone's attention in the room as he bounced from the couch to the love seat to sit right between the two. He slung his arms around both of their shoulders. "You two are so cute together!"

Kaitlin blushed and Sasori tried to push the man off of him. Brian let him go and turned to Kaitlin. "Please use protection Katie dear. You're far too young to have blonde and red headed babies running around."

Kaitlin's blush deepened and if anyone took the time to look at Sasori they would see the faint line of red that ran across the bridge of his nose.

"You don't have to worry about that," Nanichi said offhand, knowing that her friend would be too worried about getting pregnant to even sleep with anyone.

"That's what he said!"

"Would you shut up?"

"That's what he said!"

"You're getting annoying!"

"That's what—"

He was cut off as Nanichi jumped on him to cover his mouth. They were rolling around on the ground when Deidara ran down the stairs with Tobi on his heels. He paused when he saw the couple. "Have you admitted your feelings, un?"

Hidan looked up at the blonde from underneath Nanichi. "What feelings?"

Deidara sighed while dodging Tobi's hug. "Nanichi you should choose the smart one, un."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Hidan asked offended as he tossed the girl off of him. Kisame caught her before her head could collide with the corner of the table.

"Where's Drew?" Brian asked as he finished tormenting the red Kaitlin and ignored the still offended Hidan. "Hasn't he been following you around since yesterday?"

Deidara looked behind him to see that the brunet was not following him. "I thought he was back there, un."

"That's what she said!"

"Okay, whoever taught him that is so going to get it!"

~O~

Kakuzu paused counting the money as Rikku barged into the room to land on the bed face down. What was wrong now?

He heard the girl sigh before rolling over to her back. Her head hung off the side of the bed so that she was staring at him upside down. "Have you seen Nicholas running around?"

"No, I've been in here all day," he replied. "Why, did he do something?"

"Not really. I should probably still be looking for him though." She noticed her computer sitting beside him on the desk. "Who brought my computer back?"

"Kaitlin, and she said she didn't do anything to it, so it wasn't her fault if it still didn't work."

"Stupid Uchiha," she said getting up to turn the device on. "He isn't allowed to borrow this anymore."

Kakuzu shrugged and went back to writing numbers in a notebook beside his neat piles of cash.

"I like you the most."

Kakuzu blinked at the random statement. "What?"

Rikku sighed. "You're the most un-annoying one out of the whole bunch."

"Is that even a word?"

"Doesn't matter because it is now."

He snorted and turned back to his money. "What's wrong with Itachi? You two seem to get along fine."

Rikku glared at the man's back. "He's a douchebag—one that covers his doucheness in hotness."

She watched Kakuzu's pencil stop in the middle of writing a number. "You think he's hot?"

"From every picture I have seen, the important Uchihas are all hot."

Kakuzu turned to stare at her with his green and red eyes. "What pictures?"

Rikku stared at him with a serious expression. "The ones I take in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping."

They stared at each other. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and turned back around. "That's not funny."

"It was pretty hilarious to me."

Kakuzu only blinked as the girl let out a brief squeak when the door suddenly slammed open. Nicholas's eyes darted between the two and he pointed an accusing finger at the two. "Ha! I caught you two in the act!"

"In the act of what?" Kakuzu asked.

"Oh you know what you two were doing," Nicholas said confidently. "Now fess up!"

"Get out Nicholas!" Rikku growled angrily. She hadn't like his abrupt entrance.

"I knew it!" he yelled as if she had never said anything. "You're both having sex together!"

Rikku let out an exasperated "Oh my God" as she covered her eyes, and Kakuzu just stared at him. "We're on completely different sides of the room and you come to that conclusion?"

"You're also both alone and had the door shut," Nicholas quickly retaliated. "So ha! My argument has more support."

Rikku glared at him. "Nicholas, get out of this room before I suffocate you with one of these pillows." She picked up one of the pillows in preparation of carrying out her threat.

"Domestic violence!"

"It'll be murder if you don't leave right now!"

Nicholas ignored her and sidled up to the desk Kakuzu occupied. "Aren't you happy I showed you this side of her before you two got serious?" Kakuzu just shook his head as the crazy male patted him on the shoulder. "No need to thank me."

He cackled and dodged the pillow thrown at him before dashing out of the room. Rikku growled and followed after him. The older man just shook his head at their behavior and turned back to his cash…only to realize that he had completely lost track of what he had already counted. He sighed and, instead of starting over, decided to the follow the two out of the room. Odds were that he still had the same amount as the last time he counted anyway.

~O~

"**That isn't the right place. **What do you mean it's not the right place? This is where he was the longest. **No it wasn't. He was over there! **I specifically remember the name of these two streets. **And I specifically remember this street because it had a weird name. So that means it was right here! **Just put the pin there then!"

Aiden blinked as the black side of Zetsu triumphantly placed a flat, black thumbtack onto the map of the city that he had placed on the desk. The map was currently covered with white and black thumbtacks, the two colors rarely intermingling with each other, which made sense because apparently the two sides of Zetsu had a hard time agreeing on where they had been able to sense Kabuto. But even though the two colors didn't mix together often there were still little groups where both would mix, along with tiny groups of white or black.

"Have you two seriously been sensing him _all_ over the city?" Aiden asked as he watched them argue over where the next tack went.

"**Yes**," they answered together.

"How has he been everywhere? I haven't even been in the west side of the city."

Zetsu shrugged and placed a white tack close to a black one. Konan, who had been sitting beside Aiden to discourage any sudden 'hunger' that Zetsu might have, stared down at the mini clusters that had appeared over the last hour. "It looks as if it's mainly in the north side though."

Zetsu nodded and place a black tack on the south end. "**Yep,** that's where he is the most."

"That's the business side of the city," Aiden commented. "But that's the most populated area and there's nowhere on that side of town for him to hide. So, what is he doing there the most?"

The plant ninja gave a shrug and went back to arguing where the next tack would go. Pein stood beside him looking down at the map. "No one has ever taken us to that side of the city."

"That's mostly because we've been trying to avoid densely populated places with you all," Aiden said as he took a red marker and circled a cluster of tacks. He had been doing that whenever Zetsu would place more than five tacks in one area. He looked up from the map to see Pein's circled eyes staring at him passively. "Not that _you_ would cause any problems. I was just talking about the others, like Hidan and Deidara. Kakuzu too, if he decided to set up another business like the one at the mall."

"Nice save," Itachi mumbled from the bed where he was poking at his bandages. He stopped when Konan gave him a pointed look. The Uchiha was not a very patient when it came to healing.

"If he's there most often," Pein started, staring at the Akatsuki spy, "then why haven't you been able to find him yourself?"

"It's not that simple!" Zetsu exploded, and everyone in the room, including the black side of him, blinked in surprise. "We always go to his exact location, and every time we get there he's _never_ _there!_ But we can still sense him! Sometimes he'll even pop up on the other side of the city. And don't criticize me—I would like to see _you_ try tracking him down for a change! And- **whoa, calm down.**"

They watched as black Zetsu tried to placate his white side. Konan gave Pein a light slap on the arm. "You caused our spy to have a breakdown."

Pein just blinked at her. "It's not like I meant to. And did you just hit me?"

"Don't be a baby."

"You need to stop spending time with Nanichi," Aiden said and turned back to Zetsu, who was starting to calm back down. "Your sensing thingy isn't broken is it?" He squeaked and jumped away to hide behind Konan as Zetsu glared angrily at him. "I guess not."

"Why haven't we eaten you yet? **That's what I want to know!**"

Konan shook her head as the man, who was at least two inches taller than her, cringed further into hiding. "Please protect me if he suddenly attacks."

"What if you're sensing him from our world?" Itachi suddenly said and everyone turned their attention to him. "Maybe the north side is where he is in our world and whenever he crosses over, the portal places him in another part of the city." He noticed Pein's look of doubt and shrugged. "We turn into cats—why can't Zetsu sense Kabuto back in our world?"

"He's got a point," Konan said.

Pein sighed. "Nothing seems impossible now."

"Domestic abuse!"

"Get back here Nicholas!"

They watched as a cackling Nicholas ran past the open door with Rikku running behind him. Kakuzu followed behind them at a slower pace. A series of thumps came from the end of the hallway the three had been heading to followed by Nicholas's shocked yell. "You shoved me down the stairs!"

"Next time you'll keep your mouth shut!"

"This is how you're going to off your first husband, isn't it?"

"Are we done?** I'm getting bored.**"

Pein nodded and Zetsu didn't waste any time disappearing through the floor. Aiden circled the rest of the tacks Zetsu had pinned the map down with before going back and documenting the number of tacks within each circle. With that done and with Konan's help, he put the tacks back in their proper place and rolled the map up. "At least now we have a better idea of where Kabuto can be."

"Yes," Itachi agreed. "We have a choice between the north, south, west, or east side of the city."

"We don't need your sarcasm right now."

"The sooner we start searching for him the better," Pein said as Itachi got up and left the room without another word.

"The earliest we can start is next Saturday," Aiden informed him as he tried to leave after the Uchiha.

"And why is that?" Pein asked none too pleased by the delay.

"We all work during the week, and our jobs are what are keeping us all off the street and fed." Aiden squeaked as his answer earned him a harsh glare before Pein left room.

Konan stopped on her way out to pat him on the shoulder. "Pein's just ready to go home," she told him simply and left.

"I completely understand that," he muttered to himself as he picked up the map he had dropped after receiving the leader's glare. "He just doesn't have to be so mean about it."

~O~

"Drew-kun!" Tobi shouted. "Where are you?"

Tobi ran through the kitchen, into the connecting dining room, past the front door, and into the living where most of the household sat. He waved his arms frantically as he stood in the middle of the room. "I can't find Drew-kun anywhere!"

"He's probably hiding from you, un," Deidara muttered as he fiddled with his clay.

"That's—(smack!)!"

The blonde looked up to see Nanichi and Hidan glaring at each other, the girl's hand covering the Jashinist's mouth.

Tobi jumped around in panic. "What if Drew-kun's been kidnapped!"

Brian gasped dramatically. "Oh no, not Drew!"

Sasori sighed as the two began to talk frantically back and forth. Kaitlin giggled from where she sat beside him, and Deidara glanced over at the pair. "Where were you two earlier? I was looking for you all morning, un."

"Did you ever check Kaitlin's room?" Kisame asked before either of the two could reply.

A smirk spread across his face as Deidara stared at the two. "Actually that was where I was heading before I ran into Tobi, un. So what were you two doing in Kaitlin's room _all alone?_"

"Not what's going through your perverted mind," Sasori replied.

Deidara's smirk fell into a pout as he slouched back into the couch. "I wasn't thinking anything like that, un!"

"Your face says otherwise."

"That was mean Sasori," Kaitlin reprimanded and Deidara's smirk returned. "But you need to get your mind out of the gutter, Dei. He was just letting me watch him build his puppet, or what little he allowed me to watch. He covered up my eyes most of the time."

"Really?" Deidara asked in confusion. "He never had a problem with me-" He stopped and gave his red haired partner a grin. "Getting touchy danna, un?"

"Be quiet."

Deidara just continued to smile at Sasori's glare while Kaitlin looked back and forth between the two in confusion. Brian snorted. "If that's him getting touchy, then we definitely don't need to worry about mini-mes running around anytime soon."

"Oh my god! You licked my hand!"

"Don't slap it over my mouth bitch!"

"Fine, next time I'll just knock you out!"

"That's what he said!"

"That didn't even make sense!"

"It does to me!"

Kisame started laughing and Brian turned away from Sasori to watch the other two yell back and forth at each other. Tobi stood in front of the yelling pair with his head bouncing back and forth before waving his arms around frantically. "Does no one care if Drew-kun was kidnapped?"

"Oh noes! When was I kidnapped?"

Tobi spun around and ran towards Drew, who stood just outside the room. "Drew-kun, you weren't kidnapped!"

Instead of allowing Tobi to run into him, like he normally would have, Drew stepped aside and allowed the masked man to run past him and almost hit the wall. "I wasn't kidnapped? Oh, well that's good because I was little worried that I didn't know where I was, and that would have been bad because I wouldn't know, and that would cause me to panic and—what was I supposed to be doing again? Oh yeah, I was coming down here to talk to Nanichi!"

Ignoring the looks of confusion being sent his way, Drew skipped over to stand in front of Nanichi. "What up, girlfriend?"

"Have you been smoking something?" she asked as she stared at his goofy grin.

"What, smoking? Why would I smoke anything? It's nasty and makes your teeth yellow and gives you bad breathe and the high isn't even that great, and the one time me and Nicky tried to smoke something we both choked, but Nicky said I wasn't supposed to tell anyone—oops! Just forget everything I said!"

"He's definitely not smoking anything," Kisame commented as they stared at the male. "He wouldn't have been able to get that all out in one breathe if he was."

"Where were you all morning, un?" Deidara finally asked.

"I was upstairs plotting a plan," Drew said before pausing. "Or is it planning a plot? Or are you supposed to put the two words together, like plotting a plot and planning plan? Anyway I was doing something that involved thinking."

"Why are you so giddy if all you've been doing is thinking?" Nanichi asked suspiciously.

"Well you see, I woke up _really_ early this morning and in order to stay awake the whole day I drank a whole bunch of coffee with lots of sugar, but it sort of backfired because for the past ten minutes I've been upstairs on the bed laying in a daze before suddenly jumping up and running down here to have this conversation with you."

"He did it again, un," Deidara said in amazement and Drew just grinned proudly.

"Anyway back to the point. Nanichi you need to pick a man," Drew said while pointing at her.

"What?" she asked looking at the brunet as if he had lost his mind.

"And I have come up with the perfect solution," he continued as if never hearing her. "Since your last five boyfriends all run away screaming when they see you-"

"It's because they're all babies," Nanichi interrupted in her defense.

"-I have only been able to deduce that you in some shape or fashion cause them mental or physical harm. If that is the case you should be with Hidan since he has a fondness towards pain and is too stupid to cause mental harm to."

"Hey!" Hidan yelled in offense. He had been ignoring Drew the whole time but had somehow picked up on the insult.

Drew just ignored him. "But Kisame seems to be more fun and somehow has more in common with you, so you should pick Kisame."

"You just said she should be with Hidan," Kaitlin pointed out.

"I have conflicting ideas. That means it all comes down to personal choice." Nanichi squeaked as Drew face was suddenly up close to hers. "So who do you choose?"

"Do I have to choose one of them?" she asked reluctantly.

"What you don't like them?" As soon she opened her mouth to reply he pounced on her. "Liar! You have to choose! Or are you hiding something from us?"

"I'm not hiding anything!" she yelled back as they tumbled to the floor. Hidan and Deidara lifted their feet as they rolled by on the floor. "Why are we rolling around on the floor?"

"Stop avoiding the subject! And why are you yelling back at me? Are you getting defensive?"

Drew yelped as Nanichi spun them run to pin him on the floor. She glared down at him. "I am not getting defensive. I'm getting fucking angry! You can't just tackle people onto the floor to force them into choosing a boyfriend!"

Drew squeaked as the enraged girl pulled at his ear. "No! Have mercy on my poor soul!" He looked up to Kisame sitting on the couch. "Get your woman off me!"

Nanichi growled and yanked the ear harder as she also grabbed his nose. "I canb bweade!"

Kisame chuckled and picked the girl up before she managed to rip anything off. She yelled at him as Drew jumped up and ran out of the room.

Kaitlin, who had been passively watching beside Sasori, jumped up when she heard the back door slam shut. "Drew, it's still raining! You might get sick!" She heard a muffled yell from outside and sighed as she watched Deidara run outside to join the brunet. "I'm not taking care of sick people tomorrow."

The occupants in the room listened to the series of thumps coming from the staircase followed by Nicholas yelling, "This is how you're going to off your first husband, isn't it?"

Brian leaned around the couch to see the staircase and began to laugh at Nicholas as said male laid half on, half off the bottom stairs. Rikku skipped down the stairs and casually stomped on his stomach. "You're so violent," Nicholas groaned as he rolled over to grab his stomach.

"Take your meds tomorrow," was all she said before sitting on the couch beside Kaitlin. Nicholas glared as Kakuzu came down the stairs with Pein and Konan behind him and made sure to growl at each of them to keep more people from stepping on him. He waited until everyone cleared his downed body before replying to her. "Well you shouldn't put yourself in situations that can be interpreted in ways you don't want them to be. For instance—don't shut yourself in a room alone with Kakuzu!"

Nanichi gasped dramatically while Konan sat down beside her and Hidan. "Kakuzu, I can't believe you're cheating on Hidan! Did that day in the mall mean nothing to you?"

Hidan jumped up to glare down at her. "Dammit! Why the hell did you have to bring that up? There's nothing going on between us!"

"You're in such denial, you crazy zealot."

He growled and opened his mouth to reply but shut it quickly as Brian spoke up. "I remember that day!"

Kisame chuckled as his own memory was refreshed. "Oh yeah, it was that day Itachi and Rikku locked themselves up in her room, and we decided to go to the mall because we were bored."

Nanichi gasped and turned to the blue man. "You saw it? Was it as funny as imagined it?"

"It was pretty damn hilarious."

"Damn, why couldn't I have been there? You should have gotten a picture or something."

"Kakuzu's prices were too steep for us."

Hidan turned to glare viciously at his partner. "I told you that shit would come back to haunt us!"

Kakuzu shrugged from where he sat beside Brian and Kisame. "I don't regret a thing. I managed to make more during those two hours than the day before _and_ that morning combined. Besides, no one's questioning me about my sexuality." He raised a mocking brow at his partner. "Perhaps you're more girly than you thought."

Hidan looked as if he was about to explode and everyone around them was waiting for it. To their surprise, Hidan _didn't_ explode. Instead he straightened and stared blankly at them all before walking out of the room.

The room remained quiet until Zetsu, who had poked the upper half of his body out the wall during the teasing of Hidan, spoke, "**I don't know about you guys but I'm sleeping with the door locked tonight.**"

"I'm going to test fate and sleep with the door _wide_ open," Nicholas said back to him. "You never mess with a person on meds for mental stuff in the middle of the night unless you want to die."

"**You don't mess with a mentally unstable person who **_**isn't **_**on meds unless you want to die, **and Hidan is as unstable as they get."

Kakuzu scoffed at this. "Everyone is this house is mentally unstable."

"I actually take offense to that," Kaitlin said. "I'm the most normal person here, and I'm quite proud of that!"

"Speaking of houses-"

"Kakuzu only said one thing about a house."

Pein glared over at Nanichi's comment, and she ducked behind Konan to escape him. "When are your parents coming home, Kaitlin?"

For some reason, Brian began to laugh loudly and Pein turned to look at him. "I'm sorry, that was probably not the right time to laugh. But you don't need to worry about Kaitlin's parents showing up anytime soon."

"Their vacation will eventually end," Konan commented. "If that happens while we're still here, then we need to start looking for other places to stay. I highly doubt her parents would allow a group of criminals to live with them."

"Kaitlin's parents' vacations can last anywhere from a month to a whole year," Brian explained while Kaitlin shrunk into the couch in embarrassment. "She and her brother actually stayed with me one year because her parents were over in Europe."

"They only did that once!" Kaitlin argued. "But Brian's right—they actually called this morning to tell me they plan to be away for another two months."

"Well, that's one thing we do not have to worry about," Sasori said to himself.

"Next problem on our list—what are we watching tonight? _Fright Night _or _Inception_? I would suggest _Twilight _but Hidan's not here. "

Pein shook his head as Nanichi walked over to open the side of the entertainment center where the DVDs were located, with Tobi following her over to make sure she knew not to pick anything too scary. He didn't know whether to be grateful that he didn't have a group of panicking teenagers or concerned because he had a group of obviously abnormal teens. At least he had experience with dealing with the latter from dealing with his organization.

The backdoor creaked open and a completely soaked-to-the-point-dripping Deidara walked in. "Kaitlin, do you have a hair tie I can borrow, un?"

She blinked up at him. "Deidara you're completely _drenched._"

He nodded and pushed the dripping hair that had fallen in front of his right eye. "I know. It happened when I jumped into the pool, but my hair tie came out when I jumped in and I couldn't find it, un."

"Why are jumping into the pool?" Sasori asked with a sigh. "And while it is _raining._"

"Well, why not?" Deidara asked with a shrug. "The rain was already making me wet and it isn't lightning or anything, un."

"Did Drew jump into the pool too?"

"…I don't know if he _jumped_, but he was already in it when I went out there."

"That's actually not a bad idea," Kisame said as he stood up and headed out back. "It's a lot better than being cooped up in here."

Nanichi abandoned the DVDs in favor of following Kisame out, and Tobi ran after her after giving Pein _Toy Story 3 _and informing the ginger that that was the movie they were watching tonight. Pein threw the movie to Nicholas once Tobi had left the room, but the male shrieked and ran out the room screaming about evil purple teddy bears before the movie could hit him. Deidara watched him leave, and Kaitlin flicked the elastic band that had been on her wrist at his head. "If any of you get sick, you're all on your own."

Deidara nodded and picked up the band that had fallen on the door. He ran back outside while pulling his hair back out of his face. "If anyone outside gets sick, let them suffer on their own," Kaitlin told the rest of them, even though none of them had been planning to play doctor anyway. Brian took over the T.V. and soon found something that seemed to interest everyone.

Ten minutes later, Hidan walked back into the room with a very satisfied, yet evil, grin. The grin grew wider as he walked over to Kakuzu and held up a dollar bill. His partner looked warily at the green piece of paper. "Why are suddenly giving me money?"

"I'm not," Hidan said with a slightly manic tone tinting his voice as he allowed the bill to slip from his hand and drift down and land in the miser's lap. "I just thought I would tell you it was the only remaining victim after _**I ripped the rest into fucking shreds!**__"_

Kakuzu choked on air before scrambling off the couch and up the stairs. Hidan cackled as the man vanished. "I bet you'll think twice next time you use me for one of your money schemes!"

Pein sighed as Hidan continued to cackle manically. "He will tear _you _to shreds once he sees the damage you've done."

"Who the hell cares?" Hidan said as he eagerly waited for Kakuzu's cries of dismay.

"You do realize if that happens, then _he_ is the only one who could put you back together."

"I don't think he'll be too eager to do that," Rikku added on to Pein's statement.

Hidan stared at his leader before jumping at Kakuzu's loud yell. "_**Hidan!**_"

"Shit!" Hidan exclaimed as he frantically pulled at his hair. "I did not think this through!"

"Bye Hidan," Kaitlin said as he ran past her. "It was nice knowing you!" He cursed at her before ducking out the back door. Kakuzu's stomps echoed through the house as he stomped down the stairs and came to a stop in the living room. He glared at everyone when he noticed Hidan was no longer there. "Where did he go?"

Rikku automatically pointed in the direction Hidan had gone. "Outside."

He nodded and left in that direction. The door was slammed angrily open. "Hidan!"

The group inside heard Hidan's distant "Shit!" before the door clicked shut. "Hidan _is _immortal right?" Kaitlin asked with a little worry.

"After Kakuzu finishes with him he might not be," Sasori answered her. He dragged her back down onto the couch when she went to go after them and told her to just watch T.V. A distant high pitched shriek could be heard and they could only guess that Kakuzu had caught Hidan quicker than anyone had thought he would.

"Well, as fun as it is to hear Hidan die slowly," Rikku said as she stood up, "I have a paper I need to finish."

"That reminds me," Brian said before she could leave the room. "When is your dorm room supposed to be done?"

"I'm going to see about it tomorrow. Why, are you waiting for me to move back out?"

"Nope just wandering," he answered with a smile. Rikku starred at him suspiciously before leaving the room with a shrug.

Kaitlin cringed as Hidan's loud curses managed to be heard from outside. "Please don't let there be body parts thrown all over the backyard when he's done…"

~O~

Rikku groaned as her computer screen blinked off again. It was official, Itachi had done something to her computer, and she felt the urge to kill the Uchiha prodigy. She didn't care if he was a ninja with deadly-swirly eyes; if her computer wasn't fixed soon, he was going to meet a tragic end.

Speaking of the swirly-eyed devil, she glared as he entered her room without knocking. He paused when he noticed the glare. "I just came in and you're already mad?"

"What did you do to my computer?" she accused angrily.

His brows furrowed in slight confusion as he sat calmly on the bed next to her. "_I_ didn't do anything."

"Then why has my computer suddenly turned on me?"

He looked down at the screen that had winked back on and calmly pressed the 'ENTER' key. Rikku watched as the page refreshed with the message "ASSIGNMENT SUBMITTED" popping up after the re-load. "Don't say a word."

He shrugged. "I didn't come in here to fix your non-existent computer problems." He ignored her glare as he continued. "The only thing you've told Madara are the events leading up to Orochimaru's death, correct?"

"Yeah, actually this morning was the first time I told him anything."

Itachi sighed and she stared at him questionably. "Why?"

"Madara is a very paranoid man," he said staring straight at her with serious black eyes. "If he doesn't already know, then he obviously suspects that we are not telling him everything we have found. Now that he knows that we are working together, he'll be waiting for one of us to slip up."

"Wait, the whole reason he wanted me in on that meeting was to catch us in a lie?"

Itachi nodded. "That and he may have thought that you would be more willing to talk around Pein."

Rikku groaned and wearily used the heel of her hand to rub her eye. "When I made that deal with him, I didn't know that Madara was crazy."

Itachi stared at her blankly. "You thought someone in Akatsuki with _Tobi's_ personality wasn't crazy?"

"I thought he was just mentally challenged or something. Who was I to judge?"

He sadly shook his head at her. "Rikku, everyone in Akatsuki is crazy on some level."

"I know that! I just didn't think that Tobi's crazy was anything I had to worry about."

Itachi ignored her reasoning and patted her on the head in pity before standing up. "Just talk to me before you say anything to Madara. Better yet if you can avoid it, don't say anything to Madara."

"Yeah, that won't make the already paranoid man suspicious."

He shook his head and poked at the bandages hidden beneath his shirt. "Do you know how long these stitches are meant to stay in? Your uncle refuses to tell me just to annoy me."

"I don't know, but poking probably won't speed up the recovery."

He poked his stomach as he made his way to the door. It opened just as he reached it and Kakuzu paused on the other side. "What are you doing in here?"

"Rikku's computer was giving her problems, so I graciously volunteered to lend her my genius to solve the problem."

Kakuzu caught the flying pillow as Itachi ducked out of the room and back down the hallway to his designated room. He returned the pillow to her and looked down at the sacrificed pieces of paper under his feet. The bills that hadn't been shredded were still useless as Hidan had used his blood to draw his religious symbol on them, and Kakuzu highly doubted that the currency would be accepted after being soaked in blood. Sighing, he bent down to begin the clean-up.

"Did you kill him?" Rikku asked him as she watched.

"No," he answered regretfully. "But when I left Drew, Deidara, Tobi, and Nanichi had started a scavenger hunt to find all the pieces of him."

Rikku smiled at that. "Really?"

He nodded. "Whoever finds the head wins."

"That shouldn't be too hard since his loud mouth will lead them right to him."

"I buried it."

She blinked before laughing at the image of Hidan's head still cursing while buried under a pile of dirt. "Did he manage to annihilate your whole fund?"

"No," he admitted. "I keep some of it separated in the event that something like this were to happen."

"Way to be prepared."

"It worked."

"What if Hidan found that stash too?"

Kakuzu paused just as he was about to pick up another torn bill. "Hidan's not that smart."

"You never know. The dumb ones tend to be the ones who surprise you."

Kakuzu tossed what he had in his hands into the waste basket before not so casually walking out of the room. Rikku shrugged and turned back to her computer that was flashing a pop-up. She went to exit out of it when another window popped up, causing her to shriek and toss the computer away before running out of the room.

"Itachi, you've been looking up porn on my computer!"

"I have not," he yelled from behind his door, highly offended.

"Then why is my computer trying to show me pictures of naked women?" she yelled back.

"No one will look down on you for you preferences."

She kicked his door with a growl. "I have to buy another computer because you've contaminated it with your nasty porn habit!"

"It just doesn't like you anymore. And I told you before, _I _didn't do anything to it."

He could almost feel the heat of her glare through the door. "Okay, whatever the hell you did to it, you better fix it now! And you tell Aiden not to test his fake virus programs are my computer again."

That said she stomped away and back towards her room just as Kakuzu was returning with the thick wad of cash that had escaped Hidan's wrath. "Now what are you pouting about?"

"I hate Uchihas," she said before knocking her computer off the bed without trying to actually touch it. He shrugged and went back to picking up the mess Hidan had made.

~O~

Drew scrunched his nose in an effort to keep from sneezing. The only thing this action accomplished was make him look silly as he sneezed anyway. He was soaked through from his dive into the pool, which looking back now hadn't been such a good idea while wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. But what was the point of changing if he was going to come back out into the rain?

He was determined to find Hidan's head and win the impromptu scavenger hunt. It had been fun, in a grotesque and slightly disturbing kind of way, to watch an enraged Kakuzu chase a cursing Hidan around the yard. The wet grass had led to Hidan's downfall when his feet slipped, and he fell face first onto the ground. He was just picking himself up when Kakuzu had caught him, and Kakuzu hadn't been in the mood to allow the Jashinist to escape.

Drew had stood beside the pool with Deidara, Nanichi, and Kisame and watched as Kakuzu effectively ripped Hidan apart. It wasn't as disturbing to watch as Drew had imagined it to be, but that may have been because of Kisame and Deidara's laughter at Hidan's predicament, Nanichi acting like any teenager watching a fight (plenty of "Oh!"s), and Hidan still cursing even as head went flying. Kakuzu hadn't paid attention to where he was discarding the limbs, which, after he had finished and walked away with Hidan's head, had initiated the hunt to track down all of Hidan's body parts.

When Kakuzu walked back without Hidan's head and after several refusals to tell any of them where he had put it, the four had decided that whoever found the cursing head would win. Kakuzu had snorted and wished them luck before going back inside. Almost an hour later and the only part still left to find was the head. Nanichi had given up after she realized that a thin shirt and cold rain didn't mix well and had gone back inside to regain the feeling in her frozen arms. Kisame had just grown bored and carried the big basket of disconnected limbs inside to await the time when Kakuzu felt like putting Hidan back together. Deidara was on the other side of the yard still looking, but it looked like he had stopped to fuss with his wet hair.

Drew was determined to find that head, which was why he refused to go inside even though his soaked clothes felt heavy on him and he was starting to sneeze more frequently. Nothing could deter him from his mission to find the missing head, not even—oh look, a shiny quarter!

He snatched the quarter with a grin and pocketed it. Yay, now he was twenty-five cents richer! He could buy a gumball after work tomorrow.

Straightening back up, he noticed the little mud pile in Kaitlin's otherwise flawless yard. Staring at the wet dirt, he didn't notice Deidara walk up behind. "Drew, I'm done, un. I'm soaked, tired, and think that Hidan's head being missing for a couple of days isn't such a bad idea. It'll definitely be quieter, un. "

Drew pointed down at the mud. "Kakuzu cheated. He hid the head underground."

Deidara followed the finger and stared at the spot. "Do you think he can breathe under there."

"He has no lungs. I think breathing may be the least of his worries right now."

The blonde rubbed the back of his head. "Well, I'm not getting dirty just dig a cursing head out, un."

Drew squished the mud between his bare toes. "Let it be noted that I found the head, thus I was the one who won." He slipped in the mud before turning and walking back to the house.

Deidara blinked and followed after him. "Wait! You're not going to dig him out, un?"

"Dude, I'm about to crash from my caffeine high. I'd rather crash inside the house than outside in the rain."

Deidara looked back at the spot as they reached the patio. Oh well, Hidan was immortal. He could survive a night underground.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: o.O that is the longest chapter I have written so far, but I might go back and rewrite some of the parts I weren't completely happy with. Anyway, hopefully it won't take nearly as long to get the next chapter out. And I'm working on some of the outtakes that have been suggested, so hopefully those will be out soon too.<strong>


	22. Back to Work

**AN: I know this isn't my normal day for updating (just forget the fact that I haven't updated in months), but this chapter is basically a freakishly long filler. The story will "officially" continue next chapter.**

* * *

><p>Adoption 101<p>

Chapter 22

Back to Work

* * *

><p>No one likes Monday mornings, and those who do are such a small number that they are easily overlooked. Kaitlin is not one of those of people. Underneath her calm and innocent surface lives a very violent person and all of her friends knew not to wake that violent person up at five o'clock in the morning on Monday.<p>

It was sheer luck that violent Kaitlin took a backseat to worried Kaitlin as what woke her that morning was a scream of pure terror.

At the scream, she bolted upright in the bed, nearly kicking Konan, who slept at the end of the bed peacefully, off onto Rikku, who slept in a sleeping bag on the floor. "What was that?"

"I don't know," Rikku mumbled as she burrowed back into the sleeping bag, "but whoever it is needs to shut up. It's still too early."

Konan was about to do the same, but Kaitlin snatched her out of bed and hurried them both into the hallway. Outside, they found Pein just coming out of his designated room across the hallway. Kisame was the only other person curious enough to get out of the bed and was standing further down the hallway in front of his and Itachi's borrowed room. He was staring towards them and blinked in surprise just as Pein was tackled from behind by a frantic Nanichi.

"Pein, Pein, Pein, Pe-!" she screamed frantically before he slapped his hand over her mouth. Even then they could hear her muffled yells.

"What?" he asked annoyed.

She managed to pry his hand off and yelled, "There's a spider in the bathroom!"

They stared at her as she waved her hands frantically. "Don't just stare at me! You have to kill it!"

Kisame finally started laughing as Pein began to pinch his nose in frustration. "You were screaming bloody murder because you saw a spider."

"Of course!" she screeched. "Isn't that what I just said?"

Pein didn't give her a second glance as he walked back into his room and shut the door with a quiet slam. Nanichi stared at the door in shock. "What kind of leader are you? I come to you for help and you just ignore me?"

Kisame was just chuckling now, and Konan giggled at the girl's distress before retreating back into the room they shared. Kaitlin was still blinking at her friend as the girl ran down the hallway to pounce of the giant shark. "Kisame, you have to kill the spider or I will never be able to potty!"

His arm caught her around the waist to keep her from falling back to the floor. He looked a little surprised when her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs latched onto his legs. "I'm not letting go until you kill the spider!"

He shrugged and started towards the bathroom she had run out of. When passing Kaitlin, Nanichi gave her a big grin. "Kisame's gonna kill the spider for me!"

Kaitlin blinked as her drowsy mind finally registered what Nanichi had said and she gasped. "No, Nanichi you can't kill it!"

"I'm not," she reassured her friend over Kisame's shoulder. "Kisame is!"

Kaitlin ran after and pass them. "I'm not letting you kill the poor spider."

"What!" Nanichi exclaimed and hopped off Kisame to chase the blonde. "The spider will die because it is icky, and crawly, and just plain creepy!"

Kaitlin slammed the door behind her as she reached the bathroom, and Nanichi ran into it before she could stop. "Shit! How dare you slam the door in my face?"

"You're not killing it," Kaitlin repeated through the door.

Nanichi glared and turned back to Kisame, who had finally reached the door. "Fish-man, knock the door down!"

He blinked his beady black eyes. "You're going through a lot of trouble just to kill a little bug."

"I don't care," she said and pointed at the door. "It's early and all I wanted to do was pee, but that stupid spider fell into my face, and I can't pee knowing a spider is in there watching me! And my paranoia makes me think it'll fall down on me, bite me, and I will die on the bathroom floor!"

She glared as he chuckled at her. "Just go use another bathroom. There are three others to choose from."

"No! I claim this bathroom, so that stupid spider-"

She was interrupted by Kaitlin knocking her out of the way and dashing down the hallway with something cupped in her hands. Nanichi caught herself on Kisame's arm and glared after the blonde. "Kaitlin get back here! That spider is going to die!"

"No!"

The lavender hair chick growled and took off after the fleeing girl, leaving Kisame standing by the bathroom to chuckle.

~O~

Deidara was jolted awake by the sound of someone noisily running down the stairs. He sat up to look behind the couch he was lying on and watched as Kaitlin came down the stairs, barely pausing once she reached the bottom and dashing out the back door. He blinked as a yelling Nanichi came down a couple of seconds later and followed her out. The back door slammed shut before the house was once again quiet. Well…that was an odd way to wake up.

The blonde bomber yawned widely and quickly glanced around as his drowsy mind began to recall why he had fallen asleep in the living room. He remembered the movie Tobi had forced them to watch, something about toys in a daycare and an evil stuffed teddy bear, after the childish man won the quick, yet fierce, game of Rock, Paper, Scissors against him, Nanichi, Kisame, and Brian. At least the hyperactive ninja had conked out after the movie ended, and he still slept sprawled out in front of the TV. After he had fallen asleep, Nanichi had immediately started another movie, but Deidara had fallen asleep not long after it had started and didn't even know what that movie had been about.

Drew shifted on the other side of the couch that they laid on. True to his word, Drew had crashed as soon as he had made it to the couch. Deidara had claimed the other end of the couch before Tobi could, which was the only thing that had saved Deidara from sitting on the uncomfortable floor.

A snort from behind him caused the blonde ninja to quickly snap his head to the side in an effort to see who was there. He blinked when he realized the person was Hidan, who was sprawled out in the recliner. Wait when…oh yeah! He could vaguely remember Pein ordering Kakuzu to retrieve Hidan's head, lest they forget about the immortal. The miser must have decided to go ahead a reattach him instead of waiting to be ordered to do it later. Meh, it would have been boring without Hidan anyway.

He heard a shriek from outside before Nanichi ran back in and up the stairs. A smug Kaitlin skipped back in and noticed the blonde fluff peeking over the couch. She giggled at the hair that stuck up every which way, and drowsy blue eyes narrowed at her. "I like your hair Deidara."

Deidara reached up to pat his head and seemed to realize his latest hairstyle. He glanced at her hair, only to find out that it was pulled back in a hasty ponytail and not worth making fun of. He looked back down and grinned. "I like your sleepwear, un."

Confused, Kaitlin looked down and squeaked when she realized she had been running around in a tank-top and underwear. Deidara had to admit that that was the reddest he had ever seen her face get…and that was the fastest he had ever seen her run...no wait, he takes the first statement back. _That_ was the reddest he had ever seen her face get, and he had his danna's hair to compare it to.

Sasori blinked as Kaitlin gave a high-pitched squeak and shoved him out of the way. He looked towards the couch when he heard Deidara's laughter. "What are you laughing about brat?"

"Did you get a good look at Kaitlin?"

"No why?"

Deidara snickered. "She looks good with no pants on, un."

Sasori blinked as his lethargic mind struggled to register Deidara's words. "What did you do?" he finally asked.

"Nothing!" Deidara denied. "It's not my fault Kaitlin decided to streak, un." Seeing the redhead blink in shock, Deidara quickly added, "Or halfway streak. She still had on a tank-top and panties, un."

Sasori looked back up the stairs behind him and Deidara laughed again. "What? Hoping to catch glance at a nearly naked girl, danna, un?"

The puppeteer glared at him before striding off into the kitchen, muttering something under his breath that sounded like "stupid brat." Deidara shrugged as he ran a hand through his hair, grimacing when he encountered some knots.

"You look like a giant blonde troll doll."

Deidara paused with one hand still tangled in his hair to find Drew staring sleepily at him from the other end of the couch. "Did you just call me a troll, un?"

"No, but your hair looks like a troll doll's hair." When Drew noticed that Deidara was still staring at him, he tried to explain. "A troll doll has this funky hair that sticks up everywhere and that's what your hair is doing right now. How have you never heard of a troll doll?"

"We don't have those kinds of things in our world."

"Ah."

They stared at each other for a few minutes before Drew spoke again. "You still look like one."

The ninja grunted before standing up and leaving the room. On the way out, he flipped Hidan out of the chair and dashed out before the immortal could get his first curse out. Drew blinked over at where Hidan was now on the floor cursing. "Hey, weren't you in a bunch of pieces last night?"

Hidan's purple eyes glared at him. "Yes you little fucker, but Kakuzu obviously put me back together."

"Oh," Drew said still not fully awake. "Why did he do that? I thought you being in pieces made him happy."

Hidan just glared at him before stomping out of the room and nearly colliding with Nicholas on the staircase. Hidan was about to yell at him but snapped his mouth close at the pierced male's glare that nearly rivaled Pein's. The Jashinist stepped aside without a word and Nicholas continued to make his way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Hidan stared after him before turning and running into someone else.

"Watch where you're going!"

"Me? Bitch, you're the one who ran into me!"

Rikku growled and tried to kick him, but Hidan dodged the blow and sidestepped around her and up a couple of steps. She turned to glare at him before resuming down the stairs. Hidan rubbed the back of his head as he watched her vanish around the corner once she was down. What was with everyone this morning?

He turned to finish walking up the stairs only to trip on the last one and fall fast first. He didn't need to look up in order know that someone had seen the fall, and he wasn't surprised when someone stepped over him to reach the staircase. "Hidan you should watch you're going. You seem to be getting into more trouble lately."

Hidan leaned up on his elbows to glare at the retreating back of the Akatsuki leader. Fuck him—Hidan would like to see how he would deal if everyone and the stairs were after him!

The Jashinist turned back in order to completely stand, but instead found his face back on the floor as someone stepped on him. "Whoops, sorry Hidan. I thought you were a new cheap rug."

"Kakuzu!"

While Hidan and Kakuzu began their routine argument, Drew had moved into the kitchen with Sasori and was sitting at the table when a glaring Nicholas entered. Sasori ignored him and Drew could only yawn as he pulled the blanket he had brought with him tighter around his shoulders. Nicholas yanked the cabinets open before slamming them shut not long afterwards. He did this a couple more times until Sasori finally looked up at him. "What are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing?" Nicholas grumbled and slammed another cabinet shut. "I'm looking for something to eat."

"You would probably find something if you did more than just open and shut the cabinets."

"Don't question my methods you little snot head."

Sasori blinked at the childish name calling as Drew gave a sleepy giggle. "Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?"

"There is no 'right side of the bed' on Monday mornings," Nicholas grumbled and turned to Rikku as she entered. "Rikku, make me breakfast."

The blunette just pushed him aside to pull a box of cereal from the top cabinet. She paused as she walked past him to the fridge. "Have you taken your medicine yet?"

Nicholas shook his head and held out his hand where three little pills rested. "Nope, and I can't take 'em until I eat breakfast, which I won't get unless you fix me some."

Rikku sighed and reached over to grab a random bagel from the bread basket and shoved it into his mouth. "There—breakfast. Now take your meds before I shove them down your throat."

Nicholas gave her a muffled unhappy reply before taking his bagel and heading toward the living room. He saluted Pein as the ginger walked in and received a tired shake of the head. Making his way past Sasori and patting Drew on the head before the boy could fall back asleep in his cereal, Pein confiscated the box of cereal Rikku was about to pour in her bowl. "Hey!"

"Be quiet. I am allowing you to keep the bowl."

Rikku just glared as he got his own bowl and poured the cereal in before giving it back. She snatched it back angrily and finished fixing her own breakfast. She didn't even look up as she walked past a bickering Kakuzu and Hidan on her way out of the kitchen with her cereal. Kakuzu sighed as Hidan stopped to stick his tongue out at her. The kitchen was now becoming crowded, so Kakuzu grabbed what he wanted and left not long after entering, but Hidan stayed.

"What time is?" Drew asked sleepily as he laid his head on the table.

"Almost seven," Sasori answered after checking the clock.

Drew groaned. "I have work in an hour, but I don't feel like getting up."

Hidan flicked the teen's head, causing him to yelp in pain. "That hurt! I demand you turn into a kitty."

"Flicks don't trigger the jutsu," Hidan said triumphantly. The words were barely out of his mouth before he received a hard smack to the back of the head. He turned to glare at the purple haired woman who danced out of his reach. Kisame settled into the chair next to the disgruntled Jashinist.

"Good morning Hidan!"

"It was the best fucking morning I've had since being here…until you walked in."

"How rude," Nanichi complained as she walked around the kitchen in search for something quick to fix. "And that spider's still alive, oh fearless leader."

"Oh no," Pein said emotionlessly as he finished off the cereal he had.

"Yeah, I ran after Kaitlin to kill the nasty thing. I almost had it when she suddenly tried to throw it at me."

"Why were you running after it?" Sasori dared to ask.

"Because it was the little bugger's fault that I couldn't pee this morning!"

"Bitch, there are some things that people don't want to know!" Hidan complained as he covered his ears.

"Well he asked!"

Pein sighed and walked out without a word just as Itachi was coming in. Itachi took one look at the room's occupants before turning back around. Instead Deidara walked in and settled into the chair that Pein had abandoned. Drew looked at his hair that was now set perfectly in the bomber normal ponytail. "Hey, your hair looks normal now!"

"That's because I actually comb my hair everyday instead of just rolling out of bed, un."

Drew patted down his normal bedhead hair. "My hair's too short to worry about." He stood up from the table while still running a hand through his hair. "I gotta go get ready for work. Whoever's coming with me needs to be ready in the next ten minutes."

"Good luck getting there this morning," Nanichi said as she picked through the refrigerator.

Drew paused at the entranceway to the kitchen. "What did you do?"

Nanichi ignored him as she said "Ah ha!" and pulled out a plate covered in tinfoil. She picked the tinfoil off and stuffed a slice of cold pizza into her mouth. Satisfied with her choice of breakfast, she turned back to Drew. "I remembered you saying something about your car sounding funny, so I took a look at it last night after you fell asleep."

"What did you do?" Drew repeated with mounting horror.

"Don't worry, I fixed the noise you were hearing," Nanichi said confidently, and Drew seemed to calm down a little. "You just can't take it anywhere."

"Why not?"

"There are some important parts not in the car anymore."

Drew starred at her before nervously laughing. "You're so funny Nanichi. Now stop joking."

"Oh, I'm not joking," she said calmly eating her pizza. "You can ask Kisame. He watched."

Drew could tell she was telling the truth by the way Kisame was chuckling. "Why would you do that to my car? I need my car to get to work, which is, by the way, halfway across town!"

Nanichi dropped the plate of pizza in the middle of the table. Hidan snatched up a slice while dodging her swatting hand. "That's what happens when you tackle me to the ground for stupid reasons."

"But I was trying to help," Drew said innocently, but Nanichi glared back at him.

"Drew, there's more to a relationship than just choosing a guy," she slowly explained to him. "And right now I don't want to in any kind of relationship, especially not with Hidan or Kisame."

"But-"

"No buts! And you're still walking to work."

Drew pouted, but Nanichi ignored him as she slapped Hidan again for taking her pizza. Deidara was chuckling as Drew left the room just a now dressed Kaitlin was walking in. "Hey Kaitlin! You're dressed now, un."

His laughter increased as the girl turned red and ran back out of the room.

~O~

"Why are we walking again, un?"

"You know you don't need to rub it in. After all, this is half your fault.

Deidara quirked an eyebrow and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "And why is that?"

"I wouldn't have even paid attention to any of their love lives if you hadn't pointed it out to me. Thus you are halfway responsible for the disassembly of my car."

"Hey, I wasn't the one who tackled her to the floor, un."

"I was under the influence of caffeine then!"

"You just don't want to admit that you're worse of a matchmaker than I am!"

Sasori sighed behind them and rubbed his temple. "Why? Why did Leader send me with you two?"

At least it was nice day. Kaitlin had mentioned something about the weather getting colder around this time of year, and by the end of the week the temperature was supposed to fall into the low seventies and high sixties. Nicholas had complained about that since apparently less people came to the tattoo parlor, and Nanichi had gloated that the exact opposite would occur at her job as people started preparing for some holiday called Christmas.

"You had to come because Deidara nearly strangled Tobi to keep him from tagging along," Drew answered Sasori's previous question with a shrug. "Apparently almost strangling another member means Deidara isn't responsible enough to be sent out alone with me, so we needed someone responsible."

"I am very responsible," Deidara argued while arrogantly sticking his nose into the air. "I'd like to see someone _not_ strangle Tobi when he's jumping around them like a bunny on crack, un."

"He only acts like that around you," Sasori said with a sigh as Drew giggled madly in front of them. "If he did not get any reaction out of you, odds are he would stop."

"How am I not supposed to react to that?" the bomber questioned. "It's like a reflex now—I see orange out of the corner of my eye and I'm already getting my clay ready, un."

"Maybe we should have a talk about temptation."

"That is not a talk I want to have with you danna."

"Good because I did not want to have it brat."

Drew, who had sped up when the two began to talk, yelped as a little brown blur raced through his legs. Years of living as a missing nin caused Sasori to automatically tense up in preparation of an attack, but he could only blink as the little brown blur attached itself to Deidara's leg. Deidara cursed as flung his occupied leg around in an effort to dislodge its new passenger. The brown fluff ball clawed further up his leg with a disgruntled meow.

"Awe," Drew said as he was instantly drawn into the cuteness. "Look at the little kitty!"

"It's going to be a flat kitty when I throw into the road, un!"

"But it likes you already!"

Sasori relaxed and watched as Drew gently extricated the kitten's claws from Deidara's jeans and continued down the sidewalk, cooing at the kitten as if it were an infant. Deidara didn't look happy as he jogged to catch up with the brunet. "That thing just attacked me and you're sweet talking to it?"

"It was scared and thought you were safe. You should feel honored."

"I'd feel more honored if it hadn't latched on to me like that, un."

"It's an itty bitty baby that didn't know any better, so build a bridge and get over your pinprick sized wounds. Now, what are we gonna name it?"

"Oh no," Sasori finally spoke up from behind them. "Do not name it or you will get attached."

"So?" Drew asked with a pout as he petted the animal's tiny head. "I wanna keep it."

"We already have Hidan running around as a cat half the time; it will just be something to torture when he is small."

"Chip can defend," Drew paused and held the kitten up before continuing, "herself. She just proved that by attacking Deidara."

"I thought you said it didn't attack me, un."

"I might have lied, and 'it' is now a 'she' as I have just checked, so refrain from calling my new baby an 'it'."

Their red-headed companion sighed as the brunet cuddled the creature, and the blonde even gave it a scratch behind the ear. So much for not growing attached.

~O~

Kakuzu sighed as he sat behind the counter while Nicholas tried to persuade Hidan to get a piercing.

"All you have to do is get a stud in your ear."

"No."

"Why not one like Deidara's then? It's not nearly as painful as Deidara complained about."

"Why would I want the same thing as the she-male?"

"…do you want one down there?"

Kakuzu chuckled at the disturbed look that settled onto his partner's face. "What–why–no! I don't want a piercing at all. Now leave me the fuck alone!"

"Hey, I won't judge! I've had plenty of men come in and-"

"Complete that sentence and I will allow Hidan to sacrifice you," the older man finally spoke up.

Hidan looked thrilled at the idea, but Nicholas didn't look the least bit worried. "How are you going to explain that to your leader?"

"Accidents happen."

"And this accident will involve Hidan 'accidently' stabbing himself after 'accidently' consuming my blood? If Pein falls for that then you guys need a new leader." Nicholas turned back to pale man before Kakuzu could reply. "Since you seem to hate the idea of a piercing, then why not a tattoo?"

"Why are you so demanding of Hidan getting anything?" the stitched man inquired. Nicholas had been trying to get Hidan to get a piercing for the past hour, and Kakuzu couldn't determine if it was from sheer boredom because of the lack of customers or Nicholas just being Nicholas. It seemed to be the latter as Nicholas gave him a noncommittal shrug and went back to pestering the Jashinist.

"Come on," Nicholas whined as he poked Hidan. Hidan tried to back away but ran into the counter. "I could give you a tattoo of your face on your face, just a little off center. That would be cool."

"Why would I let you do that?" Hidan asked as he tried to figure out the other pale haired male. It didn't work.

"You can freak people out by standing in front of a movie theater after a 3D movie."

"I still don't want to."

Nicholas groaned as he finally let up and walked back over to where Kakuzu was sitting on a stool. "You two are no fun. Zetsu would have done it."

"Zetsu doesn't need a tattoo to freak people out," Kakuzu said as he watched Nicholas hop up to sit on the counter. "Besides, you're the one who begged we be the ones to accompany you today."

"I had my reasons. As a matter of fact," he started and turned to Hidan. "Hidan, what is your relationship with Nanichi?"

Hidan paused where he had been spinning a display of earrings. "What relationship?"

"Good, let's keep it that way." Nicholas ignored the confused look on Hidan's face and turned back to Kakuzu. "Now what's your relationship?"

"I have no relationship with Nanichi."

"I meant with Rikku."

"You should have been more specific then."

"Avoiding the question makes you suspicious."

Kakuzu sighed in annoyance. "What relationship? We get along because she doesn't waste money like most females and she knows when to shut up. Unlike most people," Kakuzu added as his eyes turned to Hidan, who was manically giggling under his breath as he played with a pair of skull earrings.

Nicholas didn't bother looking back at the sadist as his hazel eyes bore into Kakuzu. "So you don't want to have sex with her."

The miser blinked and glanced back over at the male on the counter. "What? Why would just assume that?"

"I always assume that," Nicholas said seriously before dragging a hand through his white hair. "But you're the first who wasn't stupid enough to admit it to me."

Kakuzu just stared as Nicholas hopped back down onto the floor, the serious air that had formed around him disappearing as he walked back over to Hidan. "Are you gonna get a piercing now?"

"No!"

"Fine!" Nicholas turned back to the still confused Takigakure ninja. "Kakuzu, there was another reason I wanted you to come today and it involves exploitation. So go sit by the door and show off your stitches. If anyone asks, they're tattoos done here. Oh, and flip the sign on the door to 'Open.' No one will come in if it says 'Closed.'" He didn't wait to see if Kakuzu did as he said and turned back to Hidan, whose purple eyes were looking for a way out when Nicholas mentioned exploiting. "Hidan get in the chair so I can give you a tattoo."

"I don't want a damn tattoo!"

"This is non-negotiable! I used Sasori and Deidara to draw in female customers, I use Zetsu's strange appearance to draw in even more customers, and now I'm using you and Kakuzu. Now get in the damn chair!"

Kakuzu walked around the counter as Nicholas tackled a fleeing Hidan. Curses came from behind the counter, and he leaned over to see that Hidan was having a surprisingly difficult time throwing the male off of him. Nicholas seemed to be enjoying himself as he kicked, shoved, and rolled Hidan closer to one of the tattooing chairs, and Kakuzu decided not to interfere as he walked over to the door to flip the sign. He would go along with Nicholas's plan, if only because it seemed like a good idea to reel in customers, which equaled money.

"_But I'm getting a cut of the profits for my services," _Kakuzu concluded silently as he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to show off a few stitches.

~O~

"Where are we going? Is it somewhere fun? Will there be candy? Candy sounds good to Tobi. Oh, and ice cream! That sounds even better!"

Aiden smashed his head into the steering wheel as he stopped behind the other cars at the stop light. Tobi paused long enough to stare at him, though with the mask over his face he could have been staring at the little kid making faces at them in the van beside them, before continuing his babbling, this time about which was better: candy or ice cream.

Aiden just _knew_ today wasn't going to be a good one when Nicholas ran into the room they had shared the night before and jumped on him. That was not the type of wake-up call Aiden had been anticipating, and he had ended up punching his overexcited friend in the eye. Nicholas had never been the type of person to take a hit without retaliation, and Aiden had spent his first ten minutes of wakefulness trying to stop the blood flowing from his nose. Thankfully the hit hadn't broken anything.

His second clue to the awful day to come was when Nanichi had spilt coffee on him right when he walked into the kitchen. In her defense it really had been an accident; she had just been rushing in order to get to work on time. It still didn't make up for the fact that his white shirt was ruined or that he now had a large burn from the coffee on his chest, but he was at least thankful it hadn't been done on purpose.

The final clue was that Zetsu left him alone all morning. Now normally that would have been a good thing, as Aiden liked to avoid being eaten and in order to do that he had to avoid the one who wanted to eat him, but Aiden wasn't that lucky. Zetsu ignored him the whole morning, but the cannibal had been replaced by another annoyance, one that ran around in an orange mask. And it was worse that the annoyance had volunteered to be Aiden's buddy for the day since his sempai had tried to strangle him.

"Ai-chan!" Tobi whined, bringing Aiden out of his brooding thoughts. "The cars are moving again. And Tobi still wants to know where we're going. Nobody tells Tobi anything!"

That was another thing—Aiden didn't know how to act around 'Tobi' anymore. He had almost fainted from shock when his wiki search on Kabuto had led to his discovery of the man behind the orange mask. Pein had told him that the extent of his knowledge on Madara would be kept secret, which was why he had told the Uchiha that he had only told Aiden of his true identity. He had said that they had more things to worry about without having Madara worry about his alias. Aiden had decided to wait and see how Madara would act around him, and since Madara was acting as if yesterday had never happened, Aiden would act the same. He just had to magically forget that Tobi was actually a mad man who could easily kill him after psychologically torturing him to the brink of insanity…shit this was going to be harder than he had originally thought.

"What's Ai-chan's job anyway?" Tobi asked as he began to play with the radio. Loud screaming, along with the guitars and other sounds that was somehow labeled 'music', filled the car and Aiden jerked the wheel in surprise. Tobi threw his arms in the air and dutifully shrieked before reaching over and turning the radio back off. "Wow that was the kind of music Tobi had to listen to _all _day when Nicky-kun took me to work with him. Tobi doesn't really like that music."

"Aiden doesn't like it either," he mumbled and tried to ignore the angry honking coming from the truck he had almost swerved in to.

"Yay, Tobi and Ai-chan have something in common! We can be friends now."

"Huh?"

Tobi held a finger up (Aiden couldn't figure out why) as he explained. "Tobi is only friends with people who have things in common with Tobi." The finger turned out to have purpose as the masked man began to tick off his list. "Tobi's friends with Deidara-sempai because we're partners, or were before Sasori-san magically came back to life; Tobi's friends with Drew-kun because he likes to play with Tobi and doesn't hit like everyone else; and Zetsu-san is Tobi's friend because we both like flowers."

Tobi sat happily in his seat as Aiden tried to wrap his mind around Zetsu liking flowers. "Now Ai-chan is Tobi's friend because we don't like the loud music Nicky-kun listens to. So Ai-chan can tell Tobi where we're going."

The genius shook his head and turned on the blinker to get into the turning lane. "No."

"Why not?" Tobi whined while he smacked his head on the window. Aiden was little worried by the loud sound until he realized it was produced by his mask and not his actual head.

"Because I don't like explaining where I work. No one would understand."

"Ah," Tobi said in understanding as he took his head off the window and pointed at the black haired man beside him. "Ai-chan works as a stripper."

The wheels squealed against the pavement as Aiden slammed onto the breaks. Thankfully he had already pulled into a parking lot and there was no one behind him. "Tobi, how did you come to that conclusion?"

"It was the first thing that popped into Tobi's head."

"I am not a stripper."

"Tobi understands. Ai-chan has to do what Ai-chan has to do."

"Tobi," Aiden said carefully as he pulled into a parking spot. "I do not work as a stripper. I'm not like Nanichi or Nicholas, both of who wouldn't have a problem stripping in front of people. I'm hurt that you would think so little of me."

"…Tobi still thinks Ai-chan is a stripper." He watched Aiden's head fall back onto the steering wheel with a dull thud and inwardly cackled.

~O~

"Kaitlin, please no."

"But I _really_ think I could get the job."

"I'm not going in there with you."

"What! Why not? You agreed to come with me for support!"

"I'm not going into a strip club."

Konan watched Kaitlin pout as their little group of three walked past the club. Pein gave an almost inaudible sigh of relief from behind them, and Konan couldn't help but smirk at the tiny sound. She knew Kaitlin wasn't _seriously _considering the club as a place of employment, but it was fun to watch him try to hide his discomfort at the places Kaitlin had pointed out as potential workplaces. He had refused to go into the lingerie store Kaitlin had wished to look at, and they had both gone in only to giggle at how uncomfortable he was with the store. But as funny as it was, Konan wasn't about to step into a strip club.

"I still don't see the point of this," Pein said from behind them. "If you have already called the places that were hiring, what makes you think you will still find a job?"

"Sometimes you just have to get out and search," Kaitlin answered as she looked over her shoulder at him. "Not all places have help wanted ads in the papers, and you tend to have a better chance at landing a job by going and asking personally then over the phone. Besides, I figured you guys would want to get out of the house."

He couldn't argue with that. Walking aimlessly around town was far more appealing to the two ninjas than sitting on the couch doing nothing. Plus it gave Pein a chance to see the parts of town that he had yet to explore. Finding out where common landmarks were would be helpful for later. Kaitlin skipped ahead, leaving the two Akatsuki to walk together. Konan looked over to where Pein walked beside her. "How is Amegakure?"

Pein shot a glance her way at her abrupt question. "Fine, the other paths are keeping things in order."

"Have you been able to locate Orochimaru?"

Pein scowled at the space in front of him. "No, he moves around faster than I have been able to keep up with. Konoha isn't helping by chasing him out of every hideout he settles in to."

Konan nodded and watched as Kaitlin paused to press a button on the pole to cross the street. "Itachi says that Sasuke is supposed to kill Orochimaru soon."

The leader nodded solemnly. "At this point I don't care who kills him, I just want the snake dead. Kabuto on the other hand…I'd rather it be one of us who deals with him."

Kaitlin looked back to gesture for them to hurry up before the green walking man turned back to a red hand. Neither of them increased their speed, yet they both managed to cross over and meet her on the other side just as the lights changed. "You guys are slow," Kaitlin commented as skipped ahead of them again.

Pein sighed. "I am getting tired of the limitations of this world as well. We could out pace her ten times over, yet that would draw far too much attention to us."

"Think of it as reconnaissance training," Konan replied. "When we blend in with civilians, we can't necessarily use our skills without giving ourselves away."

The pierced man still grumbled about the restrictions under his breath as they passed one of the numerous shops that lined the street. The door of the shop opened with a tinkle of a bell and a body collided with him before he could move out of the way. Kaitlin, who had turned around just in time to see the collision, gasped and ran back to where Pein now lay on the sidewalk with a girl around her age laying on top of him while Konan fought the urge to the laugh.

"That's it," Pein grunted as he shoved the body off of him. The girl squealed in offense as she was thrown onto the concrete. "Being in this world has severely crippled us. Vacation is over and we will begin training again as soon as possible."

Once he was back on his feet, he dusted the non-existent dirt off of him and glared at the girl Kaitlin was helping up. The dark haired female cringed away from him with an apology when she noticed his ringed glare. "I am _so_ sorry. I totally didn't mean to mow you down!"

A giggle slipped past Konan's hand as Kaitlin sent the leader an unconvincing glare before turning back to the girl. "It's okay; he was in a sour mood to begin with. But what were you in such a hurry for?"

The girl gestured to the building she had just run out of. "I thought it would be fun to work here, but I didn't know that snakes and spiders were part of the deal!"

Pein looked up from flicking dust off of his black shirt to stare at the sign above the door. "It's a pet shop."

"And it has a bunch of cute kittens and puppies and this bird that talks, but I draw the line at handling big hairy spiders," the teenager said with a look of disgust. She started down the sidewalk and yelled another apology over her shoulder as she left the group in front of the shop.

Konan's giggling fit subsided and she looked over at Kaitlin expectantly. "There's the job you've been searching for."

Kaitlin didn't look particularly thrilled. "I don't know…it's another job that involves animals."

"So?" Pein questioned uninterestedly. "It's a job, take it."

"But the last job I had that involved animals landed me a group of deadly ninjas that now invade my house on a daily basis."

"Would you like us to leave?" Konan asked as Pein stared through the window of the shop at the two puppies that jumped on the glass to gain his attention.

"Not you," Kaitlin answered quickly and hoped she hadn't offended the older woman. "Just the guys, except Pein." She added the last part quickly when his ringed eyes turned to glare at her. "But Pein's right—a job's a job, and I've found way too many dead ends to let this opportunity to pass."

Mustering all the courage she had, she opened the door to the tiny shop and held it open for Konan to follow. Pein stayed outside to stare at the puppies, not having much interest in trailing after the two women. The inside of the shop was crowded with pet supplies, from fancy dog beds to catnip filled mice. Closer to the counter sat cages and aquariums full of various common pets. An older, dark-skinned woman stood behind the counter mumbling to herself about the "wussy little white girl" that had just ran out.

Konan detoured to examine the colorful fish while Kaitlin cautiously approached the woman. "Umm, excuse me?"

The woman looked up at the wary blonde and smiled. "Well hi there! What can I do for ya sweetheart?"

Kaitlin blinked at the woman's dramatic attitude change. "Uh, I kind of noticed the girl that just ran out of here and-"

"Hold it right there chickadee," the woman interrupted, the smile dropping from her face and severe frown replacing it. "Don't you be comin' up in here and askin' for a job just to run away like all the others did. I'll have you know that I've already hired four new girls in the past week and each one of them quit before the first day was up. The fourth was the one you saw runnin' out of here. I'm startin' to think it would be easier to hire my good for nothin' nephew even if he might run off the customers."

Kaitlin stared at her with a frown before leaning over the counter to get closer to her. "Look here lady, I've been searching for a job for nearly a month now. Every place I've called has 'politely' informed me that job has been taken as soon as the fact that I'm a young female is mentioned. You obviously have a job opening and I'll be damned if I don't get it just because I _might_ have the same characteristics as the four other girls."

They stared at each other fiercely before the darker woman suddenly grinned. "I like you. You've got a backbone where the other girls barely had a spine." She turned around to grab something from the counter behind her, and Kaitlin took the opportunity to let out a relieved sigh. She was afraid the attitude would be a turn-off. The woman turned back around with sheet of paper. "'Fore you sign this, you got one last test."

"Test?" Kaitlin said under her breathe as the woman walked out from behind the counter and over to the aquariums. "When did she start testing me?"

"Now look here," the woman said as gestured impatiently for Kaitlin to follow her. "This is the reason the girls have been runnin' away. They act like the thing is gonna jump out and eat 'em."

Kaitlin squealed and the woman groaned in displeasure. To her immense surprise instead of running out of the shop or trying to hide behind her, the blonde plastered her face to the glass and exclaimed in awe at the eight legged creature crawling around the aquarium floor. "It's so cool! It looks just like Mo, only bigger. And female. Maybe that's why Mo didn't live long."

The shop owner could only blink as Kaitlin took off the top and without a seconds hesitation picked the arachnid up. The brown spider froze as the girl brought it closer to her face. "I haven't seen one of you guys since Mo died. Mom wouldn't let me get another because spiders freak her out. She never liked Mo because her paranoia made her think that if he bit her then she would die, despite the fact that I told her repeatedly that it wouldn't. Maybe _that's_ why Mo didn't live long. I don't know. Hey, when was the last time it was fed?"

Kaitlin swung around to address the older woman, and the woman shrieked as the spider came in close proximity to her. Kaitlin held the spider back and stared at the tough female in surprise. The shop owner held a hand over her beating heart. "Chickadee you nearly gave me a heart attack! I may not be jumpy around these fellows, but havin' one suddenly flyin' at ya would make anybody scream."

"Sorry," Kaitlin apologized meekly before noticing Konan coming up behind her potential employer. The blonde held the arachnid and gleefully called out the blunette. "Look Konan! Isn't it cute?"

Konan stared at the spider and couldn't help but think that eight beady little eyes staring directly at her was little creepy. The giant ones were the creepiest. "I knew there was some oddity about you. It wasn't normal for you to be hanging out with a group like yours and there not be something strange about you."

"That was a very nice of saying I'm weird," Kaitlin congratulated and turned back to the other woman. Said woman tried not to flinch as the spider was staring back at her again. "If this was your test then I totally passed. Tarantulas are freakin' awesome!"

The blonde turned her attention back to the hairy spider and placed it back in its aquarium before gleefully going off to find some insects to feed it. The pet shop owner stared after the girl and her eyes flicked back to the arachnid slowly burrowing under the fake branch that had been placed inside its home. "I aint never in my life seen a girl so giddy about a spider. Hell, I aint never seen a _boy_ that giddy!"

Konan shrugged and stared emotionlessly at the spider. "You haven't met her friends; they're much stranger."

"I don't care if the girl went around hummin' the song to Star Trek and pretendin' she was Indiana Jones by day and Batman by night," the other woman said and Konan stared at her in confusion. "The girl's hired. I'm tired of hiring people who run screamin' at the site of this little guy. Aint none of them got any backbone."

Kaitlin came back with a tub of live crickets she had found in the backroom and started cooing at the spider as she dropped them into the aquarium one at time. Her employer stared at her with a cocked eyebrow while Konan just shook her head. "Now that's a little strange. But I aint lettin' her go!"

~O~

Nanichi slammed her head onto the counter for fifth time. She was starting to _really_ hate this job. It was actually a perfect job for someone as lazy as she was, but there were points in the day when the lack of business grated her nerves. Playing video games had lost its appeal when it was only her playing them since Kisame had found something to do on his own.

Speaking of the fish-man, she looked down to where he sat on the floor behind the counter playing some war game on a PSP. The loser had lost interest in the big game systems and was slowly making his way through the available games on the handhelds. Frankly, it amazed her how fast he was beating them as she had never seen anyone work through a pile of games at his speed.

The sounds from the game suddenly cut off followed by a quiet curse from the ninja. He tossed the now useless electronic onto the back counter where its box lay. "That sucks. Now I have nothing to do."

Nanichi pounced on the opportunity to relieve her boredom. "Let's talk! You know I hang out with you the most and I know next to nothing about you." She snickered at the horrified expression that flitted across his face when she first mentioned talking. "If you're so worried then let's make a game of it. We could the short version of Twenty Questions."

"What's that?"

"Ten Questions. We go back and forth asking each other questions until we reach ten. At least that's how I always play it. Aiden says that's wrong, but I told him to go screw himself when he told me."

Kisame nodded and decided to be the first to start. "Why is your hair purple?"

"Of course you'd start with that," Nanichi said with a roll of her eyes. "It happened my sophomore year when I was taking chemistry. I had to do an extra credit project and I chose to make this hair dye that was supposed to make the color last longer than other brands. That way if it actually worked I could sell it and make a fortune. Or half a fortune since I had to ask Rikku to help me, and she wanted half the profit. That's actually why her hair's blue. Nicholas got a hold of our solution and screwed up the chemicals we had mixed together. We're lucky that it's semi-permanent and not making our hair fall out."

"Semi-permanent?"

"I'm counting that as your second question." Kisame shrugged and she continued. "Yes semi-permanent. Whatever it was that was mixed together essentially stopped our hair growth. Technically speaking, we actually did manage to make a dye that the color lasted much longer than anything in stores."

"What was your original color?"

"Number three and you are not following the rules of the game." He gave her the sharky grin she had grown used to. "The original color is black." Kisame didn't look very convinced that she was telling the truth and Nanichi glared at his disbelief. "What, you don't believe me?"

"It's hard to picture you with black hair."

"It's also very hard to picture Rikku as a blonde, but that's what she was before going blue."

Kisame looked as if his mind had been blown, and the girl laughed at him. He scratched the back of his head and gestured up at her with a wave of his other hand. "I've wasted three of my questions, so I guess it's your turn now."

Nanichi nodded and put a finger to her lips as she thought of a good question. "Ooh I know! Why do you like playing video games and watching TV so much?"

"That's technically two questions," Kisame said, holding up two fingers.

"Fine, it's two questions. Now answer them."

The ninja gave her a shrug. "The technology here interests me. We don't have things like that back in our world."

Nanichi stared at him in open-mouthed surprise. "Seriously? How did you survive without TV?"

"That was two more questions," Kisame said with a chuckle as she glared at him. "No, we seriously don't have those things. We do have TV, but there aren't as many channels as there are here. And how we survive: we just don't have as much free time," he finished with a shrug. "How can you watch so much of it? That's all I've been doing for a month and it's nearly driven me insane."

"You're used to being more active than I am. I can lie around on the couch all day and be perfectly happy. And that was number four; you've got one more question left so make it count."

Kisame went quiet as he thought of a last question while Nanichi played with the cash register and tried to make it open without making a purchase. Sam had said he would let have two free games of her choice if she could. Kisame's eyes landed on a game case just as a question came to him. "Have you played that the story mode on that game?"

Nanichi looked over at the game he pointed at and noticed it was the same _Naruto_ game they had been playing on Benjamin's Xbox. "I can't believe you wasted your last question on that."

"You wasted _two_ just to know how I survive without TV."

He grabbed the lower half of her leg as she brought it up to kick him. She grabbed the counter to keep herself from falling over when she nearly lost her balance. "Let go of my leg! And no, I haven't played the story mode on that game. Benjy's already beaten it and unlocked all the characters, so I don't see the point in playing it."

Kisame held onto her leg long enough to let her know that if he didn't want to listen to her, he didn't have to. She stumbled before gaining back her equilibrium. "Why did you want know?"

"No reason. Just don't let one of the guys play it. Pein's been trying to keep them away from all the _Naruto _memorabilia, so they wouldn't freak out about watching their own deaths. It would just make them paranoid and even more unbearable to be around. And that was your last question."

Nanichi blinked as she realized he was right and swore. "No far! I didn't get ask anything important."

"Aw, that's too bad," Kisame said with a grin as he stood. "You should have played the full version of the game."

"But you looked like you were about to take off!"

He scratched his ear as he made his way around the counter. "Did I? I think I was just afraid of getting my ear talked off."

Nanichi growled and chased him around the counter. "Kisame get back here!"

Kisame waved to Sam as they passed him on the way out of the GameStop. "Nanichi's shift is over, so we'll be taking off now."

"Bye Sam," Nanichi yelled as she ran after the quick paced ninja, who was already dodging around other mall-goers and avoiding the _Naruto_ fans that all seemed to have moved into town not long after the Akatsuki had appeared.

The blonde boy stared after the two and shook his head. "I should have never hired her."

~O~

Sasori threw aside the bowl he had just washed and watched it twirl around before settling down with a clang. He flicked the water off of his fingers and turned to see what else there was for him to do. He hadn't been very excited to be 'volunteering' at the animal clinic that Drew worked for, but when Deidara had been put on kennel duty, Sasori had realized the more it seemed like you were doing, the less of chance you were assigned to do the dirty work. Drew had forgotten to mention that little piece of advice before he ran off to trail behind the head vet.

He made his way to the back where the kennels were and blinked when he didn't see his blonde partner anywhere. After checking the closet at the back of the room, the redhead walked back out of the room and down the hallway, keeping an eye out for the annoying veterinary technician who liked to assign his own work to the volunteers. Deidara had expressed the urge to blow up the stuck up man, and Sasori would have let him even if the blonde had decided the man wasn't worthy of becoming his art. He definitely wasn't worthy of becoming a part of Sasori's art.

He paused after he had passed a door when he heard a laugh. Backtracking, he stood in the doorway and stared at his partner standing in front of one the tubs used to clean the animals. The sleeves of Deidara's sweatshirt were shoved up to his elbows, and the puppeteer could see the fingerless gloves he had taken to wearing when in public were lying on the counter beside him. Sasori resisted the urge to sigh as the blonde's laugh was accompanied by a disgruntled, high-pitched meow. "What are you doing?"

Deidara turned around at the sound of Sasori's voice and glared at the strand of blonde hair that fallen in front of his only visible eye. "Hey danna! Done washing doggy dishes, un?"

"Yes," Sasori said, not at all annoyed at the task he had been assigned. "Now what are you doing?"

Deidara held up his hands for Sasori to see a disgruntled brown kitty with a Mohawk held up by soap. "Drew said Chip needed to have flea bath but he was too busy to do it. So I told him I would, un."

Sasori sighed as he stared at the little feline they had picked up that morning. Sasori had refused to watch after the little guy, so the responsibility had fallen onto the then disgruntled Deidara since Drew wouldn't be able to hold the cat and do his job at the same time. At first, Deidara had walked around holding it by the scruff of its neck. After finding out that he couldn't clean the kennels and hold the cat at the same time, he had shoved the kitten into the pocket of his hoodie, and that had somehow created a bond between the two. The last Sasori had seen the two, Deidara had been complaining about Itachi, and the kitten had been replying with tiny meows and little hisses that the blonde grinned at.

Deidara draped a towel over the soaked kitten and held it out to Sasori. "Here, hold her while I clean up, un."

Sasori stared at the wiggling bundle before reluctantly holding his hands out. Deidara dumped the kitten into his hand before he could change his mind and turned around to mop up the water he had splashed out of the tub. The redhead stared at the kitten that had shaken the towel off its head and now stared up at him with big green eyes. "I am not falling for your innocent act."

The redhead blinked as the kitten seemed to drop the cute act and glare up at him with its ears pinned back to its head. It shifted its head and bit down on the thumb that crossed its abdomen. Sasori felt his right eye twitch in annoyance as the cat's jaws bit down harder before he let his hold loosen and the cat fell to the floor. The kitten wasted no time untangling itself and running over to Deidara with a cute little meow. Deidara looked down at the animal and back up at Sasori. "Why did you let her go, un?"

"The little thing bit me," he answered with little emotion.

Deidara looked down at the kitten now cuddling under his neck and back up to his danna. "Are you sure?"

Sasori stared blankly at the blonde before walking out of the room. Deidara looked down at the kitten that was still cuddling into his neck. "I think you've just made an enemy of danna, un."

The kitten gave him a cute meow and wiggled wildly out of his hands to jump at Drew as the brunet walked in. Drew gave a surprised yelp as the brown blob pounced onto him and cuddled under his neck. "Hey there Chip! You're still wet."

"I just finished giving her a bath," Deidara said gesturing at the tub behind him. Drew nodded distractedly as he cooed at the kitten he held. Deidara followed him out of the room and to the front of the vet's office where not only Sasori stood waiting but also Pein, Konan, Kaitlin, and the vet tech that had been on the blonde and redhead's butts all day. The vet tech was openly flirting with both the girls, both of who were politely listening to him, while Pein glowered at him and Sasori's right eye subtly twitched every time he opened his mouth.

"Oh Drew! Deidara!" Kaitlin yelled as she spotted the two walking out of the back. She skipped over to the two and held up a little cardboard box that she held by the handle. "Lookie at what I got! My new boss loves me."

"You finally found a job, un?" Deidara asked as Drew stared intently at the little box. "That's great. It only took you about a month."

Kaitlin stuck out her tongue at him when she noticed the kitten pawing at Drew's face to regain his attention. "Aw, it's so cute! Where did you find him?"

"We found her when she attacked Deidara on the way here this morning," Drew answered and held out the cat for her to see. "Her name is Chocolate Chip, but you can call her Chip. I think she's adopted me and Dei as her parents."

Kaitlin cooed at the feline and Konan came over to stand beside her and scratch behind the kitten's ears. The little animal basked in the attention it was receiving. It gave a low growl as the vet tech sidled back up to the girls.

"It is pretty cute now that I've seen it. He's been hogging it all day and won't let anyone see it," he said gesturing at Deidara, who glared back as he remembered the tech's lewd flirting before he realized he was flirting with another guy. "What's in the box you've been carrying? You've been talking about it since you walked in."

"Oh!" Kaitlin exclaimed as she remembered the box. "Here let me show you."

Konan took a step back, and Deidara blinked at the sudden small smirk that appeared on his leader's face. Whatever was in the box had gotten the pierced man out of the rotten mood had been in all weekend. Kaitlin stuck a hand and carefully brought it back out. From the angle she stood at, Deidara couldn't see what she was holding but he laughed loudly when the grown man she was holding her hand out to shrieked and tripped on his own feet as he tried to back away too quickly.

"Hey don't yell," Kaitlin said unhappily while shielding what was in her hand. Chip jumped from Drew's shoulder to hide in Deidara's hair. "She doesn't like loud noises."

She held her hand out and he shrieked again while crab walking away from her. "Get that fucking thing away from me!"

A snort escaped Pein as he turned around in an attempt to hide the grin that spread across his face. Sasori was staring at the thing in her hand with interest while Konan was shaking her head. "She's shown five different people her new pet and every one of them had the same reaction."

"How rude," Kaitlin complained as the vet tech ran past Deidara and Drew to hide in the back of the office. "What kind vet would he make if a little spider sends him screaming away in fear?"

Konan gave her a 'Are you serious?' look as another snort escaped Pein. "That 'little' spider is the same size as your palm."

The girl finally turned for Deidara to see what was in her hand, and he probably would have ran away screaming too if he hadn't seen things ten times worse than the hairy thing that sat in the middle of her palm. It held up one of its front legs before placing it back down, as if it had thought better than to move, and its mandibles twitched at the two boys staring at it.

"Holy cow," Drew said in amazement. "That thing is almost twice as big as your first one."

"I know, but that's because it's a female," Kaitlin said. She held out the hand to them. "You want to hold her?"

"No," the answered together, and Deidara held Chip closer as he became convinced that the arachnid was eyeing the kitten as its next potential meal.

"Babies," the blonde girl said without blinking and turned to Sasori, who was still staring contemplatively at the spider. "You want to hold her?"

The redhead hesitated before holding out his hand to let her slid the spider into his palm. The hairy creature shifted around in his palm before settling back down. "Is it poisonous?"

"Yes, but it isn't deadly to humans," the girl quickly reassured him, even though he now looked even more intrigued than turned off. "To humans it would only be a slight irritation, like a bee sting. To smaller animals it can be deadly."

Sasori nodded as a deep frown appeared on his face. "My hand itches."

"Whoops," Kaitlin said embarrassed. "I forgot to tell you that would happen. We both need to wash our hands before we leave."

The redhead nodded and allowed the tarantula to walk across his palm and into his other hand. "Interesting…"

"If you're making buddies with the spider, then keep it away from me, un" Deidara said as he eyed his danna's thoughtful look. Sasori nodded absentmindedly as he placed the spider back in its box and walked off the wash his hands, Kaitlin following him after placing her pet in Konan's care.

Deidara gave Chip back to Drew as they waited for the two to return. Drew took the kitten while still staring at the box. "Nanichi is _not_ gonna be happy about this."

"Why's that?" Konan asked.

"Nanichi hates spiders more than anything else."

Deidara snickered as he stared at the box. "Sucks to be her."

"No," Drew said with a scowl even as Chip licked his cheek. "Sucks to be me. She'll be looking for another place to stay at soon, and she usually comes to me first."

Deidara was laughing when Kaitlin and Sasori returned and neither even bothered to ask why.

~O~

When the group of six finally made it back to Kaitlin's house, Nanichi, Kisame, and Itachi were just hopping out of the girl's truck. Itachi paused long enough to let Pein and Konan walk to him before heading inside with his Borders bag full of books. Nanichi and Kisame waited by the truck for the other four. "How was your day?"

"I cleaned up animal poop all day, un," Deidara said with a disgusted look that turned into a glare when Kisame began to laugh at him. "It's not funny!"

"I sold five games," Nanichi said un-amused. "I think that's a Monday world record. And then I got my exercise for the month by chasing Kisame around the mall before found Itachi bunkered down in the corner of the Borders. I think he got those books for free by flirting with the employee."

"We got new pets," Drew said next and held out his little kitten for Nanichi to see. "I need to introduce her to dysfunctional family. You can be her sister."

Nanichi patted the little animal's head before Drew transferred its attention to Kisame. "Here's her shark boyfriend, but you can't eat him no matter how much he looks like a fish."

The purple haired girl made to kick him but he dodged and hid behind Deidara. "Didn't we talk about this this morning? I am not dating him!"

"Ah, that breaks my heart," Kisame said dramatically and held a blue hand over his 'broken' heart. "I thought what we had was special."

"Don't start with me fishy."

Sasori looked between the two and shook his head. "I'll never understand you two." He directed his attention towards Nanichi. "You should fix Drew's car now."

Nanichi crossed her arms across her chest to glare at the order. "And why would I feel inclined to do that?"

The redhead shrugged and headed towards the door. "Don't ask about what Kaitlin is holding."

She looked at the blonde and finally noticed the tiny box she carried in her hand. "Oh no, don't you dare tell me that's-"

Kaitlin opened the box to let her see what was inside. "I named her Cynthia!"

Nanichi screamed as soon as she saw the spider looking back up at her. "Keep that thing away from me!"

Deidara laughed, and Kisame watched in mild surprise as the girl took off across the yard to hide in the house. Her two friends acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary as Kaitlin closed the box. "Her reaction was a lot better than I thought it would be."

"Yeah, last time she tried to stomp on your spider."

Deidara was still laughing when Chip was transferred to him, and Drew walked into the garage where his car was sitting with a few parts scattered around the front of the car. He picked one up and stared at it. "How did she get this out?"

"Very carefully," Kisame replied. It was the same response she had given him last night when he had asked the same question.

Drew went to picking up other parts as a car pulled up, and an overexcited Tobi jumped out followed by a less than pleased Aiden. Tobi honed in on Drew and tackled him from behind. "Tobi missed Drew-kun all day!"

The brunet patted the taller man's head with his free hand as Tobi attempted the squeeze him to death. "I missed you too Tobi. Now can you let go so I can breathe?"

The masked man let go and started asking questions about his car before his attention was diverted by a tiny meow. With a squeal, Tobi jumped over to Deidara to see the little kitten he held. "Where did you find such a cute kitty, sempai? Tobi wants to hold her. Please let Tobi hold her!"

Deidara held the kitten protectively to his chest. "No, you'll probably squish her, un."

"But sempai," Tobi whined and wiggled his fingers in a 'gimme' fashion. "Tobi will be extra careful!"

"I said no!"

As the two began to fight for possession of the kitten, Kaitlin skipped over to where Aiden stood with Drew and Kisame, who were both staring down into the hood of the car. "Aiden, look at my new pet!"

Aiden turned around and squealed when she held up the tarantula. "Where the hell did you find another one?"

"At the pet shop I now work at."

"Congratulations on the job," Aiden said sincerely while eyeballing the huge spider. "Now get that thing away from me before it vanishes like the other one did."

Kaitlin pouted as no one seemed as excited about her new pet as she was. "You guys are so mean."

"We don't have strange fascinations with eight legged creatures like you do," Aiden defended as he saw the pout. "Spiders tend to terrify some of us."

Kaitlin continued to pout as she moved past Deidara and Tobi to walk into the house. Aiden shrugged off the "big babies" he heard her say under her breathe and turned back to where Drew was tentatively placing a part beside the engine. "You should wait for Nanichi to come back and fix it. She's the only one who took engineering classes back in high school."

"She's probably holed herself up in a closet somewhere," Drew muttered as Kisame told him that wasn't where Nanichi had pulled the part from. He straightened and stared down at the part as Tobi hopped back over to him after being bonked on the head by Deidara.

Aiden shifted from one foo to the other. "As fun as it is to watch you attempt to put your car back together, I've got to go pick up Nicholas. He doesn't like riding the bus at night, and he couldn't take his bike this morning because Kakuzu and Hidan were staying with him."

Tobi glomped Aiden before he had a chance to retreat. "Tobi wants to go to work with Ai-chan again tomorrow! Ai-chan's job is fun."

Drew immediately looked over at Tobi as Aiden attempted to relieve himself of the man. "You know where Aiden works?"

"Yep," Tobi said joyfully even as Aiden managed to wiggle out of his grip and take off towards the car. Tobi waved as the car backed out of the driveway and down the street. "But Ai-chan made Tobi swear not to tell anyone, especially Nicky-kun."

"Damn," Drew cursed and threw a part at Kisame after the ninja had told him again that that wasn't the place Nanichi had taken it from. Kisame dodged it and Deidara had to do the same as he had been standing behind the taller man. "Aiden's been working the same job for three years now and has refused to tell us what it is."

Tobi shrugged and ran after the part Drew had thrown. "Ai-chan's job is fun. The only bad thing is that there are a lot of little kids that run around where he works."

The three other men stared at Tobi, and Tobi shrugged. "What? Just 'cause Tobi acts like a little kid doesn't mean I like kids."

Deidara opened his mouth to say something when Nanichi banged through the garage door, a bag slung over her shoulder and another held in her hand. She dumped the bags by the door and hurried over to Drew. "Give me that!" she said as she snatched the part from his hand. "Give me a wrench. I am not staying in this house with that _thing_ that Kaitlin calls a pet."

Drew held his hands up and backed away to let the girl into the hood. She set to work at systematically putting the pieces back in while the men stood around and stared.

~O~

Kakuzu grunted as his head connected with the counter when he tried to stand back up. It was a good thing Hidan was currently in the back with Nicholas or he would have never heard the end of his partner's cackling. He straightened up while rubbing his head just in time to see a green car pull up to the side of the curb in front of the tattoo parlor. He wasn't very surprised to see Zetsu and Rikku step out of the vehicle, though he did allow a small expression of surprise flit across his face as the blunette kicked a parking meter as she passed it.

Zetsu looked as if he was resisting the urge to laugh as they both stepped in. "Now, now, you're letting your anger get to you."

"Shut up you confused plant," Rikku spat and Kakuzu was actually surprised by the venom that coated her voice. "I have every right to be angry and nothing you fucking say can take it away!"

Zetsu held his hands up in surrender as he acknowledged the banker's presence behind the counter. "**Don't take it out on me. **How has your day been Kakuzu?"

"Interesting," Kakuzu replied though his attention remained on the girl who was still too angry to even notice him. "What's wrong with you?"

She looked over at him, ready to go on a rant, but stopped in surprise. "Where's your mask?"

Kakuzu glared over his shoulder to where he could see Nicholas and Hidan. "Not under the counter like _someone _said it was."

Nicholas looked up to see the miser glaring at him and smirked. "Kakuzu, I know I'm sexy but you're staring's starting to make me feel a little self-conscience."

The older man's grunt was barely heard over Hidan's insane cackling. Rikku shook her head at her friend's statement and pointed at Zetsu. "You can keep your plant tomorrow. He's absolutely useless."

"What crawled up your ass?" Hidan asked as he came to stand by his partner.

The blunette glared at him before turning to Nicholas, who had also joined the four. "Do you remember my roommate?"

"Of course," Nicholas answered with a grin. "I scared her."

"Yeah, well that bitch went and got a new roommate," Rikku said angrily. "She didn't even bother to tell she did either. I found out when I went to the dormitories to ask how much longer it would take to fix my room. The supervisor told me that my backstabbing roommate had told him that I wasn't returning to the room even after it had been finished. Do you know how hard it was to get that room? And now it's gone!"

Nicholas was nodding along with his friend's rant as the other three just stood staring at her. "What did you do?"

"Well first I told Zetsu to eat the man-"

"**We weren't hungry.**"

"-and when he proved useless, I went back to my room to talk to my _former_ roommate."

"Oh God," Nicholas groaned. "What did you do?"

"I broke her nose."

"Seriously?" Hidan asked with a snort of laughter. "You broke her nose because she gave your room away?"

Rikku glared at him, which only made his laughter increase. "No, I broke her nose because she _lied_ about the reason for giving the room away. I would have never just given up something I worked so hard to get. And I was angry and felt like hitting something. Her nose was the closest thing."

Nicholas finally gave up the battle of not laughing and joined the laughing Hidan. Zetsu shrugged and Kakuzu could only shake his head. Rikku started playing with a pen she had found by the register. "Until a room opens back up, I'm gonna be staying with Uncle Brian."

"You can stay with me," Nicholas attempted to say through his laughter.

Rikku just stared at him. "Nicholas I love you like a brother, but I will _never _be desperate enough to live with you."

The pierced man shrugged and gestured towards the window where another car had pulled up behind hers. "Good because I don't have any more room with Aiden and Zetsu staying with me. Speaking of Aiden, there's my ride, so if you could all kindly get the fuck out so I can lock up. And Kakuzu I have no idea where your mask ended up, so there's no point searching for it."

Kakuzu let out a sigh as he followed the others out the door and watched Nicholas lock up the shop. He gave him another glare before climbing into the back of Rikku's car as Hidan had already jumped in the front and was pressing any button he could reach just to annoy the driver. Nicholas gleefully waved at them as he climbed into Aiden's car and the two took off just as Rikku began to yell at Hidan for turning on the windshield wipers.

Kakuzu just sighed and hunkered down into the seat as the two began to yell at each other. He remembered how he had said earlier that Rikku knew when to shut up. Apparently she lost that ability when she was angered. Though he supposed that wasn't such a bad thing as he tried to contain his laughter when she nearly ripped out the earring that Nicholas finally managed to attach to Hidan's ear.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ah, fillers...it came to my attention that in that last chapter Drew's "helping" Nanichi, though it was meant to just be purely funny and not taken in any serious way, may have made people feel like I put it there to just make her choose a guy. Honestly when I started this story, I only had a vague idea for romance, if there was going to any, which is why I never put the story in the romance category. Over my "break" I decided that I would keep the romance out of the story. Yes, I will I still write the couples, but it will basically be finding a way to get them together. No major stuff.<strong>

**Anyway I won't bore you with the reasons for my absence. Just know that it's partially due to the fact that I have wondered out of the Naruto fandom. **

**The next chapter is already in the process of editing, so hopefully I can have that out by next Wednesday or around there. Until I next update :)**


	23. Portal Searching

_**Edit: I went back and combined chapters 23 and 24 (like it should have been to begin with) which is why one chapter has suddenly vanished. So if you read the chapter 23 and 24, you can re-read them again here or continue on to the next chapter (when I get the time to actually upload it that is). I didn't change anything except combining them.**_

**DISCLAIMER: I still don't own Naruto, or McDonald's happy meals**

* * *

><p>Adoption 101<p>

Chapter 23

Portal Searching

* * *

><p>The rest of the week passed in a similar fashion. Sasori and Deidara would 'volunteer' with Drew, Deidara watching Chip during the day. Hidan continued to accompany Nicholas, but Kakuzu and Zetsu traded places, so that Kakuzu would go with Rikku and Zetsu remained with Nicholas. Kisame and Nanichi spent their time at the GameStop where Kisame went back to playing games with her to avoid another game of Ten Questions. Technically, Itachi was supposed be at the game store with them, but he spent his time traversing the mall while somehow managing to avoid mass crowds of girls. Tobi stayed with Aiden and followed him to his mysterious job, and when Kaitlin started work, she had Konan to keep her company.<p>

Pein was the only one who didn't stay with one specific person through the week. One day he went Aiden and the next he went with Nicholas. He never stayed very long and would venture off before returning Kaitlin's house on his own. No one bothered to question the man about what he was doing and it wasn't until Saturday morning that anyone was told.

Kaitlin yelped as something cold and wet woke her from her sleep. Gasping, she shot up and stared at the Akatsuki leader standing above her with a bucket. "What was that for?"

"Get up," he said simply, throwing the bucket aside and grabbing her phone from the cellphone cradle that sat on her nightstand. "Call everyone and tell them to get over here."

The blonde ducked under the covers to avoid the phone that was thrown at her head. By the time she had the courage to peek out, Pein had left and been replaced by Konan, who stood in the doorway. "What was that? Why couldn't he have just waked me up like a normal person?"

Konan shrugged. "Pein likes to do things his way."

Kaitlin shook her head and picked up her phone from where it had landed on the floor. Her eyes widened when she saw what time it was. "He woke me up at _six_ on a _Saturday?_"

"Is it six?" Konan asked in only mild surprise. "I thought it felt early. Pein must want get going as early as possible."

The older woman turned to leave as Kaitlin continued to stare at the phone is disbelief. Her head snapped up when she finally processed what the ninja had said. "Wait, get going where?"

Konan stuck her head back in the doorway. "We're going portal searching today."

**~O~**

Rikku didn't have as wet of an awakening as Kaitlin, but it was still pretty rude to be woken up by someone shoving you out of your bed. She laid there in a tangle of blankets before glaring up at the dark-skinned man who had shoved her. "What the hell?"

Kakuzu didn't even blink at her angered statement. "Your uncle needs to be controlled."

"Again?" Rikku asked in frustration as she untangled her legs from the comforter. "I think we should stick Hidan out in the doghouse. He's driving my uncle to the brink of insanity."

Kakuzu snorted and left with the expectation of her to follow, which she did, albeit a little slowly. She could already hear the loud clangs, psychotic laughter, and angered curses that floated down the hallway from the general vicinity of the kitchen. She paused in the middle of the hallway when a pot met the floor with a particularly loud clang followed by Hidan's loud voice. "I don't think I want to handle it. Can't you just tie 'em up and throw them in a corner?"

"I've already tried," Kakuzu said with a displeased tone. "Your uncle is more flexible than even Tobi."

"I knew letting him take those Pilates class would come back to bit me in the butt," Rikku grumbled and sidled past Kakuzu's enormous mass to reach the kitchen first.

She ducked just in time to avoid a pancake from hitting her head and turned to glare at where it slowly slid down the wall, leaving a syrup trail behind. She turned her glare into the kitchen where Hidan, who was covered in the ingredients for making pancakes, was watching the same pancake slither down the wall, while her uncle hid behind the table he had knocked over to its side and was currently being used as a shield. His pale blue eyes peeked out from behind the shield before he ducked back down to avoid her glare.

"What the hell are you two doing?" she asked as calmly as she could while placing her hands on her hips in an 'I am not amused' fashion. Kakuzu stood behind with his arms crossed.

The Jashinist pointed at the table. "They fucker's finally lost it. I just came in here to get a glass of orange juice and he starts throwing shit at me."

Brian's hand popped out from the behind the table and waved around in the air. "I thought a bugler had broken in and was only defending myself!"

Hidan viciously glared at the table. "I announced my entrance into the kitchen!"

"Whoops!" the older man exclaimed in a not-so-innocent fashion. "I must not have heard you. All I saw was a wicked looking man who looked as if he was about stab me."

"If I could, I would," Hidan said through gritted teeth and turned back to Rikku, who stood staring at him in surprise. "What?"

"I never knew you could use such big words," Rikku answered.

"Look here bitch-" Hidan was cut off as half cooked pancake landed on the back of his head and he turned to glare behind him. "What the hell!"

"Don't curse in my house."

"The little bitch does it all the time!"

Hidan hacked on the flour that was thrown at his face while Brian stood up to stand in a stance similar to his niece's. "Well I just don't like you!"

"What the hell have I ever done to deserve this?" Hidan asked and he sounded as if he was looking for an honest answer. In Hidan's mind, the man had just hated him for no apparent reason since the Jashinist had first met him.

Brian just threw an egg at him and that was the end of Hidan's curiosity as he ran after the man, trying not to slip on the egg yolk and milk that covered the floor.

"You became the butt of Kakuzu's joke," Rikku answered him but he couldn't hear over his and Brian's yells. Kakuzu, on the other hand, had heard her perfectly and chuckled as he remembered the first night they had met the eccentric man.

They ducked out the way to avoid an egg. Rikku, having had enough of their behavior, retreated back to her room. Kakuzu stayed to glare at the wasted food and resist the urge to strangle one or both of the men running around in the kitchen.

Rikku made it back to her room just in time to watch her phone light up and vibrate to signal an incoming call. Her eyes stared at the screen before looking longingly down at her bed. She was still staring at as her snatched up the phone. "Is there a reason why you're calling me at seven in the morning on _Saturday?_"

"Oh thank God you answered," Kaitlin's relieved voice answered. "I've been up since six calling everyone, and only you've answered your phone, and Pein's getting a little frustrated, and _I think he's finally lost his mind!"_

Rikku blinked at the last sentence that had been said in a hushed whisper as if her blonde friend didn't wish to be overheard. "Congratulate Pein for keeping his sanity for so long."

"I'm being serious!" her friend yelled back. "_He's _beyond serious, and it's starting to scare me."

"Pein's been scary all week," Rikku said as Kakuzu walked into the room. He stopped when he saw her on the phone and waited for her to finish. "What did you want? I have a miser staring at me unhappily and I have a feeling that Uncle Brian is the cause of it."

"And Hidan," Kakuzu added while glaring over his shoulder in the general direction the two men would be in.

"Pein wants everyone to rendezvous at my house," Kaitlin informed her. "I would be _really_ happy if you could get here like _soon_. And please call Nicholas. Aiden turns his phone off at night because Nanichi likes to prank call him, and I know that Nicholas won't answer this early if I call."

"Whatever," Rikku said as she hung up. She stared at Kakuzu. "Your leader wants you over at Kaitlin's ASAP."

"Good," the stitched man answered. "I was about to kill your uncle."

"Admit it—deep down you find them amusing."

"It was only amusing the first ten minutes," Kakuzu admitted as he left the room to roundup his partner and for Rikku to call Nicholas in peace.

**~O~**

Zetsu was the last to have an abrupt awakening. How did he wake up? By being suffocated. It wasn't very fun.

He flung the body and pillow off of him and sat up with a gasp. Aiden, who had been sleeping in the recliner beside, was blinking awake and staring at Nicholas on the floor. "What were you doing?"

"Killing Zetsu," the pale haired man said as he jumped up to resume his previous actions. Zetsu jumped over the back of the couch to glare at him with angry golden eyes. "You're the reason I woke up at this godforsaken hour on _Saturday."_

"What are you talking about?" the spy said, dancing around to the side of the couch as Nicholas tried to run around the other end. "**We were just sleeping and you tried to suffocate us!**"

"_Your_ leader," Nicholas stared making sure to emphasize the 'your' part, "is calling everyone over to Kaitlin's."

Nicholas shuffled around the couch until Zetsu was in the front and he was behind it. Zetsu ran his white hand through his disheveled green hair. "**So?**"

"Oh no," Aiden muttered beneath the covers he had thrown over his.

"So?" Nicholas repeated with a twitch of his eye. "So! There's a reason I've never woken up early on Saturdays and it's because I don't want to! And since Pein is on the other side of town right now, I'm gonna take my anger out on you!"

Nicholas jumped the couch with a yell and almost tackled the surprised plant-man. Zetsu paused long enough to watch Nicholas face plant onto the floor before he took off down the hallway. Nicholas growled and chased after him.

"I need to find a new apartment," Aiden mumbled from beneath his blanket as he listened to Nicholas and Black Zetsu yell back and forth at each other.

**~O~**

Kaitlin pounced on the first person who walked through her front door. "Thank god you're here! Pein was really starting to scare me."

"Wow, what did he do to you?" Drew asked as he walked past the two. Tobi giggled past them to join Pein and Konan in the living room and Deidara followed with Chip dripped draped across his shoulder and a satisfied grin on his face.

Kaitlin finally released who she had grabbed and stared at the surprised Sasori. "I'm sorry Sasori! I was just so relieved and-"

Sasori cut her off by raising a hand. "It is fine, just…don't do it again."

Kaitlin nodded and he walked past her to sit on the couch beside a suddenly disgruntled Deidara. He noticed the look the blonde was giving him. "What is it, brat?"

"You have no experience with females, do you, un?" Sasori's eye narrowed as the blonde turned his back to him in order to speak to Kaitlin. "Nanichi said she wasn't gonna come in until she was sure that your mini-monster was caged and far away from her, un."

Kaitlin looked back at the open door to see Itachi standing there and staring at something off to the side. He stepped in when Nanichi's head appeared around the doorjamb and Kaitlin moved over to let him join the others in the living room. "I have a suggestion. Why don't we have this meeting outside? Everybody needs fresh air!"

She was shoved through the door with a squeal and a smirking Kisame stepped in behind her. "You're making all this fuss over a tiny spider."

"That 'tiny' is half the size of your palm," Nanichi argued and grabbed the door keep from being shoved any further into the house. "And your palm is huge."

He poked her in the side and she resisted the urge to swat him away. If she did, she would let go of the door and he would carry her further into the spider infested house. She growled as he poked her again. "Don't make me turn you into fish sticks, Bruce."

Tobi paused in his jumping around the room to exclaim, "Tobi wants to watch _Finding Nemo_ now!"

Deidara glared at Drew, who had introduced Tobi to _all _the Pixar movies. Drew just grinned and held Chip up between them. "Chip wanted to watch them." The kitten innocently meowed at the blonde, and Deidara just rolled his eye.

Kaitlin left the door open as she saw Rikku's car pull up and moved to put in the movie Tobi wanted to watch before he somehow broke the DVD player, the TV, or both. Tobi gave her an exuberant hug and sat down to watch the movie, but not before telling her to skip the first scene. It made him cry.

Nanichi was finally dragged into the room where she sat on the back of the couch, watching the floor in paranoia. She almost kicked Kisame when he unexpectantly touched her and she thought it was Kaitlin's tarantula. Rikku and Kakuzu walked into the room next closely followed by Hidan, who froze in the doorway when he saw the little kitten jumping back and forth between Drew and Deidara.

Earlier in the week there had been an incident between the two, though no one knew of the specifics. Hidan had just been turned into a cat after trying to strangle Kaitlin of all people and went off to mope in a corner. Chip just happened to have wandered off at the same time. The next thing anyone saw was Hidan streaking and trying to wiggle his way between a shocked Rikku and the back of the couch. Chip had come prancing in, and Hidan had given up on Rikku and instead jumped into Kakuzu's lap where he watched the kitten with panicky purple eyes. He absolutely refused to tell anyone what had happened, but admitted that the cat would make an excellent follower to Jashin.

Now, he warily eyed the feline that stared back at him blankly as he settled on the other side of his partner. "Keep that little fucker away from me."

Chip meowed innocently as she received a scratch behind the ear from Drew. "Chip would never hurt a fly."

"Fuck the fly, you've never heard the way the thing talks." Hidan paused as the room's occupants stared at him. "What? I wouldn't be the only one who knew we could understand animals when we're cats if you fuckers changed back every once in a while."

"We can talk to animals?" Tobi asked in awe as he was distracted from his fish movie. "Tobi wants to be a kitty again!"

"No one is turning into a cat," Pein said with a tone that clearly stated it was non-negotiable. "Where are the other three?"

Kaitlin looked over at Rikku, who shrugged. "I called and got a pissy Nicholas. He would have gotten Zetsu up even if he doesn't end coming himself."

"**We're here.**"

Nanichi fell off the back of the couch with a shriek and landed half on top of Kisame and half on a very displeased Itachi. Zetsu stood behind the couch the three occupied. "**Whoops. **I told you we shouldn't have done that."

"Where are the other two?" Pein asked when he noticed the lack of drama and crazy.

"Well-**Nicholas is plotting your death right now.** I thought we agreed to tell him in a less direct way. **I decided it would be best just to come out and tell him. **I still think we should have told him a different way. **Bite me.** Aiden should be walking through the door right about now."

Pein looked towards the door where, indeed, Aiden was walking in. The genius froze as all the eyes in the room focused on him. "Hi, whatever happened, it wasn't my fault."

The leader just sighed and gestured towards the remaining seat. "Just sit. Tobi." The newest Akatsuki member dutifully paused the movie before facing the leader. "Good, now that you're all here, with the exception of one, we can start."

He took a folded piece of paper that been sitting on the table between the couches and unfolded it. When the paper was laid out, they could see that it was a map of the city with various red circles and tiny X's. Some of the circles had been marked out by bigger black X's and all of those circles just happened to be in close vicinity to their various jobs.

"So _that's _what you've been doing all week. We all thought you had finally lost your mind," Drew said and grinned at the glare the ginger sent his way.

Kakuzu not-so-gently nudged Rikku with his elbow. "You owe me ten bucks."

"Now is not the time to be collecting money Kakuzu," Rikku countered. "I thought you'd be more mature than that."

"It's money, bitch," Hidan muttered from Kakuzu's other side. "The hell did you expect?"

Pein glared for the three of them to shut up so that he could continue. "Yes, as you can I have already started the search and turned up nothing. It would prove much quicker for us to split into groups and continue the search today. The only place of interest I wasn't able to get to happens to be where we first appeared."

"We searched that place!" Hidan complained. "There wasn't a damn thing there"

"Well since you know what's there, you won't mind checking again," Pein said with a glare that shut Hidan up. "Kakuzu and Rikku will accompany you."

"I get to that keep that ten bucks," Rikku said quietly to Kakuzu so that Pein wouldn't hear. "I told you we'd get stuck in a group together."

Kakuzu grunted and glared at the Jashinist that was muttering curses and threats under his breathe. Pein had moved on to assigning the rest of the groups other locations on the maps. The more responsible groups were assigned more public areas to avoid making a scene and attracting unwanted attention. Groups like Tobi, Deidara and Drew and Nicholas, Aiden, and Zetsu were given areas that if they acted like fools in then it wouldn't gain as much attention. Kakuzu, Hidan, and Rikku were the only ones assigned to a completely non-populated area.

"Can Tobi finish the movie before we leave?" Tobi asked after Pein had finished. Pein just stared at him blankly until Tobi turned off the TV and joined Drew and Deidara as they walked out the door. "Tobi will just be going now."

Pein watched everyone leave before joining them outside and allowing Kaitlin to lock up the house. He saw with immense satisfaction that Kakuzu's group had left, and the group that consisted of Nanichi, Itachi, and Kisame were leaving now. He glanced towards the silver car that belonged to Aiden and saw Nicholas tinkering with his green bike.

Nicholas glanced up and glared at him. "Don't look at me Pein. I'm not in the mood to be buddy-buddy with you." He turned his back on Pein and rolled the bike into the garage as the door opened to let Kaitlin and her yellow Bug back out. "Aiden we're taking the bus."

Aiden froze where he had been about to open the door of his car to stare the male who was parking his bike. "What? Why?"

"I feel like riding the bus," Nicholas answered and pointedly avoided Pein as he walked down the driveway and to the sidewalk. "Now come on! It's about time the bus came by and if we miss it we have to wait another hour."

Aiden looked longingly at his car as he reluctantly ran to catch up to Nicholas and Zetsu. Pein just shook his head and climbed into the back of Kaitlin's car to sit by Konan. Hopefully they'd find that portal today. If not, then Pein would lose whatever was left of his sanity.

**~O~**

As soon as the truck had turned off, Nanichi had jumped out and was already heading out of the parking lot. Kisame followed quickly after her and Itachi brought up the rear at a much slower pace. "Where are we heading?"

Nanichi looked back at Kisame and shrugged. "No clue. I've only been on the east side of the city two times and each time I had been driving through."

"How reassuring," Itachi drawled from behind.

"I know," Nanichi agreed, completely missing his sarcasm. "It's like a whole new place to explore!"

Kisame snickered at her giddy mood while looking into the shops they passed. This was the touristy part of town, the side that visitors saw. The shops were mainly gift shop and little restaurants. It was obvious that people walking up and down the streets were tourists, with their fanny packs and cameras.

"I remember why I avoid it though," Nanichi said after a while of walking. "I hate tourists."

"We should be focusing on finding what we came to look for," Itachi said as hid behind Kisame when a girl tried to snap a picture of him on her cellphone. "Just ignore the people."

"I can't," Nanichi argued as her eyes followed an elderly couple as they passed. "They wear such colorful shirts."

Kisame laughed loudly as he watched his partner face-palm. Nanichi ignored them and ran across the street to look into an open shop. "When did her attention span get so short?"

"It isn't short," Kisame replied with a snicker while waiting for a car to pass so he could follow. "She's messing with ya, but you would know that if you hadn't run off to hide in the bookshop all week."

"I wasn't interested in watching her kill the rest of her brain cells," Itachi said, referring to the random times when Nanichi would slam her head against the counter.

Kisame crossed the street with Itachi reluctantly following, and they both entered the shop to see Nanichi rummaging through a sales bin. She picked something up, played with, and then threw it back to continue digging. Itachi cleared his throat and she looked up at them. "What?"

Itachi stared at her blankly. "We are supposed to be looking for something, remember?"

"Of course I do!" she insisted, not once stopping her digging. "And that's what I'm doing. It could be down in the bottom of this bin for all I know."

Itachi sighed and gave a snickering Kisame a pointed look before walking out of the store on his own. Kisame watched his partner leave and turned back to Nanichi, only to find that she had moved to the key chains that were displayed on a revolving stand. "This is no fair! I can never find my name."

Kisame looked through the name key chains and pulled one out with a grin. "I found mine."

"What?" Nanichi asked surprised as she snatched the trinket away from. "You are so lying. You couldn't have –oh wow, you're right. That is your name." She looked at the display where he had picked it up. "And it was the last one too. How many other people have the name 'Kisame'?"

The Kiri ninja went to put the chain back when Nanichi snatched it out of his hand and headed to the cash register. "Oh no, we have to buy this as proof. No one would believe that we actually found your name on a key chain from a tourist shop."

Kisame shrugged and followed to watch her pay. She had just handed the money to the man behind the counter when she glanced outside and gasped. "Ooh look! It's Jeremy. Hey Jeremy!"

A guy with two toned hair, the front black and the chopped up back a bright red, that had been walking past stopped at the sound of his name and turned to see where it had come from. He spotted Nanichi waving wildly at him and his eyes comically widened as he squealed and ran off as fast as he could.

Nanichi huffed at his disappearance. "Why is he running away? That freakin' bastard!" She turned to look a Kisame, who just shrugged as he accepted the now paid for key chain. "Well, I'm gonna go find out. Are you with me fish-man?"

Kisame shrugged again. "Why not? Itachi's looking for what we came for anyway."

Nanichi whooped and ran out of the store while Kisame followed after her with a more subdued pace. The elderly store clerk shook his head as he watched them leave. "That was the weirdest couple I've ever seen, and I've been working here for a long time!"

**~O~**

"Why the hell did we have to come back here? It's fucking pointless; there's not a damn thing here!"

Rikku's stoic silence finally snapped as she spun around to look at the Jashinist. "Hidan, if you say one more damn word I'll-"

"Do it bitch," Hidan goaded with a wicked grin. "I've been fucking waiting for you to snap so I can sacrifice you."

Her eye twitched slightly as she attempted to calm herself down. She ended up kicking rock at him before turning to catch up with Kakuzu, who hadn't stopped picking his way through bushes and branches. Hidan's grin fell in disappointment as he started walking again. "Fucking hell, I almost had you…"

Kakuzu glanced over his shoulder long enough to see the dejected Hidan and snorted. "I don't think I've ever seen you so disappointed."

"Fuck, this world is taking a toll on me," Hidan griped. "I can't sacrifice anyone unless they attack me. Do you know how hard it is to do that? And all the ones I get to start the fight aren't even worthy for Jashin! And I can feel the consequences for the lack of sacrifices. It's taking longer for me heal big wounds, and the last time you beheaded me, I completely blacked out!"

Kakuzu stopped as he held a branch back for the two to walk past and for him to walk beside his partner. "You haven't said anything about that."

Hidan looked at him with surprisingly blank purple eyes. "Why the hell would I? None of you fuckers care."

Hidan walked on ahead, leaving Kakuzu behind and shoving Rikku out of his way. Instead of complaining, she fell back to walk beside the eldest of the three. "It's sad when the fanatic of the group gets depressed."

Kakuzu snorted at that. "But it's far more peaceful."

Rikku shrugged. "I don't know about that. It just gets weird." She paused before continuing. "He sort of reminds me of Nicholas."

The money hoarder stared at her. "Nicholas? I thought he was more like Zetsu."

"When it comes to split personality and stuff like that, he is more like Zetsu," Rikku conceded and watched as Hidan paused to stomp some poor plant into the ground before continuing. "But when it comes down to their attitudes, they're a lot alike. Zetsu, both of his personalities, is too calm and collected for Nicholas. I think that's why Hidan has been hanging out with him this past week. Before now they didn't talk enough to realize what they had anything in common."

"I think you might be right," Kakuzu conceded as he eyes zoned in on the ear piercings that flashed in the light. After the piercing that Nicholas had forced onto Hidan the first day they had gone to work with him, Hidan had been more willing to allow the needle near him (come to find out, Hidan had a phobia of needles. Who knew?) Now he had a total of four piercings—the first, which had been a ring in the lobe of his left ear, one on the right to match it, and two on the upper curve of his right ear. Kakuzu had wondered if Nicholas was trying to slowly give Hidan as many piercings as the tattoo artist and the leader of Akatsuki had.

"Holy shit!" Hidan exclaimed from behind the bushes that hid him from view ahead of them. "Look at that!"

The two slowpokes sped up to join Hidan. He turned as they passed through the bushes and pointed to the ground in front of him. "Look bitch, it's the hole I shoved you into!"

Rikku glared at the hole before her eyes caught the site of something that sat a few feet past the hole. "Look asshole, it's the stick I stabbed you with!"

Hidan's grin fell as he caught site of the branch. He ran over and kicked it off the path. "Fucking stick, that's what I think of you."

"That means we're getting close," Kakuzu said as he passed Hidan.

Rikku paused beside Hidan, who stood glaring in the direction he had kicked the stick. "You do realize you were talking in inanimate object, right?"

He glared down where she stood a foot shorter than him. "Shut the hell up. Even inanimate objects deserve to know when they're hated."

"If you say so," she said with a shrug and hurried to catch up to Kakuzu, who had yelled back at them to hurry up. Hidan glared at her back as he too sped up.

"What? You got a problem with that? If you do, then say it to my fucking face, bitch! Don't just walk away."

Kakuzu sighed as the two behind him began to loudly argue. The only upside was that Hidan wasn't bothering him. And they were far enough from civilization that no one would come to investigate the angry yells. Or why one set of them suddenly cut off.

**~O~**

"Tobi wants a Happy Meal!"

"Ooh that sounds good!"

Deidara stared at the two _grown_ men in front of him, who both wanted a _kid's _meal. "What is wrong with you two, un? We shouldn't even be here!"

Drew looked over his shoulder before turning back to the cashier. "Make that three Happy Meals; we don't want Deidara to get more jealous than he already is."

She gave him a flirty smile as she added onto the order. Tobi clapped while Deidara shook his head. "Leader told us to look for-"

"I know, I know," Drew waved him off as he watched the three meals be put together. "And we will. But right now I'm starving, and I want a little Hot Wheels car."

Tobi cheered as the bags were placed on the counter and swept them up before running out to the play area. Deidara growled and followed after him, yelling how stupid and childish he was, while Drew paid the flirting cashier.

Tobi was quick and by the time Drew had rejoined them, he was already lost in the plastic playground. Deidara stood under one of the windows and snarled when Tobi pressed his orange mask to it. "Hey senpai!" he yelled, though the plastic muffled his voice so it sounded like he was speaking at a lower volume.

"You idiot!" Deidara yelled back as his right blue darkened in anger. "Get back down here!"

The orange mask stared at him before shrugging. "Tobi can't hear senpai, but senpai's look is scaring Tobi, so Tobi will stay up here for a while!"

The blonde growled as Tobi disappeared from the window. Drew watched from where he sat slurping a milkshake as Deidara stomped over to sit down beside. "Fucking idiot, un. Why did you have to bring us here?"

Drew paused and swallowed the ice cream he had in his mouth. "McDonalds was the closet place to where we stood and I'm freaking hungry! I didn't even get to eat anything this morning and it's almost lunch."

"Crybaby," Deidara mumbled to himself while shoving a handful of fries into his mouth. He was a ninja—he had been trained to go for weeks without much food.

Drew ignored as he watched Tobi's progress through windows. "What'd you do with Chip?"

Deidara opened his mouth to tell him when the tiny kitten squirmed out of his pocket and onto Drew's lap. Drew grinned down at the kitty and pulled apart a piece of chicken for the feline. Deidara went back to his eating his fries before Drew stopped him again. "You should try 'em after dunking them into a milkshake. They're freakin' awesome."

Deidara gave blank look as he put three more fries in his mouth. "That just sounds gross, un."

"No it's amazing!" Drew insisted as he took the lid of his chocolate milkshake. "Try it. I would have never known about it if Nicholas hadn't told me."

"That makes me even more wary, un," Deidara said as he eyeballed the shake that was between them. He took a pair of fries and warily dunked them into the shake. He stared at the two fries covered in chocolate as Drew and Chip stared at him and waited. The blonde shrugged and finally bit into the fries and chewed. He swallowed and looked at Drew, who still stared at him. "That was disgusting, un. I can't believe I did that."

Drew looked disappointed but quickly got over it as Tobi came tumbling down the slide headfirst. The childish man jumped up and headed back to the steps that led up. "Tobi's going to do that again!"

Drew dumped the kitten back into Deidara's lap and chased after Tobi. When the two had disappeared into the plastic fortress, Deidara took a couple of more fries and dumped them into the milkshake. He had them halfway to his mouth when he noticed his little brown kitten staring at him with big green eyes. "What? He doesn't need to know that I was lying, un."

The kitten looked at his face, then down at the fries, and then back up. Deidara rolled his eyes and laid a fry down on the napkin that the kitten immediately pounced onto. "Payment for your silence, un. Sasori-danna was right about you. You're not as innocent as you look, un."

The kitten ignored him as it finished off the fry and went back to work on the chicken that Drew had given it earlier, and Deidara went back to dunking fries while keeping track of the two kids through the windows of the plastic play structure.

**~O~**

"Admit it, we are lost."

"We are not lost! I've lived here my entire life; I cannot get lost."

Sasori stared at the blonde standing beside him. "We lost Pein and Konan an hour ago."

Her green eyes glared at him. "Don't point the obvious out to me."

Sasori stared at the blonde as she attempted to figure out where they were. Somehow spinning around in circles was supposed to help. "Just go find a map."

"No," Kaitlin said stubbornly and pointed at a building behind. "See! I know that building, which means we are not lost."

"No, it just means that you have seen the building before."

She glared at him before spinning away. "I'm not talking to you anymore."

"Oh boo-hoo," Sasori said unemotionally as he stared blankly at her back. "The brat gives me the silent treatment on every mission we ever go on. He breaks after ten minutes."

"Well, I am not 'the brat' as you so lovingly call him," Kaitlin said as Sasori moved past her and towards a bench.

"You broke after five seconds."

Kaitlin's mouth fell open as she realized what she had done. Sasori was once again staring at her blankly while sitting on the bench. "Yeah well…it hadn't officially started yet! Now I'm giving you the silent treatment."

"Would you like to give me the silent treatment while sitting down?" the red-head asked while patting the spot beside him. Kaitlin looked as if she was about to snub his offer but finally chose to slouch down beside him. "Now, when did we lose Pein and Konan?" He paused to let her speak, but when she didn't, he continued. "They were with us when we got out of your car that much is certain. Konan was still with us when you paused to gawk at the clothing in the window of one of the shops. Pein told you ten minutes after that that we were not here to shop. That was twenty minutes ago, a small gap of time in which we lost them. Any suggestions as to where they could have gone?"

Kaitlin stubbornly turned her head away from him to watch a couple walk down the sidewalk hand-in-hand. Sasori sighed. "How can you be angry over something so small?"

She would have broken her silence if someone hadn't yelled her name from behind them. Both of them turned to see a dark haired male with a couple of face piercings jogging towards them. Sasori frowned as Kaitlin jumped up with a squeal. "Hey Derrick! I haven't seen you since we graduated."

The boy grinned, causing the ring on that side of his lip to stretch up with it. "Yeah, it seems like ages ago now."

"Who is this?" Sasori asked as he stood up to stand beside her.

Kaitlin ignored him. "So, what are you doing here? I thought you moved up to New York."

"Just visiting," he answered while looking at questioningly at Sasori. "Who's this?"

"Oh nobody," Kaitlin answered with a wave of her hand, causing Sasori to glare at her. "He'd be somebody if he apologized."

Sasori let out a growl as the boy looked back and forth between them. "I see Nicholas is still a bad influence. I never thought his grudge-holding would rub off on you though."

"Don't be silly," she said with a smile, grabbing his elbow to drag him down the sidewalk. "So, you got time to talk?"

"Actually, Jeremy just called and he sounded pretty frantic. Something to do with crazy ex-girlfriends and their new huge bodyguards or something."

"We need to find Pein and Konan," Sasori insisted from behind them. He was starting to get a little irked at their close proximity.

"Oh hey, there's Konan!" Kaitlin exclaimed while once again ignoring the red-head and pointing at where the older woman stood further down the sidewalk. "Let me go get them, and we can all go wrangle up Nanichi before causes Jeremy too much mental issues."

She took off down the sidewalk, leaving the two men behind. Derrick turned to Sasori, who gave him a blank glare. "Man, what did you do to get her angry?"

"I made the mistake of saying she did not know where we were."

**~O~**

"Dammit! Why can't you two just admit that there's nothing here?"

Rikku glanced up at the tree that Hidan had taken refuge in. "We could do that faster if you got your lazy ass out of the tree and helped us!"

Hidan flicked a twig down at her. "I'm not wasting my fucking time to do nothing."

Kakuzu glanced up as he passed below the tree. "You are already doing that moron."

The Jashinist cursed and jumped out of the tree to glare at them. "Fine, now what the hell am I gonna do? The fucking Uchiha already searched the place and found nothing."

"Itachi could have very well missed something," Kakuzu answered while walking the perimeter of the clearing. "No matter how great his blood-line may be, he is not perfect. He had plenty of distractions."

"Like the two attention crazed idiots," Rikku said, remembering how Tobi and Drew had run around the clearing yelling something about squirrels the last time they were there.

"I was thinking about the other two idiots who were trying to kill each other."

Hidan and Rikku glared at the older man who pointedly ignored them as he vanished into the trees. "Besides, we did not all appear in the clearing together. There could be something we missed."

"How do you miss a portal?" Rikku muttered under her breath while picking up a thin branch to draw line in the dirt. "You think you would have noticed a swirling mass of color or something."

Hidan snickered as he was close enough to hear her grumbles. "The Uchiha is supposedly going blind. He would have missed it even it was staring him right in the fucking face!"

Rikku laughed at the expanse of the man who was not with them. "Did you see him run into the wall yesterday?"

"No way."

"Yeah, he ran right into it and walked away as if nothing had happened."

Hidan broke out in loud guffaws while Rikku threw the stick in the direction Kakuzu had gone in. "How did I fucking miss that?"

"You were too busy having an argument with Kakuzu." Rikku started walking around the clearing as Kakuzu had been doing. Hidan stood in the middle and watched her. "I think I was the only one who actually saw it, and then when I asked him what had happened, he denied everything."

The ninja snickered and poked at the rock by his foot for lack of anything to do. "What's this portal even supposed to look like?"

The girl shrugged. "I don't know. I keep picturing this swirling mass of purple color out in the open."

"Why purple?"

"It's just the color I chose," she sighed and walked back over to him. "But now that I think about, it couldn't be that easy to find. I may not have had the time to get to know him like Kaitlin and Drew, but I have a good feeling that Kabuto wouldn't be dumb enough to let stay out in the open for long."

Hidan growled at the ninja's name. "When I get my fucking hands on the little dweeb-"

"Yeah, yeah you'll sacrifice him to Jashin," Rikku cut him off, earning a glare. "Seriously Hidan, you do that to everyone."

"Shut up!" Hidan pointed an angry finger at her. "And you should take my religion more seriously. I don't make fun of your beliefs."

"That's because I make it a point not to bring them up every five seconds like _some_ people do."

Hidan suddenly jumped at her, making her let a tiny scream of surprise and dart backwards. "That's it! I'll show you not to make fun of me!"

Rikku dodged out of the way of his swinging fist and ran across the clearing. "Hidan, you over-sensitive prick! Leave me the hell alone!"

"You've pushed me one too many times!" Hidan yelled, tripping over a random limb. "Now stay the fuck still so I can tear off your head!"

She paused long enough to watch him stand back up. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

Hidan froze as he realized he couldn't carry out his threat without reverting back to a cat. "Damn this jutsu!" He paused, and Rikku didn't like the vindictive grin that spread across his face. "If I can do it real quickly, then I can still kill you even as I'm turning into a cat."

The blunette's eyes widened as for once his crazy babbling didn't sound so crazy. "Now Hidan, you don't know that exactly."

"Oh, but it's worth a fucking a chance!" Hidan hollered as he dove for her. Her eyes widened in fear as she tried to back away from his grasp. Rikku wasn't like Kaitlin or Nanichi, both of them always being easily scared or at least freaked out, but when there was crazed fanatic whose religion called for human sacrifices, Rikku wasn't ashamed to show fear.

"Kakuzu!" she yelled as she tripped backwards on a crash course with the tree that Hidan had been lounging in not five minutes ago. Hidan cackled in anticipation of grabbing her when she collided with the tree, except the collision never happened.

Rikku flailed her arms around as she lost balance and fell backwards into the tree. Hidan attempted to grab one of those flailing arms and not even realizing that she wasn't hitting tree. Instead she fell _into_ it, the rest of body quickly following. Hidan froze in shock as he stared at the spot she had been. All that remained was the faint wavering of the tree.

"Holy Jashin," Hidan muttered as he took a step back. "No wonder we couldn't find the fucking thing! It was fucking invisible." He paused as the quivering stopped and the tree returned to normal. "Shit, Kakuzu gonna be pissed when he finds out this happened."

"Finds out what happened?"

Hidan spun around to see his partner glaring at him. He gave the miser a shaky grin, to which a glare was returned. "What did you do?"

The religious fanatic shrugged. "I finally got rid of the bitch?"

**~O~**

Rikku tumbled backwards with a startled yell until the back of her head finally collided with the stone wall that appeared behind her. She groaned and slouched to the ground while grabbing her head. "Ow that hurt. I'm getting flashbacks of when Nicholas hit me in the head with that baseball."

Her words fueled the headache that formed at the site of the collision, causing her to flinch and lightly touch the spot. She blinked as her hand encountered something wet and she brought them to her face to see the dark stain in the dimly lit hallway. "Oh come one! I couldn't have hit it that hard!"

But her hands reached back again to touch the small spot of blood, and she groaned in pain. "I hate ninjas who turn into cats and the portals they are incapable of finding on their own."

She stood up slowly, hand over the back of her head, and examined what she could see of her surroundings in the dim light. She discovered the dimness was caused by the fact that the only things lighting the hallway was two torches on opposite ends, illuminating a dead end on one side and an opening at the other. She was standing in the middle where the light from either didn't completely reach. She stared at the wall in front of her and realized that it appeared to be just an ordinary wall of stone. "Where the hell am I?"

Steps echoed through the corridor and grew louder as they approached the far end of the hallway. She turned in that direction in anticipation of whoever would appear around the corner. Just as the flickering flame of the torch began to cast a shadow of person, a hand flew out of the wall, grabbed her, and pulled her back the portal with a tiny yell of surprise.

Sasuke turned the corner, a hand over the handle of his blade in anticipation of whatever intruder was insane enough to wonder the halls of Orochimaru's hideout. His Sharingan flickered to every corner of the hallway until it become apparent that either the person had somehow managed to flee or he had been hearing things. He decided the hallways created too much of an echo to be sure that he had even heard anything to begin with.

He continued his way down the corridor that he had been walking until he reached the door that he had been searching for. Without knocking, the youngest Uchiha opened the door to see Kabuto standing over various beakers of different liquids and other scientific utensils that he cared little for. Kabuto turned at the sound of his entrance. "My, my you would have thought that with your high-ranking family, you would have learned some form of manners."

Kabuto was thrilled at the slight twitch his statement evoked. "Orochimaru wishes to hear a status report from you."

"_How easily you've fallen into the role of Orochimaru's lapdog,"_ Kabuto thought to himself, not even realizing that he played a similar role. "Please inform that I'm nearly done with the second batch and will be leaving in a couple of days."

Sasuke barely twitched in acknowledgement as he turned to stare at the wall behind him. A growl came from the wall as the stone shivered with movement. "You should keep better tabs on your monstrosities. I nearly rid you one that was wandering down one of the hallways."

Kabuto paused and fully turned to the younger man. "Come again."

Sasuke glared at him, the only emotion he allowed nowadays. "I will not repeat myself."

But Kabuto seemed less interested in the boy's threat as he walked closer to him. "Which hallway?"

Sasuke stared as the grey haired man. He seemed awfully worried for one of the creatures he had admitted to not caring about after Sasuke killed one the first time. "The hallway with the dead end."

Kabuto eyes widened behind his glasses before they caught the light and shielded his eyes from view. "I've had a change of plans. Tell Orochimaru that I plan to leave tomorrow."

The teenager watched he medic return to his table of instruments before turning to leave. The wall growled at him again, and he resisted the childish urge to growl back. He hated having to play messenger for Orochimaru in general, but he hated it even more when it sent him into the mini-Orochimaru's lab.

**~O~**

Rikku's yell carried over as she was yanked back into her world and collided with the solid chest of the person who pulled her through.

"Fuck!" Hidan complained loudly, making her cringe in pain as her headache worsened. "Why the hell did we have to bring her back?"

A big hand removed hers from the spot on back of her head to poke at it. Hidan cackled at the sight of blood. "Wait! I can use that."

Something was pressed none too gently to the back of her head. "Is that the only thing you can think of Hidan?"

"Fuck yeah! I can't get the blood on my own thanks to this damned jutsu."

"Shut up Hidan," Rikku growled, replacing Kakuzu's hold on the cloth with her own. "Your annoying voice isn't helping my headache."

She didn't have to turn to see the glare he was sending her because the silent chuckle that went through Kakuzu gave her a clear picture. She backed away from him to get a clearer view of more than just his shirt. Her vision spun a little but not enough to worry over as she carefully turned to Hidan. "You asshole, you shoved me into the portal."

"I did not!"

She cringed at his yell and paused as she finally noticed his appearance. "…why don't you have a shirt on?"

"It's my personal fucking choice to not wear a shirt!"

"He tried to run," Kakuzu answered more calmly and pointed down at the black shirt lying by his feet. "In the process of doing so, he tore his shirt off."

Hidan's purple eyes narrowed as the unvoiced question of "How?" appeared on her face. Kakuzu looked at him expectantly until the Jashinist finally said, "It got caught on a fucking tree."

"A bad-ass ninja got bested by a tree," was all Rikku said while turning back to Kakuzu. "I found your portal."

One of his eyebrows shifted upwards. "I can see that. Where did it take you?"

"I don't know some creepy hallway. I didn't see much before you yanked me back through."

Kakuzu nodded and pointed at Hidan. "Mark that tree somehow so we know exactly where it is next time."

"Why the hell do I have to do it?" Hidan grumbled while picking up his ripped shirt. Kakuzu gave him a stern glare, to which Hidan returned with his own as he flung the ripped the shirt to hang on the limb above. "There it's fucking marked. Now what do we do?"

"Contact the others," Kakuzu said as he turned to walk back out of the woods. He paused and turned to Rikku. "Come on, I'm not walking through those trees for another hour."

"Thank Jashin," Hidan muttered as he took off through the trees.

Rikku groaned as she allowed Kakuzu to pick her up. "Just what I need, a bumpy ride through the trees to turn my headache into a migraine."

If Kakuzu hadn't been a _mature_ adult, he would have rolled his eyes. "Just keep pressure on it to keep it from bleeding."

"Shit!" Hidan's yell from far ahead echoed through the trees. "Even the fucking trees of this world are out to get me!"

"I bet ten bucks he fell out of the tree," Rikku said as Kakuzu jumped up into the first tree.

He snorted as he readjusted his hold on her. "I bet he ran _into_ the tree."

"You're on."

Kakuzu jumped through the trees to find that his partner _had_ fallen out of the tree but only after running straight into the trunk of a tree. Since both predictions had been true, neither of them won the bet.

**~O~**

"Let me get this straight, you two had nothing to do with the boy running into the middle of traffic?"

"Nope."

"Or running into the hotdog stand and scattering condiments everywhere?"

"Nuh uh."

"_Or_ him falling down the stairs and needing a –what is it called? –an ambulance?"

"…Kisame did it."

Kisame stared down at the purple haired woman who was placing the blame on him. "I thought we agreed not to tell him about that."

"You can lie to him if you want, but his creepy eyes scare me too much to lie."

Pein shook his head at the two as Konan stood beside him, staring at the young man they were wheeling into the ambulance. He seemed perfectly fine, except for the neck brace around his neck and the fact that he was balling his eyes out. Kaitlin was standing next to his friend, who was speaking to the law enforcement that had shown up with the ambulance. Sasori stood with her, being ignored as he had been for the last half hour.

Nanichi sighed and stood her ground against the Akatsuki leader, which was more difficult than she had first anticipated. "Look, we had nothing to do with the guy spazzing out and flipping down the stairs. I don't even know what possessed him to do it."

Kisame grinned, and it didn't take much to figure out what may have caused the man's freak out. One look at Kisame's pointed grin probably terrified the poor boy. Pein sighed as the sound of the ambulances sirens started to move away from them. "The last thing we need is for you to somehow be detained, Kisame. If you are, I will be tempted to leave you there."

The Kiri ninja looked none too frightened by the threat and showed it by grinning wider. "Maybe I'll end up on one of those cop shows."

"Bad boys, bad boys," Nanichi sang. "Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"

Kisame guffawed, bringing attention to their small group, as Kaitlin and Sasori walked towards them. Konan noticed that the other male was gone and asked Kaitlin about it. "Derrick rode with Jeremy to the hospital. Turns out that Jeremy had been taking some kind of medicine that kept him calm and for no apparent reason stopped taking them. Nanichi just spooked him."

Pein turned to glare at the young woman. "So this was your fault."

"Uhh," Nanichi said, stepping closer to Kisame. "Did we tell you guys we found a keychain with Kisame's name on it?"

Pein's glare didn't let up even as Kaitlin's phone began to loudly play _Barbie Girl_. She dug the phone out of her pocket and pressed a button to answer it after glancing at the caller id. "Hey Rikku!" She paused as the caller spoke. "Oh, what are you doing with Rikku's phone Hidan?" Another pause for his answer. "What do you mean he knows how to drive a car but not how to work the phone? Why is he even driving?"

Nanichi sidled up to the blonde to press her ear against the back of the phone. "What?" Kaitlin yelled, and Nanichi cringed back. "What do you mean she got hurt? How bad is it? What did you do?" Her audience could almost decipher Hidan's words through the phone as he snapped back at her. "Of course I blame! You make it no secret that you want her dead!" Hidan's voice fell back down, and they watched as Kaitlin's angry scowl melted. "Aw, Hidan that's so sweet!" He snapped something back. "Of course I won't tell anyone else. We'll meet you guys back at the house."

She ended the call and looked up to her expectant audience. "They found your portal, but Rikku somehow got hurt, so they're just going back to my house to wait for us."

"Let's go," Pein immediately said and turned to head back in the direction of Kaitlin's vehicle. "Kisame, round up Itachi and meet us back there. Kaitlin call the others and tell them to get back to the house."

Konan followed after the leader, and Kisame and Nanichi broke away from the group to track down their wayward Uchiha. Kaitlin was already dialing Drew's number as Sasori followed behind her. "What did you promise Hidan not to tell anyone?"

"Why is it that Drew takes forever to pick up his phone?" Kaitlin asked instead answering.

"Are you still upset about earlier?"

"I wonder if he even has his phone on him."

"I see how it is going to be," Sasori said with a sigh. "You may act as childish as you wish, but I am not apologizing for something so small."

"Ooh, I wonder if we can pick something up to eat on the way back to the house!"

"Why do I have the feeling you are doing this just to annoy me?"

**~O~**

Deidara jumped as the phone beside him started screaming loudly. The brunette beside him turned to stare as the phone yelled loudly to be picked up, and Deidara gave her a superficial grin while grabbing it. "What?"

"Deidara? Where are you guys at?"

The blonde looked around at the Play Place that seemed overly crowded now with kids. "We are…exactly where Pein sent us."

The kids yelled as Tobi tumbled down the slide headfirst. The masked man jumped up to squeal loudly at the kids before diving back up the slide. Unfortunately, Drew was coming down at the same time, and they tumbled back down the slide together, making the kids giggle at them. "Are you guys at McDonalds?"

Deidara stare blankly at Tobi, who was trying to avoid being touched by the little kids. "How did you know?"

"Drew goes to McDonalds every Saturday just to play on the playground."

"Is that why everyone knows his name, un?" Deidara asked. It was something he had been wondering ever since the brunet was greeted by name by some of the employees.

"It probably has something to do with the fact that he's babysat just about every kid in town."

"He babysits?"

"He used to before he got his job down at the pound."

Deidara stared as Drew ran around the play area with a kid on his back and the rest of the pack following behind them. Tobi took the opportunity to bounce over to the blonde and nearly knocked him over as he flew across the bench to hug onto him. "Deidara-senpai, Tobi's ready to leave!"

"Get off, Tobi!" was his immediate reaction as well as shoving the man off of him. "Go get Drew, un."

"But that means Tobi has to go through _them!"_

"You better hurry up, un. I just saw three more come in."

Tobi gasped and ran across the room to get Drew, trying to avoid being touched by toddlers the whole way. Deidara found it amusing that Tobi hadn't been lying when he said he didn't like kids. He avoided them like they were some kind of disease.

"Deidara, are you still there?" He gave an affirmative as he turned back to his conversation. "Pein wants us all to get back to the house."

Deidara hummed an affirmative before asking, "So, what have you and Sasori-danna been doing today, un?"

"Who?"

He blinked. "Sasori-danna."

"I do not know who you speak of," she said, enunciating each word. "I have to call Aiden now. Bye Deidara!" The call ended before he could say another word, and he was left blinking down at it.

"Deidara-senpai, I have Drew-kun!"

The bomber looked up to see that the taller male had Drew thrown over his shoulder and was walking out of the play area. Drew didn't seem the least bit phased as he waved good-bye to his group of short followers. Deidara grabbed Chip, who had curled up in an empty chicken nugget box, and followed after them.

**~O~**

"I hate you Nicholas."

"I hate the universe, so ha! I win."

Aiden glared at the pierced man beside him before dropping his head into his hands. "Why did you make us take the bus?"

"Why didn't you fight me?" Nicholas asked back while flicking a blade of grass at Zetsu. The cannibal flicked a pebble back at him.

"_No one_ can fight you when you're in your little moods," Aiden argued, turning around on the bus bench to look at where the two sat on the grassy incline. "And you just had to take the bus that dropped us off right on the edge of town."

"Hey!" Nicholas yelled back, flinging a handful of grass at him. "This is a silent protest. I wasn't doing _nothing_ for Pein today after he woke me up."

"_Rikku_ woke you up," Aiden growled back, picking up a stone beside his feet to chuck back at Nicholas. It veered off course to be grabbed from the air by Zetsu. "And how is Pein supposed to know that you ignored his order?"

"I'm going to tell him."

Aiden stared at the tattoo artist, who laid back on the grass with his hands behind his head. "Have you lost your mind?"

"I lost it years ago." Nicholas sat up slightly to see Aiden as he spoke. "You should know that by now."

Aiden's head fell back into his hands, watching for the bus that would take them back to town from the corner of his eye. Zetsu let out a disgruntled curse, and he didn't have to turn around to see that Nicholas had thrown another handful of grass at the shinobi. His phone suddenly went off as he received a text message.

He flipped it open as Nicholas jumped over the bench to sit beside him. "You are such a nerd. Who uses sounds from _The Legend of Zelda_ as their ringtone?"

"Look who's talking," Aiden said, answering the text. Zetsu appeared on his other side, sitting on the back of the bench instead of the seat like a normal person. "You knew where it came from."

"Only because the game is awesome." Nicholas looked over his shoulder. "What's Kaitlin want?"

"We're supposed to go back to the house," Aiden answered before gesturing at the empty road. "Though I don't see how that can happen when the next bus isn't due for another _hour."_

"**I'm tired of waiting,**" Zetsu grumbled. He grabbed the Aiden and Nicholas' shoulder. "**We'll get back before everyone else does.**"

Aiden didn't have time to protest as he was pulled off the bench and into the ground. He was going to _kill_ Nicholas for making them take the bus.


	24. Into the Mysterious Beyond

**AN: For those who haven't clicked on this story since last Saturday, you have not miscounted the chapters. I decided half way through the week to go back and combine chapters 23 and (the original) chapter 24, like it should have been to begin with. So here is the next chapter, which is now 24 and (sort of) a day early :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't even _want _to own Naruto anymore. But I do own my OCs...you may bask in their glory...**

* * *

><p>Adoption 101<p>

Chapter 24

Into the Mysterious Beyond

* * *

><p>Hidan and Rikku were in an intense glaring match when Zetsu popped out of the floor with Aiden and Nicholas. They didn't even look up as Aiden snatched his shoulder away from the cannibal and stomped loudly out of the room. Nicholas leaned forward to see around Zetsu. "What crawled up his ass?"<p>

"**He's just a little pansy.**"

"How the hell is he gonna survive in the real world if he can't take phasing through shit like a real man?"

Rikku finally blinked and looked up at her life-long friend. "What does that have to do will real life?"

"Bite me," was his only response as he collapsed on the couch beside her. He looked over to the couch across from them where Hidan was still staring intensely at her. "What are you staring at?"

"Kakuzu told me to watch the bitch and make sure she didn't fall asleep."

"Stop staring at me," she said through gritted teeth. "It's getting creepy."

Hidan gave her a slow smirk without looking away. "How are you gonna survive in the real world if you can't stand that fact that people are gonna fucking stare at you?"

Nicholas started laughing as Rikku chucked a pillow at the Jashinist's head. That broke the intense staring as Hidan ducked to avoid the hit. He growled and grabbed a pillow to throw back at her.

"Hidan," came Kakuzu's calm voice from somewhere in the dining room. Hidan dropped the pillow back on the couch and slouched down to sulk.

Rikku smirked. "Learn some manners, asshole. You don't throw things at a person with a head injury."

She shouldn't have said that as Nicholas immediately zoned in on the white bandage wrapped around her head that he had somehow missed. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him. "What happened? Who did it? Did your brains fall out? Who the hell am I gonna have to beat up?" He stopped to fiercely glare at Hidan. "Was it you?"

Before Rikku could throw him under the bus, after all it _had_ been Hidan's fault, Uncle Brian walked into the room to flutter over her like a Mother Hen. "Does your head hurt anymore? Did that _thing_ do anything to you?"

"No, Uncle Brian," she said with a sigh as Hidan glared at the man. "I feel fine, just like I did five minutes ago when you asked me then."

The older man shrugged off her annoyance. "You never know with head injuries. You could be feeling fine one minute and then fall over dead the next."

Nicholas looked disturbed over this new information, but Rikku just glared at her uncle. "Stop trying to start something. I'm perfectly fine and you know it."

Uncle Brian just patted her head. "Oh, how I wish to once again be as ignorant you."

Zetsu chuckled in amusement—Uncle Brian had always amused him—while Nicholas finally realized that her injury wasn't as dire as it had been exaggerated. "Hey, Uncle Brian! I love the dress you're wearing today."

"Really?" Uncle Brian gave a twirl to show off the dress. "I bought it last weekend. Half-off too!"

"Yeah, it must have looked even better on the mannequin they had it on."

Brian stopped and put his hands on his hips. "I was thinking the same thing about that mask you're wearing. Except you must have gotten it for free because they couldn't sell it to anyone."

Nicholas bowed his head in defeat, a smirk spreading across his face, as Hidan joined Zetsu's chuckling. Rikku found the trade of insults boring. When they really got into it, trading insults back and forth with barely a pause between to breathe, _then_ it was amusing. When they got her involved, it was a free-for-all.

The front door banged open, and Kaitlin appeared in the living room not five seconds later. She took one look at Rikku and gasped before running over to her. "Oh my God, Rikku what happened?"

Rikku scooted away from her. "Why is everyone freaking out? It's not even bleeding anymore."

"There was blood involved!"

The blonde was almost as bad as her uncle as she fussed about the blunette. Sasori, Pein, and Konan joined them in the living room, Pein immediately deviating to the dining room to speak with Kakuzu while Sasori and Konan followed Kaitlin. Konan dismissed Rikku after a cursory glance that turned up nothing fatal and joined Pein and Kakuzu in the other room. Sasori sat down the couch beside Hidan. "By the way she was talking on the way over you would have thought that you were on your death bed."

"I'm sure Hidan didn't help," Rikku said with a glare at the sadist. This restarted the glaring match they had been having before anyone arrived. Kaitlin sat beside her to poke at the bandage, which made Rikku slap her hand away without looking. "Don't touch it."

Kaitlin pouted. "I just want to make sure it's on right."

"Uncle Brian has redone it four times. I'm pretty sure it's right by now."

The front door flew open with a bang. "Tobi is here!"

The masked man appeared around the corner and immediately gasped when he saw Rikku. "Oh no! What happened to RiRi-chan?"

"Oh no," Rikku said while standing. "You leave me the hell alone."

"But RiRi-chan is hurt!"

"I don't need your help."

"But Tobi will help anyways!"

Rikku ran out of the room with Tobi on heels. Deidara watched them join Pein, Kakuzu, and Konan in the dining room before walking into the living room with Drew. He casually sat down beside his partner. "So…why is Kaitlin denying your existence, un?"

"Don't start with me brat."

Deidara shrugged and bounced over to sit beside Kaitlin. "What did danna do?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kaitlin said and stood up. "I'm going to go see how Cynthia's doing."

Deidara watched her leave before jumping back over to the redhead. "Wow, whatever you did must have been big, un."

"All I said was that she did not know where we were," Sasori said in exasperation. "She was somehow offended by this and has refused to acknowledge my presence since then."

Nicholas cackled when he heard this. "If you want her to even respond to you, you have to apologize. Katie can hold a grudge for a _long_ time."

"And I wonder who taught her that," Nanichi said as her and Kisame stepped into the room.

Nicholas grinned at her. "I will proudly admit that it was my doing."

"Why'd we get called back here so early, un?" Deidara asked, interrupting whatever conversation was going in the room.

"My little baby got hurt. What other reason do you need?" Brian said, not at all interested in the answer as he walked out of the room.

"I need to show you guys something amazing," Nanichi said while invading Kisame personal space to pull something out of his pocket. "Ta da, a keychain with Kisame's name on it!"

Zetsu snatched the keychain out of her hand. "What is this thing? **Does it do anything?**"

"It makes your key ring look less naked," Nicholas answered as he snatched it away from Zetsu. Zetsu snatched it back, which started a snatching war between the two until Kisame regained possession of his worthless trinket. "My keychains are ten times cooler."

"Yeah, but you don't have one with your name on it," Nanichi pointed out. Nicholas just stuck his tongue out at her.

"Is no one going to answer me, un?" Deidara said.

Sasori sighed as Chip crawled out of Drew's pocket to sit in his lap. "Apparently Kakuzu's group found the portal."

Hidan glared at the puppeteer. "Why the hell is it his fucking group?"

"I like Kakuzu better."

"Fuck you."

"You're not my type."

Sasori's quick, yet uncreative, retort earned a round of cackles from Nicholas and chuckles from the rest as Hidan sat blinking at the redhead. "Sorry I'm not a fucking blonde."

Sasori glared at the growing laughter. "Being blonde has nothing to do with it. I just do not go for the easy type."

There were even chuckles from the dining room now as Hidan glared. "Who the hell would be interested in prepubescent little boy like you?"

"Then why did you offer?"

Hidan growled a few unintelligent words under his breath. By now, everyone had returned to living room and was either laughing or smirking.

"You lose," Kakuzu said simply while sitting down beside his partner. Hidan glared and turned away.

Pein's eyes swept across the group to make sure everyone was there. When he noticed one missing, he turned to Zetsu. "Go retrieve Aiden from whichever room he has locked himself into."

The spy nodded and vanished into the floor. While they waited for his return, Brian attempted to re-do the bandage that was wrapped around Rikku's head. She knocked his hand away and scooted closer to Nicholas, who made it worse by poking her head. "Leave me alone!"

Her angry outcry was ignored as Drew attempted to hand Chip over to Hidan. "Come on! She's completely harmless."

"Get that fucking thing away from me!"

"But she hasn't got a chance to get to know her crazy uncle."

"Then give it to Nicholas!"

Nicholas looked up from where he had been poking Rikku. "Did you just call me crazy?"

"Yes," Hidan admitted without pause, cringing away from the brown feline being shoved into his face. Kakuzu pushed him away when he got too close.

Nicholas snatched the cat away from Drew and held it up to his face. The kitten cutely licked the tip of his nose, receiving a few awes from the girls. Cuteness never failed to make females awe. "This little thing is crazy." He handed the kitten back to Drew. "It's just _really_ good at hiding it."

"Now that we've established the cat is as crazy as the rest of us," Pein said, regaining everyone's attention, "what is taking Zetsu so long?"

There was thump from upstairs before the top half of Zetsu's body appeared on the ceiling. "Look out below."

His hand pulled Aiden through the ceiling, where he fell with a terrified yell to land on Kisame, Nanichi, and Itachi, who all three sat on the only available loveseat. Nanichi shoved him off immediately with a disgruntled groan, and he landed on his back at their feet. The look of terror that had frozen on his face melted to downright anger as he picked himself up. "That is it! Within these last few weeks, I have been nearly eaten, almost killed on several occasions, and have been driven to very brink of insanity. When this is all over, I am moving far away from all you! Maybe to Alaska." He glared at Zetsu, who had fallen through the ceiling to land perfectly behind Pein. "I hope a cow mistakes you for grass and eats your head off!"

They watched silently as Aiden stomped out of the room and into the kitchen, where he banged around before a strangled sob could be heard. Kaitlin looked like she was about to get up and follow him when Nicholas jumped from the couch to high-five Zetsu. "Yes! We have finally achieved the mental breakdown we were going after."

Zetsu gave him a wicked grin that could rival the pierced male as he returned the high-five. "**It took longer than we thought it would.**" Even the white half of the man seemed to enjoy the abrupt breakdown.

Pein wasn't exactly thrilled to have a male sobbing in the next room over but chose to ignore it. "Now that that is over, as all of you must know by now, the connection to our world has been located."

"Yay!" Tobi exclaimed in his Tobi way. "We can go home now!"

The sobs from Aiden cut off, and he ran into the room to latch onto the front of Pein's shirt. Pein staggered backwards at the unexpected appearance of the young man. "Has it really be found? You're not joking or anything?" When Pein nodded, Aiden released him and fell to his knees. "_Yes!_ That means you guys can leave and I don't have to constantly be worried about being murdered in my sleep by a psychotic plant and a man with multiple personality disorder!"

Pein glared down at him as Tobi jumped over the couch to kneel beside him. "What was Ai-chan talking about? No one has multiple personality disorder except Zetsu-san!"

Zetsu looked offended by the accusation as Aiden froze and stared at the orange mask so close to his face. "What are you talking about? I didn't say anything about multiple personalities."

"Yes you did," Nanichi piped up. "I heard it all the way over here."

"No I didn't," Aiden denied, backing up as he caught a flash of red through the eyehole of Tobi's mask. "You're hearing things. I said a psychotic plant man who suffers from multiple personality disorder."

Itachi surprised everyone by walking over to pick the male off the floor and drag him over to the loveseat, where he placed Aiden in his seat while opting to stand behind the piece of furniture. "Please continue."

Pein subtly glanced at Tobi, who hopped back over to where he had been leaning on the back of the couch between Drew and Deidara's heads. "Yes, now according to Rikku, the portal deposited her into an empty hallway containing a dead-end. From her description, it is possible that the corridor is within one of Orochimaru's hideouts, meaning that caution is highly advised." He threw meaningful looks to both Hidan and Deidara, who acted like they didn't understand his subtle implications.

"With the jutsu in affect, it has been suggested that only a small group go through the portal at a time. All of this is simple precautionary efforts. Orochimaru is the one who activated the jutsu; therefore there is no telling what additional effects he could activate. Smaller groups ensure that if he _is_ able to do so, hopefully not all of us will fall victim to them at the same time because we are separated." He paused to think about the next half of the suggestions that Itachi had added. "It was also suggested that the six of you be divided into each group. Whether the conditions are similar to the fair or not, the fact remains that none of you suffer from the same limitations we do."

Nanichi raised her hand, and Pein's eyebrow twitched slightly before he nodded for her to speak. "So tomorrow a tiny group of us, ninja and normal people, are going to invade this Oreo's evil lair?"

"Half of that statement is correct," Pein corrected. "There will be three groups in which two of you will be in."

"What's wrong with the other half, un?" Deidara asked, stealing the question that was about to be asked by Drew.

"We're not waiting until tomorrow," the leader answered. "Knowing Orochimaru, he is probably already aware of Rikku's intrusion. We are not giving him the chance to escape us." He stared heavily at the room full of people, members of Akatsuki and young adults who had only barely transitioned from being categorized as teenagers. "We attack tonight."

A heavy silence blanketed the room as everyone processed what he had just said. Suddenly Nicholas cackled, breaking whatever serious atmosphere had been within the room. "Shit just got serious!"

**~O~**

"Oh man, this place is creepy at night," Nanichi said, clinging to the back of Kisame's shirt as they stood in front of the playground. "Don't wander away from me shark-man."

He glanced down at her. "Since when have I been a shark and not a fish?"

"Shark sounds more deadly," Nanichi confessed as her eyes began to make shapes out of the shadows that only she could see. "Given the current situation, I need something more imposing than a fish."

"It is creepy, isn't it?" Aiden copied his cousin, minus the shark clinging. "I don't think I've ever been out here this late."

His musings came to an abrupt halt as Nicholas suddenly pounced on him, yelling loudly. Aiden screeched, and the sound bounced off the tree line that ran along the edge of the playground to create a sort of echo. Nicholas' cackles could be heard only after Aiden covered his mouth with his hand. "You are too easy, Aiden!"

His cackles stopped when he received a smack to the head by Pein, who made sure that the smack wasn't hard enough to trigger the jutsu. "Now is not the time to be behaving in such a childish way. Do you understand now why I assigned you to the group that stayed behind to guard the portal?"

Nicholas pouted while rubbing the back of his head. He was one of the ones who had complained about the group assignments as he hadn't been put on the group that would actually be going into Orochimaru's domain. Instead, he, Kaitlin, Sasori, and Itachi would be stationed on this side of the portal in case back-up was needed or Kabuto somehow managed to get through. Aiden, Tobi, Drew, and Deidara were _their_ back-up and would remain in the park in a better effort to contain whatever Kabuto may send after them. The "Portal Group", as Nanichi dubbed them, consisted of her, Pein, Konan, and Kisame.

The only other person who put up much of fight about the groups had been Hidan, and that was only because he had been left behind at Kaitlin's house. Brian had vehemently told Pein that he wasn't letting his niece be put in potential danger after examining her head injury, until Pein had decided to split the previous three groups into four. That and no matter how many different glares or stares he gave her, Rikku refused to budge from the couch. So Hidan and Kakuzu remained behind with the protective uncle and his niece after Madara had stealthily pulled Pein aside and all but ordered him to let the girl stay behind. This briefly made the Rinnegan wielder suspicious, but in the end he conceded.

Zetsu, like always, would function as the messenger, going back and forth between the groups whenever necessary.

But seeing how Nicholas was acting and the way Aiden had appeared to have finally snapped as he attempted to strangle one of his long time torturers, Pein wasn't even sure they would make it to the clearing.

"Ai-chan!" Tobi yelled uselessly, watching Drew attempt to restrain the male. "We shouldn't be fighting each other. We're a team!"

Aiden snapped his head to the masked man. "Oh yeah right! You'd be one of the firsts to throw everyone under the bus."

"Look out!" Nicholas cackled, fueling the fire. "It's when nerds strike back!"

Whatever sanity Aiden seemed to have held onto, snapped as he almost threw Drew to the side to tackle a surprised Nicholas. "I'm gonna kill you!"

"Whoa," Kisame said, watching Aiden jerk Nicholas around while strangling him. "He really has snapped."

"My family is full of genii," Nanichi confessed, watching Pein finally step in to pull Aiden off of the tattoo artist, who remained on the ground stunned by the sudden attack. "Every one of them has snapped at some point. Good news is, it usually makes them less stuffy. Bad news is, there has been one of two who went on to become serial killers." She watched as Aiden managed to kick Pein in the face and free himself to tackle Nicholas again. "I'm kinda scared that he may be one of those."

"This is ridiculous," Kaitlin muttered and stomped over to pull the genius off their resident crazy. She shoved him to the ground, and when he attempted to get back up, she placed on a foot on his chest and roughly pushed him back down. "Aiden welcome to the group because you've finally lost it. I know Nicholas has driven you crazy, but that doesn't mean you have to go and kill him. It's just how Nicholas is, and you should know that by now. So suck it up and act your damn age!"

Aiden blinked, his dark green eyes finally losing the manic glint that had appeared. Kaitlin let him sit up, where he just sat blinking. He glanced over at Nicholas, who was rubbing his neck. "I am so sorry. I have no idea what came over me." Nicholas made a show of flinching away from him, which made Aiden feel even worse. "I've become a monster!"

"Jeez," Deidara groaned after seeing Nicholas smirk and Aiden collapse on the ground again. "You're such a drama queen, un."

"Are we done here?" Pein asked angrily, still upset about the lucky kick Aiden had managed to get in. "We've wasted enough time with your dramatics. Deidara, Drew, Tobi, Aiden, remain here. The rest of you follow me."

He marched off into the tree line, leaving the "Park Team" to get into whatever position they wanted and the other teams to slowly trail after him. Nanichi leaned over to Kisame. "Is he going to be this uppity all night?"

"There's a very high possibility of thunderstorms in the area."

"I can hear both of you!"

"Storm clouds have very good hearing."

Pein sighed at the woman's laughter. He sent them a withering glare that had little to no effect because neither of them could see it the dark. "Joking is over. This is very serious business."

"Yeah," Nicholas reiterated as he strutted over to join Pein in the front of the group. "It's a very serious manner. The first one to Kabuto gets to whack the guy's head off."

This gained the ninjas' attention, whether it made them excited at the prospect of killing four-eyes or exasperated at the way Nicholas so casually referenced it depended on the ninja. Konan and Itachi took the league as they were the only ones who knew the direct route to the clearing, and after a couple of minutes of griping, they stood in the peaceful clearing. The tattered remains of Hidan's shirt fluttered in the wind where it hung from the tree branch.

"I was expecting something more exciting," Nanichi confessed as Kisame hopped onto the branch to retrieve the shirt. "Like Kabuto standing here ready for us. At least one of his weird experiments would have been more climatic."

"Our main focus is Orochimaru," Pein reminded her. "Kabuto comes _after_ the jutsu has been broken."

"Darn," Kisame voiced for her. "I was hoping to have a little _chat_ with the rat before the snake."

Pein just shook his head and pointed at the group designated to stay behind. "If Kabuto appears, try to keep him here. Don't attack unless he instigates the fight, but the odds of him doing so are slim."

"Hey, if he pops up I'll be the first to give a welcome present," Nicholas said confidently. "You're not the only ones he's tried to kill."

Pein nodded and stepped into the tree without further ado. They watched him disappear, followed closely by Konan and Kisame and Nanichi bringing up the rear. Nanichi blew them a cheeky kiss before stepping in.

As soon as they were through, Nicholas clapped his hands together and turned to his group. "So, bets on whose gonna die first?"

"Nicholas!" Kaitlin admonished even as Zetsu made the first bet, which happened to be Nanichi. "Zetsu he doesn't need encouragement!"

Itachi ignored them as he began to absently walk the perimeter of the clearing, and Sasori settled down beside a tree to wait. Zetsu shrugged and vanished into the ground to inform the others that the operation had begun.

**~O~**

"'Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200'."

"Fuck this game! It's a shitty game anyways," Hidan growled while throwing his doggy trophy across the room. He left the room in a huff, leaving behind three undisturbed, _mature_ adults to continue their game of Monopoly.

"Let's just put his assets in the middle," Rikku suggested, referring to what she and her uncle often did when Nicholas left in the middle of a game. "Whoever lands on 'Free Parking' gets ten dollars and the lowest costing property on the board."

Kakuzu grunted and put the two pink pieces of paper and the worthless property in the middle of the board before taking his turn. He landed on an un-owned property lot and immediately bought it. Brian, the banker for the game, gave him the deed and rolled the die. He landed on the same space and paid Kakuzu before the money hoarder could demand payment. "I've never liked this game. There's too many numbers involved."

Rikku rolled and bought the space she landed on. "Why did you always play it with me then?"

"You were never an easy child to make happy."

Rikku glared as Kakuzu surreptitiously moved his game token one space after the "Go to Jail" space. "Kakuzu, have you lost your ability to count? Go to jail."

"I believe you're the one who is mistaken," Kakuzu said, leaving his top hat on the space. "I counted out the spaces correctly."

Rikku smirked and held out her hand. "Then you owe me rent."

Kakuzu's top hat went into the jail space, and he paid the fifty required to get out before Brian even began his turn. "Is paying rent that much worse than being in jail?"

"It isn't paying the rent," Kakuzu said, watching Brian's game piece to see if it landed on one of his properties. "It's the fact that the money's going to her."

"Oh, that makes sense," Brian said sarcastically as he landed in the safe zone, meaning the space belonged to neither the miser nor his niece.

Rikku was taking her turn when Zetsu appeared in the room with them. Only Uncle Brian looked up as the other two concentrated on the board. "Oh look! Plant Man has returned to us!"

"What are you three doing?" Zetsu asked as he watched Rikku work the bank due to her uncle's distraction. "Wait, is that the game that Hidan running around in a skirt for a week? **No, that was **_**Hidette**_**. **That's right. Nicholas was calling him that all week." He watched Rikku demand her rent from Kakuzu. "I thought you were too unwell to do anything."

"I am," Rikku said, putting her money in color-coded stacks. "I have this common ailment called laziness. I should be better by tomorrow morning."

Kakuzu chuckled as the game continued without Brian. Zetsu shook his head and began to disappear into the floor. "I just came to tell you that Pein and his group have entered Orochimaru's hideout."

"Joy," Rikku said sarcastically as she collected two hundred dollars for passing GO. "Come back if someone dies."

She barely caught Zetsu's eye roll as he vanished into the floor. Hidan came in from the kitchen with a tub of ice cream in one hand and a spoon in the other. "Who the fuck is winning?"

**~O~**

Nanichi was, surprisingly, the first to tumble out of the portal, literally. When it finally spat her back out, she tripped and rolled onto her back. Pein, Konan, and Kisame didn't have the same problem, as they landed gracefully like the ninjas they were. She scowled up at them. "Show offs…"

Kisame grinned down at her. "What happened to you?"

"Be quiet shark-man."

He chuckled, and Pein interrupted before any insults could be traded. "We're all here?" He ignored Nanichi's glare at his obvious question as he counted. "Good, now we need to-"

He was cut off as Kisame froze in the middle of helping Nanichi up and dashed down the hallway and to the left. "Hey!" Nanichi exclaimed as she fell back down on the ground. With a growl, she took off after him.

Pein watched them run off with a glare. "When this is all settled, I'm putting all the Akatsuki members through two months of training on how to _listen_ to their leader. And after that, I'm going to give them so many worthless missions that they will never think twice about disobeying me again."

Konan gave an airy chuckle and followed the leader to find out why Kisame suddenly ran off. Meanwhile, Nanichi was barely able to keep up with the Kiri ninja, who ducked down corridors as if he actually knew where he was going.

"Kisame!" Nanichi panted as she ran after the man. "Where the hell are you going?"

Kisame didn't pause as he turned down another hallway and out of her sight. She took the same turn and ran smack into where he had stopped in front of a door. He grinned down at her as she whined about him suddenly stopping. "I thought you wanted me to stop."

"Not so quickly that I would run into you!" she complained and rubbed the butt she had fallen on.

She continued to complain about how her butt hurt now while Kisame kicked in the door. She paused as the door came off its hinges. "Whoa, I hope Oreo doesn't mind the destruction we're causing."

"Even if he does, I don't," Kisame said, walking into the room. Nanichi chased after him again but paused when she noticed the contents of the room. Jeez, she never knew there were so many different kinds of knives! Short ones, long ones, sharp ones, dull ones, oddly shaped ones—they were all scattered around the room in different states of disarray. She even had to hop off over a pile of knives that had a hole at the end of the handle.

She picked up a star shaped knife. "What are we looking for?"

Kisame grunted, and she was about to tell him that wasn't an answer when he shoved a line of swords that had been leaning against the wall out of his way. They fell with a clatter, and she couldn't help but jump and watch the door for some enemy to pop up. When none did, she turned back to see Kisame holding a huge sword wrapped in bandages.

"Sweet!" she exclaimed as she ran up to him. "So this is your sword?"

He nodded with a proud grin, and he was about to tell her all about Samehada when she reached out to touch it. He jerked the sword back. "Don't touch it unless you want to lose a hand."

Her hand fell back to her side, but she stepped closer. "This is so much cooler than you described," she said in awe. "Or how the video game depicted it."

He blinked, and she jumped when the blade began to gently vibrate. "Whoa! Does your blade do that all the time?"

He shrugged—sometimes it did. Nanichi waved the strange occurrence off and went back to looking at it from different angles. "Whatever, it's still cool."

Kisame spun the blade around to rest on his back. It fit perfectly and the weight was welcomed after its long absence. A glint of red caught his eye and he turned to see a three-bladed scythe leaning against the opposite wall. "Won't Hidan be happy to see that?"

Nanichi walked over to the scythe he pointed out and picked it up, or attempted to pick up as the bladed end weighed more than she had anticipated and immediately fell to the floor. "What the-how does he even hold this up?"

Kisame walked over to easily pick the scythe up. "Anyone with upper body strength could pick it up."

"Ha ha," she laughed sarcastically and backed away when he attempted to put it on her back. "Hey! What are you doing?"

"Someone needs to carry it," Kisame said, grabbing her shoulder and forcing her to remain still as he strapped it on. "If we leave it here and Hidan finds out then he'll never stop bitching about it."

"Can I cut Kabuto's head off with it?"

Kisame grinned. "If you can pick it up."

"Don't mock me."

"Kisame, Nanichi," a deadly voice came from the door. Nanichi and Kisame sheepishly turned to an angry leader and Konan.

Nanichi pointed at Kisame. "Kisame took off first."

He pointed right back at her. "She followed."

Nanichi pouted at the accusation, but Pein glared equally at the both of them as Konan tried not to smile. Pein's eyes darted to the weapons on their backs and his glare let up with a sigh. "You could have just told us you were chasing after your sword."

Kisame gave him a sheepish grin and Nanichi jumped in to defend him. "He was so overcome by excitement, he just didn't think before he ran off."

He gave her a grateful grin, and she went back to adjusting the strap that kept Hidan's scythe on her back. Konan blinked at the deadly weapon on the girl's back, but Pein didn't pay attention. "Now that we're nearly on the _other_ side of the base, we have to back track."

"Maybe Oreo and his minion are on this side," Nanichi said helpfully as she followed. Her first step was a little wobbly with the weapon weighing her down, but Kisame shoved her forward and effectively put her back on balance. "You know, saying Oreo all the time is making me hungry."

"Then say his actual name," Pein said in annoyance while walking down the hallway in the direction they had come from. "_Orochimaru._"

"Are you serious?" Nanichi asked in shock. "I've been saying his name wrong this whole time and _no one_ thought to tell me?"

"I personally like Oreo better," Kisame confessed, and Nanichi ran into him as the scythe weighed her down on one side.

"I don't care what you call him!" Pein snapped loudly, and the two took a step back as he glared at them. "Find him and dispose of him so we can get back to our normal lives."

**~O~**

How could he have done that? How could he have almost _killed_ one of his best friends, the friend that had once defended him in high school? Although, Nicholas did start bullying him right after that…and has almost gotten him killed multiple times from sheer stupidity…there _was _that one time-

No! The point is Nicholas had never actually attacked him with the intent of killing him, no matter how close he may have come to doing so with Zetsu. Aiden had actually been _strangling_ him. That made Aiden worse than Nicholas. Aiden had crossed the line, the line that divided good and evil. He's was part of the Dark Side now!

…where the hell were his cookies?

"Aiden?"

Aiden let loose a shriek and smacked his head on top of the plastic dome that he had been brooding under. How did kids play under this thing? He rubbed his now tender head and turned to see Drew sticking his head through one of the openings near the top. "What? Can't you see I'm busy punishing myself?"

Drew gave him a blank look reminiscent of one of Sasori or Itachi's famous blank looks. "Aiden, you are taking this thing way too seriously."

"How could you say that?" Aiden nearly yelled in disbelief. "Did you not see how I nearly killed Nicholas?"

"Yeah, and I've seen how he almost does the same with you every day," Drew said, leaning on the opening. "Dude, get over it. He had it coming to him."

Aiden's green eyes grew wide as he viewed Drew in a new light. "What has happened to make you so nonchalant about these things?"

"Deidara," he answered with a grin. "And partly Sasori. It's hard not to pick up a thing or two from them when they practically live with you."

"Where is Deidara?" Aiden asked, his brooding coming to a close as he peeked out of the little hole he had crawled through. Neither Deidara nor Tobi were in sight, a fact that he should have realized when the park got too quiet. "Where did they go?"

Drew shrugged. "Tobi said something stupid and Deidara got offended in some way. The last I saw them, Deidara was trying to shove one of his clay spiders through Tobi's mask hole, and Tobi ran screaming into the woods." Drew paused long enough to glance over his shoulder. "Speaking of Tobi, what were you talking about back at Kaitlin's?"

"I don't know," Aiden said immediately, tensing up. "I was being very emotional then."

"It was something about not having to worry about being killed by a man with multiple personalities," Drew insisted, trying to catch Aiden's eye as the older male refused to look at him. "I was just wondering if you noticed it too."

Aiden choked. "Too? How long have you known?"

"That Tobi sometimes doesn't act like Tobi?" Drew clarified and continued when he received a nod. "Since about...the time they turned back into people."

Aiden blinked. It wasn't a secret that Drew was the more observant one of the group. He often noticed things that would frequently be overlooked—a misplaced picture, a hidden pack of cookies in the pantry, a small figurine missing from a big room, he noticed most everything. But Tobi had never once dropped his kid-like persona. Had he?

"He's actually pretty good," Drew was saying with a tinge of respect. "But there are some times when he gets too still or sneaks off for no reason. And he's a lot smarter than Deidara gives him credit for. I sort of noticed that when they cats, and Tobi would deliberately trap Deidara in the cabinets. It's actually funny now that I think about it."

Aiden stood up from his seated position, temporarily forgetting his current height restriction and banging his head again, and looked Drew directly in the eye. "Tell me the truth: are you just guessing about Tobi or do you _know?"_

The brunet drew back a little to restore his personal space that Aiden had so suddenly invaded. "Know about what? That it's a possibility that Tobi has multiple personalities? I don't know for certain, but it's a very big suspicion of mine."

Aiden grasped Drew's shoulders and pulled him close enough so that their noses were touching. "Do not, I repeat, _do not_ let Tobi know that you might suspect something."

"You're starting to scare me Aiden."

"You should be scared."

Aiden let him go and crouched down to peer through the half-hole he had somehow squeezed through earlier. "Now, how do I get out of here?" He watched Drew's sneakers shuffle in the woodchips that littered the playground. "How did I even get in here?"

As he tried to figure out the best way to get out, he didn't notice Drew's feet suddenly pause and turn away. He stuck a hand out and wiggled it around. "Drew, pull me out."

Instead of grabbing his hand, Drew fell to the ground and reached in to cover Aiden's mouth. "Shh!"

Aiden glared at him and asked a muffled question only to be shushed again as Drew looked towards the trees. Aiden's eyes followed the path of Drew's, but all he saw were the trees and the shadows cast by them. "Mumph iph or pobum?"

"Deidara's about five feet tall, right?" Drew asked in a hushed voice. Aiden gave a "WTF" look even though he couldn't see. "You're right…Deidara's shorter than that, and Tobi isn't seven feet tall." He paused. "No, Kisame went with Pein and Kakuzu's back at the house."

Aiden wrenched his hand off. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Shh!" Drew leaned down to look at him through the hole. "There's something in the trees!"

The genius looked back at the trees and saw the same thing he did before: nothing. "Drew, there's nothing there."

"Stay in the…dome," Drew insisted straightening back up and temporarily stepping out of Aiden's line of vision. A surprised kitten was thrown through the hole above Aiden's head, and he screeched as the kitten latched onto his scalp with sharp claws. "Protect Chip for me while I go find Deidara."

"Drew!" Aiden shouted quietly as he sat up to watch the brunet swiftly run towards the tree. "Are you crazy? If there is something out there, what makes you think you can stop it?"

Drew stopped to look back at him and shrug. "I don't! I'm just going to find Deidara."

Aiden and Chip watched him vanish. "At least leave your keys for me to get into your car!" Silence fell onto the park, making it even more eerie. And thanks to Drew, every shadow had its own seven feet tall shape. Chip meowed, and his eyes darted up to where the kitten still sat on his head. "I don't know; we might die."

Chip leaped through the hole, and Aiden watched the kitten dart across the park. "No wait! Chip, don't leave me!"

The kitten ignored him and was gone before he could shout anything else. Aiden watched the trees a second longer before sitting back down and pulling his legs to his chest. "I'm all alone…why do I have to die alone?" He froze as the creepy noises of the night seemed to intensify. "I hate them all!"

"Hate who?"

Aiden's eye twitched as the green head of Zetsu poked out of the ground in front of him. "Why me?"

**~O~**

"Gah, I'm so bored!"

Sasori looked up from where he sat. "What did you expect?"

"Action!"

Sasori sighed and turned his attention back to where Kaitlin was attempting to make conversation with Itachi. "Why do you have bags under your eyes?"

"Hn."

"How come your hair's so long?"

"Hn."

"Why do you only talk with one syllable?"

"Hn."

"Do you even know what that means?"

Itachi looked as if he was really going to answer her before grunting once more. Kaitlin sighed and barely looked in Sasori and Nicholas' direction as she kept trying. "Why does Rikku hate you now?"

The Uchiha looked up, as if the answer could be found in the leaves above them before sighing. "I may have purposely put a program that Aiden developed on her computer that acted as a common virus." He looked at Kaitlin and saw her look of absolute shock. "What?"

"You answered the question." He gave her a "so what?" look. "I don't even think you've ever spoken to me."

Itachi was sighing as Nicholas asked, "Why did you even do something for him?"

"Why are you hanging upside down from a tree branch?"

Nicholas glared and stuffed his falling shirt into his pants…_again_. "Personal choice. Now answer my question pretty boy."

Kaitlin looked at him expectantly, and Itachi sighed once more. "It was repayment for when he got the money for me to repay Nanichi for the damage I did to her truck. It was either that or run around in a giant rat suit."

"What?" Sasori couldn't help but ask, but his question was drowned out by the insane laughter above his head.

Nicholas was still laughing as he attempted to grab ahold of the branch he hung from before he fell out of tree. "A rat suit? You're saying that Aiden works at _Chuck E. Cheeses?_" His hand slipped at the same time his legs gave out and he fell to the ground, but Sasori broke his fall. He was gasping for air as Sasori shoved him off. "He's been working at _Chuck E. Cheeses_ this whole time? For three years?"

Nicholas was now laid up on the ground, just giggling. Sasori stood and walked across the clearing to where Itachi and Kaitlin stood. Kaitlin ignored him, as he was getting used to. "Does he really work at Chuck E. Cheeses?"

Itachi seemed to think about his answer. "That was the name that covered the building, inside and out."

Nicholas' laughter started anew, but he was ignored by them. "I thought he worked in like, a computer store or something."

"Since when did you expect something normal?" Sasori asked, and, as he anticipated, was ignored. Kaitlin skipped off to the tree that housed the portal, and Itachi gave him a blank look before walking to another uninhabited corner of the clearing.

Sasori sighed and tried not to twitch when an arm suddenly flung itself around his neck. "_Damn_, you seriously pissed her off."

The puppeteer picked the arm off of his shoulder. "She is just being childish."

"Ooh," Nicholas cringed and backed away. "Word of advice: don't tell a girl she's being childish. It keeps you in the doghouse longer."

"And what am I supposed to say?" Sasori questioned. "'Sorry I said the truth'?"

"Yes," Nicholas said seriously and paused. "Except you can omit the last part." He took Sasori's shoulder and walked him a short distance away to ensure their conversation wasn't overheard. "Look, I've dealt with Rikku the majority of my life and know how females work. She's not letting go of this thing until you say you're sorry."

"She shouldn't even be holding on to it," Sasori said pointedly.

"Look I don't know how a woman's mind works-"

"But you just said-"

"Shut up and take my advice shorty!"

Sasori shrugged the hand off and opened his mouth to retaliate before closing it again and taking a step to the side. Nicholas didn't have time to question his move as Deidara burst through the bushes and straight into him. Nicholas grunted as he bared the weight of the bomber, but it was thankfully short-lived as Deidara immediately jumped back up. "Where is he?"

"Who?" Kaitlin asked, walking over to him.

Deidara glared at her. "Tobi of course! The annoying, little- he took off into the woods after flinging woodchips at me, un!"

"You left Aiden and Drew behind to pursue Tobi?" Itachi said in his same monotonous voice, but by the way Deidara glared at him, it would seem that the Uchiha had accused him of killing them himself.

Sasori sighed and rubbed side of his temple where a headache was beginning to form. "I am sure Tobi has already backtracked to the park. You should the same, brat, before they manage to destroy half the park by themselves, and we do not need the attention that would attract."

Deidara opened his mouth to reply before closing it again and turning around. Puzzled by this behavior, everyone fell silent and waited for his response. "Did you hear that, un?"

"Hear what?" Nicholas asked as he was closest.

"I could have sworn-" Deidara cut himself off as another sound caught his attention as it seemed to do with the other two ninja. "Tobi! If that's you, come out and I may not blow you up."

Kaitlin squeaked as a deep growl answered the bomber, causing Nicholas to tense up along with the ninjas. "I don't think that's Tobi…"

"How observant," Sasori said, enough sarcasm coating his voice for Kaitlin to glare at him. He ignored her as more pressing matters needed his attention and turned to Itachi. "Do you sense anything?"

The tomoes of the Sharingan were already spinning as Itachi's eyes took in his surroundings. "No, not that I suspected to. Kabuto's experiments did not wield chakra the last time we encountered them."

A scream from the direction of the park startled the group and caused whatever was in the trees as it growl. Kaitlin's eyes widened. "That was Aiden! I recognize his scream anywhere."

Sasori took the initiative and shoved Deidara in the direction he had come in. "Go back. We will distract whatever is here."

Deidara nodded and ran off into the tree followed by a surprisingly quick Nicholas. Itachi's hand shot out of his pocket and there was another growl as whatever he had thrown made contact. Sasori pushed Kaitlin behind them as the tree limbs shook and their newest guest landed on the ground in front of them. The girl's eyes widened even more. "Okay, I may not have seen the ones that attacked the other groups, but I'm pretty sure they didn't look like _that._"

"Botched experiment," Itachi said simply, hiding his disgust as the misshaped form crouched before them. "Kabuto is not the most humane person."

What was before them appeared to be a sick combination of human and animal: the legs bent in a way similar to the hind quarters of a quadruped, yet somehow still amazingly human; sinewy arms that extended far longer than that of a normal human and were tipped with long, blackened claws; fangs that protruded from a mouth that was set in the face of a hybrid version of human and canine; and pointed ears that appeared to be missing certain parts around the edges and twitched back and forth whenever they made the slightest movement. Other than the obvious animalistic characteristics, the thing looked surprisingly human, an observation that didn't sit well with Kaitlin.

She looked as if she was about to faint at the sight of it. "This is just sick. How could someone do something so, so…disgusting?"

"You haven't even met Orochimaru," Sasori said, memories of the experiments he had witnessed going on around him coming to mind. "Kabuto is just the apprentice."

This didn't seem to help and neither did the feral growl the thing released as it crouched down, the function of its long upper limbs revealed as it positioned itself similar to an animal. "How did it get here without us seeing it?"

"We were not meant to see it," Itachi answered her, pushing her farther back as the creature prepared to pounce. "Kabuto anticipated our arrival and prepared himself."

With that said, the hybrid leaped at them.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yay, more Kabuto experiments...wait what? Yeah, couldn't resist adding more. After all that was what he had been doing for the past week.<strong>

**Wow, with only about three chapters left to go, I've gone back and seen how different this story was originally planned to go. Aiden was never meant to be a huge character (in fact I only planned to have him there for one chapter), the portal was supposed to be in the real Alfred's home, hence the reason why it was revealed that there _was_ a real Alfred so many chapters ago, three original chapter got scrapped when I decided they absolutely sucked, and Chip was supposed to be a squirrel for some reason o.O But I'm liking the way it turned out :)**

**Now I would like to hear your opinions on this matter: should Kabuto die or be mentally tortured? Because the way I'm seeing it now, it could got either way. Neither would be very detailed because with my mind that would mean I would have to boost the rating to M (not that the language wouldn't already justify the boosted rating...) **

**And on that morbid note, until next Saturday :)**


	25. How to Break a Jutsu

**AN: I'm so sorry I didn't get this chapter out on schedule! I didn't even have a chance to edit it until this morning. But at least I got it out! And I apologize in advance for my horrible "action scenes" (no seriously they suck)**

**DISCLAIMER: Twenty-five chapters in and I still own nothing but my OCs. What a shocker…**

* * *

><p>Adoption 101<p>

Chapter 25

How to Break a Jutsu

* * *

><p>"Come on slowpoke! I thought you were a ninja."<p>

Deidara growled as he swatted away another thorny branch that got caught on his jeans. Of course he was a ninja, but that didn't automatically give him night vision! How was Nicholas even able to dart around in the dark without a problem? A smirk spread across his face as he heard the sound of a grunt from ahead of him. "Damn trees! Sprouting up in front of my face—it's a conspiracy!"

Deidara's run slowed to a jog as he stopped beside Nicholas, who sat on the ground nursing his forehead. "What was that about being slow, un?"

"Look blondie, I won't hesitate to pull that ponytail you're so damn proud of from your head."

The blond extended a hand to drag Nicholas up, which he reluctantly accepted. "You're not even going in the right direction, un. It's that way."

He pointed off to his side right before he was tackled from that very direction. With a grunt, he and the unknown force fell to the ground in a tiny heap. The ninja lifted a balled fist in defense but was taken by surprise when his attacker squealed and hugged him. "I found you!"

"Huh," Nicholas said, looking down at the two. "Put an orange mask on him and we got a Tobi Jr…or an odd mix between Tobi and Drew. I haven't exactly figured out which one."

Deidara shoved the brunet away only to have him snap back when he removed his hands like a rubber band. "Drew, get off!"

Drew took note of the poorly restrained annoyance and jumped off, helping Deidara up afterwards. "I found you!"

"Yes, you've said that," Nicholas said coolly, and Drew seemed to finally noticed him.

"What are you doing here Nicholas?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I was looking for Deidara," he said, pointing at the topic of interest, "which I did. Now what are you doing?"

"Getting personal with the trees, un," Deidara said before Nicholas could answer. Nicholas' glare was unseen in the dark. "Now why did you come running into the forest to find me?"

"I was seeing things in the trees and thought you should be informed."

Deidara sighed and raked a hand through his loose hair. "So you thought to run right into the place where you saw the shadows?"

"Well, now that you say it like." Deidara and Nicholas groaned together at the apparent moment of stupidity on Drew's part. "But what else was I supposed do? I'd rather die searching for you than die listening to Aiden's drama!"

This restored Nicholas' demented humor as he cackled softly. Deidara just shook his head and grabbed Drew's shoulder to pull him through the brush. "Did you not hear Aiden's scream?"

"Oh yeah," Drew said, willingly allowing Deidara to drag him. Nicholas brought up the rear, and they continued at a slower pace than before. "But I just thought he saw a bug or something. He screamed like that once when a grasshopper hopped towards him."

Deidara frowned and pushed a bush's branches out of his way. "So I was running towards a man who fears grasshoppers, un?"

"I like how you don't even sound surprised," Drew answered, shrugging Deidara's hand off of his shoulder and grabbing the back of his shirt to stay on course.

"Slightly disappointed but not surprised." Deidara paused and looked off to his left. Drew stopped along with him but received a bump from behind as Nicholas ran into him, not knowing that they had stopped. "Where's Chip?"

"Back with Aiden."

"You sure?" Deidara asked, watching the bush to their side.

"Yeah," Drew said confidently. "I threw her into the dome he was brooding in before coming to find you."

Deidara pointed down at the ground. "I don't think she stayed."

The brunet opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by the familiar meow of Chip as she tumbled out of the bush to land at their feet. "Chip!" he yelled instead, bending down to scoop the tiny kitten up. "I thought I left you with Aiden."

Chip gave his nose a lick before cuddling into his cheek. He cuddled back and didn't pay attention to the other two males, who tensed and, in Nicholas' case, cursed. He did look up at the plaintive whimper and flinched back when he noticed two green eyes staring back at them from the bush. He laughed nervously and sidled closer to Nicholas. "I'm officially freaked out."

The bush quivered and Chip hissed in response, making the thing in the bush whimper again and back down. Nicholas looked between the kitten and the bush before a slow smirk spread across his face. "Whatever it is, your cat has made it her bitch!"

"Don't be so crude," Drew said while Deidara watched the bush. Whatever it was didn't seem inclined to attack them after Chip's reprimand. "What do we do with it?"

Deidara was all for blowing it up. It was likely one of Kabuto's abominations, and he didn't want it around. But the thing was so…wimpy was the only word that came to mind. It wouldn't even come out of the bush because a tiny kitten had hissed at it. Now normally this wouldn't have stopped Deidara, after all he had bombed entire villages without a second thought, but the fact that the kitten jutsu was in place made him hesitant. He was one of the surprisingly few who had not turned back into a kitten besides Sasori and Tobi. Even Konan and Kakuzu had changed back. But Deidara had miraculously avoided the transformation by falling back onto his original outlet: Tobi.

The fact that he didn't want to be a kitten made him step away from the bush. Keeping an eye on it, he gestured with his head for the others to follow him. "Come on, we still need to get back to Aiden, un."

The other two men followed the bomber, Nicholas bringing up the rear and keeping an eye on the creature in the bush, which followed them at farther distance. There was only one instant that made Nicholas throw a rock back at it, but it cowered back into the bush it currently occupied. "Damn, what the hell did Kabuto use to make that?"

"A scaredy cat," Drew said with little humor as the thing was starting to gain his pity. Deidara laughed, but Nicholas just scowled at the bush it was hiding in. "Leave it alone; it's not messing with us."

"It's following us for a reason," Nicholas retaliated and, spotting a gap in the trees that looked out onto the park, sighed in relief. "When this is all over, I hope you all leave. My mental stability can't take any more of this."

"Since when were you 'mentally stable,' un?" Nicholas didn't reply as one of Aiden's shrieks caught their attention. The group of three ran the rest of the distance and emerged from the trees to see a familiar sight. Aiden was curled up on top of the slide, glaring down at Zetsu, who grinned back up at him. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Aiden!" Nicholas yelled angrily while stalking up to the slide. Aiden flinched back but refused to release his grip on the flimsy railing. "Your damn scream made us think you were being attacked!"

"I am being attacked!" Aiden yelled back, pointing down at the Akatsuki spy. "He's not standing down there to catch me if I fall!"

"We thought it would be more prudent to remain with Aiden until his group reappeared," Zetsu explained with a shrug. "**He flipped out.**"

Aiden gave a frightened cry and pointed behind the group. "What the hell is that?"

As the group had walked towards the slide, the creature that had been following them had stepped out of the brush. Cat-like ears laid pinned to the top its head and it crouched down low to the ground, almost dragging its belly through the dirt. It skin resembled a Sphinx cat's for it appeared hairless and what little of the skin they could see was slightly wrinkled. Cloth that barely passed as clothes covered the majority of its body, and medium length, hairless tail could be seen swishing slightly behind it.

"Oh man," Nicholas said slowly while watching the mutated hybrid creep forward before suddenly stopping. "When the hell did we become a part of _Splice_?"

"Please don't mention that movie," Aiden said with a whimper. "I couldn't properly sleep for a week after I saw that."

"I know," Nicholas said, losing his surprised fear to look up at Aiden. "You called me every freakin' night at around midnight."

Chip hissed and the creature fell back a step. Actually seeing its fear for the first time, Drew hushed Chip and turned to Deidara. "I don't think it wants to harm us. It just looks scared, and it probably has a reason to be after what Kabuto did."

Deidara didn't answer him, just stared at him with one blue eye, before turning his attention back to the hybrid. It had pushed itself up from the ground a little and was watching Chip, with the occasional look at Aiden, who was cowering. "Kabuto made it for a reason, and I doubt it was meant to cower in fear, un."

"You never know," Drew insisted, taking a step forward. He paused when he realized it didn't flinch back with as much fear as it had before. "It's worth a shot, right?" The bomber just continued to give him that look, to which Drew glared back. "Humor my bleeding heart for the next five minutes."

Deidara finally gave a shrug. "It's your skin. But I've learned not to trust something just because it gives you a pitiful look, un."

Drew nodded and ignored Nicholas' hissed demand of "Drew, get your ass back over here!" as he stepped closer. Chip, who he held in the crook of his arm, tensed along with the others as they slowly got closer. The feline-mutation gave a growl, making Drew stop and slowly crouch down to its level.

"Hey there," he said softly, like he would one of the animals he worked with, and watched the ears flick forward. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I just wanna help."

Its claws dug into the dirt, and it growled deeply. Chip took offense to the growl and leaped from Drew's arm to stand protectively between them and hiss back. The pupil of its unnerving green eyes narrowed, and it stood from its crouch to tower of the brown kitten, and effectively tower over the crouching Drew. It leaned back down and let at spine-chilling yowl that sent Chip running back to Drew's arms. Drew immediately stood from his crouch and slowly backed away while watching it settle back down on its haunches. "Y-you know, maybe you were right Deidara."

Hearing Drew's slight stutter, it perked up and stood back on its hind legs, its back hunched slightly and its long arms falling past its knees. It snarled, pulling its upper lip back to experiment what the sight of its fangs would do. Drew's backward retreat sped up until he stood behind Deidara, whose hands were already molding clay. It seemed to enjoy the fear it inspired and yowled again.

"I told you," Deidara couldn't help but flaunt, a slightly manic glint entering his blue eyes at the prospect of showing off his art.

"Aiden shut up!" Nicholas snapped up to the whimpering man. The feline hybrid took a step back at his powerful, fearless voice. "You're fucking encouraging it!"

"Fear is making it more confident," Zetsu said calmly. "**Now that it has realized that the beings it once feared cower before it its true temperament is beginning to show.**"

"Either that or its picking up a personality as it goes," Aiden pointed out, sliding down the metal slide to join the others on the ground. Nicholas' words must have snapped him out of his dramatics.

"I don't care if it started attacking like a fucking princess," Nicholas said angrily. "Blow the fucker up!"

Deidara grinned at his suggestion, opening his hand to release to his clay bird. "If you insist, un." The bird flew across the space that divided them to the creature that growled back at them.

**~O~**

Itachi was oddly impressed with Kaitlin at the moment. She hadn't yelled/screeched since the creature appeared. Whimpered yes, but that had been understandable by its sudden appearance. The fact that she was able to somehow stay out of range of its attacks was another bonus, especially since it seemed to like chasing after her.

The blonde swerved around a tree and back behind Itachi and Sasori where they stood off to the side. "What are guys waiting for? Attack it something!"

"But you are doing so well," Sasori said, glancing back at her.

She glared. "It is not time for your sarcasm Sasori!"

"Oh, you're talking to me now?"

Kaitlin growled and turned to Itachi while the canine-human hybrid stalked in front of them. "Attack it!"

"We can't," the Uchiha said simply. Her uncharacteristic growl prompted him to continue. "It's not attacking us."

"So?"

"What if we turn back to cats?"

Kaitlin felt her jaw fall open before snapping closed with a glare. "You guys would be more helpful as kittens than you are now!"

"Ouch," Sasori said blankly, gaining the being's attention for a second before it went back to stalking. "When did you get so mean?"

"Being chased around a clearing by a fucked up experiment while two ninjas sit by and watch does that to a person!"

Sasori and Itachi stared at her, making her twitch. "What?"

"Did you even know she knew that word?"

"I did not."

Kaitlin glared at them and shoved them in the direction of Kabuto's lapdog. "Get rid of it!"

"It's following its instincts," Itachi said to Sasori casually while observing their opponent. "It has been targeting the weakest link this whole time."

The redhead nodded, ignoring Kaitlin's disgruntled "Hey!" "If it is ruled by instincts then we need to avoid cornering it. A cornered animal tends to be more hassle."

Itachi nodded and stepped aside for the beast to see Kaitlin. "Let it chase Kaitlin until it tires."

"What?" was the only word Kaitlin managed to get out before the creature charged at her again. With a yelp, she ran away from it as it gave chase. "Itachi!"

The Uchiha shrugged and looked at Sasori. The puppet master didn't seem thrilled by the plan but made no move to stop it. "She will definitely hate you now."

"At least this time she'll have a valid reason," Sasori said, watching the chase. Who knew the girl could run so fast?

"Is this petty revenge for her ignoring you all day?"

"No, it is using my resources effectively," the redhead said with a small smirk. "You should be aware of how useful that skill is for a ninja."

Itachi didn't reply as the girl veered off course and ran straight at them. They sidestepped, expecting her to run straight through the path they had created, but were surprised when she suddenly reached out to grab Sasori's arm. With a strength he wasn't even aware she possessed, Kaitlin swung Sasori to stand between her and the monstrosity. "If you guys are waiting for it to attack you then allow me to speed up the process!"

Sasori glanced over his shoulder to see the beast still charging before shoving Kaitlin over to Itachi, who caught her arm just as she was about fall past him. He sidestepped the charging beast and turned to watch it with blank brown eyes. The quadruped paused and turned around to examine Sasori in a surprisingly similar fashion. It stood straight up on its hind legs while continuing to observe him.

"It looks more human now," Kaitlin whispered as the thing walked eerily in front of the redhead.

"I may have been mistaken," Itachi admitted monotonously. "It may have some intelligence after all."

The hybrid feinted to the right before charging Sasori at a different angle. Sasori was unimpressed when he stepped out of its path. At the last minute, its hand shot out, eliciting a curse from the ninja as he jumped out of the way. His left sleeve had been torn, but the skin beneath it seemed unharmed. Sasori backed up a few more steps as the animal began its eerie pacing again. "It is definitely thinking now."

This time it skipped the feinting ploy and charged directly. Sasori sidestepped again, expecting it to run past him at it had before, but was only slightly surprised when it slid to a stop in front of him to deliver a rabid assault of claws and fists. Sasori efficiently sidestepped each attack but was taken by surprised when a leg suddenly shot out to hit him directly in the chest.

It was unfortunate that the hit connected, but they now had basis for its strength as the kick had sent Sasori skidding back a couple of feet and gasping for the air that had been abruptly expelled from his lungs. The hybrid's shoulders rolled, and it straightened up even more, barking out a laugh.

Sasori's eyes widened a bit as a thought dawned on him, the same thought that must have been going through Itachi's head as he tensed at the same time. Kaitlin's eyes flickered between the other three occupants in the clearing. "What? What's wrong?"

The now bipedal beast began to confidently strut in front of the staggered Sasori, emitting sounds that appeared to be more garbled gibberish than the animalistic growls it was exhibiting earlier. Kaitlin tugged on Itachi's sleeve, silently demanding answers. "We underestimated Kabuto's abilities."

"How?"

The beast reengaged Sasori, delivering stronger and less hesitant attacks. Not only was Sasori dodging claws and fists now, but he also had to keep track of where the beast's legs were. He wasn't even able to get in a hit as he was more occupied at dodging the relentless assault. The hybrid gave his throaty laugh as he managed to swipe his claws across the redhead's cheek.

"His experiments are learning to adapt."

**~O~**

"I spy with my little eye-"

"A brick wall."

"How did you know?"

Pein sighed at the quiet chuckle behind him. He should have chosen someone, anyone, other than Nanichi to come with them. She couldn't shut up for five seconds, and Kisame wasn't exactly helpful as he encouraged her. But Nicholas would have been louder; and Kaitlin was too soft-hearted; ditto for Drew; Rikku would have been good choice, if she had even been inclined to get off the couch; and Aiden would have whimpered at everything. Thus Nanichi proved to be the only logical choice.

He should have brought the cat instead.

"Man this thing is heavy," Nanichi quietly complained for the fifth time while readjusting the strap that crossed over her chest. "I'll tell you what, I would never survive in the world of ninjas." Kisame placed a hand on her shoulder to right her again. "Then again I could be the leaning-ninja-of-some-village."

Konan glanced back at them as Pein growled at the site of, yet another, dead-end. "If you lived here, you would not have to necessarily be a ninja."

"No way," Nanichi disagreed while moving over to let Pein backtrack. "If I lived here, I would totally have to be a ninja. What's the point of living in a world full of them if you can't be one?"

"Your signature jutsu could involve talking your opponent to death," Pein snapped before allowing his anger to retreat back into him. Being angry would not help the situation.

"Well you can glare people to death," Nanichi snapped back.

"I have."

The lavender haired woman stared at his back as Kisame and Konan passed her. "Damn, I have no comeback for that."

"Good," he said briefly glancing behind him. "Now shut up."

"You know, you are the rudest man I have ever met," Nanichi claimed, placing her hands on her hips while watching them walk further away. "And I know Nicholas, and let me tell you, being ruder than him is a feat all of its own."

Pein waved off her comment and turned down another hallway, Konan and Kisame following. Nanichi stood in place for a second before chasing after them. Only to find that when she turned down the hallway they took, they had already turned into the one of the two that connected to it. She dashed down the corridor and looked both ways. Both were empty, a fact that made her growl. "Why are ninjas so quick?"

Her grey eyes darted down both directions before she randomly picked one to follow. "I'm gonna laugh if I find Oreo-man before they do."

**~O~**

Sasuke stared down at the decimated remains of his former teacher. Orochimaru had served his purpose for the Uchiha, and he felt nothing as he turned away from the corpse. His eyes darted to the door, where he could have sworn he felt Kabuto's presence just seconds before, but when he walked out of the room, the corridor was empty.

Unconcerned, the teenager began to walk in the opposite direction with the intent of beginning the next phase of his plan: assemble a team to locate Itachi. And the closest one he had mind was-

His thoughts came to an abrupt halt when he turned the corner and collided with an unknown object. He took a step back and blinked while the object fell to the floor with a yelp and a clatter from the scythe that was strapped to its back. Sasuke blinked down at it, her, as she griped about the fall. The color of her hair caught his eye, and he felt the insane urge to quirk an eyebrow at it. It couldn't be natural, after all who had purple hair?

…oh who was he kidding, he used to run around with a girl who had _natural pink_ hair. Now that his fascination with her hair was over, he looked down to see her staring straight at him with her mouth gaping open. Great, another fan-girl has been born.

He watched her struggle to stand with the oversized weapon weighing her down. He blinked again when he realized they were looking each other eye to eye. Girls were normally shorter than him by a couple of inches, and _no one_ looked an Uchiha directly in the eye unless they knew them personally, which this strange haired girl _did not_. Her mouth opened, and he waited for the flirting to begin.

"Do you know your hair looks like a duck's ass?"

Sasuke blinked. That was…different. And then she reached up to tug on his bangs. "What kind of gel do you use? Or is it natural? Nicholas uses this gel that's in a spray can, but denies that it's hairspray."

The youngest Uchiha snapped back to reality and slapped her hand away. "Keep your hands to yourself."

The woman scowled, but her hand retreated like he had wanted. "Is everyone from this world rude? Seriously, how hard is it to _ask _instead of demand?"

This time, he did quirk his eyebrow. What was up with her? No matter, it was none of his concern, and he went to sidestep her, only to have her step back in front of him. "I'm not done with you yet, Mr. All-high-and-mighty. I need directions out of this maze, most preferably in the direction of Oreo."

Oreo? Who the hell was Oreo? Sasuke shoved her none to gently to the side and watched the scythe on her back weigh her down into the wall. "It's none of my concern. Find your own way."

She let out an offended huff and whipped her long hair back over her shoulder. "Look here beanpole, you do not shove a lady into a wall! Does no one here know what manners are?"

Sasuke felt his annoyance slowly turning into anger. "Why can't you just swoon so I can leave?"

The woman looked him up and down. "I would swoon, but you're a little on the scrawny side. I prefer men that actually—how do I put this politely?—_look like men."_ The teenager glared at her. How dare she so blatantly insult an Uchiha? She didn't seem to realize her faux pas as she tilted her head to look at him from a different angle. "You know, when I tilt my head like this, you sorta look like Itachi."

She yelped as she suddenly found herself shoved into the wall behind her. Sasuke leaned in close. "Where is he?"

Nanichi struggled to get her leg in the perfect position to kick him but was denied the chance as the kid was suddenly flung off of her. She glanced up to see Kisame smirking down at her. "Where the hell did you go?"

"I could ask you the same question," he replied, ignoring the angered Uchiha teen standing down the hallway where he had been flung. "The only reason we noticed you were gone was because it got too quiet."

"Ha ha," she said sarcastically. "I was looking for Oreo-man."

"Well we found him," Kisame said, jerking his thumb towards the hallway Sasuke had come from. "He's dead, which honestly isn't surprising. We felt the jutsu break a couple of minutes ago."

"Aw, so you can't be Catfish anymore?"

Sasuke's eyes darted between the two, having gotten lost in the conversation the instant they started talking. But no matter, there was only one thought going through his head at the moment. "Where is Itachi?"

The missing-nin looked towards him with his beady black eyes. He grinned sharkily, an image that made Sasuke twitch. But the woman looked nonplussed by the look as she punched him in the arm. "Itachi wasn't able to come this time, but I'll give him whatever message you may have for him."

Sasuke twitched again at the older man's mocking tone. "Where is he?"

"Not within your reach boy," a voice from behind the tall Kiri ninja said, and they stepped aside to allow the ginger to walk in front of them. An older woman with indigo hair stepped up behind him. "Where is Kabuto?"

Sasuke gave a mix of a snort and grunt. "He probably fled the moment he realized his master was dead."

He examined the ninjas closely, noting the strange clothes they wore. He had never seen them before but could only assume that since they traveled with Itachi's partner, they must have been part of the Akatsuki as well. Sasuke wasn't arrogant enough to believe he was strong enough to take on three members of the terrorist group at the same time. His conclusion caused him to fall back into his indifferent stance, though he still remained on guard. "Tell Itachi that his end is coming soon."

"Oh how dramatic," he heard the purple haired woman mutter as he turned his back to them. He glanced over his shoulder to deliver a glare and got a tongue stuck out at him in return. "Kabuto's lab is on the other side of the base."

Nanichi watched the young teenager vanish into thin air. "He's a rude little bastard."

Pein ignored her gripe and slapped her on the back of the head, sending her tumbling forward with a yelp. "That's for wondering off."

"I did not wander off!" she defended, grabbing the back of her head. The jutsu was definitely broken. "You guys left me!"

"Keep up," was his reply as he stalked down the hallway in the direction Sasuke had pointed out.

Nanichi pouted even after Konan gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder and looked up at Kisame. "What crawled up his ass?"

Kisame shrugged and pulled her along with him. He wasn't about to witness another Pein Fit because she got left behind again. "It was very anti-climactic to find Orochimaru dead. I think he was hoping to do it himself." He stopped to wiggle his fingers in front of her face. "We got our rings back though."

Nanichi blinked at the yellow ring on his left ring finger. "Cool, where'd you find them?"

"Some storage room. Orochimaru was a hoarder."

"Too bad he's dead; we could've got him on that show."

"The dramatic show about people who are too emotional to clean?"

"Yeah, that one."

"…he would have fit right in."

Pein glanced back at the lagging duo and was about to snap at them before Konan calmly placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let them talk. That way we can concentrate on finding Kabuto while Kisame concentrates on keeping Nanichi preoccupied."

He nodded and the two of them ran ahead to find the manipulative medic before he had a chance to escape.

**~O~**

Sasori felt the instant the jutsu was broken and could only assume that the others could too. It was like a rubber band being stretched its limit until it finally snapped; only this snapping rubber band resulted in a flood of released chakra. Which, considering the situation, wasn't a bad thing—the canine mutation they were fighting against had adapted to fighting them both at the same time. How it adapted so quickly had them both stumped, but Itachi had jumped in to deliver a quick ending blow only to have the creature swing around and nearly gut him. It hadn't even paused before swinging back around in an attempt to smash Sasori's head into a nearby tree.

But now that their chakra had been released…the thing didn't stand no matter how fast it adapted. The ninjas were now much faster and stronger, something Kabuto hadn't counted when developing his hybrid fighters. The dog couldn't hide his confusion when Sasori suddenly vanished, only to reappear on the other side of the clearing behind it with Itachi.

Kaitlin, who had been standing on the sidelines watching, looked over at where they had reappeared. "Cool! I never saw you guys do that before."

"We never had the chakra to waste in order to do it," Sasori said, looking up at the Uchiha, whose Mangekyō Sharingan had replaced the normal one. "This has been a complete waste of time. Would you like the honor of ridding us of this monstrosity?"

Itachi nodded but paused long enough to look at Kaitlin. "Turn away."

"What? Why?" Kaitlin asked as the creature finally realized where they were and was stalking towards them.

Itachi put his hand on top of her head and turned her to look at Sasori. "I have a feeling that letting you watch would not be the smartest thing to do."

Sasori shook his head at the blonde's questioning look. "Just listen to him."

"Okay but-"

Her words were cut off by a suddenly loud and painful wail. She tensed and resisted the urge to look in the direction of the dying cry and instead focused on Sasori, who, to her surprise, pulled out a miniature puppet, which looked like a simple art mannequin. "I never got to finish the puppet I was working on."

She blinked at the random topic. "You looked like you had."

"No," he said, attaching his chakra strings onto the mannequins joints. The task appeared to be much simpler than it had the other times she had witnessed it. "The hidden weapons I had planned fell through. They would not have done much damage to a ninja anyway, although I did perfect a mild poison that would paralyze an opponent for a short time."

"Why didn't you use that?" Kaitlin asked. She barely noticed when the wails ceased.

Sasori looked slightly sheepish as he admitted, "I may have gotten the vials mixed up before leaving your house. I picked up the unfinished poison instead of the one that had been perfected." He looked off to the side, prompting Kaitlin to follow his gaze. Where Kabuto's experiment had stood was nothing but black scorch mark on the ground. "Now that that is over, let us go find the brat before he blows up half the city."

As if to support his claim, the loud sound of an explosion came from the direction of the park. Kaitlin's eyes widened while Sasori sighed and Itachi wiped the last bit of blood from his face with the sleeve of his black shirt. "Sasori didn't mean what he said; please don't let half the city be gone."

Sasori stepped forward and paused to look at Itachi. Itachi nodded at him. "I will stay behind while you two go to investigate."

"It couldn't be that bad," Kaitlin insisted, edging towards the explosion. "Zetsu would have appeared to tell us…right?"

"Possibly," Sasori said while Itachi answered with a flat "No." Sasori stepped forward and held his arms out. When he received a blank look from her, he sighed. "It will be faster for me to run than for us both to struggle through the brush."

Kaitlin didn't look particularly happy as she stepped close enough for him to scoop her up into his arms. He jumped into the nearest tree without delay and grunted when her arms suddenly restricted his air flow. "I guess now wouldn't be the right time to tell you I'm terrified of heights."

"No," he said jumping to the next tree. She whimpered and buried her head into his neck, making him twitch uncomfortably. "Just don't look down."

Itachi watched them disappear before turning back to the tree that linked their worlds. Now all he had to do was wait for the five on the other side to get back. The joys of being a genius.

**~O~**

Minutes before the jutsu was broken, Deidara was staring down from where he stood on his bird about twenty feet in the air. He was having a hard time keeping it up as his chakra was steadily depleted. But he wasn't focused on that at the moment as he watched Nicholas verbally assault the cat hybrid.

"You little fucker!" the slightly psychotic male yelled. The thing hissed while jumping onto the top of the monkey bars. "Get down here and fight me like a monster! You're giving pussycats a bad name!" Deidara chuckled as the thing avoided Nicholas all together and charged over to where Drew was standing by the swing set. "Hey, don't ignore me!"

Drew threw one of the spiders that Deidara had given him earlier and darted away as Deidara held his fingers together to detonate it. Normally he would have Tobi do it, and admittedly it worked more effectively with the masked ninja being able to place the bombs quickly and efficiently, but Tobi had yet to return from his jaunt in the woods. Deidara was actually starting to believe that the idiot was dead or hurt, but he was hoping more for the dead part. Either way, until Tobi showed back up, Drew would serve as a useful substitute.

The spider exploded, sending the creature shrieking in pain as its sensitive skin burned. Deidara's bird dropped five feet at the expense of chakra, but he paid little attention to it and guided it to fly above Zetsu and Aiden, who stood off to the side as neither wished to fight. And with the efforts of Deidara, Nicholas, and Drew, they didn't have to.

Zetsu had revealed quite a disturbing ability as he had split apart into two separate beings. Black Zetsu was the one who stood next to Aiden, the current situation perhaps the only thing keeping the plant ninja from tormenting Aiden. White Zetsu had gone off to play his part as messenger and had yet to return, the reason for which Black Zetsu wouldn't tell the blond. He just kept saying that it was none of the bomber's business.

Aiden was watching the fight with only mild interest and a look that hinted he might know more than he was saying. It was a look similar to the Uchiha and his danna, and the man was slowly loosing what little respect Deidara may have felt towards him.

The wailing of the creature regained his attention, and he looked over to see the burned spot on its skin slowly shrinking. That was new. Drew seemed to notice too and ran further away from it. Nicholas was unconcerned as he continued to yell obscenities. Aiden looked up to where Deidara was still hovering above him. "It's recovering way too fast for your tiny bombs to have any effect on it anymore."

"You think?" Deidara snapped back at the obvious statement. "I don't have enough chakra to make them bigger, un."

The beast shook its head as the burn completely healed and turned to Nicholas, who glared back at it. Throughout the fight, it had retained its unhealthy fear of Nicholas, who was the only one who didn't back down to its roars. Deidara had made the mistake of retreating from it once and lost the fear he had induced. Now it pulled back its upper lip in an effort to make Nicholas do the same, but received a sneer from the male.

The faceoff lasted long enough for Deidara to jump to the ground and land beside Aiden and send the giant sculpture hurtling through the air to ram the hybrid. The bird exploded on contact, making a bigger explosion than the spiders but not one that satisfied the artist.

The park was silent after the bomb went off, and Nicholas walked fearlessly up to the shallow crater it had produced. "About fucking time the thing went down. I was starting to get annoyed."

He jumped away from the crater as the being jumped up and swiped its claws across his face. He winced at the pain the scratches induced and stepped back to place a hand over them. The hybrid snarled and jumped forward to deliver another attack but was distracted by the spider that was thrown at the side of its head. Nicholas hurried back as the bomb went off. He glared over at the artist. "What are you trying to do? Kill me?"

Deidara shrugged and frowned as Drew hurried over to him. "That's all the spiders you gave me."

"Can you mold more?" Aiden asked, keeping an eye on both Nicholas and the hybrid as they recovered from the sudden attack.

"Not without risking fainting from chakra exhaustion, un," Deidara said to himself and, contradicting his statement, pulled out another handful of clay from his pocket. "Where's Tobi?"

"**Currently unreachable,**" Zetsu said cryptically. The black side was much less talkative without his other half.

"I'm going to blow him up the next time I see him, un," Deidara complained as the mouths on his hands chewed the clay. "I'm serious this time. He's going to die, un."

"Deidara," Drew said worriedly as the hand spat the clay back out. "If you're really about to faint, then you should stop! Nicholas is capable of keeping it busy long enough for Zetsu to get one of the others."

Zetsu tensed. "**The others are busy with another hybrid.**"

"Then go get Kakuzu or Hidan," Drew insisted the worry of his friend pushing himself to far outweighing the fact that Pein had ordered the two to stay at the house.

Zetsu shook his head. "**I can't leave. It took too much chakra to split apart, and the white half took what was left to continue using the Mayfly technique. I'm as near to chakra exhaustion as Deidara is.**"

Nicholas cursed and barely dodges the hybrid's claws. "Whatever is gonna happen, better happen soon!"

Zetsu and Deidara tensed at the same time. The moment lasted for barely a second before they both sprang into action. Deidara pulled out his remaining clay and began to infuse his chakra into it while Zetsu simultaneously disappeared into the ground, only to pop up below Nicholas to pull him into the ground just as he was about to be gutted. Once Nicholas had disappeared, leaving behind a confused hybrid, Deidara released the clay that he had molded to fly straight at it. It went off before it even connected creating an explosion that was far greater than the ones that they had witnessed Deidara create. The light from it temporarily blinded them and the heat could be felt even from where they stood nearly on the other side of the park.

Deidara wore a satisfied smirk as he watched the shrubbery around the newly created crater smoldered. "Art is an explosion, un."

Aiden gaped while Drew turned to the blond. "I thought you were out of chakra."

"Pein and the others must have killed Orochimaru, un," Deidara said with a shrug. "I feel better than I have in months."

Zetsu sprouted out from the ground, dragging Nicholas along with him. The pierced young adult slouched to the ground and began to catalog the scratches he had received the last few moments of the fight. "That was more fun than the fights I used to get into back in high school." He winced as he touched the four scratches that covered his left cheek. "If those scar they better look cool!"

Zetsu poked the top of his head. "**It just looks like you got scratched by a cat.**"

"Shut up! That damn cat was pretty deadly."

Aiden started walking over to the trees where Sasori and Kaitlin suddenly appeared, Sasori wincing at the strangle-hold Kaitlin had on his neck. "I guess whatever they were fighting has been taken care of."

Sasori dropped the girl's feet, but she held on as the queasy feeling of jumping through the trees slowly faded. The redhead's brown eyes focused in on the crater before finding Deidara on the other side of the park. "Could you have created a more attention grabbing scene?"

Deidara shrugged and yelled back, "It was trying to kill us, un. I only did what was necessary."

The sound of sirens sent the calm and collected Aiden into a panic that was only calmed when Zetsu reached over and casually pinched the nerve in his neck. He fell to the ground by Nicholas, who cackled as usual. Sasori sighed and allowed Kaitlin to clutch the side of his shirt as they hurried across the playground. "I believe it is safe to assume that Pein would understand our retreat. I assume that they will return shortly and have the ability to reach Kaitlin's house on their own."

The Akatsuki members nodded, and Deidara helped Drew drag Aiden to his car, while Nicholas hopped into Nanichi's truck to drive it back so that the license plate wouldn't be traced back to her and she be accused of destroying the park. Kaitlin and Sasori got into her car and watched Zetsu vanish into the ground. Kaitlin stared at the destroyed park while the others left before sighing and starting up her vehicle. "I think the past few weeks have been more than enough excitement to last us the rest of our lives."

Sasori nodded absentmindedly and thought it was ironic that they passed a racing police vehicle not even a block away from the park.

**~O~**

Kabuto scowled as he quickly collected the belongings he would require. Nothing was going right lately. The Akatsuki should have been dead by now and instead a previously dead member had returned to their ranks. Lord Orochimaru was dead, and the annoying little Uchiha brat was off rounding up a team that would somehow benefit him in his goal to kill his brother. And to top it all off, he was drastically behind schedule!

The absurdity of the last part made him pause. The man he had been loyally following for years had just been killed at the hands of a broody sixteen-year old and he was upset because of lost time? He tugged the end of the knapsack closed and threw it over his shoulder. "_Perhaps it's time to take on a new identity,"_ he thought bitterly. He thought of the corpse on the other side of the base as he cautiously escaped from the room.

Kabuto was just about to turn the next corner when he tripped and fell to the ground face-first. This was an odd occurrence, seeing as how Kabuto was a ninja and the training he had received had made him a little more graceful, and he blinked when he was suddenly yanked back up and the dirt on his shirt was roughly patted away. "Whoops! Deidara-senpai is always saying I need to watch where I'm going!"

The medic-nin blinked behind his glasses at the orange mask that was in his face. "But maybe Kabuto-teme should watch who he picks fights with."

Kabuto's instincts kicked in and he quickly maneuvered out of the other ninja's grasp until he stood a couple of feet away. The Akatsuki's newest member stood in front of him, bouncing on the balls of his feet while watching Kabuto. Kabuto wasn't stupid; anyone who had wiggled their way into the Akatsuki's higher ranks was no pushover. Besides, the stupid ones were the ones you had to look out for.

"So," Kabuto stalled watching the wall behind the masked man. It rippled slightly, but Kabuto ignored it. "I imagine you're here to kill Orochimaru. Unfortunately, you were beaten to the punch."

The man shrugged. "I wasn't interested in him anyway." He took a step forward, causing Kabuto to take a cautious one back. "Tobi is more interested in the one who actively tried to kill us."

Kabuto's smirk was a proud one as his finest creation silently leaped from the wall to attack the childish man in front of him. His camouflaging beast had been the one he had focused on the most. Combining the DNA of a chameleon (camouflage), Komodo dragon (size), and cobra (venom) had not been an easy task, but the results had been worth it. How the creature was able to spit fire was still a mystery to him, but the beast was surprisingly loyal to him, so it wasn't a tremendous concern.

He expected the hybrid to rid him of his current obstacle but was shocked to see it pass right through the ninja and land heavily on the ground between them. It's black, scaly skin came into existence as it was knocked off balance. It released a huff as it shook its head and turned to face the masked man again. "Well isn't that impressive."

Kabuto backed up even more as the childish voice had turned deep and dark. His assumption had been correct—there was far more to this man than he let on. Which was why as his one and only reptilian hybrid attacked again Kabuto took the chance to flee. He wasn't fighting an opponent he had minimal information on, and the information he _did_ have appeared to wrong. For the time being, falling back was the most logical choice.

The huge reptile leaped at Madara again, and he sighed in annoyance. The incorrigible pest was instantly sucked through the hole of his mask and placed into another dimension until he felt the need to release it. Once it was gone, Madara growled at the expanse of empty hallway. The annoying ninja had gotten away _again._

"Madara?" He turned around to see Pein and Konan standing behind him, Pein being the one who had spoken. "What are you doing here?"

Now he could either admit that he had allowed the medic to escape, admit that his paranoia had prompted him to follow them, or… He flung his arms up and jumped on Pein. "Tobi found you!"

Yeah, falling back on "Tobi" was the best option.

Pein froze for a second before shoving him off. "Now is not the time to play."

Madara crossed his arms and pouted behind his mask. "Leader-sama, you're no fun! Tobi was just worried about you guys." He gasped dramatically and pushed them aside to attach himself to Nanichi as she and Kisame rounded the corner. "Nani-chan! You're alive!"

"Why do you sound so surprised," Nanichi gasped as the air was squeezed from her. "Can't…breathe…"

He released her and turned to Kisame. "Kisame-san found his sword!"

Kisame sighed at the attention he was being given. Fortunately, Pein saved him by dragging the masked man away. They stood farther down the hallway, Pein hissing at Tobi while the second man flailed his hands around animatedly but somehow kept his voice as low as Pein's. Konan stepped up to Kisame and Nanichi. "So, how has your first experience as a ninja turned out?"

"It sucked," Nanichi said point blank, causing Kisame to snicker. "I'd rather stick to video games and cartoons, thank you."

Konan slightly smiled, not at all surprised by the younger woman's answer. "Too bad, you may have had the potential to be a…fairly good ninja."

"Konan, I knew you were disgruntled about being the only woman in Akatsuki, but I wasn't aware that you were flat-out desperate."

She chuckled at Nanichi's statement but grew serious when Pein and Tobi rejoined them. Tobi bounced around them but Pein displayed a slightly annoyed look. "It would appear that Kabuto has fled."

"That sucks," Nanichi said, shifting her shoulders. "Can I go home now?"

Pein sighed. "Yes, there is nothing more here to be done. Itachi should be waiting for us to close the portal."

"Then how are you guys getting back?" Nanichi asked. "You're not planning on staying are you?"

"Of course not," Pein said, disturbed by the mere thought. "Kabuto will no doubt destroy this base in hopes of destroying us. It would be pointless for all of us to come through with the possibility of that happening. Itachi confessed before leaving that he could close this one and open a new one."

"Itachi-san is so amazing," Tobi said with (fake) awe. Of course, Madara had helped his younger family member, but Itachi had to take the full credit or else Madara's identity would be revealed. That was quite a blow to his ego.

"Right now, I wouldn't care if it was Tobi who could do it," Nanichi said, missing how the energetic man tensed. "I just want to go home and get some sleep. It's got to be pass midnight by now, and in case you've forgotten, you had us searching the city since eight o'clock this morning."

"Tobi's tired too," Tobi said with an exaggerated yawn. He threw his arm across Nanichi's shoulders, avoiding the scythe she still carried on her back, and started guiding her to where the portal was. "Nani-chan and Tobi are leaving now!"

Pein sighed and watched Kisame follow after them. Konan waited until her partner started walking before tagging along behind them, glancing back behind as she felt the niggling sensation of something watching. She paused long enough to deduce that nothing was in the hallway with them before hurrying to catch up.

**~O~**

Kakuzu cracked an eye open as another crash came from the second floor. If he had to guess, he would say that Brian was beating Hidan into submission. They had been banging around for the past half hour, ever since Hidan had snapped up from his comatose state on the couch when the jutsu had broken. He hadn't said anything to Kakuzu as he had ran out of the room with an evil cackle.

The front door opened and Deidara and Drew came trudging in, both of them carrying one end of Aiden. They grunted and tossed him carelessly onto the recliner and without a second glance collapsed on the couch opposite of Kakuzu. Kakuzu stared at them. "Well?"

"Well what?" Deidara asked. Kakuzu glared, and the blonde shrugged. "We fought more of Kabuto's things, Pein and them broke the jutsu, and then we came back before the cops could show up to arrest us for damaging public property, un."

"I'm tired," Drew said pathetically. Chip crawled out his pocket and sprawled across both of their laps. "Chip is too."

"You would never survive in our world," Kakuzu commented, and Drew shrugged. "I am assuming we're not leaving tonight."

"I'm not, un," Deidara grunted while leaning his head on the back of the couch. "This is like a mini-vacation, and I'm mooching as much of it as I can."

"We've been gone for nearly four months," Kakuzu muttered to himself as a bang from above made the two new arrivals jump. "…I'm four months behind on bounties…"

"That's all you worry about," Nicholas said, catching the very tail end of Kakuzu's statement as he entered the house. "Money, money, money! Do not _ever_ have sex with Rikku. You two would create the stingiest little brat known to man."

Drew blinked as he tried to stay awake. "But I thought Rikku didn't want kids."

"There is a God," Nicholas said, and no one in the room could tell if he was joking or being serious. He glanced around the room and glared when he realized there was nowhere for him to sit. "Where the hell is the loveseat?"

Kakuzu pointed over his shoulder. "Brian pushed it into the dining room earlier. Don't ask why."

Nicholas stomped out of the room and flicked Kaitlin off when she asked what was wrong as she and Sasori walked in. She shook her head and barely flinched when Hidan let out a loud curse from above. "I am so tired right now I don't even know if I can stay awake long enough for the others to get back."

"Drew didn't make it, un," Deidara said with a snicker as the teen beside him snored.

"Neither did Rikku," Kakuzu said, nodding to where she lay curled up on the couch beside him. "She fell asleep the instant Brian stopped fussing over her."

"Speaking of Brian," Sasori trailed off as he watched the man bounce down the stairs.

"Oh goody, you're all alive!" Brian exclaimed to the assembled group. "And we all know the other half of you are too smart to die. Speaking of dying, Kakuzu there's a dying wild animal that snuck into the house upstairs."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and said with a sigh, "What did you do?"

"I beat it to death with a golf club," Brian said joyfully before turning to Kaitlin. "Kaitie dear, I'll buy your father a new set of golf clubs to replace the ones I just used to protect myself from the savage beast."

"Don't worry Uncle Brian," Kaitlin reassured him, not even concerned over the fact that Hidan was supposedly dying upstairs. "He doesn't golf anymore, so he'll never notice if they're suddenly not there."

"Oh that's a relief. I didn't have the money to buy them anyway." He turned to see his niece curled up on the couch. "One of the rare times she actually looks sweet…who am I to disrupt such a cute picture? You don't mind if she stays night, right Kaitie?" Kaitlin nodded, and he waved to everyone in the room. "Well, in case I don't see any of you ever again, it's been fun! May all of you live a successful life. Toodles!"

"There's something wrong with that man, un," Deidara commented as Brian left.

"What was your first clue? The fact that he never had a problem with a group of criminals or the fact that he runs around in dresses?" Sasori asked, his voice dripping with enough sarcasm to make Deidara glare.

"If we're not leaving," Kakuzu interrupted, "then I'm retiring for the night. The others are adults and do not require me staying up to make sure they come home."

"Shouldn't you check on Hidan?" Kaitlin asked as he stood up to stretch after sitting on the couch for so long. "Uncle Brian sounded like he really did a number on him…"

"Hidan's a big boy," Kakuzu told her, awkwardly patting her shoulder as he passed. "I'm sure he's already up and plotting revenge."

Kaitlin sighed and watched him vanish up the stairs before going to sit in his vacated spot. Sasori sat on the arm of the couch beside her and watched Deidara poke at the sleeping kitten hanging halfway off his lap. "When do you thing you guys will be leaving tomorrow?"

"As soon as Pein can get us up, un," Deidara said with a hint of disgruntlement. "I'd rather stay here. I may not be able to display my art as much as I can back in our world, but the fact that I don't have to constantly look over my shoulder for hunter-nin is a relief a person of my status doesn't commonly experience."

"Like Pein would let you stay behind," Sasori said with a yawn. The downfall of a human body: he had to rest in order to keep going.

Deidara stood up with a scowl. "Whatever. I'm going to go enjoy my last night a fluffy bed, un. Good night."

He left them in the room with the other three currently unconscious individuals. Kaitlin rubbed her eyes and slumped down into the cushions. One thing she knew for sure was that she wasn't going to miss Pein's early morning wake-up calls. Sasori looked down at her. "I'll stay up to make sure the others get in."

"No, no," she said insistently even as her eyes drooped. "I'm the host and it would be rude not to wait up for them."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "I highly doubt they would hold it against you for falling asleep before they got back."

"But-"

"Kaitlin." She looked up at his "don't-fight-with-me" tone. "Go to bed."

Kaitlin blinked before standing up with a smile. "Okay." She hesitated. "I'm really sorry for how I acted towards you today. It wasn't the most mature thing to do, but I admire how you took it without complaint." It was Sasori's turn to blink as she leaned down to place a quick kiss on his cheek. "Goodnight!"

She fled the room before he could react, though all he could do was blink again. No one had ever done that to him, at least not after his parent's passed. It was…nice. Until a certain snarky blunette ruined it.

"Aw, how sweet." Sasori looked over to see Rikku wearily blinking up at him. "Pinocchio might have found his heart."

He grabbed her leg, which was the closet limb to him, and shoved her off the couch. "Whoops, my hand slipped."

"Asshole," she said and stood up to tiredly leave the room. "Tell the others I'm happy none of them died."

Sasori shook his head with a sigh and properly sat on the couch to await the others arrival. He couldn't help but wonder how their last day here would turn out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:...yes, I kept Kabuto alive…and unharmed. I swear I totally planned on doing something cruel to him, but every time I went to write it, it came out…awkward. So I scrapped the entire idea and let him get away. Oh well...<strong>

**One full chapter and an epilogue left…and it may not get uploaded next weekend. My week is going to be full of studying and finals, and I don't know if I'll get time to write the chapters.**

**So until…two Saturdays from now :)**


	26. Going Home

**AN: I am one day and one week ahead of when I had planned to post this chapter. Yay me! Yep, spent the time I should have been studying to type up the last chapter…there's only so much College Algebra/Pre-Calc one person can study before going brain dead. Anyhow, before we begin I want to thank everyone who reviewed/favorited/alerted. I would type all of your names, but that would probably take half the chapter and I am too lazy to do that :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I made it to the end without owning anything!**

* * *

><p>Adoption 101<p>

Chapter 26

Going Home

* * *

><p>The house was already in an uproar before the sun rose the next day. Apparently, not many people were happy to wake up in the middle of the night to see a psychotic religious nut-case trying to behead them. One of those people was Kaitlin, who forcibly threw Hidan out of her room without the help of any of her roommates (as the girls were always forced to sleep together in Kaitlin's room when the house was full). The good part was that the throw was hard enough to knock him out. The bad news: he just wanted to kill them all even more.<p>

"Hidan," Pein sighed for the umpteenth time. "Why is it that you want them dead again?"

"Because Lord Jashin told me to!" Hidan yelled back as if this was reason enough to be running through the house and giving everyone a headache.

"And why did your 'god' not tell you to do this earlier?"

"Jashin understood my situation."

Pein sighed as the sound of snickers reached him, and he looked up to see Nanichi trying to hide them behind her hand. Kisame sat next to her but looked more interested in the murder mystery that was playing on the TV. "Despite how tempting it may be to be rid of them, it is often seen as rude for killing your hosts after they were gracious enough to share their home with you."

Hidan stared at his leader blankly before snorting. "Why the fuck should I care if it's rude?"

Ringed eyes stared back at the fanatic before a quick hand reached out to snatch up the scythe that was propped against the couch beside its owner. "You will get this back when we return to our world."

"What?" Hidan exclaimed, jumping up while Pein left the room. "You can't fucking do that! That's my property! How dare you take it away after we've been separated for so long?"

Nanichi poked Kisame's arm after Hidan had ran after Pein. "I think Hidan is having an affair with his scythe."

Kisame chuckled without taking his eyes off the TV. "And what makes you say that?"

"He acts like the thing is another person," Nanichi responded, staring at the TV with him. "Seriously, I think he was talking to it earlier."

Kisame just chuckled once more without taking his eyes off the screen. Nanichi fidgeted where she sat before turning to him. "Are you just going to sit here all day?"

The ninja thought about her question and shrugged. "Sort of planned to."

Nanichi jumped off the couch so quick that it caused him to blink in surprise. "Oh no you don't! Today is your last day here, and we're going to make it so epic that you'll never forget it." She grabbed one of his blue hands and attempted to pull him off the couch, an action that proved futile. "Now get up and get moving!"

Kisame tried to hide his grin at her poor attempts to get him off the couch. "But I don't want to miss the ending."

The young woman snorted and gave up pulling his arm in favor of somehow trying to shove sideways off the couch. "The good guy is almost killed and put in the hospital, where someone tries to kill him again, but he miraculously survives, and come to find out the brother was behind it the whole time." She gave him an aggressive shove that managed to nudge him slightly in one direction. "Now get up!"

Kisame sighed as if what she asked was the most difficult thing in the world to do and stood up, sending her tumbling onto the couch once he moved out of her way. "So, what do you want to do?"

Nanichi jumped up and looked around the room before appearing to have an "ah-ha!" moment and began to tug him out of the room. "We're going outside to the pool where you shall demonstrate your awesome sharky powers."

He chuckled at her wording and grabbed Samehada from where it rested against the couch. He wasn't very eager to let the sword out of his sight after being separated from it for so long. They passed Nicholas in the hallway, and Nanichi waved to him as they passed. Nicholas watched them disappear out the back door before shrugging and continuing to the kitchen where he had been heading.

He paused for a second at seeing Kaitlin flipping a pancake onto a growing stack and Konan sitting at the table flipping through a magazine. "How come you've never made breakfast before?"

"It's a goodbye breakfast," Kaitlin said, pouring more pancake mix into the skillet. "They're leaving today."

"Ah." Nicholas turned to Konan. "When are you guys going to be out of our hair?"

Konan gave him a small smile at his wording. "Pein wishes to leave as soon as possible."

"Damn, so you guys are going to be here all day?" His answer came in the form of a pancake being thrown at his head. "Shit! Kaitlin that was hot!"

"Take your breakfast and go annoy someone else," she said, refusing to give into the temptation of throwing the bottle of syrup at him too. "They can stay here as long as they want too."

Nicholas glared while taking a big bite of the pancake. "I just wanted to know when they were leaving and I get a pancake thrown at me instead. Keep your syrup, you nasty witch! I'll go get my own from the tree in the backyard."

Konan chuckled quietly as the man left in a huff and looked over at Kaitlin. "It has been gracious of you to share your home with us during our stay."

Kaitlin waved off the older woman's gratitude and placed the giant stack of food on the table. "Nicholas, Aiden, Drew, Nanichi, and Rikku usually stay here anyway when my parents are away since I don't like being left alone. Having you guys here was just double the company."

Konan began to precisely cut her offered pancake into sections. "Do they often leave you alone?"

"Not as often as I might complain," Kaitlin said offhand. "If I didn't have school or work, I would normally go with them. That's why Benjamin is homeschooled—so that they're able to take him with them without taking him out of school for long periods of time."

Konan chewed thoughtfully at the rarely mentioned brother. "Your brother is the one who owns the books we are in, correct?" Kaitlin nodded. "What is he like?"

Their casual conversation was interrupted by Drew suddenly dashing into the room and nearly knocking the table over to get to Konan. "Where's Pein?"

The ninja blinked in surprise. "He should be upstairs. Why do-?"

"When are you guys leaving?" Drew interrupted, and Konan blinked again.

"Sometime this afternoon. Why-?"

"Thank you Konan!" he shouted, leaving the room as quickly as he had appeared.

Both of the women blinked after him before turning back to each other. "So you wanted to know about Benjy?"

Konan nodded and listened to Kaitlin as she began to describe her (bratty) little brother.

**~O~**

Aiden blinked at the swift exchange of paper money and the mumbled word here and there. How on Earth were they able to play a board game so…_intensely? _It was like each move somehow dictated their real life. And how were they able to keep a game from _last night _still going?

Zetsu seemed to be thinking the same thing as he said, "You two do know this is a game, right?"

They glared at him and went back to rolling the dice and landing on each other's properties. Zetsu shrugged and leaned back into the chair he was sitting in. Aiden did the same, never taking his eyes off the pair. "I think they're living out their fantasy lives."

"By bankrupting each other? **That's an odd way to show love.**"

An unused blue building was thrown at the spy, who tilted his head ever so slightly to allow the building to go flying past his head where it plinked onto the floor behind him. Rikku, who had thrown the game piece, glared at him before turning back to the game to take her turn and most likely try to cheat Kakuzu out of his money.

Drew ran through the dining room where they all sat around the table, but no one paid attention to the teenager as he vanished as quickly as he appeared. Nicholas, on the other hand, waltzed into the room to almost sit directly on Rikku after scooting a chair over to sit by her. He chewed on his pancake and watched the little tokens circle the board. "So…whatcha doing?"

"**They're expressing their love through bankruptcy,**" Zetsu voiced his opinion again while dodging another building that was thrown at him but blinked when a tiny battleship was flicked into his forehead. His yellow eyes narrowed at the treasurer, who moved his game token around the board like nothing happened.

Nicholas blinked before grinning down at Rikku lecherously. "So this is your little turn on? I thought it was older men, but it turns out its-"

His perverted teasing was cut short as the chair he sat in suddenly tilted backwards and sent him crashing to the floor. Rikku glanced down at him before snatching up the paper money that was slid across the game board to her. "Get a life Nicholas."

"I have a life," he grunted from the floor. "It involves embarrassing you in the worst possible ways."

Rikku sighed as Aiden began to laugh and Zetsu chuckled. The only one as unamused as she was appeared to be Kakuzu but that could have been because he rarely found such things amusing. Nicholas picked his chair back up and spun it around so that he could prop his chin on the back while straddling it. "I'm bored. Entertain me bitches."

His chair was pushed back again, this time with him underneath it. "Dammit, I didn't mean like that!"

He was ignored as the game continued, Aiden and Zetsu watching as intently as the game was being played. Nicholas fixed his chair again while glaring at where Kakuzu sat across the table and concentrated on the board for all of five seconds before turning to the spectators. "Why aren't you trying to eat him?"

Zetsu shrugged. "We don't really feel like having to listen to Aiden scream the last day we're here. **Besides, the game got boring after he broke.**"

Nicholas played with the plastic building in front of him before flicking it at Aiden. "So you guys are going to sit here all day playing a stupid game?" He didn't even get a nod. "You guys are so boring. I'm going to go annoy someone else."

Zetsu blinked as Nicholas left the room and followed after him without saying a word. Apparently spending the day with Nicholas was better than watching a silly board game. Aiden stood up as if to leave as well but paused. "Are you two seriously going to play this game all day?"

They didn't acknowledge him as Rikku had to (once again) force Kakuzu to go to jail. Aiden glanced between them before doing something that would have made Nicholas proud. He flipped the table, sending the game and its pieces flying, before running out of the room as fast as possible. He didn't pay attention to the angry yells as he ran to hide away until the two had calmed down enough for him to walk around the house without the worry of being strangled.

**~O~**

Itachi sighed while flipping a page in his book. Hidan had just run by, most likely following Pein if his whining of unfair treatment was any indication. Of course, Pein was ignoring him since there was no verbal acknowledgement from said leader. The Uchiha barely looked up as the door flung open seconds after the pair had passed. Drew looked around the room before slamming it shut and running in the opposite direction of the duo.

He had just gotten back into the book when the door opened again, and he glanced up to see who it was before just as quickly dismissing her. "Kakuzu is downstairs."

Rikku glared as she shut the door behind her. "I know, but I was looking for Aiden. You haven't seen the coward, have you?"

"No," Itachi answered, sounding as if he was already bored with the conversation. He was only vaguely surprised to feel the bed dip beside him as Rikku joined him. "I am assuming that you are no longer holding a grudge against me."

"I fixed it," was her answer while rudely pushing his book closed to see the title. "Hmm, _Harry Potter_ is a very engrossing book, isn't it?"

He pinched the hand that held his book closed and fought the smirk that threatened to appear when she squeaked in pain. "It is great practice for learning English."

She glared while rubbing the top of her hand. "Yeah right. I think you should have stuck to the _Twilight_ book I had given you."

Itachi's eyes narrowed at the name of the poor excuse for a book she had given him when she first began to help him learn how to read English. It had been one of the rare moments his stoic persona had broken, and Itachi had flung the book across the room with such disgust that it had thrown Rikku into a temporary giggling fit. "I worry for this world if people find _that_ worth reading."

"But if the world was as smarty-tarty as you or as pessimistic as me, we would be trying to kill each other," Rikku said. "And that is why there are people who find that rubbish as one of the greatest pieces of literature."

Itachi snorted and glanced over at where she had settled back on the pillows. "Now that you have gone through your uncharacteristic display of social skills, are you done?"

"Actually," she said, drawing out the word while sitting back up. "I have a question that has been bothering me since yesterday."

Itachi waited for her to continue, though his eyes were straying back to the book in his hand. "Well?"

"How could you have possibly overlooked that portal?" She turned to watch him, but he didn't even twitch. "Even if you're going blind and it was basically invisible, I highly doubt you could have looked it over. You were very thorough in your investigation the first day we went there even with Drew and Tobi running and me trying to kill Hidan. In fact," she paused to glance over at him suspiciously. "You made sure that Konan, who was helping you while Kakuzu and Aiden attempted to keep us in line, _didn't_ go near that tree."

Itachi stared at her with blank black eyes, and Rikku's eyes widened as she suddenly realized something. "You _knew _the portal was there, didn't you?"

The fact that Itachi didn't even attempt to deny it was a good enough of an answer for her, and she glared at him accusingly. "Why didn't you tell anyone? You guys could have gone home weeks ago."

After staring at each other for a while, her accusingly and him blankly, Itachi finally sighed and put down the book he had been attempting to read. "Yes I knew the portal was there."

She stared at him and waited for him to continue. When he didn't look inclined to, she prompted him with a "Well?"

"Oh, you wanted an explanation as to why I didn't tell."

Rikku resisted the urge to facepalm and just glared at him. Annoying Uchiha—he tempted her to join the 'I Hate Uchihas' club that Deidara was president of. "Yes, an explanation would be great."

Itachi sighed as if her request was the most difficult thing to fulfill. "I thought the Akatsuki needed a break."

The blunette stared back at him unconvinced. "Yeah right, and I'm a fucking fairy princess. What was the real reason?"

She received a flash of red eyes for her sarcasm and another exasperated sigh. "To put it plainly, I was screwing up with our time."

Rikku blinked in surprise. Did Itachi just say 'screwing up'? That was obviously a testimony to the fact that he had spent_ way_ too much time here. "Screwing up with your time? What's that supposed to mean?"

He jabbed her in the forehead with the corner of his book. "You're smart, figure it out."

She rubbed the red spot he had made as she did what he said. "Does this have anything to do with Madara?"

He nodded and waited for what she would she say next. "And Sasuke?"

"Kind of."

She stared at him in thought as she tried to remember everything that she had read in the manga about the two. An epiphany suddenly dawned on her and her eyes widened. "What, were you hoping to change the events you read in the manga?"

"That only took you about a minute longer than I had anticipated."

Rikku glared at him and snatched up one of the manga that had been sitting on the nightstand beside her to wave it around in his face. "What is delaying the events going to do? For all we know, they're all going to take place anyway."

Itachi snatched the book from, his Sharingan swirling as his patience finally snapped. "I was not just planning to delay them. I had a plan on how to prevent certain events from happening all together. The sequence of events has already been put off balance. Now be quiet while I debate on whether I will tell you what I plan to do or not."

She glared at him but didn't say a word, sensing that if she did, he wouldn't tell her a thing. Itachi's Sharingan continued to swirl dangerously before he sighed and the red faded back to dull black. He placed the book on the nightstand on his side and stood up to walk around the room, picking up the few stray belongings he had accumulated during his stay. Rikku was beginning to pick at her nails when Itachi decided to speak again. "I know what will happen up until Madara begins the Fourth Shinobi War, and I plan to use that knowledge to prevent the other's deaths. That way, even if Madara begins the war and allies himself with Kabuto, the Akatsuki will not be a part of their undead force."

Itachi paused, and Rikku gave him her undivided attention. "I also plan to reopen the portal at some point after we leave. I hope that the temptation will be enough for the others to stray back, further setting whatever Madara plans of course."

"Hidan will be," Rikku grumbled under her breathe. "He'll want every opportunity to sacrifice us."

Itachi nodded as her assessment was correct. The Jashinist was beginning to become a little too fixated on that goal. "But what if that doesn't work?"

He shrugged. "Then I'll fall back on plan two."

"Which is?"

"Not going to be told at this present time."

Rikku glared and opened her mouth to protest. Except the door banged open before she could and Tobi skipped into the room. "RiRi-chan! I've been looking everywhere for you! Well, not really, but Tobi is still happy to see you."

Rikku transferred her glare to the fake ninja, and he gave a fake gasped. "Why is RiRi-chan glaring at Tobi?"

"Because I wish you were gone," she spat and shoved him out of the way to leave the room. She looked back Itachi. "If Hidan comes back to annoy me to death, I will hunt you down and you will begin to wish that you had never met me."

She left the room without waiting for Itachi to reply, and Madara dropped his Tobi persona as she soon as she shut the door. "What was that about?"

Itachi shrugged. "Hormones perhaps. I do not pretend to know what runs through her head."

Madara stared before shrugging. "Whatever, we need to prepare for our departure this afternoon. The sooner we can leave the better."

Itachi resisted the urge to sigh as Madara began to go over the jutsu he had already memorized.

**~O~**

Pein sighed, breaking the first moment of solitude he had been able to get since Hidan had followed him all day. The Jashinist had nearly made him deaf in one ear as the fanatic had yelled every threat imaginable to get the scythe back. It hadn't work of course—Pein wasn't about to cave in to his silly threats—but it was gratifying when Kakuzu had dragged his partner away after passing them in the hall.

Now Pein was sitting in the living room, devoid of all others, and relaxed into the couch. He was going to savor this moment as long as-

"Pein!"

-he could. Pein was tempted to growl at the force that threw itself on him but instead shoved it off. A yelp came from his feet, and his ringed eyes cracked open to see that the force had been Drew. The brunet rubbed his head and shoved the tiny brown kitten that came to nuzzle the side of his head away. "Ow, that hurt."

Pein glared down at him. "What do you want?"

"I'm happy you're going home," Drew said undisturbed by the glare. "You've been getting grouchier and grouchier every day."

Pein let out a long breathe. "What is it that you want?"

Drew jumped up to fling himself at Pein and managed to cling to the pierced man's waist. "You can't take Deidara back!"

Pein heard some shuffling and looked up to see the man in question and his partner standing at the entrance to the living room. Deidara looked as confused as he was, but Sasori had a sneaky smirk that vanished when Pein looked him, only to reappear once the leader's attention had been diverted back to the man clinging to him. "And why not?"

"Because," Drew said, racking his brain for a plausible reason. "I am in love with him!"

There was a choking sound from Deidara while Sasori's smirk grew. Pein blinked down at Drew, for once at a complete loss of words. "You…what?"

"I am in love with him," Drew repeated confidently, and Deidara sounded like he couldn't properly breathe anymore. "It will break my heart if you take him away, and I will die as it breaks into a million pieces that no one will ever be able to put back together."

Pein seemed to finally come back to his senses and looked down at the brunet suspiciously. "And when did this occur?"

Drew's brown eyes darted around the room. "It happened, uh, when, um, I don't know! It was a sudden occurrence!"

The leader looked back up at Deidara, who was astonishingly pale and looked like he was about keel over at any minute, and Sasori, who was looking more and more like the Cheshire cat as time passed (it was kind of creepy to see the smile on his face). Then his eyes found the cat that was trying to climb up Drew's back. "This doesn't have anything to do with the cat, does it?"

"You can't take Chip's daddy!" Drew cried dramatically. "How is she going to grow in a fractured home where half of her family is off killing people?" Seeing that his pleas were falling on deaf ears, Drew turned to point at the blonde artist. "At least make him pay child support."

"What!" Deidara exclaimed as color began to slowly return to his face. "I am not paying you to take care of a cat, un."

Drew gasped and turned accusing eyes on the blonde. "Are you saying that you don't love our baby?" He didn't give Deidara time to respond as he scooped the kitten up and held it protectively to his chest. "If you don't care then fine. Leave! But you'll never get visiting privileges."

The brunet fled the room, leaving behind a confused Deidara, an unamused leader, and still grinning Sasori. Deidara shook his head and ran after him. "Drew, bring the cat back, un!"

"No!" Pein and Sasori heard his distant cry. "I should have never shared my kitty with you!"

Pein looked over at Sasori, who had finally dropped the creepy grin to return to his normal blank self. "What part in this did you have?"

Sasori looked as if he wasn't going to answer before saying, "I told Drew to say he was in love with Deidara. I did not think he would actually do it, but it was a very convincing act."

The stoic leader allowed a small grin to break across his face. "Deidara looked as if he was about to faint."

"It was very amusing, wasn't it?"

Pein sighed and leaned back against the couch. "We leave at three today, so be ready. Until then, don't bother me."

He didn't have to look to know that Sasori had left the room, and he sighed in relief. Now he could rest until-

"Kisame, Nanichi! What have you done to my backyard?"

Pein sighed and stood up to go see what Kaitlin was yelling so loudly about. He was going to be happy when the Akatsuki went back to only seeing each other every few months.

**~O~**

"At least the plants have been watered."

Silence.

"And the lawn chairs are clean. You know, they accumulate more dirt than I would have thought."

More silence.

"…the bird bath has water in it again."

Kaitlin finally looked up at Nanichi, but it was only to glare at the sheepish woman. "And how am I going to get to the bird bath when there's an _ocean_ between me and it?"

Nanichi stared thoughtfully at the flooded backyard. "I'm sure Kisame would be willing to swim you over."

Kisame laughed cheerfully at the heated glare the young blonde sent her friend. "It's not that bad Kaitlin." He continued to grin even as Kaitlin turned to glare at where he was relaxing in one of the newly cleaned lawn chairs. "It'll be dried up before tomorrow."

Kaitlin just continued to look utterly devastated at the state of her backyard and ignored all of the attempts to cheer her up. "What if my neighbors had seen you two flooding the backyard with ninja stuff? They could have called the police!"

"If no one has come to investigate Hidan's loud death threats for the past three months, I doubt they would care if we flooded the backyard," Nanichi said offhandedly, ignoring the new glare being sent her way. "Chill out Kaitlin! You've never been this anal about stuff like this before."

"That's because it's never happened to _my_ things before!" Kaitlin collapsed in the chair next to Kisame and held her head in obvious dismay. "Whenever you guys feel the need to vandalize stuff, it's always someone else's, and I don't care!"

"You know," Kisame said thoughtfully while staring at the blonde beside him. "I don't think you're as innocent as we originally thought."

"It has taken years, but we've finally corrupted her," Nicholas said as he stepped out onto the porch with them. He gave a low whistle when he saw the damage done to the yard. "Man, no wonder Kaitlin sounded so mad. What did you guys do, set the water hose to overdrive?"

"Kisame made this huge wave that covered the whole yard in water," Nanichi said while Kisame puffed up with pride. "It was awesome until Kaitlin came out here to cry over her grass."

"It's dead!" Kaitlin exclaimed with a wild gesture at the yard. "The water will smother it!"

"It's grass," Kisame said with a slightly worried glance at the blonde. "It'll grow back."

Kaitlin sniffed and marched back into the house, shoving Nicholas out of her way and leaving behind three very confused people. Kisame blinked. "Is she really that upset about grass?"

"No," Nanichi assured him. "She just gets emotional when she knows someone is leaving. Instead of just crying she normally gets angry at nothing, yells for a little while, _and then _criesover nothing, until she can finally say goodbye without the worry of collapsing into a pile of patheticness."

Kisame just shrugged and went back to petting Samehada. This group of kids was just too crazy to question. Nicholas sat down in the chair that Kaitlin had vacated and stared out into the backyard with a thoughtful expression. "I think you missed a step in Kaitlin's drawn out process of letting go."

"What?" Nanichi asked as she too sat in a chair next to Kisame.

Nicholas was trying to figure out the step she had missed when Kaitlin reappeared on the porch and slowly walked towards Nanichi with her hands hidden behind her back. "Nanichi?"

The young woman looked up at the sound of her name and screamed when Kaitlin's hands were shoved in her face. "Get it away, get it away, _get it away!"_

Nicholas snapped his fingers as the two began to run around the parts of the yard that weren't completely submerged in water. "The dastardly evil episode. Before she cries, Kaitlin always does something so evil that later eats at her until she cries. So, she's not exactly crying over nothing." He looked up and blinked when he only saw Kisame sitting next to him. "Where did Nanichi go?"

Kisame pointed out to the yard where Kaitlin was chasing Nanichi with her pet tarantula, Cynthia. Nicholas followed the finger and cackled as he settled into the chair. "Normally I would love to join it, but this is too good not to watch."

Kisame chuckled with him and didn't make a move to help even as Nanichi yelled his name. Some things just weren't worth ruining by being _nice._

**~O~**

Three o'clock came and went, and Pein was starting to get annoyed. He had _planned_ to be gone by now, but did anything ever go according to plan? Well, lately nothing had been going according to his plan, but that didn't help the fact that he still wasn't in a good mood. Especially since Hidan had somehow escaped Kakuzu and was yelling in his ear again.

"Are you even listening to me?" Hidan yelled, and Pein felt his eye twitch at the volume. "Where the hell did you put my scythe? I'm already off schedule as it is!"

Pein looked over at Hidan. "You had a schedule?"

"Yes."

"You had a schedule_?_"

"Oh my Jashin," Hidan said in exasperation. "Why does everyone sound so fucking surprised when I say shit like that?"

"…_you _had a _schedule?"_

"Now you're just mocking me!"

Pein sighed in relief as Kakuzu stepped into the room. "I will give the scythe back when we return to our world. Now go annoy Kakuzu. He knows how to deal with you better than I do."

The leader escaped the room before Hidan could further antagonize him, and the two partners were left alone. Kakuzu cocked an eyebrow at the intense stare his partner was giving him. "What? You look constipated."

Hidan scowled at his partner's attempt to make him mad. "Where's the bitch?"

Kakuzu shrugged. "I don't keep track of her every position. Now what's that look for?"

Hidan was now displaying a mixture between a pout and a scowl. "Do you even care that we're never gonna see her again after today?"

The miser shrugged again. "There's no point in crying over the inevitable. Why do you even care? I thought you wanted her dead."

"I do!" Hidan exclaimed while beginning to stalk out the room. "But you need to realize that this is probably the one woman that isn't gonna balk at your fucked up appearance and will actually be able to stand talking to you about your greedy obsession."

Kakuzu blinked. "…did Deidara drag you into that matchmaking business?"

Hidan came to a halt and spun around to face him. "No! I'm not prancing around trying to hook everyone up like the she-male! This is completely selfish."

"How?" Kakuzu asked with a slight tilt of his head.

"You're not as angry as before, which means you don't snap as easily, which means you don't try to fucking kill me every second of the damn day!" With that said, Hidan stalked out of the room, leaving behind a slightly bewildered Kakuzu. He was stomping down the hall when he ran into Rikku. Grabbing her by the shoulders, he shoved her in the direction he had come from. "Go make out with Kakuzu and make him realize he's completely in love with you."

Rikku blinked at Hidan's back before looking behind her to see that Kakuzu had joined her. "What was that about?"

"Hidan is just ready to go home," he answered. "Did you find Aiden?"

"No, he's a better hider than I thought."

"Is he even worth searching for?"

"No, but he kept us occupied for a while."

Kakuzu shrugged and they went off to search for the others.

**~O~**

"_Finally," _was the only thing Pein could think at the moment. They were only off by three hours, but they were _finally_ leaving. If only Itachi would speed up his slow-as-a-snail pace.

Pein looked over to see Hidan trying to shove Rikku into one of the shallow ponds that covered the yard, only to be foiled by Kakuzu as the treasurer pulled the girl out of the Jashinist's reach. Kaitlin was close by, profusely apologizing to Nanichi for something while the apparent victim of Kaitlin's "evil" was trying to hide behind Kisame. Nicholas was enthusiastically retelling the events between the two to Zetsu, who looked surprisingly interested and chuckled at some points. "Tobi" had been running around giving everyone tearful goodbye hugs, but apparently he had been distracted when he reached Drew, who was running around to avoid Deidara, and was now trying to mend the sudden rift between the blonde and brunet. Sasori and Konan stood off to the side with Aiden and were quietly talking amongst themselves.

He heard Itachi grunt and turned from the scene to look at the Uchiha behind him. Itachi stood in front shimmering mass of purple. "I thought it would be invisible."

Itachi waved him off. "The effects of another jutsu no doubt cast by Orochimaru. Whenever you're ready, just jump in."

"Don't sound too enthusiastic," Pein mumbled under his breath as Itachi walked off to join his partner. Pein turned to address the assembled group. "Our time here has been…interesting, but it is time we return." He turned to Kaitlin and nodded. "Thank you for allowing us to stay in your home. Get your goodbyes over quickly so that we may leave." Pein turned from the group to join Konan, who slightly smiled at the leader's subtle show of kindness.

"Tobi's gonna miss everyone!" Tobi cried, jumping from one person to the next with bone crushing hugs. He paused at Rikku, who hid behind Kakuzu to avoid his hug. "RiRi-chan! Let Tobi hug you."

"Don't touch me," she growled, dancing around Kakuzu as Tobi attempted catch her. Surprisingly, Hidan and Kakuzu joined forces by shoving the enthusiastic ninja from behind (Hidan) and tripping him into the nearest puddle of water (Kakuzu). As Tobi sputtered, Rikku sidled closer to Kakuzu to avoid any future hugs.

"I can honestly say that I will probably not miss any of you," Nicholas said loudly. "Except maybe Zetsu. But that's because he is awesome and the rest of you are losers."

Zetsu just chuckled as Kaitlin abandoned Nanichi to say goodbye to Sasori, who was not so subtly abandoned by the tiny group that had previously been standing around him. She was delayed by Deidara as he popped out of nowhere to give her an enthusiastic hug that lifted her off the ground. "Since danna won't have the guts to give you one of his own, you can consider that a hug from the both of us, un."

Kaitlin giggled while Sasori scowled. Deidara let her go and was almost knocked to the ground by a tackle from Drew. "I'm sorry I said you couldn't visit Chip! We love you so dearly."

"I'm not paying kitty support, un."

"We hate you just as much."

Deidara grinned and gave Drew a one-armed hug before they separated and pretended that the moment never happened. The conflict between them must have been cured because Drew held Chip out for Deidara to give her a goodbye pat on the head.

"Pein!" Pein looked up from talking to Konan to see that Nanichi had Kisame trapped in a koala hug. "I'll trade you Shark-man for our local genius."

"I have enough genii," Pein said, and Nanichi pouted at his denial. "What would you even need him for?"

"Who else am I going to play video games with? Duh." Pein shook his head at them and ignored the rest of the groups. "Well fine then, just ignore my needs."

Kisame patted her head and began the complicated process of freeing himself from her grasp. Itachi sighed beside them and looked as if he was going to follow Pein's example. Across from them, Kaitlin and Sasori were wrapping up their goodbyes, Kaitlin fiddling with her fingers nervously while Sasori kept a close eye on Drew and Deidara, who were suspiciously talking to each other while occasionally glancing up at them.

Tobi had freed himself from the pond and moved on to other people after realizing that Kakuzu was glaring at him. It was only when the masked ninja was beginning his rounds a third time that Pein decided it was time for them to depart. Tobi and Nanichi whined but were quickly silenced by a well-placed glare. Pein was the first to go through but didn't make it through until after Drew had tackle hugged him from behind and ran off before the leader could do anything. Konan followed, of course, with a quick goodbye hug to Kaitlin, and the rest followed in pairs. Zetsu was last and paused to send Aiden a quick "I'm hungry" smirk that sent the young man scrambling to hide behind the nearest person. Once Zetsu was gone, the portal fizzed out until all that was left was the only dry spot in the yard.

"Well," Nicholas said after a moment of silence. "Now that that's over, who wants to order pizza?"

Rikku shook her head even as Nanichi enthusiastically agreed. "Why order it when Kaitlin has about twenty frozen pizzas in the freezer?"

"Is it DiGiorno?"

"No."

"Then it's not worth eating!" Nicholas spun around return to the house, whipping out his cellphone as he went. "Lucky for us, I put Pizza Hut on speed dial after deleting Rikku's number from my phone when she said I couldn't pierce my nipples."

Rikku rolled her eyes and followed with Nanichi, who told Nicholas how gross that was, and Aiden, who also said how unnecessary that information was. Nicholas flipped them off and disappeared into the house after promising to order a pizza with a combination of toppings that only he would eat.

Drew turned to follow them but paused when he saw Kaitlin still staring at the spot that the Akatsuki had vanished. He placed Chip on his head as he walked over to stand next to her. He stood quietly for a minute before dragging her into an arm hug. "I got a feeling we're going to be seeing them again."

"Really?" Kaitlin asked, not sounding as sad as Drew had thought she was.

"Sure," he answered. "How could they not come back and visit? Besides, Hidan still wants us dead."

Kaitlin laughed at that and allowed Drew to spin her around and walk to the house, where they could hear Nicholas and Nanichi fighting over which pizza to order while the poor guy on the phone was most likely contemplating quitting his job. Kaitlin had a feeling that Drew was right; the people you met always had a funny way of showing back up.

Besides, how they could resist the temptation to return to a world only they knew about?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The end! Hey, it's better than how my sister ends a lot of her made-up-on-the-spot stories ("And they all die"). Thanks again for everyone who stuck it out until the end, but I'm done with Naruto. I grew tired of the fandom and don't plan to write anything else for it except maybe an outtake or two. So, no sequel or anything (so <strong>_**please**_** don't ask), but I may come back later to write something like an epilogue set one year into the future. Until then, this story is officially complete. **

**It was fun while it lasted :)**


	27. Epilogue

**AN:**I _finally_ got this done. I know some of you guys have been waiting for an epilogue, but I seriously couldn't find the inspiration to write it :( I just feel...done with _Adoption 101,_ and other than writing brief cameo appearances of Drew, Aiden, and Nicholas in my other fanfic, I haven't wanted to write about anyone else. Oh well, when something's done, it's done.

Anyway, I wrote the epilogue and it might slightly suck, so if you're one of the readers who felt complete with the last chapter, you probably shouldn't even bother reading this. But this is the official end.

**Disclaimer: Should I really even bother with this now?**

* * *

><p>Adoption 101<p>

Epilogue

One Year Later

* * *

><p>Kaitlin stacked the box she was holding on top of one of the dozen medium sized boxes that were scattered around the room. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. Who knew moving would take so much energy?<p>

"Kaitlin, if you don't move your scrawny ass from the doorway—!"

The blonde jumped aside to allow Nicholas and Aiden to carry the small couch her parents had purchased as a housewarming gift. Aiden grunted a thank you as he passed her. Drew bounced behind them with the couch's throw pillows. She sighed as Nicholas continued to complain.

It had been a year since their ninja companions had left them. During that time Nanichi had managed to keep her job and even got her own apartment. Nicholas and Rikku had partnered up when the owner of the tattoo parlor Nicholas had worked for made a bad investment that sent his business bankrupt. Afterwards, Nicholas bought the shop cheap and begged his best friend (i.e. annoyed the hell out of her) until she agreed to be his business partner and get half the profit the shop made, which was fine with him. They now lived together on top of the shop. Aiden had recently returned from a year trip abroad, making good on his promise of moving away once the ninja's-finding-their-way-home deal was over. He had managed to travel almost to the other side of the states before he had been distracted by "the love of his life," a young college student who was, ironically, studying botany in hopes of starting her own nursery. He had made it difficult for any of them to meet her yet, but it was inevitable. Drew was taking a refresher course on being a veterinarian technician, determinedly stating that he was going to get the papers to prove his abilities. He was even taking a once a week class to get over his test anxiety. As for Kaitlin, it had taken a year for her to believe she was financially stable enough to move out of her parents' place. Her parents had constantly told that they would lend her money, but she had been determined that when she moved out, _she_ would be the one paying for herself. Now housewarming gifts in the form of the majority of the furniture in her apartment was a totally different thing.

Anyway, today was the day that she was finally moving into her new place, with the help of her friends. Because hired help wasn't cheap.

She was brought back to the present at Aiden's shout of outrage. Drew was laughing as Nicholas beat the genius with the throw pillow he had brought in.

"What are you guys doing?"

Nicholas paused and Aiden managed to escape out the front door. "That bastard nearly dropped your couch on my foot!" He noticed the escape and shouted as he chased after male. Drew was about to follow when he stopped next to Kaitlin.

"You okay?"

Kaitlin nodded and waved the brunet off. He had been asking each of the girls the same question since their "lovers" (as he called them) had left. Nanichi would yell that of course she was okay and happy that they were gone; never mind the fact that she would watch channels like Animal Planet or Discovery when cartoons were on. Rikku would say he was being sexist as he never asked Nicholas whether he missed Zetsu ("That's just her coping mechanism," Nicholas would say before Rikku would smack him upside the head). And Kaitlin would just nod and wave him off.

But it wasn't like the girls weren't the only ones missing someone. Drew was the only one who openly admitted to missing them, particularly Deidara and Tobi. Nicholas had been caught talking to certain plants, and after Rikku had taken him a different psychologist other than Kaitlin's dad to be evaluated to make sure he was no crazier than normal, he had admitted to missing Zetsu. But only a little to justify stealing a Venus flytrap from his neighbor with the greenhouse of exotic plants built in the back of his former apartment building. Aiden was probably the only one who didn't miss anyone in particular and was happy to have them gone. Plus he had a girlfriend who may or may not have been real. He had to introduce them to the mystery lady at some point.

Drew shrugged and followed the other two guys out of the apartment. She heard them shouting down the hallway and sighed. Turning back to the boxes, she opened the closest one to find some clothes she had packed. Or at least she thought she had packed them. She growled when she unearthed a set of very provocative lingerie. Nicholas!

"Ohh! How pretty!"

"Shut up!" Kaitlin shouted and threw the underwear at Uncle Brian, who laughed and playfully snatched the article of clothing out of the air. Rikku knocked her uncle to the side to enter the room and put the box she was holding down. "You and Nicholas have such a crude sense of humor!"

"You're just too much of a prude for your own good," Brian teased back as he took the lingerie and playfully draped it on his niece's head. Rikku glared before "accidently" stepping on his foot and leaving to grab what was left downstairs. "You girls need to get out more. Have some fun, do a one night stand!"

Rikku paused at the door to stare blankly back at what was supposed to be her "role model" for the majority of her life. "When I tried to actually date back in high school, you scared the guy off by threatening his nether regions if he ever thought of getting anywhere near me with those kind of thoughts."

"Your uncle is very two-faced sweetie. No need to point out his flaws." Brian patted her on the head as he passed her. "Besides, you're a young adult now and should be responsible enough to engage in such acts. Why do you think-"

"To embarrass us," Rikku finished before flicking the underwear back at Kaitlin. "You know, Nicholas throws away the condoms you give him."

"What!" the transvestite yelled in indignation. "Well now! I'll just keep them for myself from now on. You know, I met this beautiful woman last night…"

His voice trailed off as he and Rikku walked down the hallway, and Kaitlin was grateful. Uncle Brian was an entertaining person to be around, but there came a point where he was too much. It wasn't hard to figure out who Nicholas had picked his raunchy humor up from.

The blonde turned back to the pile of boxes and opened the first to start unpacking. She paused and pulled out what had been sitting at the top of the box. The simple marionette with the simple yellow sundress was limp in her hand and the strings attached to it were slightly tangled. Untangling the strings was a simple task, and soon the puppet was walking along the floor with barely a problem. To think, a year ago Kaitlin didn't even know how to properly hold the marionette up.

She sighed and gently placed the doll on the back of the couch. Maybe it was about time to put the hope of the Akatsuki coming back to an end. Why would they even bother to come back and visit them—a group of young adults who were almost as bad as a group of kids jacked up on sugar?

"Hey, Kaitlin? Uncle Brian is trying to convince a guy downstairs to date you by showing him your underwear."

Kaitlin almost growled as she stomped past Drew to strangle Brian before he actually managed to convince someone to try and seduce her. She could get her own man, thank you very much! And the brunet like the one Brian was talking to weren't her type anymore.

**~O~**

Drew yawned broadly as he steered his car onto his street. Man! When Kaitlin had recruited them for moving, he hadn't thought it would be so tiring! Nanichi had been smart to take a friend's shift on a day she was normally off. And then Rikku and Nicholas had wheedled their ways out of unpacking the stuff by saying that they had to get back to the tattoo parlor to prepare for the upcoming week. Aiden had weaved a pitiful tale of how he was going to have to skip his weekly Skype™ date in order to help his friend, which made Kaitlin all but kick him out to stop his whining. That had left him, Kaitlin, and Uncle Brian until Brian had proved more of a nuisance than a help, and he was promptly sent home as well.

He was all for his friend on getting a place of her own, but if it ever happened again, he was making sure to already have other arrangements planned. He was just lucky enough for Kaitlin to take pity on and send him home after he had helped her unpack the kitchen.

With a sigh of relief, the brunet pulled up in his drive and almost fell out of his car from exhaustion. Rubbing his eyes in an attempt to fight the need to just lie down and fall asleep where he stood, Drew weaved drunkenly up the path to his door, barely noticing that the door was unlocked as he stumbled in. He had probably forgotten to lock it that morning when he was in such a big rush to leave.

A thud came from the direction of the kitchen and the source of the sound was bounding up to him seconds later. Drew smiled and bent down to cuddle his adorable pet companion. Chip wasn't a little kitten anymore, in fact she had gotten a little chubby over the past year, but that hadn't changed Drew's affection for her. He couldn't carry the cat in his shirt anymore and had to deal with the problems that accompanied a maturing animal, but he still loved her. In a pet kind of way.

"You are so lucky you didn't have to come today," he started, modulating his voice to the right pitch for "baby talking" as he headed towards the kitchen to fix Chip's nightly dish of tuna. He spoiled his kitty-cat as much as possible. "Kaitie had us doing manual labor while she hung out in her new apartment and acted like she was doing something. But she couldn't fool me. No siree!"

"Geez, no wonder you still live with just a cat."

Drew shrieked and swung his arm around without a second thought. The person behind him grunted with surprise as his fist connected with a face, and a barrage of swearing filled the kitchen. Drew stared in bewilderment while holding a wiggling cat by its midsection as the blond bent halfway over to clutch at his face.

"What the hell was that for?" he yelled, only the words came out muffled and slightly distorted as he held his nose and covered his mouth. Chip finally twisted out of Drew's grasp and ran over to rub affectionately against the other man's leg, purring like mad. '

Drew just blinked in shock/sleep. "What are you doing in my house?"

Piercing blue eyes glared back up him. "Is that how you greet a friend after so long, un?"

"Suck it up brat," another voice said behind them. "You've had worse."

"It's bleeding!"

"Then stop it and quite whining."

The partners traded glares before Deidara grumbled something under his breath and stalked off to clean up his bloody nose, Chip tagging along behind him as she got reacquainted with him. Sasori emitted a long winded sigh and walked over to lean against the counter by Drew, who was still staring at him in disbelief. "Well, I see you have forgotten your manners during the time we have been gone."

"Huh?"

"Last I checked it was considered rude to stare at another for longer than what is considered polite."

Drew stared at the redhead. "Have you gotten snarkier?"

"Living does that to a person."

The brunet finally shook his head and weaved his fingers through his disorganized hair. "How did you guys get into my house?"

"We're ninjas," Sasori answered simply as he riffled through the basket behind him on the counter and pulled out a bag of chips. "It is a simple task to pick a lock. By the way, you should be more aware of your surroundings. We thought the unlocked door would be a clear indication of our arrival."

"Well that's calling the kettle black on the subject of rudeness," Drew commented as he watched the redhead stuff a handful of chips in his mouth. "First you break into my house, and then you eat my food without asking?"

"I'm starving," the puppeteer said simply, and for the first time the brunet noticed how thin he looked in the simple black shirt and loose pants. Sasori noticed his stare and ate another chip. "Sometimes I forget to eat. It happens after going for twenty years and not requiring it."

"You should take Kaitlin back with you. She'd make sure you ate every day. Actually, she did do that before you guys left." Drew waved his hands defensively as Sasori glared at him. "Sorry, sorry! I didn't know Kaitie was touchy subject."

They stood in silence for a minute or two, the only sound being the rattling of the chip bag as Sasori ate and muffled noises of Deidara banging around in the bathroom. Drew shuffled from foot to foot, feeling much more awake than he had moments before. "So…where's Tobi?"

"We don't like to talk about that."

Drew blinked in surprise at the abrupt dismissal before dropping it as Sasori glared back at him meaningfully. "Okay. What have you guys been doing for a year?"

"Ninja stuff," Sasori answered blankly, and the younger male knew he wasn't going to get anything else. "And we have only been gone for three months."

The brunet shook his head. "Nu uh. You've been gone an entire year. I can show you a calendar if you want me to."

This time Sasori blinked in slight surprise before shrugging. "In our world it has only been three months."

"You must've had some major changes in that short period of time," Drew mused, blatantly hinting for the redhead to tell him what happened to Tobi. At Sasori's glare, he backed down again. "What took you so long to come back?"

"Other than the fact that we had our own business to take care of? Itachi was too busy playing cat and mouse with his idiot brother and did not even attempt to recreate the portal until he had run the brat back to his village." Sasori tossed the now empty chip bag and reached for a box of snack cakes. "We also had to catch up on what we missed, meaning more missions to replenish our funding and make Kakuzu happy."

Drew nodded and cautiously reached out to take the junk food from the ninja. Said ninja glared but didn't move to retrieve the box. The teenager put the food back where it belonged and moved around the kitchen to find something that wouldn't give the redhead a stomachache later. "Well that was quick if you took care of it in only three months."

"Kakuzu went a little crazy with the bounty hunting, un," Deidara said as he reentered the kitchen with a bundle of cat purring in his arms. His voice was nasally because of the tissue shove up his nose, but at least the other two could understand him now. "We're probably financially secure for the next year now…or fifty."

"Well that's great," Drew commented cheerfully as he dug out a container of sliced watermelon from the refrigerator and handed it over for the skinny ninja to dig into. He noticed Deidara slouch slightly in relief at the sight of his partner eating, so it must have been a bigger problem than Sasori let it on to be. Not that that was surprising to hear. But it had to be a big deal to have Deidara of all people worrying about it. "Are you two the only ones who came?"

Deidara shook his head as he moved to sit at the table, setting the overly spoiled feline down in front of him. "Kisame came to see Nanichi, and Kakuzu and Hidan were the only other pair with free time, un. I think maybe Zetsu might show up later, but the others are busy with…stuff."

Drew glanced between the two ninjas and tentatively asked, "Does it have anything to do with Tobi?" Instead of cowering before the twin glares sent his way, the young man simply shrugged. "That's all I needed to know."

"Don't bring up that lying bastard," Deidara scowled as he pointed at Sasori for emphasis. "This is why I hate Uchihas, un."

Sasori just shook his head and ate his fruit without pause. Now that Drew stopped to think about it, he hoped that watermelon hadn't spoiled. It had been in his fridge for a while now… He pulled up a chair and sat in front of Deidara, fully awake now. "Tell what you guys have been doing."

**~O~**

"All I'm saying is that this would be a _great _investment."

Rikku sighed as she finally looked up from the ledger she had been recording numbers in. Nicholas sat on the other side of the desk with his raggedy combat boots propped on top of it and a magazine sitting in his lap. "Fine. What 'great investment' have you been bugging me with for the past two hours?"

Nicholas shot up with excitement and slapped the magazine down on her book. "This!"

The blunette looked the page over before leaning back in her chair with an indulgent sigh. "Nicholas, we already have four chairs like that."

"But this one has added cushioning!" the albino tried to explain as he pointed at the description of the tattooing chair. "Ever heard of customer satisfaction? Who would want to sit in an uncomfortable chair for however long it takes to get a tattoo?"

"I'm sure they're more focused on the pain of their idiotic decision."

"Hey! Don't bag on body art." He waved his right arm around to showcase the simple design on his upper arm that he had had done recently because he was too paranoid of letting another artist do anything more complicated. "This shit is totally awesome"

"Yeah, and you cried about it for a good two days," she retaliated with an eye roll. "And what were you concentrating on during the time that needle was scaring your skin?"

"My sore ass." Nicholas smiled as he managed to get an almost laugh from his lifelong friend. "But seriously, let's get it. The one in the last station is getting pretty worn out."

Rikku sighed as she rubbed her forehead. "A new chair won't fit into our budget right now Nicholas. We're still trying to dig this place out of the hole your previous boss dug it into. Let's just focus on necessities, like needles and ink, before splurging on new equipment." Nicholas pouted, causing her to sigh again. "You brought me into this to make sure you didn't bankrupt this business faster than the previous owner did. Now let me do my job and keep you out of _debt._"

The man pouted for a moment longer before snatching the magazine back up and grabbing a black marker from the pencil holder. "Fine, but I'm putting this on my Christmas wish list."

The young woman shook her head and went back to marking business expenses for the last month. "Santa's not real."

"Stop crushing my dreams! They're the only damn thing I have left."

Nicholas had just finished marking up the paper and ripping it out to tack onto the wall when the bell for the front door started to jingle. The pair looked at one another with varying degrees of accusation. "I thought you locked the door back after we came in."

"I did! _You_ must have forgotten relock it when you went out to your car."

"And _why_ did I go out to my car again?" Nicholas muttered something, and Rikku nodded. "That's right. Now go run the idiots off. Our hours say we lock up after seven on Sundays anyway."

The man groaned loudly and stood up. "If I get shot up because it's someone with a gun-"

"I know, I know," Rikku said with a wave. "I'll update your Facebook daily. Just go."

Nicholas slouched out of the room, and Rikku sighed with relief. _Finally_; maybe she'd be able to get some work done during the time it took for him to run the unwanted customers off.

"Fuck no! I came here for a tattoo and I'm getting a fucking tattoo! Jashin has approved it to show you fucking heathens how devoted I am!"

She groaned and allowed her head to slam onto the desk. No, no, no! "_Please, whatever deity is listening, _please_ don't let me look up and find Hidan standing in front of me."_

The woman slowly raised her head to stare out the door. "Well, at least you're not Hidan."

Kakuzu cocked an eyebrow in slight amusement and a tiny smirk stretched his stitches. "I'm taking that as a form of compliment."

"You should. Anyone not Hidan is blessed."

He snorted and moved to sit in the chair Nicholas had vacated and shot a brief glance out the door where Nicholas and Hidan were arguing up front (Nicholas was saying how he was off duty while Hidan wouldn't let go of the fact that he wanted a tattoo). He flicked at the marker that sat closest to him. "Itachi sends his greetings and the message that he went with 'plan two.' Care to elaborate on that?"

"I would, but plan two was kept from me." She flicked the marker back and it fell into his lap. "Do you know about Madara?"

Kakuzu scowled. "Yes."

"I'm guessing that was plan two then. Is he dead yet?"

"No."

"Damn."

Kakuzu chuckled at her genuine disappointment before suddenly scowling once more. "Is that why you avoided Tobi when we were here?"

"_You knew about him" _was what the slight accusation tinting his voice said, and Rikku shrugged. "Sure. And I kept it secret because I wasn't dumb enough to not believe that he could find a way to kill me even with the jutsu in place. Enough about that though. How much did you make during your time away?"

He emitted another chuckle and glanced in the direction where the two males were still yelling, though their argument wasn't making much sense anymore. "Is there another quieter place we could talk?"

Rikku shrugged. "Our living area is on the second floor. Nicholas can take care of locking up the place."

"Hidan's a big boy."

"There's a staircase at the back of the hall."

With that, the duo stood and snuck out of the office and up the staircase, barely sparing a glance in the direction of the albinos still yelling at each for no reason.

**~O~**

"I hate Sam," Nanichi ranted as she shoved a bundle of game cases back into a box. "I hate agreeing to take his shift. I hate Kaitlin for choosing now of all days to move to her new apartment. I curse my laziness for making me think this would be less work. I hate video games!" She paused to almost caress the next case she pulled out. "Except you. I'm looking forward to playing you later."

The lavender haired woman sighed and went back to sorting through the inventory. If she had known that Sam's shift involved the ever dreaded duty of taking inventory and fixing the display cases, she would _not_ have agreed to work it for him so that he could run off and enjoy his sister's wedding. A year of working hadn't rid her of her natural laziness and need to do the least amount non-fun work as possible. And taking inventory during afterhours was one of those non-fun jobs. Besides, the mall was fucking creepy when everything else was closed.

Just as the thought crossed her mind, she heard something off towards the food court fall onto the floor with a bang that echoed throughout the empty building. She glared at the gate that closed off the GameStop from the rest of the mall. It was probably just one of the janitors…they dropped stuff _all_ the time…and stayed after ten on Sundays…pfft. Yeah, they did it all the time, and she would know because her shifts at the game store coincided with theirs.

_Yeah right._

Nanichi shook her head and went back to putting games back in their proper places. If this was what Sam's job was like every day, she didn't envy him one bit. She would make sure to get onto the punk ass kids who came into the store every day just to put everything out of order instead of ignoring them like usual. Sam could never say that she didn't help him again.

The woman flinched when something banged up against the store's partition. Her back was facing it, and her instincts told her to keep it that way. The people in the scary movies only died when they turned around to figure out what was there. Or went to take a shower, but Nanichi wasn't the one to like those characters anyway. She was just going to continue to replace the game cases and ignore the incessant banging…

"Shut the fuck up already!" Nanichi yelled as she twisted around and threw the empty case she had been holding at the barrier. "Can't you see I'm working?"

The man on the other side guffawed in disbelief. "Work? Since when do you _work?"_

"Since I became _responsible,"_ she answered and turned back to the shelves. "But you wouldn't know because you _left_ and haven't come back for a whole _year."_

"I didn't know I had a time limit." He shook the gate again when she didn't turn around. "Are you going to let me in?"

"No. If I do I'll never get anything done because I'll be distracted from a shark man playing the latest _Halo_ game."

"…I promise to be as quiet as possible."

Nanichi finally turned back around to see the huge former Kirigakure shinobi standing there with a mockingly pleading expression that didn't match the sharp teeth she could see from his grin and beady black eyes. Seeing that he had her attention, he upped the dramatics, puffing his lips out in a pout and attempting to make his small eyes bigger. It didn't work, but the look was comical enough to make the young adult laugh hysterically. "You're a huge, super awesome ninja. Just poof in here or something. Or pull the gate open; Sam forgot to leave the key behind for me to lock it."

Kisame looked slightly surprised when the gate did easily open and stepped inside. "Now what if I was serial killer or something? You'd be dead right now."

"Technically, you are a serial killer. But ninja assassin sounds cooler, so we'll stick with that." Nanichi tilted her head to the side as she suddenly noticed something missing. "Hey, where's your sword? I thought you were never going to separate from it again."

"I had to leave her behind," Kisame answered stiffly as he walked around the store to fiddle with the demo games that were set up. "Pein said I couldn't be running around here with a weapon or I'd run the risk of being picked up by the local authorities or fans might jump me. I haven't figured out yet which one would be worse yet."

"Why didn't you just stay then?" she asked, doing exactly as she predicted—being distracted by the man as he started a new game of _Guitar Hero._ It wasn't _Halo_ but it was close enough. "You were nearly inseparable the last time I saw you."

"Yeah, but I wanted to see you again," the man admitted as his big fingers nimbly pressed the buttons on the guitar controller in time with the ones flying down the screen. "Samehada understood."

Nanichi stared at him for a moment before placing a hand over her heart. "Kisame, that is _so_ sweet. You gave up your sword to come and see me again."

Kisame gave her his signature sharky grin. "Didn't you know? On the outside, I'm a killer S-ranked missing-nin from the Village Hidden in the Mist. On the inside, I'm a fluffy romantic who likes long walks on the beach at sunset, gazing up at the moon longingly, and fighting over the controller to the TV."

The purple haired woman matched his grin before gesturing at the game screen. "You just missed like all the notes for the last half of the song."

"Well dammit. I'm more out of practice that I thought."

**~O~**

Kaitlin grinned as she tossed the last box into the pile by the door and looked at her now perfect living room. "Fantastic! It only took me three hours to empty out the rest of the boxes for the kitchen and living room." She paused to look at the boxes that sat outside the door to her new bedroom down the short hallway. "Now you're the only ones left to mock me."

She sighed and stepped around the counter that separated the kitchen and living area into the kitchen. "You know what; I'm taking a well-deserved break. And I'm gonna make popcorn and pop in a cheesy movie because I can do that now without Benjy demanding to watch some stupid action movie instead."

The blonde did just that and soon she was sitting curled up on her brand new couch in front of yard sale bought TV and DVD player and watching the opening credits to _The Notebook._ Ten minutes and several failed attempts to catch popcorn in her mouth after throwing it up into the air, Kaitlin sighed. "I am so lonely. I should have taken Nanichi up on her offer and become her roommate."

After flicking popcorn at the screen for a while, Kaitlin suddenly jumped at the sound of knocking. She glared at the door before putting her bowl of popcorn (or what was left of it) on the cheap end table and walking to the door in a slight huff. "If you're the creeper Uncle Brian was talking to earlier today, I've already told you that I don't want to 'have a quickie on your kitchen table!'"

Kaitlin flung the door wide open with the intention of using the pepper spray her dad had given to her as part of a moving out present and froze when she saw who stood on the other side of the barrier. Sasori slightly quirked one eyebrow as the rest of his face remained otherwise emotionless. "'A quickie on the kitchen table?' Please tell me that is just an abbreviated version a longer disgusting proposition."

"Eh heh," Kaitlin chuckled embarrassingly as she surreptitiously threw the pepper spray back onto the little table that was by the door. "No, that was actually the whole proposal. He wasn't very eloquent with words." She paused as she finally realized who she was talking to. "Sasori? Oh my God! When did you get here? Who else came with you? What've you been doing? How are the others? Why are you still standing outside my door when you should be in here?"

Sasori slightly gasped as the woman grabbed his wrist and yanked him into the room. She dragged him all the way to the couch before pausing just short of shoving him onto the couch. "Wow, you've actually gotten taller. The last time you were here, you were two inches shorter. Now we're the same height!"

"Thanks for noticing," the redhead muttered as he sat on the couch. Kaitlin followed his example and offered the popcorn she had been using to throw at the TV. He shook his head aggressively. "I had enough at Drew's house. He is the one who actually told me to come here."

Kaitlin couldn't help but feel slightly deflated. So he hadn't even been planning to come see her? Had he missed her at all during their year apart? Dammit! Her crush on the redhead (which she was too dumb to notice until _after_ he had left) was getting as bad as it had been with Drew, if not worse. "We originally went by your old house but noticed that you were not there."

"We?" she asked as flutter went through her chest. So he_ had_ been planning to see her.

"Deidara and I. Kakuzu, Hidan, and Kisame were also able to come with us, but we had split apart by then."

"Oh." An awkward silence suddenly filled the room as Kaitlin twiddled her thumbs and Sasori noticed the stray popcorn on the couch and tossed them into the bowl. "So…what took you guys so long to come and visit?"

Sasori sighed as if he was already tired with the question. "As I explained to Drew, in our world only three months have passed. There was a lot to do after being absent for so long."

"So this is the first break you've had?" Kaitlin asked and received a nod in answer. "Well, no wonder you have bags under your eyes! Have you been sleeping okay? And you're so skinny now! Don't you guys get a full meal at least once a week?"

"This is the life of a missing-nin," he said with a dismissive shrug. "Sometimes you get the visible signs of living that life, which is why I chose to become my art. It is never changing and stays the same for all of eternity."

Kaitlin shook her head and bounced off the couch to dash into her room down the short hallway. Sasori leaned his head against the back of the couch in an attempt to keep an eye on her before noticing how soft the cushion was. Well, it wouldn't hurt to close his eyes for a little while…he was sure Kaitlin wouldn't mind…

"Sasori?"

The redhead jolted up only to have someone shove him back down where he had fallen over onto the couch, this time with his head landing on something even softer than the cushion on the back of the couch. He slowly blinked as something was draped over him. "Wait a minute-"

Kaitlin's head appeared in his vision (he just realized he had been staring blindly at the ceiling; maybe he should take Deidara's advice seriously and sleep more often…), and she smiled down at him. "Don't worry; I'll call Drew and let him and Deidara know that you'll be staying the night. It's late anyway, and you seem like you wouldn't even make it back to Drew's place."

"I didn't come here to sleep," Sasori argued, his words slurring a bit as his body began to shut down after running on several days of no sleep and little food. He really had to get on the ball and refigure out how to work a human body. He couldn't remember having such a hard time when they had been here.

"That's okay. You obviously need it, and besides we have all day tomorrow or until you have to leave again. And after that, we have the times you'll get to visit again. We'll be able to talk about anything then."

Sasori blinked sleepily at the blonde's wide smile and fell back against the pillow with a light "thud." "Okay, but don't lemme sleep too long."

"We'll see," Kaitlin said even as he fell asleep right before her eyes. She giggled a little at how innocent he looked when he was out. "Being a human is a lot different than a puppet, huh?" She gently brushed a bit of hair out of his face. "But I like you this way, and wouldn't change a thing. Even if you do like things to stay the same."

Kaitlin straightened and looked around the living room to distract herself from the peaceful ninja sleeping on her couch. "I think I should clean up the popcorn before you wake up." She noticed something out of place and snatched it up from where it had been peeking out of the cushion of the recliner. "And get rid of _you_. I swear, if I ever get more underwear from Brian or Nicholas, I'll get Aiden to Photoshop the underwear onto _them_ and post it all over the internet."

**~O~**

Aiden sighed dreamily as he leaned back in his computer chair and stared at the now blank screen. All of the bad things that had happened in his life had _finally_ paid off. He wasn't a real believer in karma, but it was about damn time that one good thing had happened to counteract all that bad. And that good thing was smart, funny, and freaking _hot._ Nicholas would be so jealous if he ever saw his hot girlfriend.

But that would never happen because Aiden wasn't risking running her off because she realized that he hung out with crazy people. All he had to do was just keep making excuses for them (his girlfriend and friends) to never meet each other. It was genius! And his life was now good and on its way to being per-

Aiden screamed and flipped his chair over as he tried to scramble away as fast as he could. The monochromatic face sticking out of the wall smiled vindictively at the figure crawling away. **"I missed this.**I did too. **It was totally worth doing before going to see Nicholas."**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> And there you have it. My bout in Naruto fanfiction can be officially put to rest with this epilogue. Seriously, I know I said this at the end of the last chapter, but I'm done with Naruto and the _Adoption 101 _series. It just doesn't interest me anymore :( So thanks to all of you who stuck around in hopes of this epilogue.


End file.
